Author's Note: After way too much nasty writer's block, staring at blank documents for hours, and very little sleep, I finally have this to offer. For the record, I kind of dislike this chapter. I promise something better next time. Sorry for such a long wait! Thank you to those who were patient with me. I've got a lot on my plate right now so unfortunately I don't have a ton of time to be writing, but I'm doing the best that I can! I really appreciate the support. PLEASE REVIEW!

It may have been raining slightly when Fitz was walking home. Perhaps the droplets dusted his short hair, reflecting like sparkles in the yellow glow of each street lamp he passed. His stumbling steps might have been kicking water up from the dark glittering pavement and soaking the back of his jeans with every spray. Maybe the frigid air was biting through his hoodie and stinging his face as he trudged along, his brain beginning to sober from the alcohol consumed only hours before. If he had looked up, he might have noticed the sky begin to lighten, signaling the start of a Saturday morning which – on any given week – would normally find him splayed out on his bed in a boyish fashion, dead asleep. However, this Saturday was unlike any other, and Fitz took no notice of the weather or the approaching dawn. His entire being was wrought with bittersweet bliss. Eli was in his eyes. His mouth. His chest. Eli was all over him. Fitz could smell the boy on his clothes, and it made him swoon. He thought of Eli's hands on his back, sliding under his shirt with a sureness that surprised Fitz. In response, he had flicked his tongue momentarily over the healing split in Eli's lip and felt the boy shudder beneath him. A grin twisted his tired face as he recalled every touch, every moment spent in Eli's arms. He wanted desperately to savor each recollection, for the end of it all left something to be desired:

When, with great hesitation, the two boys had separated their swollen lips from one another, Eli had barely glanced at Fitz. His green eyes were uncharacteristically dark and he kept them focused on the table top. After a few minutes of silence, save for the heavy breaths they both took to steady themselves, Eli hoisted himself off of the table. Fitz followed, wanting to reach out, speak to him, know his thoughts, but he could only watch the other boy take a few steps, then pause as though torn between the world they just indulged in and reality. Fitz's mind was still fuzzy, but the weight of their meeting was beginning to crash onto his shoulders. He feared the repercussions.

"Eli..." the hoarse whisper lacked eloquence as it ripped their prolonged silence in two.

No reply was given. The long-haired boy hunched his shoulders and stalked off into the fading night.

"Eli!"

But he did not look back, only quickened his pace. Not until he had crossed to the street where his hearse was waiting to whisk him home did Eli turn. He jerked the driver's side door open, cast his eyes back to where Fitz stood, and then clambered quickly in behind the wheel, taking off with spectacular speed.

Even an hour later when Fitz was finally home and laying awake in bed, the burn of Eli's last look still stung. Never before had Fitz seen eyes that striking filled with such unbridled hatred.

.

-x-x-x-x-x-

.

The weekend drifted by in a slow haze, but Eli was sure to keep himself busy. His homework was more thoroughly done than ever before, he hung out with Adam and even Drew quite a bit, he got coffee with Clare, he worked on Morty with gritty rock blasting to keep his thoughts from wandering. Time to think was not an option. He kept reading comics at night until he was too exhausted to turn another page in order to expel the moments of quiet reverence before sleep set in. Even so, every time he looked at Clare, something awful tugged at his stomach. When he kissed her he wondered if she knew. Perhaps he tasted differently than before, smelled differently, moved differently with her than with... he could not even think the name. That one syllable was acid upon his tongue and he could not bear the way it laid him so open and raw at its very utterance. He did not want to contemplate why Friday night haunted his dreams with such a warm fondness, or why the most quiet of all voices in the back of his head moaned its longing to return to that secret darkness, and so he held Clare tighter, kissed her longer. He felt safe in her arms, but his insides twisted nauseatingly all the same.

She never needs to know, he thought desperately. No one does. It doesn't matter – doesn't count. He was drunk, after all, right? It's nothing... nothing but intoxication.

Still the small voice murmured softly to him:

He was drunk. But you weren't.

xx

Clare and Adam came into view as Eli approached his locker after his last class. They were laughing about something Adam had just said and Eli slowed his pace, taking time to admire the way Clare's curls bounced when she laughed, the certain way her eyes crinkled, and that stunning smile he so adored. When he finally reached the locker, Eli smirked and spun the dial.

"Is this the welcome wagon? A bit late for that, don't you think? School's been in for quite a while."

Adam, as always, rolled his eyes at Eli's sarcasm. "Clare and I are heading to The Dot to study. You in?"

"Sure. I could use a cup of coffee."

"What, not getting enough sleep from working so hard on your English assignments?" Clare teased affectionately. He did not correct the reason she had given, but nodded and swung his locker shut.

"Something like that, Edwards."

The trio exited the school, and Eli took Clare's hand as they walked. She glanced up at him, her lips twisting into a soft little smile. It was all he could do to not sigh out loud. Everything with her felt so right.

An all too familiar shoulder slammed into Eli's, throwing off his balance for a moment and causing him to lose grip on Clare's hand.

"Oops," came the jeering voice from behind him. The voice that whispered in his ear at night. The voice that he wished to burn from his brain.

"What's your problem, Fitzy boy? Does veering out of the way take too much mental capacity for you? I know. Directions are hard, aren't they?" Eli sneered, ignoring Clare's attempts to pull him away.

Fitz's face faltered for a moment as though the words had actually stung, but his features quickly hardened into its usual angry resolve.

"Do you really want to do this in front of your little girlfriend, Eli?"

The boy's stomach lurched. He had spent all day making sure he did not see Fitz. Of course he would find him right at the end of the day when he was with Clare. Eli's hands itched to shove the bully into a locker, return pain to him for every slice of pleasure he had given. Instead, he re-twined his fingers with Clare's and glared pointedly at the other boy.

"Get lost, Fitz."

Just as the other night, Eli walked away and did not look back.

xx

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Clare knew the answer had to be yes, but she always asked so earnestly that Eli could not help but torment her a little.

"Maybe. Or maybe I'll run off and cause all sorts of inhuman mischief while cutting class. What do you say, Edwards, are you up for a little hell-raising?"

Clare shook her head with a chuckle. "Goodnight, Eli."

She leaned down to kiss him and he pulled her in closer, taking in her supple taste and her cinnamon smell. She always seemed to smell like baking snickerdoodles.

Alli cleared her throat, obviously not entertained by the public display of affection.

"Come on, Clare, tear yourself away."

"Oh, you're one to talk," she teased, but straightened and shouldered her bag. With a final peck and a wave to Adam, Clare followed Alli out of The Dot. Eli looked wistfully after her.

"So, what, are you in love with her now?" Adam's cynicism drew Eli's attention back.

"Too soon to tell, my friend. But perhaps in time..."

"What about all that love at first sight crap? It worked for Romeo and Juliet."

"And they both ended up dead." Eli's tone had a harshness to it that surprised him.

It was not lost on Adam. "Okay, defensive. What's up with you? You've been acting all weird and paranoid for days."

Eli raised an eyebrow and considered the boy sitting across from him. Adam was tough, but he had a knack for understanding things that most people did not. He was an open-minded guy about nearly everything, which made Eli wonder how he would handle the news of recent events.

I could tell him, couldn't I? Maybe I need an outside opinion. Adam wouldn't judge.

"Adam..."

Would he?

"Dude... what?"

He couldn't do it. The mere thought of forming the words made vomit climb in the back of his throat. It was best to pretend it had never happened, forget about that night. It did not exist. It was not real.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Just tired, I guess." The excuse was weak and Adam was not fooled, but he did not press the subject. Eli appreciated how uncomplicated his friend was.

"Whatever, man. Ugh, my mom's here. I've got to go." Adam stood and bumped his fist against Eli's.

"Yeah, see you."

After three cups of coffee and two completed assignments for Ms. Dawes, the sky had begun to darken outside. Eli threw tip money down on his plate, gathered his things, and headed to the alley where he parked Morty, who was too big for the normal parking spots outside of The Dot. He felt uneasy in the dusk, something that had never bothered him before, but somehow it did not sit right with him. The evening was cold, a sure sign that winter was blowing in sooner than usual. Eli tugged his blazer closed as much as he could, but it did not do him much good. At least he could employ the heat once he got to Morty.

But when he rounded the corner, his unease was explained. Fitz stood beside the hearse, waiting.

Eli wasted no time. Dropping his bag, he advanced on the boy and drove his fist straight into his gut. Fitz doubled over, giving Eli the chance to knee him and knock him to the ground.

"Eli, what-"

He knew that Fitz wasn't fighting back, but it did not matter. He pinned his tormentor, pounding at his face, neck, chest, whatever he could reach. Fury blinded Eli. Each time his knuckles met flesh he got a sick thrill coupled with inexplicable sadness. But he continued on. Fitz's blood seeped over his fingers like a sticky, consuming shadow.

Eli sprang lightly to his feet.

"Get up," he commanded. Fitz struggled to get off the ground.

"Eli..."

But the boy gave him no time to finish. He charged. Fitz caught Eli's wrists firmly, spun him, and slammed him against the side of the hearse with great force. The smaller boy attempted to twist away, but he was held fast.

"Eli, stop. We need to talk."

He tried to shove at Fitz, but Fitz pushed him back against the car.

"I don't want to fight you."

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Don't pretend it was nothing, Eli. You know it wasn't."

"I have a girlfriend!"

Fitz let him go and Eli edged away, eager to put distance between the two of them.

"I know," Fitz replied, sounding almost wounded. The vulnerability that he displayed confused and frustrated Eli. He wanted to lay a hand on the boy's shoulder and console him, but that thought made him clench his fists more tightly. He watched Fitz smudge blood away from his mouth.

"You have to face it sometime."

"Face what? I like Clare. A lot. That hasn't changed."

"I know, Eli. But some things have changed."

Fitz had come closer and Eli did not back away this time. He had never noticed just how bright Fitz's eyes were until now. Once again, he thought of Clare and he was so horribly torn.

"I'm sorry that it's complicated," Fitz started. "But I-"

Eli shushed him. Though his heart was aching, Eli slowly and deliberately tilted his mouth up to meet Fitz's. The kiss was troubled and quiet, mirroring each boy's confounded soul. They were the last thing each of them needed and because of that, they needed each other. Fitz wound his arms around Eli's waist and pulled him closer. Eli did not object. Fingers wandered through hair, lips and tongues tangled gently, body pressed against hungry body.

Their lips parted for a moment, and Eli smirked helplessly.

"I hate you."

And Fitz chuckled before leaning back in. "I know, Eli." He captured the boy's snarky mouth for a more heated collision.

"I know."

I hope this wasn't too awful. Follow and message me on tumblr (link is in my profile). Review! Thanks for reading as usual.