A week later, Olivia wakes me up at 4:30. "Rape vic at Mercy General," she says, and kisses my forehead. "I'll see you later, okay?"

I roll onto my side. "Can I come with you?"

She seems to be considering. It isn't explicitly against any rule I can think of, and sometimes I do come with her or Elliot to interview victims at the hospital, but this time there's no real need for me to, except for the simple fact that I don't want to be away from Olivia right now. I didn't manage to get to sleep until one in the morning, and I woke up every hour with nightmares. Olivia had just finished soothing me back to sleep when she woke me again.

"Sure," she finally says. "But you have to get up right about now."

"Of course."

I pull on a pair of pants and a sweater, and we get into the car. Olivia drives down to the hospital and we walk up to the third floor together. Elliot, apparently, is out of town for some seminar, so it's just her and I for now.

A nurse points us in the right direction, and Olivia flashes her badge to get us through. We go to room 389, where the rape victim is lying in the bed, looking small and vulnerable and – no. Oh, no. No. I recognize this woman, even so many years later. No. It can't be. It isn't true. Please, God, let it not be true.

It's her. But all these years later, with Olivia by my side, she doesn't look so intimidating. She looks weak. Fragile. She can't hurt me anymore.

Olivia notices that I've started to tremble, and she discreetly takes my hand. "You okay?" she murmurs.

I nod. I can't tell her, not just yet. I know, eventually, I'll have to recuse myself from the case, but I don't need to go through all this now.

She doesn't seem to recognize me, anyway. I know she'll put two and two together the moment Olivia says my name, but right now, she doesn't. In fifteen years, I've changed. I'm not the vulnerable little kid she used to beat half to death way back then. I'm different now, stronger even. I have Olivia.

Olivia pulls up a chair beside the bed and offers it to me, but I'm too keyed up to sit. She sits down and says, "Ms. Stevenson, I'm Detective Benson, and this is ADA Cabot. She's going to be prosecuting your case."

"You can call me Leah," she murmurs, and opens one eye. She looks more closely at me, and then I see the recognition in her eyes. "Alexandra?"

All of a sudden, I can't breathe. "Liv – I need –" I murmur, but she doesn't seem to hear me.

"You know Alex?"

Leah nods weakly and lays her head down on the pillow. She glances at me and then looks away.

"Liv –" I start again, but she still isn't listening.

"So, Leah. Can you tell me what happened?"

She shrugs. "What's there to tell? My husband beat the crap out of me and raped me. That's all."

She says this without a shred of emotion, but all I hear is "husband." She has a husband. Was she just using me all those miserable years? Because I was convenient? Because I was an easy target? Because she just wanted to hurt me?

Olivia glances at me and sees that I'm still shivering. She puts a hand on my arm. "Alex?" she whispers.

I don't answer. I'm staring at Leah, willing her to just disappear, or for the ground to swallow me whole.

They talk for maybe another hour, but I don't hear a word of it. I'm too busy remembering.

There we are, holding hands as we walk through the park. There we are, out on her father's yacht. There we are, out for gelato.

There I am, in the emergency room with a black eye and three broken ribs. And she's nowhere to be seen.

"Alex?"

I jump, and Olivia takes my hand.

"We're done," she murmurs. Then she says to Leah, "I'll be back tomorrow, okay?"

She nods, eyes still closed.

Olivia leads me out of there, and waits until we're back in the safety of her car before she says, "What was that all about?"

My head snaps up. "What do you mean?"

"You're upset, Alex. I can tell." She caresses my cheek; a "take it easy" gesture. It doesn't help.

"Leah –" I begin, then stop. Do I really want to tell her? Now? Ever?

I don't have a choice.

"She was the one who hurt me."

Olivia's eyes widen, and she claps her hand over her mouth. "Oh, my God."

I duck my head in shame.

She reaches out and starts to rub my back. "I'm going back in there to kick her ass all over again."

I flinch at the touch and shake my head. "What good would that do?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I am telling you."

"No, I mean – at the beginning."

I shrug. "She's a victim now, Liv. It's not so simple. It's your job."

"She deserved it," she says vehemently.

"Oh, Liv. You know she didn't. No one deserves to be raped."

She sighs. "Yeah, I know. But – how are you being so mature about this, baby? She hurt you. In my mind, she deserves what she gets."

"I hope a jury doesn't agree."

"You can't prosecute this, Alex."

"I know. I'll recuse myself tomorrow."

Olivia sighs again. "She was abused, when she was a kid. She told me. I know you weren't listening." Then she shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. She still hurt you, and I still want to kill her for it."

I think that somewhere, deep down, I've always suspected she was. But like Olivia says, it doesn't matter. She beat and raped and terrorized me – even now, I'm afraid. I hate her, but all the same, I feel sorry for her. What she did to me was horrible, but she had the same thing done to her, and she didn't deserve it.

Neither did I.

Olivia sees the sadness in my eyes and pulls the car into a parking lot. She takes me into her arms and kisses my forehead, but I can't quite relax in her embrace.

"I love you, Alex," she murmurs, gently stroking my hair. "Nothing will ever change that, no matter what. You're my princess."

"I love you, too, Liv," I say, and rest my head on her shoulder. "I – please don't do anything to Leah. It's been a long time. She's changed. I can see it in her eyes. She's . . . broken." I drop my gaze. "Like me."

"No, you're not," says Olivia, lifting my chin, her eyes boring into mine with a ferocity that makes me want to squirm away, but I don't. "You're not, Alex. You're an amazing woman, so brave, so strong, and so, so beautiful. You're not broken at all. You're perfect."

"Oh, Liv." I cup her cheek and try to smile. "Maybe to you."

"Yeah." She kisses the crown of my head. "You're perfect to me."

I curl into her embrace. "If everyone had a girlfriend like you, the world would be a better place."

Review for chapter nineteen!