Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo,
Master Splinter, Casey, or April.
Rating: Rated M!
Pairing: LeoxRaph and DonxMike
Warning!: If you don't like or know what Yaoi is, then don't read! In Raphs POV.
I still can't stop shaking from seeing… that. Leo shaking, his eyes rolling to the back of his head- him not breathing. My eyes sting but I aint got no more tears to spill, and my heart still aching. Casey tried to follow me when I couldn't stand watching Don pointlessly trying to save Leo. But I think April told him I needed to grieve, which was true.
I stormed into the lair and fell to my knees at the center. I clutch my head and scream.
"LEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I pound my fists into the ground so hard they bruise and almost bleed. Tears run freely down my face, I start panting and clench my fist so tightly they almost turn white. I keep my eyes shut, not wanting to see this world, this place.
It just ain't fair, Leo didn't do a damn thing! Why did all this happen to him, to us? I mean our family and Leo has been through way to damn much! Leo's taken to many damn bullets for us! And that aint even a 'simile' or whatever the fuck it is! Soon my sobs turn into choked breathing and stray tears.
Soon I hear someone come in and feel a hand on my shell. "Hey, hey Raphie…" it's Casey. I shake my head not wanting to hear what I already know. "Hey naw man it aint like that, Leo- he isn't dead I mean! Don saved him! Leo's just unconscious! Come on, let's go Raph." Those words keep me to my knees stunned.
I slowly re open my eyes and look at him, and no doubt my eyes are blood shot. I shakily get up and walk back with Casey who keeps a awkward hand on my shell. When I get a glimpse of Donny over a large table I walk faster to see Leo laying peacefully on the table.
I study everything about him and smile. He looks like he's dreaming, a whole lot better than before. I sigh in relief and feel Dons eyes on me.
"Raph… I need to tell you one thing about Leo's state." I turn my head to face his and stare at him with my eyes saying 'what-now?' but he ignores it. Instead he goes on with a nervous glint in his eyes and waves his hand around, the other on his belt.
"Well I tested the dart next to your shell cell and well…. I was able to cancel out most of the poison-" "Don, what the shell do you mean by 'most'!" I snap but know he's doing his best but damn, what's wrong this time with Leo? He looks at me, deciding if he should tell me or not but knows damn well I'd kill 'im if he didn't.
"Raph… there's a strong chance Leo might not ever walk again." I stare at him, thinking about how this is so much like one of those Spanish soap operas Masta Splinta-… my heart drops at that. I look down and feel like crap, my Masta was a perv and took advantage of Leo without me knowing, Mike's missing, and now Leo's might never fucking be able to use his legs again!
I shake my head and say in a raspy voice "You sure?" He looks down too, like he's checking with the floor if he's right. Then he answers quietly "Yeah, well 98.4% that is…" I close my eyes and open them again looking at Leo. I feel my heart breaking, and my eyes watering. I wipe 'em and take a deep shaky breath
"W-Whens he gonna wake up Don?" I know I really don't wanna hear what he has to say but I ask anyway. Don pauses for a few seconds then looks at me and says in a calm voice
"I don't know Raph, he might never wake up…" I snap my head back to him and say in a surprised tone
"What?" I see Casey stand from the table he was leaning on and yell
"Yeah Donny I thought you said Leo was fine!" Apes shushes him and Don rubs the back of his neck while saying
"Well, besides the paralyses and coma… he would be just fine, so if he can pull through, and somehow manage to walk again, he will be just fine. That poison the foot made has gotten more advance- I mean I try to keep up with the latest poisons but its so hard, so many, so different, and you can't really just look it up on wiki-" April cuts him off and says patting his shoulder
"Donny, calm down, you need sleep. You've been working your self ragged… just take one nap." Don smiles and removes her hand delicately as I turn my attention back to our Fearless Leader… I hear April and Don talk in the background, but I don't really pay attention to 'em.
I just pay attention to Leo's soft breathing and the rise an fall of his chest. I look closer at every detail of 'im, every detail that makes Leo, Leo. I look at his soft leaf green skin, really lighter than Dons or Mike's. Well kind of, Don's is a different shade all together while Mike is pretty dark, almost like me.
I look at the fainted scars and scratches on his plastron and his every muscle…. I look at how his blue mask frames his eyes. I think back to how his eyes were that dark oak color when in battle, but damn if his eyes aint beautiful when he's happy.
He has the softest honey warm eyes anyone ever seen. I smile and place my hand on his cheek and start stroking it with my thumb gently. I look down fondly at my big bro, and chuckle at how peaceful he looks, how he finally looks his damn age! Like a teenager!
After a few minutes I notice everyone watching me. I look at the curious and slightly surprised looks on everyone's faces. I removed my hand thinking 'bout how Leo didn't want no one to know 'bout us.
I pull up a chair and sit right next to Leo's side taking his hand in mine, not really caring anymore. If Leo wanted to yell at me, he'd have to wake up first, and if he woke up he'd have to deal with me for letting 'im get like this in the first place.
I rub my thumb along his hand and look down trying not to think bout all the crap we've been through, but all the happiness that MUST be waiting for us! I mean, even teenage mutant ninja turtles deserve happiness right…? Right? I look down at Leo and whisper
"Hey bro, you can make it through this, we've done it before. Come on, come back to us… come back…to…." I look around making sure no ones was around to hear. I lean a little closer and say in a even quieter tone
"to me, come back to me bro, I need you… we all do, Mike's still missing 'member? Our little brother- that shell for brains is in the Shredders mercy! And Leo, we both know that the Shredder aint got much patience for Mike… and Mike must be scared out of his mind, so come on, we need ya…"
I lean even closer looking down at that peaceful, beautiful, an delicate face. I press my beak to his an kiss 'em for a few seconds before pulling back slightly.
I try to find any trace that he heard me- an the closest thing to that was his breath hitching. 'Great, just great Raphael, you can't even get 'im to make a fucking sound! Come on, what else is there?' I look around and sigh. It'd be better if I'd been the one to get shot, Leo is more important…
Leo would know what 'ta do. I shake my head trying to shake away the prickling sensation behind my eyes, I can't cry. Not here, not now. I hold Leo's hand tighter wishing for him to just wake up! Then I heard the door open and then a few loud foot steps came. They stopped behind me, an then Case cleared his throat trying to act serious
"Uh, hey Raph…" He says it like he can't decide what 'ta say and takes a seat next to me. He looks down at Leo too and I don't take my eyes of 'im. I say in a quiet voice
"Hey Casey…" it sounds too weak, too weak for me Raphael Hamato. But right now I can't say I really care all too much. Casey puts a comforting hand on my shoulder and squeezes it
"Yo, Raph, bud come on. You need 'ta snap outta dis! Ya know that Leo would want ya 'ta go and look for Mike, so how bout it?" I suddenly stiffened and gasped
"That's right! Aw shell I forgot!" I stood up so quickly that my chair hit the ground; it also got a small flinch from Leo. I looked at Casey with bright eyes "Case come on! We got 'ta go and tell Donny someth'n!" He blinks a lil confused but grins standing.
"You got it Raph! Lets go, him an Ape are in tha lab!" He gets up and starts running out, happy for some weird reason. I nod and run past the door way before stopping.
"Wait… Uh Case? You mind if you can get them here?" He turns around partly and says with a confused expression but shrugs and says "Uh sure thing Raph, but uh why can't cha come and tell 'em your self?"
I take a quick glance at Leo then back at him. I open my mouth but can't find them right words.
He see's me not really in my comfortable zone and shrugs. He mumbles 'never mind' 'fore he goes off and goes to find April and Don. I turn and pick my chair up sitting back down, taking hold of my older brothers hand again.
I stare down at 'im wishing he could just help me here, let me know he's goanna be alright. But 'course that'd mean there was someone out there look'n out for us.
I shook my head and looked down, disappointed. 'Why does it feel like the centa of tha world hates us? What the shell did we do?' I don't realize that I've been squeezing my eyes AND my hand and hear Leo hiss. "Leo!" I loosen my grip and get up wiping his forehead "Yo, bro you ok?" I look down at 'em with worried eyes.
He slowly opens his eyes, he blinks a few times before finally opening 'em fully. I smile and feel my heart weld up, and saw his usually dark menacing stare was now soft, and a dark brown hazy kind of look in his eyes.
I stare into them deeply 'til he pulls me out of my day dreams. "Raph..." I smile still slightly, or at least kind of smile/smirk. I lean closer since it's kind of hard to hear 'im.
"Yeah Leo? What's up? You need something?" He shakes his head slightly and tries to sit up, and softly I push him back down.
"Wow there bro, you can't just start getting up! That poison thing was really fatal. Just-Just take it easy..." I watch as his soft expression starts looking slightly annoyed.
I sigh and think to my self 'Is this how it is when he deals with me when I'm drunk?' I don't get to think of an answer 'cause my fearless leader speaks up again in a raspy voice
"Raph... did you let them know about the chip? How long have I been out?" He looks at me desperately and I shush him.
"Leo, its been only a few hours... and I just told Casey to get Don and April. We'll tell 'em together if ya want. If not I can do it my self. But don't worry 'bout that, just get to working on feeling better. Let us handle this-"
"Raphael, how can I do that with my baby brother in deep trouble because of ME?" He slightly raises his voice only to wince. I flinch mentally at how harsh but true his words are.
I don't wanna feel like I'm choosing between my 'lil bro and my big bro. Cause wouldn't that make me as heartless as the Shredder? I sigh and mumble under my breath that he has to take it easy.
"Look, me, Don, April, and Casey got that under control. We'll make sure to get Mikey back, he's my brother too remember?" Leo hesitantly nods and looks away with... shame? Can't tell and again I don't get much chance too since Don and the others come bursting in.
"Is he awake?" Don says breathlessly like he just ran a marathon. I nod and move aside since he runs to him. Don grabs Leo's wrist delicately like it could break into a million pieces if he gripped it too tight.
Leo looks up at Don and Don keeps his eyes away from Leo's. Don checks his pulse and then says after releasing his breath
"Well it seems the poison has fully left your blood stream or else your pulse would be going a ten fold then what it's going right now. But there's still the side affects to worry about…" Donny trails off and looks to Leo's legs. Leo looks down too and panic swirls in those intense dark brown eyes. Don notices what's wrong and says quickly
"W-We're not sure of anything yet Leo! So don't worry, April and I are working as fast as we can, now all you need to do is work on resting and getting better alright?" Leo swallows and nods looking at Don like he's looks like a kid whose just been told if he don't get them A's on his next report card he's goanna have a boring as shell summer. He gets closer and whispers in a soft tone
"Does it hurt anywhere Leo? I need to know so don't try to be macho and say you don't feel a thing…" Don gives Leo a serious look and Leo looks down. He nods and points to his ribcage and the to his feet.
"Don… my left side hurts, and my legs… they feel like there asleep and I can't move them…" He finishes quietly and closes his eyes in defeat. Don slightly looks worried and nods. He turns to face the rest of us and says
"Well Raph? Casey told me and April that you had to tell us something about chips?" I blink and remember immediately.
"Oh yeah! Hey Don, ya remember 'bout that chip Mike ate not too long ago? The one you went bazaark about? Well do ya think its still in 'im?" Don's face turn into a astonished and amazed look as he runs past everyone.
"Raph you're a genius! I have to go a locate the chips we about and hopefully we'll find Mike!" April smiles and runs after him, and Casey pats my shoulder following. I smile warmly and then feel Leo's eyes on me. I turn to face them eyes, those eyes that I love so damn much.
"Good job Raph… at least I know now if something were to happen to me you could past the message on." I frown at him for thinking dark things. What does he mean 'if something were to happen to him'? I linger near the door way and he says smiling still
"Raph, you don't need to baby sit me, go. I'll be fine." I snort and shake my head,
"Aint no damn way I'm going to leave ya here ALONE Leo. Sorry but yer stuck with me until we get this whole damn thing straightened out." Leo sighs and smiles with sad but appreciative eyes.
"Yo Raph… I'll watch Leo, you go on with Donny and Ape." I turn to see Casey standing in the hallway, leaning in it actually. His arms crossed and he has a small smirk. I look at Leo hesitantly, but he nods. Guess it's alright, I can trust Casey. I nod and walk by him and punch his arm and mumble thanks.
I walk out and slightly smile. 'Maybe things will get better. I mean Leos awake, he still has a chance to use his legs, we might have a lead to finding Mike, and we've taken the Shredder down before. What could be so hard this time 'bout him?' when I reach the lab Don and April are at a desk so I walk over and look at what there doing. When Don see's me he turns fully
"Raph? What are you doing here, shouldn't you stay with Leo?" I keep a bland look and shrug. Don looks a little annoyed but before he can accuse me of leaving my brother defenseless I say
"Casey has that under control for me." Don raises a eye ridge and looks past me. I turn with 'im to see what the shell he's looking at. My eyes widen and I see Casey leaning against a wall eyes closed. He looks asleep.
"Casey what is Raph talking about?" Casey opens his eyes tiredly and smiles looking at us. He yawns and scratches his head saying still sleepy.
"Hey Raph, and what Don? I dunno what ya guys are talking 'bout…" Casey almost falls asleep until I run to him and grab him by his collar. I shake him and his eyes snap open as April and Don run to my side trying to pry my hands off him.
"What the SHELL do you mean Casey! YOU WENT IN THE ROOM AND SAID YOU'D LOOK AFT'A LEO! How long have you been in HERE?" I yell in his face, and he winces grabbing my hands not being able to get me off. He yells back slightly nervous and confused
"Since you told Don and Ape 'bout that chip thingy! I've been in here the whole time!" I drop 'im and freeze for a minute. I know that was Casey… I think. I run out and past everyone. Past all those god damn questions- past everyone who tries to keep me from Leo a second longer! I run into the room where I left my bro, with someone who could be working for one of our enemies, or even the Shredder (the worst we got) and Leo was half unconscious!
What kind of brother am I? … What kind of boyfriend am I? When I reach his room the door is wide open… and theres blood. Lots of it. I don't even stop I just run into it screaming
"Leo! Leo! LEO!" I lift the bed and push it so its upside down, I throw the lamp, I almost pull of the closet door off as I push it open throwing out everything. I mess up the once neat room, and keep screaming his name. I don't even hear Don or the others coming in. April tries to calm me down as Don tell Casey something, something I don't care about.
"Come on Raph, stay with me! We'll find Leo and Mike! Just come on calm down!" I thrash around hitting whatever I can. My fist connects with something. My vision starts getting hazy as the rage starts consuming me. I feel a needle go inside me and feel myself go numb. I start drifting off into a sad dream… I think of memorys and promises… I think about Leo… Leo….
To be continued