By the way the you-know-what character (it's spoiled in the reviews) is going to act very differently from my other stories. Kind of. Just read.
I'll make more jokes about doing it if it doesn't upset some of my younger readers (if any). I won't know if you don't review!
The party was, as promised, spectacular in every way. Everything seemed to have a polished edge to it, looking like it was brand new and shiny. Through the air drifted casual conversation about things like how beautiful the castle was, and congratulations on your engagement.
Mario couldn't help but notice, however, the way Peach never looked him right in the eye, or spoke directly to him. He couldn't take the tension, so he decided to speak. "So, how long have you two known each other?"
Peach and Trevor looked at each other, as if surprised they would have to answer this question. Peach spoke. "Oh, about 6 or 7 months, wasn't it?"
"Yes, a thrilling tale..." Trevor said, smiling and hugging Peach around the middle. "I found Peach near the outskirts of my kingdom, as I was taking a walk. Her leg was broken, she was unconscious, and her crown was all dented... it seemed she'd fallen from a great height... So, I brought her back to the infirmary, had her patched up, fixed her crown, and when she opened her eyes and looked at me, she just smiled, and I knew I would be with her forever."
Peach's expression melted, as if it were honey. "Oh, Trevor, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me!" she gushed, looking, it seemed, pointedly at Mario, but he could have just imagined it. His head was spinning, after all.
"Oh, Mario! I invited a last-minute guest! Here she comes now," Peach said, pointing just past Mario.
Mario looked round, and the person he saw made him wonder if he was imagining things. But there she was, in a stunning red dress, soft brown hair down to her waist.
"Pauline?" he said in disbelief. "You invited her?"
"Yeah," Peach answered, as if it were nothing to be upset about. "We haven't seen her in years."
"Yeah, for a reason," Mario said under his breath as she spotted him and walked over.
"Mario! I haven't seen you in forever!" She swung her arms around him happily. A weird discomfort went over Mario as he was reminded of the countless times Pauline had lied to his face and cheated on him. How could she just waltz up to him and pretend nothing ever happened?
Nevertheless, the group settled into small talk about anything at all. Casually, the conversation drifted toward dating.
"Well, congrats on the wedding!" Pauline said happily, smiling at Peach and Trevor. "I got married myself last fall, love of my life, his name's Stanley."
Peach got a weird look on her face, like shock, but quickly covered it by saying, "Oh, Mario, you've met Stanley, right?"
"Yeah, we used to work together," Mario commented. "He tried to talk me into investing into his business idea, something about bug spray."
"It's gotten pretty successful, actually." She smiled. "Mario, it's good seeing you again. Last time I saw you was, what, five years ago?"
"Yeah," Mario agreed. The whole situation was pretty surreal. It was as if, as Pauline entered, she brought with her all his old high school drama.
As the party went on, Mario ended up leaning against the wall near the main hallway. He watched as all the happy couples danced. He always thought that by the age of 28 that he'd be married, or at least have a girlfriend. Eight years ago, when he'd first entered the Mushroom world, he decided that he was going to marry Peach some day.
But that was eight years ago. They'd moved on.
Peach had, at least.
"Mario!" A voice snapped him out of his trance. He turned to see Pauline, smiling and wobbling on her feet and obviously drunk, beckoning him over. She'd always been a lightweight, he remembered. "C'mere!"
"Yeah, Pauline?" He walked over, offering her his hand to help support her, which she grabbed and used to pull him closer.
"It's real good to see you again, Mario!" she said into his ear, then giggled. She shoved him against the opposite wall and pressed her lips to his.
Mario made a sound of protest and shoved her away as gently as he could. "Pauline! Get off me, you're married!"
"Who cares? Stanley's so wimpy, but you know how to stand up for a woman, right?"
"Uh, sure-"
"You saved me from a monkey!" She cackled, and a few guests stared at them. Mario smiled sheepishly.
"Why don't we bring you home, okay?" Then he realized he had no clue where she lived. "Um, how about to a guest room?"
He led her up a flight of stairs and to the nearest room with a bed he could find. He dragged, almost carried her to the bed. "There we go, lie down for a bit."
"A bed!" She laughed loudly again, and Mario hoped nobody downstairs could hear her. "I know what you wanna do, Mario!"
"What?" Then, he caught on. "Oh, no no no. Just stay up here until you sober up."
"But Mariooo!" Her shrill, demanding voice pierced his eardrums, the way it always had. Mario sighed. He couldn't believe Pauline, with a ring on her finger, had come back for a visit, and wanted to do it, of all things.
"Pauline, no." He grabbed her hand, pointing to her ring finger. "See this?" She nodded. "That means you can only do it with Stanley. That's all." He knew from experience that to deal with a drunk Pauline, you had to act like you were talking to a two-year-old. Even if the subject was doing it.
"Okay, okay, I'll sleep." She flopped onto the bed. "Rub my back?"
"Do I have to?"
"Come on."
Mario complied, sitting on the bed and rubbing his hand up and down her back until he heard soft snoring.
"What are you guys doing?" Mario looked up to see Peach in the doorway, a suspicious look on her face.
"Pauline got drunk," Mario explained.
"Ah, I heard she couldn't hold much." She sat next to him. It was as if that conversation before the party had never happened, and it was unsettling.
Peach was staring at Pauline, and Mario knew it wasn't because she was afraid she would be in the same position; she could drink Mario under the table any day. After a while, she spoke.
"Look, I invited Pauline to try and get her to ask you on a date or something. I had no clue she was married... I mean, Pauline?"
"Yeah, I know." It was pretty hard to believe Pauline would tie herself down to one man. "She did ask me to do it with her, though."
"What?" Peach sounded shocked. "You didn't, right?"
"No! It's only been a few minutes!" Mario replied, insulted.
Peach laughed. It was far quieter than the obnoxious noises Pauline made when she laughed. "Good. It's not nice to take advantage of drunk people." She patted his shoulder and walked out.
Mario watched her leave, and just then, in that moment, did he realize what he was losing, and how beautiful a person, inside and out, Peach was. That feeling lasted a split second, but he realized it was the same one he felt when Peach announced her engagement. It was one of complete despair, at the same time trying to pretend you were happy for a friend.
Just when Mario decided he should leave the room, Trevor walked in. He took one look at Pauline, raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, and remarked, "Mission accomplished, I presume?"
"What? No!" Mario almost yelled. "She's my ex-girlfriend!"
"Yes, but still, never hurts." He shrugged. "I was thinking of taking a whack at her myself."
Mario gave him a questioning look. Where was the Trevor he'd met in the main hall, the one who was proper and polite, who would never even consider cheating on Peach. Finally, he said quietly, "What?"
Trevor just laughed and punched him lightly on the arm. "I'm kidding! I don't need this one, you've seen Peach. Some legs she's got, huh?"
"Yeah... nice..." Mario was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. He wasn't one to sit around in a room with an unconscious woman talking about his friend's legs with her fiancee. "Look, you're going to take care of her, right?"
"Don't worry, Mario, she'll be fine with me," Trevor assured him. "Just fine." He smiled and left the room.
Mario looked over at Pauline. Yes, she had definitely brought all his old high school drama back with her.