Sorry I didn't have this when I planned to. I changed this chapter a bit, but not the others, there will still be what 23, I said? Yea, about 23 chapters so like…wow…2 more and then the epilogue. Jeez, is it bad that I'm actually kind of excited?

"If you have to leave I'd wish you'd just leave, your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. These wounds won't seem to heal, the pain is just too real; there's just too much that time cannot erase." –My Immortal, Evanescence

It rained most of the time.

Or at least that's how it seemed.

Days morphed into weeks which soon became months.

Tony was getting through, slowly but surely. They all were.

He cried when he was asleep, and tried his hardest to smile during the day. He hated sleeping alone, he hated being alone. He hated not feeling her soft hand wrapped around his; he hated the absent pressure of her thighs on top of his when he sat on the couch.

Sometimes he would sit on the floor, surrounded by pictures, some from before Ziva, hundreds of pictures before the cancer, a few from before the wedding, many of them taken after the wedding, all before death.

He would pick one up and stare at it for minutes before going to the next one, searching his mind for the right memory and almost flying back to that time, that moment, that breath.

And it took every fiber in his being to come back to reality, the dark and cruel reality.

After four long months, Tony showed signs of healing.

"Hey Probie!" Tony yelled absently from his desk, his concentration hard on the computer monitor.

McGee's head shot up, and he held back the slight lift of his lips into a smile at the nickname he had actually missed. "Yea."

"Come over here McMapmaker. Lady Probie is lost…again. She needs directions. Send these to her mapquesty thing."

It took a moment for McGee to process it, Tony actually calling him by a McNickname? "Sure thing."

Abby took a little longer.

She cried more than she expected to. And daily hugs from any of her boys were necessary for getting through the day.

She had dealt with death before, and had handled it better than this. Working at NCIS had its pros, but death was the biggest con.

"This kid is seventeen. I should be able to get into his damn computer." Abby said behind clenched teeth.

"This kid is also a hacking prodigy." She let out a deep sigh. "Abs, don't go so hard on yourself."

She sat down with a thump. McGee continued to type in a few random codes he hoped would work.

And then, she broke down.

She didn't know why, there was no reason for it, but she did. And she broke hard.

Her sobs originated from nothing and she was glad McGee was the only witness.

"Abs." he said softly, squatting down to face her. He rubbed her thigh comfortingly. "Come on, don't do this." But she didn't stop. He wrapped his arms around her, she cried into his shirt. "It's okay, I'm here."

A few minutes passed before she even realized what she was doing. She stopped herself, as hard as it was to do, and lifted herself off of McGee. "I don't know what…" but she lost herself in her words.

"It's okay." He looked at her with kind eyes.

"I shouldn't be like this. It's been long enough."

"Abs, don't compare this to Kate." McGee warned softly. "It's not the same. We knew Ziva longer."

Her eyes glistened with tears that were not yet ready to fall. And he wiped a black tear from her cheek. Her sobs turned into hiccups; he had to hold her steady, for she was still shaking.

"Abby." He looked at her sternly. "Breathe, okay? Just breathe."

McGee wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote some more.

And when there was no more writing to do,

He still wrote.

But he had no idea what he had written.

He kept some in a folder, some he shredded.

Abby tried to read them a few times, when he was in the shower or taking Jethro for a walk, but there were so many words jumbled together, none of the sentences made any sense.

"I write down what I feel in that moment."

Ducky talked more than often, and he added stories of Ziva to his endless collection; although Palmer hated hearing anything that involved her. It made him blue.

He thought about her often, but he knew he would most likely be the first to see her. And through his many years as a medical examiner, constantly around death, he was probably the one to cope with death the easiest.

"She would not want you all to linger on her death, Jethro, but cherish the memory of her life."

Her boat took time.

He wanted to make it perfect for her.

Sure, it was not as big and detailed as the Kelly, but it was sturdy and strong and could easily take a party of three or four across Lake Erie.

He found Tony down in his basement more and more often, and most of his alcohol consumed. But his Senior Field Agent never got drunk-drunk, he knew his limits.

Gibbs spent some time by Ziva's grave, thinking, clearing his mind. A tear or two was shed, nothing more, nothing less. But just as sure, he was there at least once a week, just like he'd do for Kate if her grave was closer.

"Semper Fi."

Soon, it had been half a year since Ziva's death and just when Gibbs thought he was getting his senior field agent back, the young man broke.

"Here." Tony said quietly, avoiding eye contact, as he set down a file on Gibb's desk.

Gibbs looked up at him with questioning eyes until Tony's locked with his.

"I've been talking with the director this week." He paused, taking a deep breath and keeping his stoic demeanor. "I put in a request for a transfer. He didn't approve it,"

Gibbs let out a breath.

"Fully." Tony could see the slight confusion on his face. "I'm being transferred to Callen's team for a few months, do some undercover work."

Gibbs nodded, but there was disappointment, and some hidden sadness.

"I just need a change of scenery boss."

He could admit that there were times when just being in the same room Ziva was once in was a heartbreaking thing to do. And he would cringe every time he looked across the bullpen, seeing the new agent spill coffee all over Ziva's desk. Her clothes still smelt like her and her presence still sweetly haunted him in his dreams.

He wanted her out of his head, but he never wanted her to leave.

Okay, next chapter is like…wow, second to last.

It's a good one, a bit of a time jump.

Favorite lines and such to make my Monday a bright one:D