How can you see into my eyes like open doors, leading you down into my core where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home...
Jake pulled into JJ's driveway in front of the garage. He stayed in the car for a moment, waiting for the song playing on the sound system to finish. By all accounts it was ancient. He had never heard of the name of the group or the woman who sang it, but the lyrics were beautiful.
His car stereo buffered 10 minutes of the live stream so he rewound back to the beginning of the song, activated the lyrics display and the capture function to record it on the system's flash memory and watched it again.
He wondered about the origin of the song; if more than a hundred years ago the song had been written about someone like him who had lost himself and who had then found someone like he had found Emily to bring him back to life, as the song's title suggested.
After the song had finished he got out of the truck. JJ was already waiting in the open front door. "Hi Jake, come in. What were you doing?"
"I was watching a music video."
"Which one?"
"Don't know—old, but absolutely amazing. I didn't copy it down, but I'll get it and play it for you if you want."
"Maybe later, come let's have a chat first."
Nora came down the stairs, Tyler in tow in his jammies. She bent down to hug Jake and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How is my second favorite Marine? You look great."
"Hi Nora." As soon as she had stepped aside Tyler was busy climbing up on Jake's lap. "Hi Tyler. Hold on."
Tyler hugged Jake who did two 360ies much to Tyler's delight.
"Ok, Tyler enough, back to bed." Nora shooed Tyler off Jake's lap. "He just wouldn't go to sleep without saying hello to you." The two of them disappeared back up the stairs.
"Tyler has grown a lot since I last saw him."
"Yes and he started school as well. Lounge or den? You know the rule. You must get there on your own."
Jake made his way down into the den again and onto the recliner, but he kept his feet on the ground and he pulled his right shoe off. JJ had gotten drinks out of the fridge, put one down on the table next to Jake's recliner then sat down on his own, popping his beer and watched Jake curiously. Jake waited until JJ had settled down. Then without the help of his hand, Jake's right heel lifted a bit more than an inch of the ground.
JJ clapped his hands. "Very good, and the left?"
Jake shook his head. "Not strong enough."
"But this is definitely an improvement since the end of last year, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. This is as good as it's going to get on the right, though, but I can probably get there with the left quad as well."
"Cheers, let's drink to your quads then."
Jake settled back in his chair and popped his own beer, too. "Thanks, cheers."
"So—let's talk about you and Emily."
Jake grinned. "It's all good."
"Okay, so start from the beginning."
"I didn't tell you then, but I was going to propose to her last year already, but then she walked out on me and I never got the chance."
"But you didn't want to see her in December. So what changed your mind?"
"It's not that I didn't want to see her to be honest, but I couldn't. I couldn't have handled the rejection if it had come to that."
"When did you get back in touch?"
"She sent me a message on my birthday. And then I called her."
JJ raised an eyebrow. "Eight days ago and you proposed to her already?"
"I invited her to visit me in Denver. It felt like the right thing to do. We spent the weekend together. Talked a lot about what happened to me, about why she left and why she wanted to come back. She's been seeing a psychologist since the beginning of December. You'll see she's a lot more mature than she used to be."
"That's good. So no more spoiled brat behavior?"
"No, no fits, not tantrums, nothing."
"How did she react to seeing you in the wheelchair?"
"She was scared and tense at first, but she got through it pretty quickly. Franklin actually told her after our call in December that I'm paralyzed. So she had seven months with her therapist to come to terms with that herself and make up her mind if she wanted to be with me or not."
"I'm surprised that she didn't try to contact you sooner."
"I asked her about that too. She said that it had been both her dad's and her therapist's recommendation to wait until my birthday. But she also admitted that at least in the beginning it had been very hard for her to heed their advice. Then she decided it was a test of her conviction to wait until August."
"Hmm. So I guess you both have had enough time to think about what you want, but the question is do you think Emily will be able to deal with your everyday limitations? Or the random things like doors that are too narrow or stairs that are too high? The days when you are in so much pain you can't get out of bed unless you inject a knock-out painkiller?"
"I have made a point already in showing her what it means to live with a paralyzed man. So far she hasn't had any issues, but I guess only time will tell." He paused and looked at JJ. "But isn't your concern really whether I can handle it if Emily decides she's had enough and leaves me again?"
"Yes, that is my main concern."
"To be honest, I think it would be hard for me, but it is a possibility that I am taking into account and a risk I am prepared to take."
They both sipped their beers for a while in silence. Then Jake carried on.
"When I dream, I often dream that I am walking or running and it feels real. I can really feel myself running and it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I dream I am flying. That is when I really feel free. I think that is truly what upsets me the most still that I can't skydive, at least not on my own. And I don't mean can't in the sense of ability. I believe I am entirely capable of managing the jump and the landing even without the use of my legs, you know. I mean in the sense of how other people's perceptions and rules limit me in exploring my potential."
"I know what you mean."
"There are only a few people like you and now Emily who really see me without any reservations. Who really believe in me and that I have potential. That I am more than a pitiful cripple with a broken back who can't stand up and who can't walk."
"Jake you have come a long way already, but you do still have a way to go. You still have to learn to believe in yourself without any reservations."