They had finished dinner. JJ's wife Nora had been just as easygoing as her husband and their five year old son Tyler had had no qualms about climbing onto Jake's lap and demanding to be driven around the house and spun in circles until even Jake felt dizzy. Nora had taken the baby, Chloe, to bed soon after dinner. Then she had returned and rescued Jake from Tyler's constant badgering and retired herself. Like JJ, she was career military and working shifts in the 1st Marine Logistics Group. Her night would be over at three in the morning.
Jake had just finished recounting the events of his ill-fated jump and rescue and JJ had asked many questions with open curiosity which Jake had answered with candor. Jake had explained his exercise regimen and boasted about his fitness, buoyed by his second beer. He had had no alcohol in the past four and a half months, so he felt its effect. They were downstairs in JJ's basement den. Jake's wheelchair had remained upstairs and JJ had challenged Jake to make his way downstairs on his own. Jake had considered his choices and then opted for sliding down the stairs, forward, on his stomach. Then he had pulled himself across the carpeted floor on his elbows until he reached one of JJ's lazy chair recliners. He had pulled himself up and made himself comfortable.
JJ had cheered him on. "Technical score 9 out of 10, style 6 out of 10," he had chirped. Jake had laughed.
He thought about that little show again just now. He felt so very at ease in JJ's company. He wished his relationship with Tom were this uncomplicated.
"Thanks a lot, JJ."
"For what?"
"For making it easy for me to be myself and for respecting me. With you I can really relax. You are more of a brother to me than Tom ever was and maybe ever will be."
"I really don't get how identical twins can be so different," he scoffed. "Would you like me to talk some sense into him?"
"No, I don't think that would improve the situation at all."
"Never mind then, but the offer stands. Just let me know if I can do something."
"Thanks, I do appreciate it."
"I have a surprise for you." JJ stood up, walked over to the bar fridge and extracted two more beers. He tossed one overhand to Jake who picked it out of the air with one hand.
"Your hand-eye coordination is really remarkable, but then you were always good at anything that struck a chord with you." JJ walked back towards his recliner.
Jake called him back. "Hey, come here."
JJ ambled over, popping his beer.
"Put the beer down. I'll show you some advanced hand-eye coordination."
"Sure." JJ stepped next to the recliner and bent forward to put his beer on the side table next to where Jake had placed his. "Now what would you like me to …"
That was exactly what Jake had hoped for. Before JJ straightened up and finished the sentence, Jake took hold of JJ's left hand with his right and put on a wrist lock pulling JJ sideways. Before JJ lost his balance forward though, Jake had also locked the elbow and shifted JJ's center of gravity backwards. Jake leaned forward and hooked his other arm around JJ's knees preventing him from stepping back to regain his balance. JJ kept falling backwards, unable to control his momentum. Jake's right hand released JJ's left and grabbed the outside of JJ's right shirt sleeve near the shoulder, spinning him around. The weight of the heavier man propelled them both forward with JJ landing on his stomach on the carpet next to the recliner and Jake on top, holding JJ in a perfect mock choke hold. After a few seconds, Jake released the choke and pushed himself off JJ. He grinned.
JJ rolled onto his side, supporting his head on his right hand and beamed a broad smile at Jake "I'll be damned. How the hell did you do that?"
Jake held out two fingers towards JJ like an inverted victory sign then he rotated his hand pointing the fingers at his eyes. "Advanced hand-eye coordination, like I said. Remember? I was ranked fourth Dan two months before ..."
JJ was repeatedly drawing a number four on the carpet in front of him. "What a fucking waste." He kept staring at the carpet and his number four.
Maybe it was the beer, but the comment made Jake's chest tighten. He didn't want JJ to pity him. Jake tried to figure out what to say, he didn't want to allow this perfect evening to take such a bad turn. "JJ—look—please don't do this. Please don't feel sorry for me. Whatever happened is the result of my own decisions. I am the only person that needs to feel responsible."
JJ looked up at Jake and sighed. "I'm sorry, Jake. You are right." Then his face suddenly broke into a broad grin. "Got you, you sorry bastard! I'm not feeling sorry for you at all. I'm just messing with you. If there's anyone I'm feeling sorry for it's myself. Twenty years of martial arts training and I can't even hold my own against someone like you."
Jake was only half placated "What do you mean someone like me, huh?"
"A fourth Dan, man. A fourth Dan. Okay, I think we have successfully proven to each other that we are both victims of our own bad assumptions."
Jake relaxed again. "Yes, yes you are perfectly right. Though you wasted your time on your martial arts training, you certainly didn't waste it on your master in psychology. I keep forgetting that you have a secret past, counselor." Jake extended his hand and JJ took it. They shook then JJ pulled Jake towards him. Jake didn't resist. JJ slapped him on the back then he literally threw him back into the recliner like a he'd thrown Jake's pack into the back of the truck earlier.
JJ got off the floor and retrieved his beer. "Nightcap."
Jake laughed and picked up his beer, too. "You mentioned something about a surprise or was the beer it?"
"Oh—yeah—right. Well since I wasn't sure exactly how fit you'd be when you got here I decided to give you a choice."
"I'm all ears."
"I took some leave so that I can spend a week with you."
"Awesome, I appreciate that."
"Wait, that's not it. I took your truck in to be converted to hand controls like you'd asked me to. We can pick it up tomorrow morning by the way—so here's your choice. Option one, I'm going on that road trip to Denver with you. Option two, I'll take you skiing to Whistler for a week."
Jake felt overwhelmed. They had been talking about taking a trip to Whistler for years. It had just never worked out and by now Jake had come to believe it never would. Growing up, both Jake and JJ had been avid snowboarders. They had only met four years earlier and had never found the opportunity to board together, but they had shared many stories. "Whistler, for sure—even if I have to slide down the bunny slope on my sorry ass."
"I hoped you'd pick this option and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to do better than the bunny hill."
Jake's grin lit up the room.
"Okay, then" JJ continued "we'll pick up your truck in the morning. Then we'll do some shopping. I suppose you don't have any clothes for playing in the snow?"
"Yeah, sounds like a plan. When are we leaving?"
"Tomorrow evening. I've pulled some strings. We'll take a military cargo transport to Seattle. That'll save us some cash. We'll get a car there and drive up to Whistler. I have organized us a private chalet for the week; belongs to a distant relative of mine. With all the creature comforts you could possibly want, hot tub, the works. It's a bit off the beaten track, too. Thought you might want to avoid the crowds."
"JJ, I don't know what to say." Jake was clearly moved.
"You don't have to say anything. I would just like to think you'd do the same for me."
Jake felt tears rising and he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep them in check. He failed; silent tears were making tracks down his cheeks.
JJ walked over to him. He picked him up and carried him over to the sofa. There he put him down and sat down next to him. Then he just held the sobbing Jake in his arms.
After a while Jake regained control over his emotions. He pushed away from JJ. Leaning forward, he slipped the Skechers and socks he was wearing off his feet then pulled the legs of his cargo pants up to his knees. "Here, have a look." The atrophy was significant. His lower legs were skinny and lacked any muscle tone.
JJ looked, but he didn't say anything. He waited for Jake to make the point he was trying to make.
"JJ, this is my reality. Unless I win the jackpot in a lottery, these legs are never going to walk again. I am missing a solid two inches of nerve tissue in my spine and I'm only 28. I have a good 60 years ahead of me. Who the fuck am I going to be? I am a special ops Marine, JJ" His voice lowered till it was barely a whisper and JJ had to strain to make out the next words. "Who wants a Marine who can't walk?" Jake leaned back against the backrest of the sofa and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose again.
JJ regarded him for a moment. "Only you will be able to figure this out, but believe me Jake, I will do every darn thing I can to help you do it. Come let's get some sleep."
Jake, composure somewhat restored, looked at JJ and nodded. "I'm sorry JJ. Sometimes it just really gets me."
"No need to be sorry, Jake. I'd be worried about you if it didn't." He stood up. "You can stay down here and sleep on the sofa. I'll bring your chair down so you can move more easily. You've got the bathroom right here and remember, you can also get outside through that door over there." He pointed at the French doors behind the sofa. "In the morning you can either make your way around to the front on the outside, or if you prefer climb up the stairs again. Your choice."
"That's cool. Just bring my stuff, please."
"Sure, no problem." JJ disappeared up the stairs and moments later reappeared with Jake's folded chair, sheets, blankets and a pillow under one arm and the pack under the other. "Do you need anything else?"
"No thanks I can manage from here. When we go shopping tomorrow, we'll have to find a medical and orthopedic supplies store. I need to get some stuff before we go to Whistler."
"What do you need?"
"I'll explain tomorrow."
"Sure. Good night Jake. I'll check you in the morning."
"Good night JJ and thanks again for everything."
"You're most welcome." JJ said and disappeared up the stairs.
Early the next morning, after Jake had taken a shower and finished his lengthy morning routine, he got dressed. He grabbed the blanket off the sofa and put it over and around his legs. Then he opened the French doors and wheeled outside. Even here in San Diego is was below freezing and since he couldn't feel his legs getting cold he had to be careful to maintain his body temperature. He didn't want to run into any medical issues before he even got into the snow.
He just sat there for a while, staring at the arid soil. The sky was cloudy but then the clouds shifted and rays of the first hazy early morning sunlight hit the ground. Ice crystals had formed on top and the light reflected in them made it look like the yard was strewn with tiny diamonds. To Jake it was an image of fascinating beauty.
He tried to imagine what it would look like if it wasn't so barren and the view was not limited by the six foot palisade fence at the back of the property and the neighboring houses that were surrounding it like a second, even higher wall. Building density was so high that unless you went out to the coast the horizon was commonly out of sight.
Jake thought about Venezuela. He hadn't really gotten to see much of it. But just the fact that not literally every square foot of land was either spoiled and uninhabitable or used for housing of some sort, roads or other engineered objects, was in stark contrast to the continental US. He wondered what it would have been like to live at a time when the population density had been a few people per square mile and man shared the world with plants and wild animals.
These days only a few recreation areas with any real indigenous vegetation remained; environmental biospheres, carefully controlled and nurtured by people like Tom to maintain the last remaining bits of bio-diversity. And even inside these domes they were fighting a losing battle against the onslaught of too many people trampling the grounds without regard. And outside the noxious air that poisoned plants, animals and humans alike.
It was still early in the morning and in the crisp cold air it was still possible to be outside without a breathing kit. In no more than an hour the amount of ozone, sulfurous compounds and other pollutants in the air would have reached a level were being outside without an exopack for any extended period of time would be at least uncomfortable, if not downright dangerous.
Jake heard steps behind him and twisted in his chair to see who it was. JJ stepped up to him with two mugs of coffee. He handed Jake one of them and sat down on the ground besides him. "What are you doing out here in the cold?"
"I like being outside without having to wear a rebreather and it's a nice place for thinking."
"That's what you've been doing, thinking?"
"Yup, it kinda comes with the territory. I feel I'm turning into Tommy—Now isn't that an ironic reversal of roles? Tommy is going off to play hero of the rain forest and I'm turning into the thinking type. Next thing I might sign up for a university degree."
"That may not be such a bad thing. You're certainly smart enough. You should think about it some more."
They sat next to each other in silence, sipping their coffees. When he was finished, JJ got up. "Come on let's get back inside. I'm freezing my butt off—literally"
"Sure. Let's go around the front then. Lead the way."
JJ strode off and Jake followed up the gradient to the front of the house. Half way JJ turned back to Jake. "Struggling?"
"Nah, and even if I was, what's one more challenge in a day filled with hundreds of challenges I didn't even know existed a few month ago."
They had arrived at the front door. JJ opened and they entered, passing through the entrance area into the spacious, open plan kitchen. In the middle of the room was a kitchen island with a sink and prep space.
Jake rolled around the island to the side with the sink. "Look here for example. It's a real challenge for me to use this kitchen sink. The counter is too high and there are cupboards below, so I have to put the chair sideways. I can reach the back of the sink and turn on the water with my right hand now, but at the same time I can barely reach the bottom of the sink with my left. If I had to use this sink to prepare food, I would have to sit on the counter next to it. That's what I mean with challenges".
"Hey, let me try."
"Sure." Jake turned the chair so that he was facing the counter next to the sink. He locked the brakes and put his hands on the counter in front. "This height difference is about the most I can manage." He pushed himself up on his arms and then, like a gymnast on a pommel horse shifted his weight over one arm to allow himself to rotate his body onto the counter. "I have some motility in my quads. Not enough to stand up, but it helps with stuff like this"
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I have a very limited ability to contract the muscle in the front of the thigh. That helps me push ever so slightly against the chair. It also gives me a little bit of feedback about the position of my lower body, but for the most part it's VFR." Jake grinned.
"Visual Flight Rules?"
"Means I have to look at my legs to know where they are".
"Ah, I see." JJ had turned the chair and was now sitting down in it. He started rolling around the kitchen block getting caught on the corners.
Jake was laughing at him from above.
JJ came around and tried his luck with the sink. "I see what you mean about the sink. This is really awkward and I'm even taller than you". He got up again. "That was educational."
He pushed the chair back in front of Jake who maneuvered it into the right spot and climbed back down. "I like it up there; better view."
JJ laughed. "Let's have some breakfast and then go and run our errands." JJ took a quart-sized pack of synthetic liquid egg protein from the fridge and started making omelet.
Jake watched him for a while. "Where are the kids?" It had finally occurred to him how quiet the house was.
"Nora took them with this morning and dropped them off at her mom's. That's easier for her while I'm away." He paused. "I was thinking about the order of things this morning. I think we should do the shopping first and pick up your truck last. That way you have time to practice and we don't have to rush off anywhere."
"Good thinking."
While they were eating their eggs washed down by copious amounts of more coffee, JJ asked "So what do you need from the medical supplies store?"
"You sure you want to talk about this during breakfast?"
"You know I'm not the squeamish type. So what?"
"I need to get some more catheters and I want to get two knee braces, just in case. You know, like the one you velcro over your pants you used after you had your knee surgery? Just to make sure I don't tear any more ligaments if I hit something legs first. I had to jump through some major hoops to get my knee fixed and I would like to avoid a repeat of that—try jumping through hoops in a wheelchair sometimes; new circus act." he added with a mischievous grin. "Plus if they found out how it happened they would probably decline it outright. The braces will make sure my knees bend in the right direction and not sideways."
"So the veterans association's saying that because you can't walk they won't pay for knee surgery because you aren't using your knees in the first place? That's just so screwed up."
"The coffers are empty JJ, they are cutting benefits left, right and center. It's cheaper for them to put me out to pasture with that measly vet pension and lifelong medical benefits for my 'chronic condition', plus training up some new grunt to take my place than to fix my back."
"It's still not right."
"Once I've settled down in Denver I'll decide what kind of job I'll get into. I'd go insane if I don't have anything to do."
JJ noted the odd segue and just nodded. Then he said. "Okay let's go and do our shopping. There's gear at the chalet. So I figure we'll only need proper clothes. Patagonia, LLBean, Straz, Target or Wallmart—any preference?"
"Patagonia—let's live a little."
JJ broke into a grin. "I like your style."
They spent the morning shopping. Jake explained that he was lucky because his body temperature regulation was largely unaffected by the injury, he just needed to make sure his legs wouldn't get too cold. Jake bought black snow boots, thermal socks and ski pants, thermal underwear, and a black ski jacket, gloves, a beanie and a bright red scarf. At the medical supplies store they picked up the braces and catheters and Jake ignored the probing questions of the assistant who was trying to figure out what Jake wanted two walking braces for. Jake was glad to escape from the store.
Last they drove over to the Tesla dealership where JJ had taken Jake's truck. As they pulled into the parking lot, JJ looked at Jake and asked, "have you figured out how to mount your steed, yet?" All morning JJ had been lifting Jake in and out of his truck and Jake had to admit that so far he hadn't been able to come up with a clever plan how to manage to get into a vehicle as high as his on his own.
"No, to be honest, this one still beats me at the moment. But I'm sure there'll be a way. Just more or less time-consuming and or dignified." He grinned.
They parked. JJ got out and got Jake's chair. Then he helped Jake down out of the truck again. They entered the show room and one of the sales people who seemed to recognize JJ got up and walked towards them. "Hello, welcome." He nodded at JJ then addressed Jake. "You must be Jake Sully." He extended a hand. Jake shook it.
The sales man carried on. "I'm Sean Crawford, follow me." He led them through the show room into a large covered parking space which extended into service bays in the back. Technicians were working on various vehicles. Jake's black truck was parked off to the side. Jake felt a profound sense of satisfaction at the sight of his own vehicle and the additional freedom it would offer, combined with an unsettling amount of anxiety about how he was going to manage. They stopped on the driver's side. Jake regarded the door of his truck.
"Wait, here." Crawford handed Jake the keys. Jake noticed a new remote on the ring. "I'll leave you guys to play with it. You're lucky to have a friend like this." He turned and left them.
Jake looked at JJ, perplexed. "What was that about and what is this for?" Jake held up the remote.
JJ knelt down next to Jake bracing himself against the truck. "Jake my brother, I got you a little something extra—I just didn't want you struggling. And in a way, you lost your legs for my truck—metaphorically speaking—so I wanted to give you some of your mobility back, you know, independence. This just gives you a bit more of it." He got up and pointed to the remote in Jake's hand. "Press the unlock button."
Jake didn't say anything, but his expression was clouded. He wasn't certain how he felt about what JJ had just said. The emotion seemed to hover at the edge of anger, but at the same time Jake acknowledged that JJ's behavior and attitude had been devoid of pity so far. He decided to resist judgment. Nonetheless his lips compressed into a thin line, and JJ regarded him wearily, obviously attuned to and prepared for Jake's less than gracious reaction.
Jake pressed the button. The door unlocked.
"Now press the one with the door icon on it."
Jake pressed that one and the driver side door swung open. He peered into the cab. The driver seat had been replaced with one that looked like a race car bucket seat.
"Press the button with the down arrow."
Jake did as told and the entire seat slid out towards him and then down to the level of the running board—level with his wheelchair. Jake slid across onto the seat.
"The seat swivels when it is lowered. Look over here." JJ pointed to something behind Jake's back.
Jake rotated the seat so that he was now facing away from the truck. JJ was pointing at a mechanism that would hold Jake's folded chair behind the seat. Jake leaned forward, folded up the chair and lifted it against the mechanism. Grappling arms extended locking the chair firmly into place against the seat. Jake rotated back towards the driving position and pulled his feet onto the foot rest. He pressed the up arrow. The seat rose, slid into the driving position and locked into place. The grim look on his face had been replaced with a look of speechless wonder, like a five-year old exploring a new toy. The seat even came with a racing harness seat belt.
Jake looked at JJ. "This is cool." He had decided to accept the gift for what it was—another piece of assistive technology—like his chair. His wheelchair had become a part of him. He had accepted it like others might accept a permanently attached prosthetic limb, integrating it as a natural part of their being. He had decided that JJ's gift was not a reparation driven by a guilty conscience to make up for his disability, but an expression of true brotherly love; a full acknowledgment of Jake's abilities and potential. "Come on JJ, let's take her for a spin."
While JJ got in on the passenger side, Jake adjusted the seat position and mirrors, then pressed the starter button and put the truck into drive. He tentatively tested the accelerator and then the brake hand controls. They seemed rather intuitive to him. He drove out into the yard and stopped to put the harness restraints on. "JJ you cannot imagine what it feels like to drive again."
"I'm glad you're enjoying it. I really wasn't sure how you would take the additional modifications."
"I love it." A big grin on his face. "You know what JJ, from any other person it would have felt like a slap in the face. I can't stand this 'I'm so sorry for you litany', but you aren't and I'm really, really glad about that." Jake put the truck in drive again. He pulled out into the road and drove around the block. After a couple of minutes he pulled back in.
Before JJ got out to walk back to his own truck he turned to Jake. "It's all settled already. Your insurance picks up part of the bill and I have covered the rest so let's go straight home."
"JJ that must have cost you a fortune, how will I ever make this up to you?"
"Simple—by being all that you can be." He got out and walked to his vehicle. When Jake pulled into the road behind JJ, a single unbidden tear rolled down his cheek.