Disclaimer: Jupe does not own RK. Or whiffle bats.
Futae no Ki…whiffle?
by Jupe-san
"Oi, Fox. You in here?"
With a longsuffering sigh, Megumi turned slowly towards the disturbance in her orderly life.
"What do you want, tori-atama?"
He smiled lazily and scratched the back of his head with one hand, extending the other towards her apologetically. "I got into a fight and now my hand is all messed up again, so if you could ju-"
"No."
Smile dropping, he stiffened before consciously relaxing his stance. "Eh? Why not, Fox?"
He didn't like that look on her face. It usually meant imminent emotional and physical pain.
"Because," she said sweetly, voice dripping with sarcasm, "I haven't restocked on the cure for stupidity yet. Sagara Sanosuke, when are you going to stop destroying your hand?"
"Er, when I get a better weapon?"
He could almost hear the gears turning inside her brain.
"I'll make you a deal."
"Oh, er, I've got to go help out Kenshin with some obscure problem that he was having with, er, Tae! Yeah, Tae! See, she needs her roof fixe-"
"If you promise to use the weapon I give you rather than your fists, I will set your hand again."
He was silent for a few moments. Megumi briefly wondered if his brain had died.
"You got yourself a deal, Fox."
He really didn't like that look on her face.
"Fox."
"Yes, Sano?"
"What the hell is this?"
"It's called a whiffle bat."
"…And I'm supposed to pummel people with it… how?"
"Like this, baka!"
Whack! "Ow! That hurt, Fox!"
"See? It's perfectly functional."
"Damn it, Megumi, I thought you were gonna give me something like my ol' zanbatou, not some pansy club that's freakin' hollow!"
"Too bad for you. Go knock yourself out."
"I'd rather knock other people out."
"Get out of my clinic."
"Yes ma'am."
The street fighter trudged down the alley ways dejectedly, whiffle bat dragging on the ground next to him.
"Damn Fox."
As if it wasn't bad enough that his hand was busted up and now, thanks to a promise, unusable, he had the street fighter's equivalent of a sakabatou as his only weapon.
In frustration, he rammed the whiffle bat into the ground, unconsciously unleashing a Futae no Kiwami in the process.
The earth quaked. Roofs shuddered and creaked. Dogs barked. Children cried. Tofu buckets flew through the air.
Sano stared at the whiffle bat, dumbfounded.
And then he grinned.
"Have you heard?"
"No, what's the word on the streets now?"
"Zanza's back and has a new weapon that can cause earthquakes!"
"Holy shit! No way!"
"It's true! I saw it myself! It's bright yellow, shaped like a club. He just hits the ground with it, and the world shakes!"
"K'so, man. I need another drink."
"Yeah, me too. To Zanza!"
"To Zanza, and his quake-maker!"
"I'll drink to that."
Sano's reputation spread like wildfire as the "quake-maker" of Tokyo. Grown men fled his presence at the sight of his whiffle bat slung over his shoulder.
Frankly, Sano was bored as hell.
His eyes narrowed.
Perhaps he should pay a visit to his favorite doctor.
"Oi, Megitsune."
"Yes, Tori-atama?"
"I got something for you."
Whack! "Ow! Sagara Sanosuke, what was that for!"
"Finally, I got to hit someone with this damn whiffle bat! Everyone keeps running away before I get a chance to fight 'em."
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I didn't want you fighting any more?"
"…"
"I take it back. Sano, stop thinking so hard before you break your brain."
"If I'm not fighting, what am I supposed to be doing?"
"I'm sure I could think of a few things."
"Such as?"
"Well, to start with, you could take me out for dinner."
"Sounds great! Let's go hit up the Akabeko tonight!"
"…On your money."
"Oh, golly gosh, I just remembered something important I'm supposed to do tonight. I'll have to call our date off."
"Just quit while you're ahead. Please."
"Yes ma'am."
Merry Christmas. : D