a/n: I know, I know… I've taken forever and a day to update. Summer is such a distraction. So is work. So is life. Buuuut, I have returned! Read, Enjoy, Review!

Disclaimer: I'd like to think that little by little, I'm making them MINE! You know what I mean.

4 hours. He had spent 4 hours in that café with Magnus. By the time they had left, it was a little past 5 in the morning; the only other person in the place was a stocky middle age guy who Alec presumed was the owner. The man dozed off on his stool behind the counter leaving Magnus and Alec virtually alone.

The last three hours had gone in a drastically different direction than the first, with Alec leading the conversation. The boy was like a long dormant geyser exploding from the pressure, finally free to let loose. Magnus had wanted to know everything, and Alec had done a pretty good job of telling him just that.

He told him about how he was even more quite, reserved, and awkward as a kid than he is now. How his parents were barely ever around, always off on trips conducting Clave business, how, when they first came to New York, he'd dreamed of Alicante's rolling hills every night. He told him about how, as children, Isabelle used to capture everyone's attention whenever the two entered a room, something Alec didn't resent her for, in fact, he was always thankful to be allowed to so easily fade into the background.

Then he told him about how when he was 11 years old, his parents brought a young Adonis home with them- all shining golden eyes and golden locks. How Jace had changed everything. Alec knew what the other boy had gone through and that he'd grown up in seclusion. Alec couldn't look at Magnus as he related what his parents told him about how how rogue warlocks had brutally murdered Jace's father.

He went on to tell Magnus about how that darkness hung over Jace for those first few years, how Alec had made it his own personal mission to make the boy happy again, taking blame for his devious pranks, and willingly becoming the butt of all his jokes. Eventually, their relationship changed, Jace came into his own in a lot of ways—but Alec did not.

He stayed by Jace's side, as his brother, as his parabatai, as his bestfriend, but it hurt him to admit that it wasn't him that helped Jace put aside his anger, in fact, the anger had never left, it was just buried under well-practiced charm and poise. The real apple of Jace's eye was fighting. Being a shadowhunter. Jace was, of course, fiercely loyal to the entire Lightwood clan, but the reason he got up in the mornings, the reason he fought off bloody memories and moved forward, was the prospect of slaying a clumsy demon or sparring with a crooked vampire before unceremoniously leading them to a gory end. Jace was reckless and confident and brave and damn near inhumanely strong, but Alec couldn't help feeling as though he went into every fight hoping it would be his last.

But it wasn't enough for Jace that Alec knew he was still hurting, that he could see how dead his golden eyes were. Understanding alone wasn't enough to make things better for Jace. Alec wasn't enough. So Alec had settled for protecting Jace from self-destruction. He had gotten himself more than one injury trying to stop Jace from rushing into this or that beyond-dangerous-situation and had jumped between Jace and so many different demons that it was a wonder that Jace was still so oblivious to Alec's feelings. He did all this because Jace needed Alec to keep him safe. And because Alec needed Jace.

Alec couldn't have asked for a more gracious a listener. Magnus watched and responded with care, nodding his head in encouragement, smiling at his childhood antics, carefully avoiding giving signs of the disapproval the warlock obviously felt about Alec's nearly 6 year obsession with his adopted brother. He was reassuring and kind, and nothing like Alec expected. And most of all, he was honest.

After they had talked through all of the major events of the past decade of Alec's life, Magnus noted how much of it was about Jace.

"You talk about him like he's saved you or something. Like he's your hero."

Alec couldn't help but smile at the image. "Yeah… I guess he kind of is. I told you, I was even more quiet and antisocial before I met Jace. I only talked to Isabelle, I had no sense of humour. He kind of opened my eyes to the rest of the world, as corny as that might sound..." Alec shifted his eyes back to the window as he spoke, feeling guilty for praising Jace so blatantly in front of Magnus.

"It doesn't sound corny at all… But… I don't buy it."

Alec's felt a twinge of anger at the accusation."What do you mean? I'm not trying to sell my life story to you, I'm just telling you what mattered to me, and Jace is a big part of that."

"Calm down Alec, I'm not attacking you. I get that he's important to you… Believe me, I got that message loud and clear." Despite all his efforts, Magnus couldn't help but let a little of the hurt he was feeling seep into his tone as his voice faltered. But it wasn't the time to think about himself. This wasn't about him. He needed to help Alec see that Boy Wonder wasn't his end-all-be-all.

"Then what is it you don't believe?" Alec asked.

"The idea that he's somehow made you into a better version of yourself. I'm sure it was nice to have him around when you were a lonely kid and he probably did help open you up back then… somewhat. But…"

Alec waited for Magnus to go on; though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest, "But what?"

"But… it sounds to me, like your… affinity… for him eventually made things harder for you, not easier."

Alec couldn't deny the truth of those words- though he felt a dull pain in his chest when he heard them spoken out loud.

Magnus continued, "It's like he's holding you back. I mean—look at you Alexander, the you sitting here across from me, pouring your heart out, unashamed and unafraid. I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of something, like there's so much more to you than even you realize."

Alec kept his eyes trained on Magnus as he let the words sink in, "Magnus -"

"I just wish you'd give yourself more credit."

"You just met me…" Alec responded quietly, flustered by embarrassment and ashamed at the tone of accusation behind his words.

"Yes. I did. And I already know that you measure yourself by Jace Wayland. You talk about him like he's a freaking King and you're just another one of his weak and loyal subjects. That isn't reality Alexander. You aren't defined by him."

Alec was determined to stay calm, despite the raging impulse to rebel against Magnus' harsh words. When he thought about it, nothing Magnus had said was entirely untrue. How many times had he berated himself for not being half the man Jace was? Too Many.

"But, Alexander," Magnus' whisper jerked Alec out of his thoughts and he looked up at the warlock, expectantly.

"I think you should know … when I look at you, I don't see Jace's shadow."

Alec held Magnus' stare. The green gold of the warlock's eyes seemed to have become impossibly more vibrant, as though his emotions were pouring out of the bright orbs. Alec couldn't look away now, even if he wanted to, that he was the reason the warlock's eyes had seemingly come alive left him in awe.

Magnus leaned in, laying his forearms flat on the table to brace himself. "You are strong Alec. You are brave. You're unfailingly loyal and genuine and you're brimming with passion and emotion just below the surface."

Alec didn't have the presence of mind to shut his mouth, which hung open. He felt his blood thrumming through his veins, his heart beating jerkily out of rhythm. Magnus' words went against everything Alec had ever known about himself, and he wanted, more than anything, to believe them. He felt the hope making his heart swell, and it took a concentrated effort to tamp it down, to remind himself that it was dangerous to feel so happy, that it would just end up hurting him in the end.

"Magnus, you – you really don't have to say all that. I'm not fishing for compliments."

"I know," Magnus cut in. "I also know that you don't take me very seriously. I can't blame you; I don't do solemn and grim quite like you do. Sooo… how about I temper the good with the bad?" His trademark grin crept back into place, making Alec feel more at ease. He was far more comfortable with the warlock teasing him than being so earnest.

"The bad?" Alec asked.

"Yeah, you're flaws...as I see them at least."

Alec felt his heart drop, disappointment effectively beating back the tide of hope that had been threatening to overwhelm him only moments ago.

"I don't think I need anyone to tell me about those. I'm well aware how far I fall short."

Magnus gave the boy a sad smile; Alec's disappointment was almost palpable.

"And that is #1 on the list. You're always too hard on yourself. It's wonderful to be self-aware to an extent, but not if it leaves you feeling terrified."

"I am not terrified." Alec was lying through his teeth and he knew it. He spent everyday in fear of being found out. And it only frightened him more to know that Magnus saw through the façade.

"You are. You'd rather be distant and stoic and damn near mute than let people in because you're so afraid they won't like what they find if you do."

He'd known the warlock for all of 2 days and he already knew his darkest thoughts. Alec felt the need to argue, to deny it all.

"But -"

"Hush."

"Magnus -"

Magnus put his hand over Alec's mouth, silencing him. "I said hush. It's my turn to talk, your turn to listen." He paused before he went on, "By some miracle of chance and circumstance, I've managed to get through to you. You've told me some things I'm not so sure you've admitted to yourself before tonight. The only thing I can offer in return is honesty."

The two starred at each other for a second before Magnus placed his hand back on the table, watching for Alec's reaction. The boy let out a frustrated sigh before leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms, reluctantly giving in. Magnus gave a quick victorious grin before moving on.

"So, like I said, one of your flaws is that you're frightened." Magnus said the sentence casually, but his eyes were clearly issuing a challenge, daring Alec to contradict him. When Alec said nothing, only glaring back at the warlock in response he continued.

"Another one is that you always put everyone before yourself: Jace's feelings, your parents' piece of mind, Isabelle's comfort, the Clave's obsolete traditions. Everyone. You need to learn to be a little more selfish Alexander."

Alec just sat there, mulling Magnus' analysis over. His arms stayed stubbornly crossed and his lower lip jut out slightly as he gnawed it lightly in concentration. He looked like a moody teenage boy instead of a world-weary shadowhunter weighed down by a heavy load of secret burdens. It made Magnus smile to see him acting his age for once.

Alec fixed his stare on the table as he responded.

"You're wrong about one thing."

Magnus lifted his eyebrow, curious to hear what it was the boy would deny next. "And what's that?"

"While I begrudgingly accept your honesty," Magnus rolled his eyes "maybe even… appreciate it," Magnus inwardly smiled at the admission as Alec continued to avoid eye contact, "there is something else you can offer."

"What do you mean?" Magnus felt a sudden jolt of anxiety as he waited for the shadowhunter to clarify. What could he do for Alec? Right now, he was willing to do anything, free of charge even, to get Alec to continue to confide in him like this.

"You said honesty was all you could offer in return for me telling you about myself."

"Yes…" Magnus waited as Alec finally looked up at him. He felt another sudden pang of panic, afraid he would ask something of him that Magnus couldn't do, or even worse, for something related to that damn parabatai of his.

"But there is definitely something else you can offer."

Magnus' eyes widened at the implication as Alec's stared on, his smile turning uncharacteristically mischievous. Alec let the silence fill the air as he enjoyed his one chance to have the upper hand, to be the one teasing Magnus instead of the other way around.

"You could…" Alec paused again, suddenly nervous about what he was going to ask. "You could tell me your story."

Magnus' eyes briefly widened even further before he sighed and chuckled in relief. "Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Is that all you want?" Magnus asked with a grin.

Alec smiled at the warlock, "yeah… I think so."

Magnus stared at him for another half beat.

"Another time maybe."

"Maybe?"

"My story is a little…"

Seeing Magnus at a loss for words set off alarm bells in Alec's mind. It must be difficult for him to talk about.

Alec cut in before Magnus could finish his train of thought, "Another time then."

Magnus gave the shadowhunter a grateful smile. "Yeah… which reminds me… Thank you."

Alec tilted his head in confusion, "For what?"

"For coming tonight. And for telling me more about yourself."

"I should be the one thanking you for letting me whine for a couple of hours."

"Hm. You're right. You're welcome."

Alec rolled his eyes, he felt tricked. "Right."

Magnus straightened his back and stretched his arms back, clasping his hands together as he felt the tension releasing from his muscles and his shoulders pop. "Don't worry, Alexander. I promise not to twist your arm again."

"What do you mean by that?" Alec responded, mesmerized at how a man with such long slender limbs could move so fluidly.

"I mean, I'm glad you came tonight, but I'm not going to trick you into doing it again." He released his hands and let them fall back in his lap, rolling his shoulders back into place.

Alec felt his insecurities crowding him again. He'd just shared everything with this man, and now it sounded as though the warlock was through with him.

Magnus refocused his attention on the boy only to find him looking withdrawn and far away again. Apparently Alec was misunderstanding him. He had to fix it. There was no way he was taking two steps back after taking such a giant leap forward tonight.

"Alec."

"What?" Alec responded curtly. But he was surprised to find the warlock's eyes reflecting just as much vulnerability as Alec was feeling… maybe even more.

"The next time we meet. It'll be because you want to see me again."

Alec swallowed as he let the words sink in. He was forcing Alec into a corner. Forcing him to acknowledge whatever this thing was between them. A part of him wanted to tell Magnus he did want to see him again, that this had been a night he wouldn't soon forget, tell him what he clearly wanted to hear. To make him happy. But Alec wasn't ready to make any declarations. He needed to clear up his feelings first for both their sake. He swallowed to wet his suddenly dry throat as he gave the only non-committal reply he could think of... "Okay."

Magnus gave him a hard look, trying to discern the meaning behind the single word. Then the warlock slowly pushed back is chair and stood. "We should get going, it's getting late."

Alec looked up at him from his seat, surprised by the coldness in his voice. "Yeah, you're right. I should be heading home." He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair as he rose from his seat. He stared at the warlock's back and shoulders, at the hair at the nape of his neck as he followed him towards the exit.

The pair silently walked through the door, Alec wishing he hadn't caused the night to end on such bad terms. When they got outside Alec pulled his jacket tight around him, the coolness of the air reminding him how deep into the night it must be by now.

Magnus turned to him and said goodnight before turning to walk away, barely waiting for a reply.

Alec watched him for a second before calling out to him. "Magnus!"

The warlock turned around, still wearing a blank expression. He watched Alec and waited.

"Um. I just. I didn't really say it properly. So… thank you… for tonight. It… it really meant a lot to me." He couldn't even look at him as he said it, though he was desperate to see his reaction.

Magnus was stricken by the words, feeling guilty for treating the boy so icily when he was at his most exposed. If Alec is selfless… then I must be the most selfish bastard on earth. Fuck. Magnus' expression lost its edge as he responded.

"Like I said: you're welcome. It was my pleasure... Goodnight Alexander."

"Goodnight." Alec replied with a relieved smile. He watched the warlock walk into the darkness before he turned around and walked back up Brookline Avenue, towards the Institute, smile still plastered on his face.

a/n: Now that you have read it and hopefully enjoyed it, REVIEW! Please. Thank you. LOVE!