Hey, sorry for the uber delay. I was in Lake Naomi last week and then I just got lazy. And tumblr's been slowly eating away at my so called "life".
Oh! And I asked for 125 and I got 133! So I love you all, oh so very much. And I thank you all, oh so very much!
"Are you afraid you'll lose yourself? Are you afraid of your own health?... Are you afraid to live? Are you afraid to die?... To live, when you think you're dying. To laugh, when you feel like crying. To stand, when you think you're gunna fall…Do you think that you might crash? Do you think you're in too deep?... Are you scared of the end? Are you scared to begin?" –Fear, Stop Making Friends
"We have all day." Ziva pointed out.
The room had been quite. She had been expecting Tony to speak, but no words came out of his mouth. He was silent, perfectly silent.
"Yea, we do." It was more of an observation. There was a pause, a short one.
"Isn't there…any way?" She let out a small sigh at his words. "Chemo, radiation, anything?" he sounded desperate, he was desperate.
She was still. Tony expected her to move, to dig her head deeper in his neck, or rub her ankle down his calf again, but she did not. "Pancreatic cancer is incurable. I am taking all the pain meds I can. And believe me, I talked with my oncologist. It is too fast…chemo would give me another month, maybe-"
"A month is a long time!" he protested. Her own silence silenced him.
"A month I would spend in pain. I would not be able to walk, use the bathroom on my own." she paused, her voice changed, it was dryer. "I would be pathetic."
He pulled her up and she was now completely on top of him. She was lighter than he expected, a lot lighter. Her eyes were empty; she did not look straight into his. He kissed her forehead but her eyes were still dead. "You are not pathetic." He pushed her curls behind her ears. "And you never will be. You're a ninja for crying out loud."
She breathed a laugh. She didn't want to laugh, but she had to. "I wish I could stay longer." her throat felt tight and dry, she hated this feeling. "I really do." The tears she held back stung her eyes.
"How did this happen?" he asked her, himself, and the world.
"Fast growing, too fast." Still, she did not look into his eyes. "And then there is the tumor they found on my lung a few weeks ago." His eyes widened.
The coughing, that explained the coughing. "Those coughing fits?"
She nodded sadly. "I hate those."
"Me too." He agreed.
He watched the tears fill her eyes. And he never knew how contagious tears could be until this moment. But hers did not fall, and neither did his.
"Are you scared?" he asked sheepishly.
Her eyes met his.
And the falling tears answered for him.
She cried, and cried, and cried. She broke down, placing her head gently on his shoulder, staining his bare neck with streams of tears. And he cried with her. He ran his fingers through her hair as he felt her whole body tighten and quiver against his.
The tears lightened. And soon, they were gone. She had no more tears to cry. Her eyes were dry and hurt. But she did not speak, yet.
The pause, that long pause, spent in complete silence, was one of the most painful things he had ever endured. If she was not on top of him, with her chest against his, he would have fearfully checked her breathing.
"I have been at the face of death too many times to be scared." Her voice was low and her eyes were soaked. "I am scared of leaving you, all of you." He brushed his thumb against her cheek, wiping a tear away. She shook her head. "But it is inevitable."
He eyed her closely. "I thought you said nothing was inevitable?" he asked lightly.
"Death is the only exception. Of course, when you die is not inevitable."
Another pause.
"She died alone." But who died alone? Kate, Jenny, Paula, Lee?
Ziva's teeth pressed together, she nodded slowly. "But you don't have to." He offered.
She locked her eyes in his.
"Marry me?"
Her jaw dropped, her eyebrows furrowed, her face was stained with shock.
He asked it in such a spontaneous manner, so charming and confident, it almost scared her. He was serious.
"Marriage? Tony, I am dying." She rationalized.
"Didn't you ever want to settle down?" he asked, gently pushing her off him and setting her down next to him. He forced his body upwards with his forearm as a support and loomed over her as they spoke.
"Not particularly." She corrected. "I remember it being you that was looking to settle down with 'Ms. Right'."
"And I've found her." He smiled.
"No. No Tony you have not." His smiled began to fade. "You found me. And I am not your Ms. Right." There was a pause. "If I was, I wouldn't be dying."
"I don't care if you're not my Ms. Right…I want to be with you, through and through. Every day until your last."
She eyed him slyly. "Do you hear how unbelievably sappy that sounds?" she chuckled. "You didn't get that from a movie did you?" she asked with an amused look.
"No." he joined her fit of laughter. "But it does sound like it something out of a cheesy Nicholas Sparks book doesn't it?"
They're laughter continued, for no reason except pure joy. And then soon, it died down. "I'm serious Ziva. Ha'im tinas'i li?"
She was taken aback by the use of her native language. It was much more intimate and romantic to her, not to mention sexy.
"Tony…I-" she lost herself in her own words.
"It doesn't need to be a big ceremony or anything." He sounded like a used car salesman trying to seal a deal. "We can go down to the court house, just make it official in front of a judge."
Not a bad idea Dinozzo. Being married to you, but not a long commitment. Actually, it's probably good for both of you. I might even have taken that deal. Given the circumstances of course. But I'm not sure if I would last that long. Maybe if I was given a weekend to live…
"Married?" She asked as if to confirm his previous question.
"Married." He said simply.
"You would not be asking me this if i was not dying."
"Dying changes everything."
She watched him, but his expression did not change. It was peaceful yet excited, and somewhere, deep in his eyes, scared.
And she could not believe it.
Here she lay, in her bed, with her partner Anthony Dinozzo, naked and their bodies entangled with each others. She was a dying woman, and he was asking for her hand in marriage.
And you know what she said?
"Yes."
Translation: Hebrew for "Will you marry me?"
Okay, short. Yes, but I think that was a good chapter. Next chapter will be up as soon as I can, I promise.
Favorite line and such would be great:D