The next morning, Olivia makes pancakes for breakfast, and I wake up to their delicious aroma. We eat together, and Olivia hesitantly says, "Do you still want to . . ." She trails off.

"Yes," I say firmly, before I chicken out.

"When do you want to go?"

"When will you take me?"

She smiles a bit. "Whenever you want to go."

I smile back. "We're not getting very far, are we?"

"No."

I bite my lip. "Can we go now?"

"As in right this very moment?" She pretends to be hurt. "Don't you want to finish up these delicious pancakes?"

I chuckle. "In a few minutes, then."

"Okay."

We arrive at the hospital an hour later, and we go upstairs to Leah's room. I knock, and when she asks who it is, I go in, because I know she won't want to talk to me. But I need to talk to her.

We walk in holding hands, and Leah sighs when she sees Olivia.

"And that would be your girlfriend," she says dryly. She still looks small and vulnerable, the bruises standing out against her skin. She looks weak, as if she'd never be able to hurt anyone now, least of all me.

I squeeze Olivia's hand so hard that she winces and loosens my grip. "Yes."

"You came here to gloat," she says flatly.

I shake my head and sit down on one of the chairs beside her bed. Olivia sits down beside me. "No." I try to keep my voice strong – I don't want her to see my fear.

"Then what?"

I consider. "I don't know," I say truthfully. "I just – I wanted to . . ." I trail off.

"Don't tell me you missed me," she says, almost playfully, but it just comes out hollow. Dead.

"No."

"You know, Alex, it's been fifteen years. I wish you would just –"

"Forget it? Forget what you did to me? Are you serious, Leah?"

She sighs. "Fine. Then what do you want?"

"I loved you," I whisper, leaning back against Olivia to resist the urge to go to Leah, to comfort her. Strong as she's trying to be, I see the tears in her eyes, and I know that for her, firmness is a defense mechanism.

Olivia gently rubs my back, and Leah chuckles; a cold, bitter laugh, devoid of any true humor. "Oh, Alex. You were a baby. You didn't know what love meant."

I bite my lip, glad Olivia isn't interfering. I really don't want her to, at least, not yet. "Then why did you hurt me?" I finally ask.

She sighs again. "Oh, Alex," she repeats. "So naïve, even now."

"No, actually. I'm not. I know that what you did to me wasn't my fault. It was yours." But still, I really want the answer. "What did I ever do to you, Leah?" My voice is rawer than I'd like it to be, and it cracks. Olivia keeps rubbing my back, and it helps, knowing that she's here with me, and I'm safe. I don't know if I'd be able to do this without her.

"It wasn't what you did," she finally says. "It's what you didn't do."

"What didn't I do?"

She rolls her eyes. "That's what I meant. Naïve."

"Leah, I'm not here to play games. What didn't I do?"

She looks more closely at me. "You really don't know?"

"Would I be here if I did?"

"I told you – every time, I said to stay with me, but you didn't listen. You made me be alone with him! I tried to tell you – but you didn't listen. You didn't care."

"Leah, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"My father!" she bursts out. "God, you're so stupid! Every time I tried to tell you – every time – you let him come into my room. You let him hurt me!"

I remember, then. Her father – he scared me even more than she did. He always wanted to be close to us, to her. He did everything he could to separate the two of us, and I was more than happy to get away from her. I always thought it was just that he objected to our relationship on moral grounds, like my parents – she was just like me. I was blind.

But I didn't know. It's not my fault, and she can't blame me for that. Maybe she tried to tell me, maybe she didn't, but I was a child. She couldn't have expected anything more.

"You hurt me because I didn't protect you from your father?"

Then she's crying, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I still hate her, and I still fear her, but all I feel at this moment is pity. For both of us.

"Leah, I was fourteen. I didn't know. You couldn't expect me to save you from him, when you were doing the exact same thing to me! For such a long time, I thought I deserved it. You did that to me. You."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Alex –"

"Stop it, Leah. Just stop it. I've heard it all before, and I know that I didn't deserve what you did for me. I'm not a kid anymore, and you can't hurt me. I have Olivia. I know that she loves me, and she'd never do what you did. You spend so long trying to tear me down, but you failed. That's all I wanted you to know."

"You liked it," she bites out, slow and measured, as if she truly means what she's saying. But she's wrong, and we both know it.

"No, I didn't," I say with quiet determination, and I feel Olivia's nails digging into my palm.

Leah notices, and she smiles weakly at Olivia. "You want to hit me right now, don't you?"

I glance at Olivia. She sets her jaw and doesn't say anything, and I know Leah's right.

"Go on. Hit me. I don't care."

Olivia stands up and helps me to my feet. "No, I think we're done here." She says in an undertone, "Are you okay?"

I nod, and turn back to Leah for just a moment. "You can't control me anymore, Leah. That's all I wanted to say." And I walk out of there, hand in hand with Olivia, the love of my life.

Review for chapter twenty-one!