Author's Note: Hey, lovelies! I've been sick the past few days and it was awfully hard for my delirious mind to be constructively creative. I'm so sorry I left you on a cliffy for so long! It's 4am here and I've only just finished this chapter. I've been working on it... or trying and getting distracted a lot... for about five hours now. I'm too exhausted to proof it for grammatical and spelling errors right now so if you find any, please forgive me.

PLEASE REVIEW. Reviews keep me motivated. I'm sorry if this chapter seems choppy... it fits together really well in my head, but my thought processes are weird. All I can really say for certain is that this chapter is rather heartbreaking to me. Enjoy.

Fitz tried to gauge how close Clare was by the sound of her footsteps. It did not work, but it calmed his mind so that he could focus on Eli. The boy's eyes were wild with emerald-studded panic, his breathing rapid and heavy. He was paler than usual as though some internal war was draining the blood from his veins. It was frightening to watch.

"Maybe this is a good thing," Fitz tried quietly. "You could just tell her now and get it done with."

"I'm not telling her." Eli was starting to shake. In an attempt to console him, Fitz laid a hand upon his stark white cheek.

"E," he cooed softly, urgently. "E, please... calm down..."

Clare called out again, closer this time, and Eli flinched away from Fitz's touch.

"She can't know!" He gasped angrily.

The very oxygen between them seemed to shift at this. The pain from Eli's outburst was evident in the way Fitz's eyes dimmed and the corners of his mouth sagged. He left his hand extended for a moment, fingers slowly curling in as the warmth of Eli's face left them. With those three words, Eli had – perhaps unwittingly – made a choice. Heat stung Fitz's eyes and he was surprised at himself. You don't cry, idiot. He gritted his teeth, tightened his jaw, hardened his resolve to hide the disappointed pain brewing inside. Clare was close, he knew. His eyes flashed angrily at the thought of her swooping in and dragging Eli away. Eli would pretend that nothing was happening. He'd go on with the double life that Fitz was so exhausted from.

"What are you doing?" Eli hissed at Fitz, who had thrown himself on the ground with such a force that his head smacked sickly against the pavement.

"Kick me."

"What?"

"You need an alibi, don't you? So, I called you out. You were too proud to not show. We fought. You won."

It was not a perfect lie, but it would do. Clare would never suspect the truth. But Eli was not moving. He just stood there, dumbfounded, staring at Fitz. The taller boy got to his feet and gave Eli a shove.

"Hit me back."

"I don't want to fight you..."

"Hit me! You don't want her to know anything, right? So hit me."

Eli tried to move away, shaken and confused by the sudden rage ripping at every one of Fitz's syllables. His eyes were narrowed as he shoved Eli against the wall again. And again. And again.

"Fitz, stop!"

He wanted to stop but could not bring himself to. Fitz knew all too well that he and Eli were breaking the rules by being together, secretly or otherwise. However, Eli's constant need to hide from and stay with Clare was nearly more than he could take. He would not tell her. He was never going to, and that was becoming painfully obvious to Fitz. He wanted the fight and the pain to be external again and not this inner well of despair that brought idiotic, childish tears to his eyes and an uncomfortable lump in his throat. His skin itched and muscles jumped to fight the hurt away.

"Come on, Eli, don't you want to?" Fitz sneered cruelly. "Wouldn't it just feel right to punch the guy that makes you cheat on your perfect little St. Clare in the mouth? Doesn't that sound appealing to you?"

"Where the hell is this coming from? Get off of me."

Eli pushed Fitz back forcefully and the boy smirked, bitterly satisfied that his provocation was taking hold.

"There you go. Be mad at me. Fight me because that's all the contact you can publicly have with me. Because I'm the flaw in your life that you have to hide away. Because you hate me. Isn't that what you said yourself? You hate me."

Eli's fist exploded into Fitz's stomach, and he doubled over with a croaking gasp that morphed into a twisted laugh. The smaller boy did not stop at that. He plowed his knee into Fitz's lowered chest, splaying him out across the concrete. He advanced, about to lay fists to face, when a voice split up the budding brawl.

"Eli!" Clare had finally turned the corner and stood with her arms crossed disapprovingly, surveying the scene laid before her with pink lips agape.

"Well done, E," Fitz whispered in a voice broken and charred by emotions set ablaze. The tone was not lost on Eli, who turned a troubled eye upon the boy on the ground. "She'll never know."

"Eli, you said there weren't going to be anymore fights," Clare huffed, marching over and dragging her boyfriend away. She was tough, Fitz had to give her that. And kind. He looked up to find her lingering nervously near his huddled figure, wringing her hands with anxious concern.

"A-are you okay?"

Fitz coughed a surprised laugh. If only the girl knew what had taken place only moments before. If only she had not called out and instead walked around the corner to find her Eli wrapped in another man's arms, his face the picture of sweet, taboo pleasure. Then she would not be quite so concerned about Fitz's welfare.

"Just go, Clare. You wouldn't want to keep your mommy waiting." It was weak, but it did the trick. Clare furrowed her brow and walked away hesitantly, reaching for Eli's arm as she went.

Closing his eyes as he lay there, not willing to move, Fitz did not see Eli's last look; he missed the befuddled sadness of the emerald gaze that fell over him. When Fitz finally did open his eyes again and stagger to his numbing feet, the sky was fading into a murky dusk and Eli was long gone.

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-x-x-x-x-x-

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.

Fitz was nowhere to be found.

Usually Eli saw him on his way to classes here and there, at lunch in the caf, in the parking lot before school, even at The Dot in the afternoon. Clare and Adam watched him scan for Fitz wherever they went. With a light, frustrated sigh, Clare always encouraged him to stop looking. If Fitz wasn't bothering Eli anymore, then the cycle of violence was over and everyone could go back to their normal lives. Adam said nothing, but watched Eli over the rim of his coffee mug, a curious eyebrow raised. He tried to casually shy away from his friend's searching eyes.

Every day Eli checked his locker thoroughly, half of him hoping to find a note from Fitz and the other half relieved when there wasn't one. There was never anything. No 'Football field at nightfall' or 'That park. Midnight. Saturday.' He still did not understand Fitz's erratic behavior behind the school – sudden rage, a strange hunger for violence. He had been the menacing bully all over again, but with heavy eyes. It was a slower, more deliberate anger as though he were dragging it reluctantly from the depths of his heart, feigning darkness... and for what? So that Clare could go on blissfully unaware? Fitz did not have any stock in Clare's peace of mind. He fought to give Eli an alibi, but he did not truly fight. Instead, he had begged Eli to kick him, hit him, throw him to the ground, and the rage confused Eli to the point of physical recklessness. He hadn't wanted to harm Fitz in any way, but his half-deranged taunting disturbed Eli and he felt he had to quiet him somehow.

'Fight me because that's all the contact you can publicly have with me.'

Fitz's words pounded at his brain. Had that been the nature of their quarrel all along – to experience the thrill of a fantasy's touch carefully under the eye of stark reality?

'Because I'm the flaw in your life that you have to hide away.'

Eli felt sick hearing that resonate in his mind, knowing it was ultimately true. Hiding was all they could do, wasn't it? He had thought they both understood that. However a nagging thought hissed in Eli's ear: he's only sneaking around because you want him to.

That could not be true. Fitz had a certain reputation and certain friends. He hung out with Owen, the most homophobic person at Degrassi. He would keep it quiet whether Eli wanted to or not. The nagging thought quickly switched its angle, not willing to let Eli's already heavy conscience go so freely: he doesn't like you playing with him.

Eli did not want to hear that. He wanted to live in a state of naivety where he was not cheating, however idiotic that mindset may be. Admitting infidelity against Clare was sickening, and Eli tried to console himself with the weak excuse that he and Fitz were not in a relationship. Then what is it? The voice in his head was persistent and mocking, and he forced himself to ignore it.

'You hate me.'

Whenever his own head was not griping at him, Fitz's words came floating back. The air tightened around Eli. His mouth was dry. His stomach flipped and swooned at those syllables. Hate me. Hate me. He was utterly nauseated at the gritty pain masked behind those words. Hate could not live side by side with the feelings Eli's heart housed for Fitz. It was not possible and therefore did not exist. But his feelings for Fitz and his feelings for Clare could not cohabitate either, and so they warred viciously with each other in an endless losing battle. Their swords tore Eli apart. A childish side of him wanted it all to just disappear but he knew that a winner would have to eventually be declared. If only someone else could decide.

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-xx-

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"What are you up to tonight, Edwards?"

Clare did not look up from her book. "Homework with a break for homework, and if I get really bored, a little more homework. The same thing you should be doing, Eli. We have two essays due tomorrow in English alone."

"Please, I've already finished them."

She paused at this and settled her gaze on the boy sitting backwards on the desk in front of her. "You've finished both twenty-five-hundred word papers on the life and times of Romeo and Juliet and your personal topic?"

Eli laid a hand on his chest in mock offense. "Are you doubting my writing abilities, Plath?"

"Don't call me that," Clare smirked affectionately before gluing her eyes to her book once more. "Why are you asking about tonight?"

"I was thinking we could go out."

"You mean for coffee at The Dot?"

The dark-haired boy slid smoothly into his seat as Ms. Dawes came by. He waited for her to pass before closing Clare's book. His girlfriend snapped her blue eyes back up to meet his, narrowing them in flattered frustration.

"Eli..."

"I was thinking something more along the lines of dinner."

Clare's face relaxed into a delighted smile at this. "Dinner? As in..."

"As in you wear a pretty dress and I pay."

"Oh, you do know the way to a girl's heart," Clare fluttered her eyelashes dramatically, biting back a giggle.

"Is that you agreeing?"

"Pick me up at seven?"

"Morty will be all too pleased." Eli leaned over and kissed Clare softly without any care for where they were or what they were supposed to be doing. He caught her bottom lip in his gentle teeth, feeling its rosy plumpness with the tip of his tongue. Her vanilla-cinnamon scent scrambled his mind pleasantly.

"That's cute and all," Adam's voice broke into their intimate moment. "But could you maybe... not?"

Clare shied away, a beautiful scarlet flush dusting across her cheekbones. Eli smirked at his friend. "Adam, my good man, we need to find you a girl."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Thanks... that's really not going to stop you two from being sickening, though. Save it for after class, won't you?"

Ms. Dawes cleared her throat from the front of the room and the three friends hastily turned back to their books.

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-xx-

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Driving at night with Clare in Morty's passenger seat was therapy for Eli's heavy heart. She made him feel less conflicted, and her smile spread electrifying warmth throughout his body. All through dinner he had felt whole, basking in the intelligent wit of their banter and the stunning way Clare could hold her own against him in a verbal sparring match. She wore a green dress that set off her hair beautifully, which in turn caused her summer sky eyes to glisten from a rim of brown lashes. Staring awestruck at her over the candlelight, Eli had to remind himself to breathe properly. He adored this girl. She was so surprising, strong, sure of herself. It was a refreshing change from the abundance of high school girls who could not be real people around members of the opposite sex.

Taking her home was a shame, but he had already done three large, random loops to elongate their time together. He just did not want to let her go. He did not want to look over and not have her there, reflecting the streetlamps off of her ethereal skin. She was the melody to smooth his worried brow, to sigh away the nervous fever that threatened to overtake him. It seemed so useless to require more than just her beside him.

"You really should watch the road more when you're driving," Clare chided, a smug smile twisted on her lips. They stood together by the driver's door of Morty, who was parked outside of the Edwards' home. Eli held Clare gingerly against his side to keep her warm.

"I always get you home in one piece, Edwards. And if I didn't... well, it is a hearse."

She punched his arm playfully. "That's awful, Eli!"

The porch light blared on pointedly.

"You should probably get inside." Eli smirked down at her for a moment, once again admiring her lovely visage. Slightly impatient, Clare leaned up to kiss him. Her initiative excited him and he pulled her in closer, kissed her deeper, held her more tightly. He wished to melt into her, to become a single entity shrouded in the dark and the quiet for all time. Nothing else needed to exist. Time was of no concern. Responsibilities did not matter. All thoughts that did not include the two of them alone together were irrelevant, and he willed them to fade away into the oblivion of forgotten memories that hedged the universe in. They would exist purely to be part of one another and to kiss until Clare was wild in his arms and their heart beats set the tone for planetary orbits. But she was tilting her head back now, rocking back onto her heels, pulling away to look at him. Her eyes shone brighter than any clump of stars could every hope to.

"What was that for?" She tried in vain to hide her struggle for even breaths.

"Thank you for coming out with me tonight, Clare," Eli smiled at her. "Let me walk you to your door."

Hand in hand, the lovers bid each other goodnight on the porch.

Only when he was back in Morty did Eli allow another face into his mind's eye to ravage and rip at his heart strings.

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-x-x-x-x-x-

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In a house shaking with teens and hard music filled with hollow lyrics, Fitz knocked back yet another shot of whiskey. The more he did, the more smoothly the alcohol slid down his throat. There was no burn in the liquid anymore – merely warmth and a seething grit that slowly took hold of his stomach. No one talked to him. The bleak sharpness in his eyes drove them to giving him a wide berth. He did not care. He did not even notice. Just one shot after the other. Throw, throw, throw.

"You look like shit, man."

"Thanks, Bee." He was slurring just as bad as she was.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you? You've sat here all night with a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass." Bianca tripped closer to him and let her hands fall drunkenly on his shoulders. "You're not trying to off yourself, are you?"

"What the hell, Bee? I'm fine. Where's that guy you were talking to?"

She rolled her eyes and plopped down across Fitz's lap. "He was an ass." Her fingers wandered to the collar of his tee-shirt and tugged. "Come with me."

Fitz knew this routine all too well, but had not fallen into it for a while. Not since...

The green eyes that blazed through his vision were gone with a furious blink.

With all the grace of a wounded bear, Fitz hoisted himself out of the chair when Bianca slid off his lap, and he let her hold his hand as she danced and staggered her way through the hoards of drunken teenagers. She dragged her toes up each step of the stairs, leading Fitz along behind her until they reached an empty bedroom.

"Fitzy, am I attractive?"

Emerald eyes floated in his mind again, accompanied by a sweep of dark hair and a teasing, twisting smirk. Fitz closed his eyes tight, but the face stayed captured behind his irises.

"Yes," he choked. "You're attractive."

Bianca gave a pleased, boozed-up smile and pulled Fitz into the darkness. The door swung shut behind them.

Was it worth the wait? I don't really know... but it's an update and I hope you all found is at least satisfactory. There is more to come, so stay tuned. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. And follow on tumblr - the link is in my profile.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and loyal readership. I am truly flattered.