It's not even that late and I already feel sleepy.But you know how it is when an idea hits you and you just have to put it into words no matter what,or it'll haunt you and then you forget.Well this is one of those things so just read it.
By AniV
I wanna be like her
Do you know how it feels when everything comes crashin' down?When nothing really happens but you just have to let it go?I get that feeling alot.My life's not eventful or anything.But it seems that this feeling wont go away.All I do is sit here and write,train,eat,and sleep.I don't even talk anymore.I'm not really living anymore.It scares some pepole,but not me.I've felt this for sometime now.I've felt nothing.
I just watched Spirited Away for the umteenth time.And there's a scene in it I cant get over.It's when Chihiro is walking down the train tracks,and there's this blue sky above and infront of her.There's clouds in the sky but white peaceful clouds.And the water around her is sparklin'.She waves her hand in the air and doesn't even look back.At that moment only one thought made it to my head.'I wanna be like her.'It be nice.To be able to go.To leave.But unlike her,I wouldn't come back.I'd stay on that train for as long as forever will alow.I'd be gone with the wind,or train to be more exact.It wouldn't be like anyone would care.And right now,at this very moment,I remeber when he was looking over my shoulder,reading what I was writing and he asked,Why would you want to go?To leave?Don't you know there are people that live for you?" That was one of the last times I talked,"Like who? Who lives for me?Who would care?" And now that I thinkof it,he never gave me an answer.Now that I think of it,I can laugh.He couldn't think of anyone.And he couldn't lie and say himself.And now my laughs have become volent coughs and gasps for air.This dying feeling is intoxicating.
And now that I think back to it,it wasn't always like this.No I used to be so happy.So carefree.Way back when I thought I knew who I was.But the frist real death at your own hands does change a person.It makes me wonder if I was really ready for this?If I was suposed to be a ninja?If any of this is the way it should be?I remember it.When my sword made conact with that man,that person,the one who made fun of me,the one who was out to kill what little happiness I had saved.I remember shoving it through his throat.And I laughed.Was it funny?And everyone around me stayed glued to their places.I laughed and then looked down.I saw it.For the frist time I had killed.And then I looked into his cold dead eyes.What was it I saw in them again?Oh..yes,I saw nothing.And then I screamed.I screamed and screamed and hugged him to my body.They had to pull me off of him."Sai,you bastered!Wake up!" I remember those words.I remember screaming them."He's not really dead!The bastered just playing!Show them Sai!Call me a hag!Say something so they know!" That was it.That day was the first time that Haruno Sakura,killed.'Who would have thought?The cheery blossom of Kohona killed.Wasn't she the one who saved lives?Just look at the Uchiha.We all know he came back for her.' I had once heard someone say.
I remember another part.Of Spirited Away.When Chihiro's about to go into the tunnel and back to the human world.She's so tempted to look back.But she keeps her promise and doesn't.Not until she's on the other side.I wonder sometimes,would I be tempted to look back?And again he comes up and puts his face in my buisness."Would you be tempted?" I remember him asking me."What would I have to look back at?" "Everything.And eveyone.But where would you go?" I had to think for a second,"A place where I could find who I really am.A place where no one will judge me.Somewhere where I am free.A place where I'm not tempted to look back." But now that I really think about it,I've been in that place for all my life.Though at frist, they did judge me,and they did restrict me,but soon,soon it became that place I always wanted to be.How could I not see it?And now I'm so close to death I can feel it breathing down my neck.Wait!I shouldn't feel!
Looking to my side,I cant help but smile.I'm in his arms.I'm in Uchiha Sasuke's arms!In that place I've been wanting to be.The place where no one judges me.The place where I found who I am.The place that I'm free in.The place where there is nothing to look back at,only forward.And for a moment I want to be like her but then I figure,it would be much better if I were me.
(End)
So did you like it?And I really did just finish watching Spirited Away.I love that movie.And I've really losed count of how manytimes I've watched it.So do reveiw and Merry Christmas or what ever it is that you celebrate!I'll read/type you latter!