They never notice.
No matter how much he does, no matter how much he takes, Jim always has more to burden him with. Every 'save me', every 'gosh, I owe you', every single damn time, Kirk is there, begging for his help, every time he needs something, Bones will be there. Hoping, like the sick fuck he his. Hoping that some day, someone will open their eyes and see what's right there. Every second, every day, hating himself. Hating the panic he feels when he thinks of finally confessing. Hating the fact that he might be gay. It isn't right for him.
He was supposed to be married to the sweet young blond with the pearl earrings and live in a townhouse in Georgia with his baby girl. He hates the way he can't stop himself from staring, the way the word that comes out of his mouth is always, eventually, 'yes'.
He'll do anything for him. Anything.
No one will ever know, but he'll keep doing it. He'll do it all. Whatever "it" is, he's there to wipe the blood away and pretend he doesn't feel sick when Jim comes back with a shapely Indian girl wrapped around him. Pretend that he doesn't hear the moans and smiles of the happy, straight, drunk couple. Pretend he's someone else, someone who is normal, pretend that he doesn't want what he wants. He just lies there on his back and pretends until he falls asleep.
Even in his dreams, he's pretending. Except here, it's better. He has a townhouse with a sweet(stupidly annoyingly arrogant) young blond who would never wear pearls except to piss Bones off and a townhouse and a baby girl, and they say 'yes' back. They say what he wants to hear. They give him what he needs. He pretends up to the point where he hurts all over, his brain, his heart, even his dick in certain instances.
But he always wakes up and when he does, it's to drop a hangover pill in a glass and hand it with a 'yes' to his(not his) sweet, young, and blond man.
Bones consoles himself with the idea that maybe one day Jim will shoot Tess, the evil ex, and then his(not his) sweet young blond will be locked up, away from where Bones can torture himself and Joanna will then be in his custody and he can live in peace with his daughter and Kirk far, far away, locked up, being made some 'roided-up murderer's prison-wifey while he and Joanna play "Hungry Hungry Hippos" eight hundred and eighty two times, except without the pearls.
That night, he splashes water on his face. He's getting ready to go on a date with a perfectly nice woman named Frances. He already knows that all he will say all evening, despite her smile and her infectious laughter, is 'no'.
He's such a goddamn masochist.