A/N
Klei: And we're back! Note that the identity of America's boss is intentionally vague. He's just a made-up dude, possibly from an election not too far in the future.
Canada: None of you shall ever escape. :3
America: I escape this chapter, right? I mean… It's… It's Canada! How hard can it be?
Canada: Silence, before I send you another Justin Bieber!
America: Yes, sir. T-T
Klei: I dunno, is he really all that bad a singer? I mean, half the people who insult the kid have never listened to even one of his songs, and the one I heard was actually pretty goo-
China: -shoots-
Klei: -drops dead-
America: Thanks, China!
China: -pulls out calculator- That'll be $5000 more dollars to your debt, aru. :3
America: FUUUUUUUUUUUU-
The meeting was so. Freaking. Boring.
"…universal healthcare…" his boss's voice went on. "…maybe if…" Blah, blah, blah… Desperately trying not to nod off, America did his best to follow the conversation, though for the most part he only caught bits and pieces.
"…republicans…"
"…in times of…"
"…maybe we should…"
"…I think you're right…"
"Alfred."
At his name, the nation slowly lifted his head from the table. Crap, had he fallen asleep? "Yes, boss?"
The man sighed. "Are you listening to a word I'm saying, Alfred?"
"Totally!" America lied nervously. "That's my 'thinking' position!"
"What were we discussing, Alfred?"
Crapcrapcrapcrap… The nation hesitated. "The healthcare system?"
He could hear the frustration in the president's voice. "No, Alfred, we finished that an hour ago."
America bit his lip. "Umm… Democrats? Republicans? Gay marriage? Puerto Rico? The District of Columbia?" he guessed. If he weren't the country's personification, he knew he'd have been fired long ago. "The public school system?" There were so many things he'd rather have been doing… "International relations?" So many video games he could play… "First person shooters?"
…Had he said that last one out loud?
"Oh, Alfred…" his boss sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Say 'it's okay, Al, you're super awesome,' and let me go home?"
The man facepalmed. "Just go… But wait outside! I want to have a word with you after the meeting ends."
Getting up and saluting the man in a somewhat exaggerated fashion, America nodded. "Yes sir, mister president, sir!" Without waiting for a response, he shot out of the room. Oh, sweet fresh air that wasn't charged with politics… It was bad enough he had to feel the tension in his chest, but listening to it was even worse.
Well… While he was excused, he could get some paperwork done.
…Or he could plug his laptop into the nearest outlet.
Hmm… Paperwork or video games…
Alfred: Iggy! You're online!
Arthur: What are you doing on an instant messenger? Don't you have a meeting right now?
Alfred: Uh, about that…
Arthur: Don't tell me you got kicked out for falling asleep again. Please.
Alfred: Okay, I won't. :3 I got kicked out for being so amazing and heroic that everyone wept just being in my presence.
Arthur: Oh, Alfred… What am I going to do with you?
Alfred: That's just what my boss said! :D He wants to have a word with me after the meeting, though. :(
Francis: Bonjour, mes amis!
Arthur: Oh God, no…
Francis: :3
Alfred: Yo, France! Heh, ignore England, he's still sore about the way you kicked his ass yesterday in Lord of Empires. XD
Arthur: Git. -.-
Francis: Actually, that is precisely the reason I've logged on. You see, what's-his-name has us all under his control at the moment, and he refuses to be reasoned with…
Arthur: You need help defeating him?
Francis: Oui. ;.;
Alfred: Heheh, no prob, seeing as I'm the HERO. :3
Arthur: -.-
Francis: So you'll help? ^^
Arthur: America, don't you have to have a 'chat' with your boss when the meeting ends?
Alfred: …Not if he can't find me, I don't. :3
Smiling, America stood up and unplugged the laptop, putting the cord away in his computer, slipping outside, and sitting down in the back seat of his car. His boss would be looking around the conference building for ages! When he checked the screen again, more responses popped up.
Gilbert: Haha, the one good thing about not being my own country anymore is that I don't have a boss to deal with. :P
Arthur: Oh Lord, they're multiplying. ;.;
Francis: Don't be such a drama queen, Angleterre. ;D
Alfred: Gil! What up, my man?
Gilbert: Gilbird is up! Above my head. In a literal fashion.
Alfred: LOL!
Arthur: …What? That was a terrible joke.
Alfred: Don't be such a nag, Arthur.
Gilbert: In most of the world, Arthur nag you. In Soviet Russia, you nag Arthur!
Arthur: Okay, not only was that a terrible, unoriginal, and overdone joke, you didn't even have the proper set-up for it!
Ivan: I resent that comment. Arthur nags people worldwide. ^/^
Arthur: Hey!
Ivan: England's nagging aside, if we intend to free ourselves from the superpower, Canada, we will have to work together.
Alfred: …Did you just say 'superpower' and 'Canada' in the same sentence?
Ivan: Da, why?
Alfred: Does Canada even have a military?
Gilbert: …Seriously? You really had to ask that?
Arthur: …Bloody hell…
Francis: You raised him, Angleterre. :3
Arthur: …No, such stupidity can only be genetic.
Francis: Genetic? We're nations.
Arthur: He has his people's genes.
Francis: …America's population is made up of people from all over the world.
Arthur: He got the worst parts of each of us, as far as I'm concerned.
Francis: Now that there is sound reasoning. :)
Alfred: Uh, guys, I'm right here, you know…
He frowned. He wasn't stupid. Was he?
America made a mental note to have his IQ tested in the near future. That'd show them!
Gilbert: My awesomeness is over 9000!
Arthur: Good God, that's enough of the memes! For the love of the queen…
Gilbert: In Soviet Russia, meme is enough of you!
Ivan: Nyet~! Russia has many memes!
Gilbert: Soviet Russia didn't. :3 You're the Russian Federation now.
Ivan: Shall I go to your house and murder you slowly, Prussia?
Gilbert: Shutting up.
Alfred: Lawl!
Arthur: "Lawl?" They have chatspeak for the chatspeak now?
Alfred: You haven't heard?
Gilbert: It was my understanding that everyone had heard.
Alfred: Crap! That set-up wasn't intentional, I swear!
Arthur: What set-up?
Gilbert: A b-b-b-b-bird! B-bird's the word!
Arthur: …I'm logging out to play Lord of Empires now. Good day to you all.
Arthur Kirkland has logged out.
Gilbert: Well Russia, have you heard about the bird?
Ivan: I shall see you there, comrade.
Ivan Braginski has logged out.
Gilbert: Well, Gilbert's gonna tell you about the bird!
Alfred: Later, Gilbert.
You have logged out.
Just as he was about to click on his browser, there was a knock on his car window.
"O-oh… Hey there, mister president…"
America wanted to crawl in a hole and die. He knew he hadn't been doing a very good job paying attention, but did his boss really have to put it like that? Geez. You'd almost think the man was disappointed in him, what with the way he ranted on for seemingly hours on end…
"Do you know how bad it looks that I haven't fired you to the others? What do you think their first thought is going to be? 'Connections,' Alfred! They're going to think you're using connections to keep your job, and rightfully so! Do you realize how many problems that could cause for-" He paused. "America… What did I just say to you?"
"Uh… Something about pro-lifers versus pro-choicers?"
"GOD DAMN IT, AMERICA!"
Some people just had nasty tempers.
Oh well.
America: I'm back!
Prussia: What took you so long, man?
America: My boss found me. ;A;
Prussia: Ooh, sucks to be you.
America: So what's the plan?
Russia: None, yet. We were just about to begin coming up with ideas.
England: Okay, okay… Hang on. I have a high dark magic level, so I can build some Unholy Relics and give us some stat boosts. Because we're all under the Canadian Empire, we can trade freely amongst ourselves without waiting for approval.
Prussia: I'm in control of a +10 mine, so I can make the weapons! Get me a production relic, 'kay?
Russia: I control enough land to get maximum soldier-production capabilities; I will start amassing them, da?
Japan: I will begin the production of doctors immediately.
Korea: Whatever Kiku can do, I can do better! Prepare to get even higher quality doctors! Which, by the way, were invented in Korea!
Japan: …Umm, Korea… Perhaps you could produce the actual medicines?
Korea: Haha, great idea! Your doctors will be useless without my medicines! All invented in Korea!
China: Aiya… I suppose I'll use my white magic to protect us from Canada's soldiers.
America: What can I do? I'm new to the game! I don't have top resources yet…
England: You have +10 fertile lands, you can grow extra food to feed the soldiers.
America: Say what? But that's sissy work! I'm freaking America! Make someone else do it!
France: You should have thought of that before you picked a farming village. :P
America: You all suck! Fine, I'll make the food. But I won't like it. -.- And you're all getting hamburgers.
Prussia: Oh Gott, not your gross, greasy version of a hamburger! We'd be better off starving!
France: Not to worry, my wine will give them all a morale boost. They'll be too happy to think too much about the putrid food they're ingesting!
America: Haha. You're all so funny. /sarcasm
France: Don't feel so bad, at the very least it's better than England's food!
England: I hate you, France.
So, America found himself using his territory to grow wheat, despite his irritation at the whole prospect. "Those assholes… I can't believe them! Heroes don't farm!"
He blinked as another message popped up on screen. France had sent him a private message. Well… What did he have to say that he couldn't on the chat open to their entire alliance? He opened it up, curious.
France: Seeing as the both of us are waiting for our construction to finish, perhaps we could do something to pass the time.
America: Huh?
France: Do you wish to cyber?
America: …Cyber?
France: Oui, cyber! I'll start, shall I?
America: Say what?
France: I gently caress your cheek, giving you a loving kiss on the forehead.
America: …I'm going now.
France: 'Going?' I believe you mean the opposite of that!
Needless to say, the next private message from France went unopened and unanswered.
America: England! Tell France I don't want to cyber with him!
England: Cyber?
Prussia: Eww, dude. X3
France: Eager to try it, are we, Gilbert?
Prussia: Gross! No way!
England: I'm going to go ahead and assume it's something perverted.
France: Oui. :3
Prussia: Hey, look at the announcements! In an effort to balance out gameplay on established servers, collecting enough non-military units lets you exchange them for soldiers! That, and they're putting a cap on how much you can tax someone under your control.
America: Oh, sweet! What can I get for all this Mythril Ore?
Prussia: …Did you just say mythril?
America: Yeah, what about it?
England: You idiot! Do you know how valuable that is? Where the bloody hell did you get it?
America: Huh? Valuable? But when I asked Iran about it the other day, she said it was worthless, and that I should just throw it out.
Prussia: …You trusted Iran to be honest with you. With YOU.
America: Yeah. Why?
Prussia: …You're aware she's still pissed off at you, right?
America: For what?
England: …Oh, Alfred, you dunce…
America: I don't get it! Come on, guys!
Prussia: Al, dude, there are only, like, a few mythril deposits on each server! What have you been doing with it?
America: Well, Iran was awfully nice! I've been giving it to her to get rid of!
England: Bloody damn it, Alfred!
A/N
Klei: War? What war? Everyone loves America! As far as he's concerned, at least. Sorry 'bout the short chapter. Felt like I had to get something out there after that last one. XD