Author's Notes: Huzzah! Another chapter! :D
This time, the girls (Peach and Zelda) and Marth are out shopping! Will they get destroyed by the queues? Can they find the presents? Will they survive anything? Probably.
Remember, folks; Never underestimate a woman. If you do, you may find a high-heel lodged in your ass 0_0
"I hate Christmas shopping, I hate the Christmas shoppers, and I hate Christmas lights!" Marth complained, as the swordsman wad forced to comb his hair yet again after another Christmas light caught on Falchion and electrocute the poor blunette (Blunette, a pun on blue hair and the brunette class :D)
Peach merely rolled her eyes at the grumbling pansy, while Zelda snapped: "Well, maybe if you kept that damn sword in its scabbard, where it belongs, then it wouldn't catch lights and electrocute you!"
"But I have to keep it out!" Marth whined, swinging his sword to ward off yet another fangirl. "Or these damn fangirls will freaking swarm me!"
The poor bloke had a point; The town of Smashville was rather crowded today. Decorated with trees and banners and glittered with snowfall, the humble town looked incredibly beautiful, a gleaming white utopia of shops, homes and other town stuff. Currently, the two women and the blunette were traversing across the snowy ground, glad in warm winter clothing, the girls in differing shades of pink and purple that suited them quite well, a good change from their normal dresses, while Marth merely had a more woolly variant of his usual outfit. His sword gleamed brightly in the lights all around as it defensively swung to keep a crowd of girls, all giggling maniacally, as they tried to literally grab a piece of Marth.
It was natural for a Smasher to have lots of fans, but some took it way too far sometimes, trying to grab even the tiniest hair from their victim. Thankfully, Zelda and Peach did not have that worry, and they were concentrating on which shop to visit, in order to finish the Christmas shopping. While the majority of the presents for Christmas at the Mansion had been bought, there were still a few more to get- Specifically, Link, Mario, Luigi and Sonic the Hedgehog. Marth had come along too, in order to buy some random stuff for himself (Shampoo) but now, he was under assault by fangirls.
As Marth ended up electrocuting himself again and fainted in a cloud of sparks, and the fangirls swarmed the poor guy, the princesses abandoned him to cruel fate and moved over to the nearby mall, the wonderful store lavishly decorated with all sorts of Christmas stuff, and a massive tree stood proud, tall and sparkly in the middle of the shopping arena.
Peach and Zelda gleefully squealed at all the awesome stuff to buy, before racing into the nearest shop- A Games Store! This store was where the Smasher's respective series posted their newest games. From Mario Galaxy 2 to Metroid: Other M, every Nintendo game after SSBB was sold here, and the Smasher's loved getting their newest stuff.
And the best part? There was a present for Sonic in the form of the new Sonic game: SONIC COLOURS! It was about Dr Eggman creating an amusement park, as to which Sonic and Tails set off to investigate any kind of misdeeds, and ended up on an epic and colourful adventure. It was the perfect gift for the hedgehog!
"Oh, Sonic's gonna love this!" Peach giggled as she picked up the game and made off to the queue. However, the queue was around twenty people long! The blonde gasped at such length (Bow chicka wow wow) before whining to an equally surprised Zelda: "Oh... this queue will take hours to get through!"
The brunette sighed and muttered: "No sh*t, Sherlock... But seriously. You buy the game, and I'll see what other stuff I can find. We'll meet by the tree in an hour."
Peach sighed as Zelda walked off, before grumbling: "All this waiting to buy Sonic a game. He had BETTER be doing something to thank me in return, instead of doing nothing like he usually does. Or he is going to HELL..."
At the Mansion
"HA! In your FACE, Shadow!" Sonic laughed, as he and his rip-off played War for Cybertron, and Sonic killed Shadow for the fourth time running. "You suck!"
"You're going to Hell, so bad..." Shadow snarled angrily, pouting in annoyance.
With Zelda
The second princess skipped her way through the lovely mall, in search of gifts for the Mario Bros and her boyfriend, Link. She knew exactly what to get for Link, so that was no worry, but getting a present for the Mario Bros would be tricky- Actually, no, it would not be tricky. Not at all. She knew exactly what to get those two.
And she found it, in a nearby toiletry shop, the most epic thing any plumber could ever imagine, and the best gift for the Mario Bros Zelda could give them, something so amazing, even the princess stared in awe at it-
The Plunger Of Obliterating Plunges! (POOP)
A magnificent plunger with a titanium handle decorated with anti-bacterial cleaners over the metallic length and a laser cannon at the end of it designed specifically for those tough stains on the loo. This plunger had a bowl-shaped cup at the plunging end, made of Super Rubber, the kind of rubber that makes the treads on Landmaster tanks and Meta Knight's toothbrush. This plunger was so powerful, it could unclog a toilet simply by looking at it; The bacteria killed themselves out of fear! Not to mention, it could snap a sword in half, take out a skyscraper, reflect nuclear missiles and it could even cure the common cold simply by beating the sufferer of the disease into a six-month coma, then they would wake up with superpowers.
Best of all, there were two of them in stock, one for Mario, and one for Luigi, and Zelda squealed with glee at the price (Both for $5) (Kinda makes you wonder why skyscraper-smacking toiletry tools are so cheap) and she raced over to get them. However, just before the happy girl could get them, a familiar hand grabbed her arm, revealing it to be a very angered Marth, whom promptly snapped at the surprised girl: "Listen, getting epic plumber stuff is fine, but why the F**K! Did you abandon me to those damn fangirls?"
"Because every now and then, a girl feels like being a bitch." Zelda sniffed, yanking her arm out of Marth's hand and grabbing the plungers, as the prince of Altea groaned and snapped:
"Listen, Zelda, if you were half the bitch that Samus can be-"
"I'm ten times the bitch Samus can be!" Zelda shrieked in defiance, and she slapped poor Marth around the face. However, in slapping him, her eyes then caught sight of another epic, under-priced thing on sale. Her eyes widened in amazement, before she grinned with glee and handed the plungers to Marth, demanding him to "Buy these, or I'll rip your balls apart." And with that, she sped off.
Marth watched her go, rubbing his cheek, before holding up two tennis balls close to him and he cooed: "Don't worry, Green and Yellow. She won't touch you..."
Zelda ran over to the thing she had seen, squealing with happiness. What was this thing, you ask?
None ever then the Solanor Ultra Tank 0107, the most powerful and deadly tank in all of this World. The thick platinum torso gleamed with strength, and its diamond covered treads were savagely sharp to tear up ground with its might, and the massive turret was longer then Fox's list of things that made his disturbed. The huge vehicle was so damned powerful, it could remove your virginity simply by existing. And Zelda was in love with the massive weapon of mass destruction.
"Hey!" She cried to the salesman standing next to it. "How much is this tank?"
The draconic salesman turned to her and replied: "Well, this is the Solanor Ultra Tank 0107, yes. It has a ruby-uranium power core that allows it to shoot lasers that could obliterate reality itself, oh yes. And it has Wifi connections as well, oh yes indeed!"
Zelda swooned with amazement, as the dragon went on, flaring the amber wings poking out of his suit: "It weighs 666 tonnes, has enough armour to survive a supernova, can smash through titanium bunkers and it CAN believe it's not butter, oh yes indeed. And it costs around a pound, yes."
"I'll buy it!" Zelda squealed happily, grabbing the tank's treads and dry-humping it, like a princess should not do in public.
"Excellent!" The draconic salesman cheered. "Allow to me to show you it's features, yes!"
With that, he pulled out a remote and pressed a blue button. A compartment on one side of the tank opened, and out came... WEAPONS! Another button was pressed, and from the other side, MORE WEAPONS! A third press, and from the front of the vehicle, STILL MORE WEAPONS! A final push, and from the back of the vehicle, yes, you guessed it: META KNIGHT'S TOOTHBRUSH!
Zelda fainted with ecstasy.
The salesman noticed this and sighed: "Well, she's bought it at least, so I can finally go back to thinking on how much I hate Samus Aran, yes."
One hour later
Meanwhile, Marth, clutching the recently bought plungers, as well as his own new shampoo, met up with a grumbling Peach sitting on a bench, whom thankfully had that video game she had bought, but she was still annoyed by all that waiting. Such was the curse of Christmas shopping.
"Hey, Peach." Marth greeted. "Seen Zelda anywhere? I got Mario and Luigi's presents."
"I saw Zelda having her fun with a tank." Peach replied, glancing up at the blunette. "And I have Sonic's present, and I think Zelda has Link's present, so we're all good."
"We can go home now?" Marth asked, and he whopped with joy when Peach nodded, before both leapt back in shock as a massive diamond-treaded platinum tank with a giant turret drove up next to them, rumbling with epic might, as Zelda popped her head out form the hatch, giggling maniacally, and she squealed: "Need a lift in my new tank? I named him Greg!"
Peach and Marth glanced at each other, before shrugging and hopping into the tank, which then drove off, crushing everything in its path, with a successful Christmas shopping trip behind it. However, as it drove off to the Mansion, Marth's uncertain voice echoed from the tank:
"Um, Zelda? Why are the seats all wet and sticky? And why is Olimar in here?"
Author's Notes: To write such stuff as this, I must be freaking insane. Oh well, who cares? :)
So, Zelda got a tank, Marth got the epic POOP, Peach is annoyed and that salesman seems oddly familiar.
And for whose of you who are curious, Kamitsure did manage to catch Giratina. And he suffered. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Unless you're either Chuck Norris or Fuuro. Then you're safe.
Well, Christmas is tomorrow in jolly old England, so MERRY CHRIST-SMASH!
Soundwave 0107 wishes you the best :D