Okay, this story might be a bit inappropriate. Sorry 'bout that. The "doing it" factor, that is to say how in detail I describe things, will be about on the same level as a Meg Cabot book. The inappropriateness, that is, not the writing.

The party ended after what seemed like an eternity. Mario, Luigi and Daisy had promised to stay after and help stack chairs and tables, so they were hanging by the door as guests left. Peach was standing closest to the huge doors, saying goodbyes to people as they left.

Mario caught Pauline as she walked past him. "Pauline!"

She looked back at him. "Yes?" He could tell by the way she spoke that her head had mostly cleared, and he could talk with her now. He ushered her over to a hallway, out of sight.

"I don't know if you remember, but you were pretty drunk a few hours ago, and you were flirting with me pretty bad."

Pauline's eyebrows raised, her cheeks glowing red. "I was? Oh, I'm so sorry. I've really got to stop drinking..."

Mario laughed. "Yeah. Memories, huh?"

She smiled, raising her shoulders. "Yeah, memories."

They stood in awkward silence for a few moments, then before Mario could react, before he even knew what was happening, Pauline pushed him up against the wall and kissed him.

Mario was stunned, frozen against the wall. He pushed her away. "Pauline! What the hell?"

"Oh, Stanley doesn't have to find out, don't worry." And then her lips were sliding over his again. Mario knew it was wrong, knew it wasn't fair to anyone, least of all his old coworker Stanley, but he couldn't resist kissing her back. He had missed her... He'd loved her at one point, even...

They ducked into a bedroom, shutting the door. Pauline unzipped her blouse, threw it to the floor...

Mario stepped out the door, thoroughly disgusted with himself. He'd sunk to a new low. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. You dirtbag, you just slept with a married woman. He buttoned his shirt as quickly as he could, staring at the carpeted floor, when he ran into Peach.

"Mario! Where have you been?" She tried to peer around him into the room, but Mario blocked her quickly and slammed the door.

"Nothing! I mean, nowhere! Why are you asking so many questions, Peach?" He smiled, but thought it came off as more of a panicked grimace.

Peach raised one eyebrow and spoke slowly and suspiciously. "I only asked one question. And who's in there with you?"

"Nothing! I-I mean, no one! There's no one here! Just us!" How are you doing, Peach?"

"Uh, Mario, you're acting weird." She crossed her arms, then shook her head. "We finished with all the chair stacking, so you and Luigi can go home now, it's getting kind of late."

"Alright, I'll be down in a minute, I left my watch in the room..." He quickly opened and closed the door as he entered the guest room. Pauline was laying in the bed, covered only by the sheets. He avoided looking at her, choosing to stare at where the wall met the floor. "Hey, Pauline."

"Who were you talking to?" she said indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No one."

"Okay. Come sit down, then," she said, patting the space beside her. Mario complied, all the while looking at the door, hoping nobody would barge in on them. He chanced a glance at her, then looked away quickly.

"Pauline, could you get dressed, please?"

"Why? It's not like you haven't seen me na-"

"Pauline! Just be quiet, please!" Mario put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. "I feel terrible."

Pauline frowned, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What is it, honey? Sick?"

Yes, he was sick. Not like he was going to puke, but he was disgusted and ashamed, and that made him feel a bit ill. He hadn't talked to Stanley in years, but they were friends. What would he say? What would anyone say? What is Luigi or Peach found out?

All he could say was, "Don't call me that."

"I'll go get you some aspirin. Help me find my bra."

Mario let out a low moan and flopped backwards onto the bed, covering his eyes.

"Mario's acting weird," Peach stated, biting her lip.

"Yeah, he's a weird guy," Luigi replied, shrugging and stacking plates one by one.

Peach shook her head. "No, I mean weirder than usual. I caught him in the hallway, and when he saw me he looked totally freaked out. And he was all sweaty and guilty." She looked indifferent before a look of horror dawned over her. "Oh my God! You don't think-?"

Luigi shrugged. "Nah. He's not that much of a dirtbag."

Peach raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "You know what he said to me?" Luigi shook his head, so she continued. "He said that he thought we had something."

"I thought you did too, honestly." Peach threw him a dirty look. "What?"

"Luigi, I'm getting married! To not Mario!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Mario and Luigi were sitting at home later, Luigi reading a book and Mario playing video games. Luigi wasn't paying very much attention to his brother, but for the times when the 'Game Over' music played and Mario shouted obscenities.

"Calm down, okay?" Luigi thumbed through his novel. "I keep losing my place."

Mario paused the game with a furious thumb motion. "Are you high?"

"What?"

"You have been extremely laid back throughout this entire ordeal!" Mario shouted. "Either you're high or completely emotionless."

"Hey, just because I'm not freaking out doesn't mean I'm high!" Luigi retorted. "If anyone's high, it's you. You need to chill out. It's not the end of the world."

"How would you like it if Daisy suddenly decided you didn't love each other and ran off with some prince?"

"Did you ever actually say anything?" Luigi asked.

Things clicked into place when he realized he never had. Not once. "I just figured... Y'know, I've saved her life so many times..."

Luigi sighed. "Girls are weird, Mario. They don't want you to take them for granted. Saving her life doesn't mean she loves you back. I had to work at it for months to get Daisy to love me."

Mario was quiet. This must be why Peach was so angry when he confessed that he loved her. Damn, was he always this dumb? He sure hoped not. "I should've told her sooner."

Luigi shrugged. "Nothing you can do about it now."

Mario's shoulders sunk. "There isn't. Do you know what I did today?"

"Hm?"

Mario bowed his head in shame, staring at the floor as if it would offer some type of solace as to what he had done. "I slept with Pauline." He kept his head down so he wouldn't have to see the look of disgust on his brother's face. "God, she's married! To Stanley, someone I used to know, one of my old friends! I can't believe I did this!"

"That's... wow, that's not good." Mario looked up. Luigi looked uncomfortable, and he'd put the book down. "I don't know how you fix something like that..."

Luigi looked like he was searching for words, but what he would have said, Mario never heard. Their door burst open, and in walked a man Mario knew.

Stanley had gotten a bit taller, though he was about the same height as Mario. He still looked boyish with his shaggy, sandy hair and jutting front teeth, but he had ditched his overalls for a T-shirt and jeans. As he got closer to the duo, he rounded on Mario, fury in his eyes.

"Mario! How could you do this?" He grabbed Mario's shirt collar, but only for a few seconds before Mario, being much stronger that him, pushed him away.

"Stanley? What do you want?" But it wasn't like Mario didn't know already.

"I wanna know why you assaulted my wife!" Then he started throwing punches.

See? Like a damn soap opera.