Well, right now I am trying to press myself behind one of those armour suit thingies.

Woops, I didn't mean to push it like that.

Damn it, Hermione must have heard the noise, it's a bit difficult not to hear.

I am positive that I just woke the whole castle!

But nobody's coming, maybe it's blown over?

Probably.

Thank you god!

No aaah! There she comes! Must. Run. Faster!

Damn, she caught me.

"Crookshanks, what the heck were you doing?" She screams at me waking everybody in the castle once again.

"Miaw" I say innocently giving her my best kitten-look. (I refuse to call it Puppy dog look!)

"No, you are in deep shit right now mister!" Hermione says,

Yeah right, like what can she do? Make me starve?

"You are officially on a diet!" Nooooo!

God she is mean!

"And you will not get a taste of sugar before you've lost some weight!" she ads satisfied with my look of horror.

Well, might as well go move to another planet with less gravitation pull.

That might work!

Nah, she's too smart for me.

"I just have to make you a diet plan," Hermione says and starts to walk in the direction of what I am almost positive is The Library, "I'm sure I'll be able to find something in The Library."

Told you so.

I really have to make some progress on Mission Cat Freedom! I do not want to be on this diet any longer then I have to!

We reached The Library and finally she was distracted enough for me to sneak out.

As I've told you before, I may be fat but I certainly can sneak!

I'm a sneaky little teapot!

Uhm…

Let us pretend that I didn't think that…

So I sneaked all the way to the kitchen.

'But a cat can't reach the painting' you might think.

And it's perfectly true. But I ain't no normal cat.

I just jump a little and the floor starts to bounce.

Yeah, the world is my trampoline.

So I jump and jump until I am able to reach the pear and tickle it.

I get in and the House elves attack me with all kinds of sweet.

"Oh Mister Crookshanks!" Dobby screams and starts patting me on the head, "You want some milk?"

Yuck, milk. I don't like anything that comes from a cow.

Cat milk is what I prefer. But that isn't always available so I often end up drinking water,

or apple juice.

I like apple juice, especially very cold apple juice.

I get brain freeze from that.

Well I ate and I ate until I was so sure that I was pushing the earth out of balance with my weight.

Somehow I was able to drag myself to the common room and jump onto the couch where I fell a sleep.

Dream:

Suddenly a loud noise erupted.

POP

I flew off the couch in shock. God my worst nightmare!

An exploding cat.

Deciding that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again I started brainstorming about how I could get Hermione to like Malfoy.

And how the heck I could get Malfoy to like her back.

That was probably the most difficult one, I mean he is heartless that one!

If I haven't lost any weight when this is done…

As the old term says: "If you can't lose it, belt it!"

I just need to get a belt.

Big sidetrack there, back to the brainstorm.

I could just keep on making them fall onto each other?

That could actually work.

Or I could make Dumbledore make them arrange a ball together.

(Dumbledore is so off his rocker that he probably will understand me)

(A/N No offence to Dumbledore! May he rest in peace)

That way they could have some quality time together…

And Hermione might start to like him better if he shows her how intelligent he is.

He better be intelligent or I will feed him to the Giant Squid, I know that it wouldn't help but it would at least make me feel better.

But what else could I do?

HA like I am going to tell you!

There has to be some mystery!

I think I might go and have chat with Dumbledore on the way,

Maybe meet up with Mrs. Norris or something…

See ya.

A/N: All right, 140 have read my story and only 4 have been decent enough to give me reviews…

(Well actually I've got 6 but the dumb computer doesn't want to show them to me for some dumb reason)

I WANT MORE! -Puppy dog eyes-. No wait -Kitten eyes- (sorry Crookshanks, forgot)

Anyways thanks to Hapi Djus and psycho4DUCKS, for the reviews.

Special note to:

Debbie: I'm sorry about that, I went through the first chapter and rewrote it a little so it should be a bit clearer as to why Crookshanks chooses Malfoy.

beachbabe12: Good to know that there are people who like my humour! Lol.