**2001**
"Three, two, one, go!" The clicking and sliding sound of steel on steel was hardly audible over the shouts of encouragement and the excited whistles of the onlookers. Someone swore like a sailor at the back of the crowd trying to see if his money had been well spent. There was a row of groans and screams of disbelief when a final loud click was followed by a female voice shouting "Done!"
Ellen came out from behind the bar smiling slightly while shaking her head. Jo sat in the middle of the crowd on a table opposite to a man in his early thirties who had shaved his head and wore what looked like a vampire's tooth through a pierced hole in his earlobe. The guy slammed his flat hand onto the table staring at the rifle lying on the wooden surface before him, the magazine detached from it and the slide still loose on the weapon. "Damn it, Missy. How the fuck did you do that?"
Jo gave him a radiant smile and checked and secured her own rifle of the same model with fast and precise hands. "Practice, old man." She plugged the bills from the table and slid them into her bra, grinning. Ellen patted the hunter on his shoulder while the crowd started to disperse with awed mutters. She would prefer her sixteen year old daughter to not polish up the content of her wallet by betting with customers and even more so not to put the money in places said customers shouldn't even know existed. But then this was maybe the only way Jo would readily help out on the busy nights.
"Looks like I taught you something after all…."
The two Harvelle women looked around as the door was swinging closed behind two young men standing in the middle of the dimly lit bar. Dean was grinning from ear to ear while Sam gave Jo a raised eyebrow and a little smirk. Their clothes were dirty, so were their faces and Ellen had a smile tug at the corners of her mouth as she crossed her arms looking at her boys. "Jo, look what the cat dragged in!"
Jo bounded across the room grinning. "Did you see me? I was great!"
She hugged Sam before scrunching up her nose looking at them. Dean ruffled her hair getting a death glare for it that couldn't singe an amoeba. "You are always great, short stuff."
"If you call me short stuff one more time I might shoot you."
Dean laughed good-naturedly. "But who's gonna show you how to put together a rifle in thirty seconds then?"
"Sam, of course."
"Yeah, as if."
Sam tried to smack Dean over the head but his hand was dodged easily by a chuckling big brother. "Of course I wouldn't show her that stuff. You taught her more than any girl her age will ever need anyway."
"Hey!" Jo's protests were completely ignored.
"You just didn't keep up with your training and are afraid of making a fool of yourself, that's all!" Dean looked at his little brother challengingly.
"Just because I do learn things other than hunters' stuff doesn't mean that I am not able to hold myself out there, Dean. Maybe you should have taken more care of your own schooling and a little less of this whole G.I. Joe thing you got going…."
"Excuse me? Just because I wasn't such a suck-up geek like you are. I did have A's as well."
"Yeah, in geography."
"Yeah. And?" Dean put his hands on his hips looking at Sam.
"The only reason you were good in geography was because by the time you were twelve you had seen every state of this country but Hawaii." Sam was probably right about that one.
"It's called learning by doing." Dean shrugged not seeing his brother's point.
"Boys." Ellen decided it was time to get them off the bickering – something they were excelling in any day of the week - and back on the road. "Will you tell us why you look like a couple of bums?"
The brothers looked at each other and then down at their own bodies, pulling faces as though they just now registered that they reeked. Sam looked at them apologetically while Dean shrugged off his leather jacket sniffing it with a disgusted look on his face. "We had to go through the sewers for about four hours. But we got them, killed them and made a little BBQ at their nest. So there will be no little baby monsters slipping from slimy little eggs anymore."
Jo scrunched her nose once again. "If this is the smell of victory then I don't wanna know the stench of defeat."
"Which is why we are headed for the showers now…." They already started to shuffle away towards their room when Ellen remembered something very important. She had tried to keep it off her mind until the boys returned.
"Wait!" They turned around looking at her. "Sam, you got mail." She hurried behind the counter and pulled a big envelope from beneath a bigger stack of papers. She handed it to the younger man who looked at it with a puzzled face before he blanched and swallowed slowly.
"Oh shit."
"What is it?" Dean looked at the envelope reading the sender's information but Sam jerked it away before he could finish and ripped it open with determination.
He read though the letter that lay on top of the wad of papers that accompanied it. As he looked up his expression was unreadable. "I got accepted with a full scholarship…." Ellen looked at him for a moment, stunned. "I'm going to Stanford."
A high pitched squeal had Jo jump the tall teenager within a second. She had forgotten all about the sewer stench, hugging him like she wanted to choke him within an inch of his life. Ellen smiled as brightly as she hadn't in a long time until she noticed Dean's neutral face as he stood behind the taller young man, seemingly still taking in the news. She knew that Dean had hoped Sam would join him in the hunter's business. But she was glad that the younger Winchester brother had decided to break the tradition. It was what she wished for Jo as well. She saw the disappointment cross Dean's face for a second until their eyes locked for a moment. Then the man took a slow deep breath and finally his face split in a smile. Maybe not the biggest smile she had ever seen on him, but good enough for now. After Jo finally let Sam go and he set her down again Dean stepped up to clap him on the back maybe a little harder then absolutely necessary.
"Well done, little brother." He hugged him shortly and smacked his shoulder once more.
Ellen took the chance to hug him herself smiling broadly and cupping his face in her hands. "You deserve it, Sam. We're very proud of you."
She had hoped that things would turn out this way. Sam was actually the most logical choice for a scholarship. He was a straight-A student, did a lot of extra curricular activities in the last years (after reading up on scholarships and finding out that they were required) and to top that he was an orphaned boy living with a widowed foster mother who by the last financial check-ups could hardly manage to bring a kid through college although Ellen was sure they'd have found a way. Dean once said that if Sam really wanted to go to college he could shuffle around some of his (fake) credit card accounts although she hoped that was just a joke. Knowing Dean it was not.
Anyway, a smart kid like Sam was always a good card to bet on. But a smart orphaned kid like Sam was also speaking directly to people's hearts. His charm during the interviews had helped too of course.
**2002**
"Why NOT?" Ellen knew exactly what kind of a fit her daughter could throw when she did not get her way. The girl sounded anything but happy and Ellen pondered leaving the storage room to assist the poor soul that was feeling her wrath.
"Because you're seventeen, Jo!"
"Yes! I'm seventeen and I know for a fact that Dad took you hunting at sixteen.."
Ellen frowned, setting down the box she had been shifting.
"That was different."
There was a huffing sound and Ellen could picture her little girl's stubborn face and the crossed arms. "How so?"
"It was necessary. Going on his own would have been stupid." Ellen had to blink back a rush of tears, hearing a small touch of gravel in Dean's voice. She knew where that came from. The boy – no, man by now – still felt guilty about not being there when her husband left for the job that cost his life.
"And going on your own isn't?"
"I'm not. I called Sam. He's coming with me. I'll pick him up when I leave here."
"Doesn't he have school?"
"Not on a weekend."
"Do you really think Stanford appreciates its students cruising the states on the weekend?"
"What are they supposed to do?"
"I dunno, but it could get him into trouble!" Ellen smiled slightly. Jo was grasping at straws now.
"Sam's an excellent student, they won't mind if he misses a few classes from time to time."
"Well, he wouldn't have to if you took me along!"
"No, Jo. Besides, I already let you come along on the last two salt and burns."
Jo laughed, but it wasn't amused. "Yeah and I never even saw a ghost. You know, interrogating nosy neighbors and watching you dig up some stinking corpse is really not the hunt I had in mind."
"But that's a huge part of this business. So if you find it that awful I suggest you suck it up and do your homework instead."
"Fuck homework!" Ellen knew she should burst in and reprimand her daughter about behavior and her work ethic at once, but she was too interested in listening to her kids.
"Jo. This is my last word."
"Why did you even teach me this stuff if you won't let me use it?"
"Because you need to be able to protect yourself and your mom!" Ellen wanted to protest that point. "Your dad was a hunter. Your bar is swarmed with hunters. I am a hunter. There are dozens, maybe hundreds of evil sons of bitches out there wishing to tear you to shreds or worse. You need to be sharp and you need to be able to handle yourself. What if I'm not there when something happens? Sam isn't around anymore. What if something comes to get its revenge and I get killed before it comes for you?"
Ellen closed her eyes trying to shut out the images that flooded her mind. She heard a quick, shaking intake of breath. Jo was obviously as shocked by that idea as Ellen was. Of course she was aware that there was a possibility for this. But she'd never say it out loud.
"Don't talk like that."
"Jo. I was raised for this. When I came here, I was already a hunter, twelve years old or twenty, didn't matter. I know it'll kill me one day, hopefully it'll be far in the future, but it will happen. Like my dad died and Will did. Do you really think I want that for you or for Sam? My baby brother knows how to handle himself and I need his help from time to time but in the end he will be a lawyer and he will be free of this, even if it kills me. Sam will have a REAL life! Do you know why Will took me along when I was sixteen? Because he knew I was as ready as I'd ever be and, hell, I wasn't his son. He might have been like a father to me but in the end we weren't blood. He'd never have taken you along. You could have been sixteen or thirty, you'd still be your daddy's little girl."
Ellen clamped a hand over her mouth to mute the sob that tore through her chest. It was cruel what Dean said but it was true. Of course Will had loved the boys as much as anything. But he'd also seen where they came from. Will knew that Dean was a born hunter and he used it for all of their sakes, deciding early on that there had to be someone to keep on hunting even if he got old, so the rest of them could keep their lives. After John Winchester's preparations Dean had been the most logical choice. The boy had practically begged for it, too.
"Besides Ellen would kill me if I ever took you anywhere dangerous and a werewolf is very dangerous, Jo."
There was a long silence and Ellen knew that Jo resigned. After a long moment, her voice sounded again, calm and somehow a little sad. "Why don't you even call her mom?"
"What?"
Ellen frowned, stunned by her daughter's sudden change of subject.
"Why do you always call her Ellen or 'your mom'? How long have you been here now, Dean?"
"Eleven – Eleven years, five months and twenty seven days."
Ellen smiled. It was just like Dean to keep count.
"That's a long time of being my badass big brother."
"I guess."
"A long time for being part of this family… half your life right? So why don't you EVER call her mom?"
"It's complicated, Jo." Dean's voice was but a whisper.
"No. I don't think so. You said it yourself. We're not blood. You don't want to be part of this family." Jo sounded angry and the shuffling of feet indicated that she had moved, but a second, heavier set of footsteps followed and they both stopped quickly.
"That's not true." Dean drew a long breath. "I- I do think of you as family but I could never call Ellen that. It's not because she's not like a mother to me. It's- I had a mom…. And she died a horrible, freakish death. I was there. I felt the heat and I smelled the smoke after I was wakened by her scream – and my dad's that followed. I loved my mom more than anything. I was still half a baby and to me she was perfect. When she burned on that ceiling, the perfection was torn. To me 'mom' means loss. It's what broke my family, my dad. Whenever my dad would talk about her - which was pretty much never – he would have that incredible hurt in his eyes, that longing. Just like Sam did, still does. He doesn't even remember her but when he thinks about her all I see is the longing that he has. My mom – her death – is what started the nightmare that was my childhood. Damn, I sound like some whiny chick. I mean, I loved my dad and I would do everything for Sam, but what we had was not a life. It was survival in its most primal form and it was lonely and it hurt. So to me 'mom' is something I could never enjoy myself saying to somebody I really care about since it just hurts too much." There was a long silence and a low sniff. Ellen was crying, for her little boy's hurt – all the pain that was still backed up inside him – and for herself to have such an amazing kid given into her care. She couldn't help opening the storage room door silently.
Dean stood in the middle of the room, his hand wiping at frustrated tears. Jo cried as well, her arms slung around her middle in a self-protective way. The girls gaze was set on Dean and it held compassion and incredulity, pain and love.
"Are you happy now?" Dean's voice was streaked with the tears he had just cried, colored with anger for having shown any weakness.
He finally lifted his gaze and saw Ellen standing in the door. Understanding and horror flashed across his face as he saw her expression and he turned, walking out the door. "I need some air."
**2004**
"How's your brother doing?" Ellen was washing glasses with the phone on speaker and her daughter eavesdropping from the other side of the counter.
"He's asleep in my bed high on Tylenol and grumpy as ever." Sam sounded tired but a little relieved and Ellen knew that feeling. "The doctors said he'll be fine. His left arm and a few ribs are broken but nothing that some forced bed rest can't cure."
"Should I come and get him?" Usually Dean would recuperate at the Roadhouse from any hunting injuries but the hospital had called Sam as his closest relative and it was only three hours from Stanford so Sam had hitched a ride there himself and brought Dean and the Impala back to his place.
"No. I don't mind." Sam didn't tell her that he had missed his brother while studying in California but she knew he did nonetheless. Dean might swing by twice a year when he was traveling through but other than that they only ever met at the Roadhouse for Christmas or other special occasions. It was a big change from sharing a room for pretty much their whole life.
She smiled at the thought that Sam was even willing to cope with a grumpy, hurt Dean just to spend some time together again.
"Won't Jessica ask questions why your banged-up brother is suddenly crashing with you?" Jessica was Sam's girlfriend, the first one that they all knew was really serious. The girl seemed lovely from what Ellen had been told and Sam was quite smitten with her. But she didn't know what they knew.
"I'll just tell her he got hit by a car. I think that will go over better than the truth." The lie came out of Sam's mouth without much hesitation and Ellen had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she knew that it was safer this way but if Sam really loved this girl then it wasn't good to lie to her so easily.
"Yes, that sounds reasonable." She dried the last glass and picked up the phone once more. "Call us when his bitching is driving you nuts or if you need anything, okay?"
"Sure thing, mom. I'll call you soon." It seemed to slip off his lips without active thought and Ellen smiled at how close they had grown over the years.
"Take good care of your brother."
"He really loves that girl." Dean said that with a small frown marring his handsome features as he started into his beer. "She's nice, too… and hot."
For a moment Ellen wondered if Dean was jealous of his brother for having a hot girlfriend or if he was jealous of Jessica. For the first years of their lives they had only each other and even when they became part of this family, they were still always Sam and Dean, sharing a room even if Dean wasn't there. Now there were Sam and Jessica and Ellen didn't know how well Dean was taking the whole thing.
"Did she suspect anything?"
"No", Dean answered without hesitation, cracking his neck as he rolled his stiff shoulders. "She thinks he's just a nice guy with a sad story and a handsome big brother."
The wink was fake as hell and meant to lighten the mood and Ellen laughed at Dean's antics. "So they are serious?"
"Yeah. Seems so." Dean sighed, sipping his beer.
"So when will she meet the family then?" Ellen smirked at her oldest as Dean's eyes grew a little wide.
"Don't you think inviting her over for Thanksgiving or something would scare her off? But maybe that's what you're going for…."
With a huff Ellen smacked the back of the young man's head. "Stop mouthing off, Dean! We can be normal when we want to be."
"We can?"
**2005**
Ellen would never admit it but she had a good heart. Maybe that's why she didn't just adopt two stray boys but also found herself with an MIT drop-out living in a trailer in the backyard. She couldn't really tell you how Ash ended up there, but besides his terrible sense of style he was a decent guy and Jo liked him well enough. Ellen had hoped her daughter would follow Sam's example and go to college, but after high school graduation Jo stayed at the Roadhouse waiting tables and doing online courses at the community college, trying to figure out what interested her besides the high life of hunting that Dean rigorously refused to let her participate in.
One thing Ellen Harvelle prided herself on being was a good judge of character. She knew that her boys were exceptional and even if they wouldn't show it they had the biggest hearts. She also knew that Jo was mainly afraid of having to face a world where social interaction was more important than how fast one could assemble a gun.
Ellen had met Jessica only once but she knew that the girl adored Sam. She was sweet and had a brilliant smile that grew a little softer whenever she looked at the younger Winchester brother. Ellen had only met her briefly when dropping off some extra things of Sam's over the last semester break. Ellen wanted to invite her for Thanksgiving but Sam called to tell her he would be meeting Jessica's family instead. Dean had been right. They were serious.
So Ellen was not surprised when her younger son – and she dared anyone to challenge the fact that the Winchester boys were her sons by then – called to speak to her about choosing a ring. She nearly sobbed with happiness when Sam, shy and self-conscious as he hadn't been since he was twelve, had told her of his plans. Sam being happy made all the hardships of their lives worthwhile and she couldn't stop the smile that stayed on her face all day. Then the unspeakable happened
"Mom?"
Ellen's grip on the receiver of the phone tightened as she heard Dean's voice scratchy and dangerously low. The fact that he called her 'mom' would have been enough to tell her that something was terribly wrong but her boy sounded terrible to boot.
"Dean? What's going on? I thought you were going to Sam's."
"Yes." There was a long break and Ellen tried to steel herself for whatever was coming because it couldn't be good. "Something happened… at Sam's."
"Is he alright?" She sat up straight a bow at the thought of Sam getting hurt. It wouldn't be the first time even though the boy wasn't as notorious as his brother, but she worried nonetheless.
"Yeah… well, not really but he's not harmed." She could practically see Dean rubbing his eyes with weary hands and waited for him to find the right words. Rushing Dean would only make him stubborn. "Jessica is dead. There was a fire, it… it was exactly like with mom. She was on the ceiling bleeding and I wouldn't believe it but I saw it with my own eyes."
"Oh my god." Ellen sank into a chair by the bar as she felt cold sweep over her like an arctic wind. "Was it…."
"Yes. It has to be the same thing that killed our mom," Dean answered with a voice that was terribly quiet and resigned. Ellen had hoped that with Dean giving up the chase the circle of revenge and death would be broken. Obviously that had been false hope.
"I'm sorry, Ellen, but we have to hunt it down. I'm taking Sam and we're going to find that demon and kill it."
"I understand." Ellen swallowed around the knot in her throat but there was nothing that she could think of saying to stop her boys now. Dean had held the truce and now Sam's girlfriend, the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with, was dead. Obviously peace wasn't an option anymore. "When will you come home?"
"We won't."
"Dean…."
"NO." There was no argument just harsh fact and Dean did not falter. "This thing seems to love torturing and killing the women that are close to our family. I will not put you or Jo in danger. We won't come back until this is over."
"Jo won't like that." It was a ridiculous thing to say and Ellen could feel her eyes sting at the imminent loss of her boys.
"If you ever need anything, you can call. But we'll keep our distance for now."
"Tell your brother I'm sorry and that we love him. Stay in touch, okay?" There wasn't anything else worth saying.
"Yeah. We love you too, mom." Dean hung up without any further notice probably as shook up as Ellen herself.
"You got all you need?" When Sam just nodded, Dean squeezed his brother's shoulder and threw him the key to the Impala before heading to the passenger side of his car. "I expect you to treat her with respect and to break every speed limit. Is that understood?"
Sam threw his duffel into the back of the Impala closing the truck with a thud. "C'mon, Dean. We have work to do."
~ END