A/N: I Am In Love. I don't know how it happened but it just did, and I have been ecstatic ever since. Sadly though, I am in love with a book. I recently started reading a book by Pat Conroy called "South of Broad." It has had my attention wrapped for two days now and I'm already half way through, which might be why this update was a little slow. I wrote all of this minus two or three pages last night. Not to mention I got in my first fight ever with me best friend who I might also be in love with but knowing the amazing relationship we have it was over in a mere hour, which is why I think I added the bond of friendship part in this chapter. Oh and this chapter is the longest chapter I have written for this or any other story. Just a heads up, and thank you again for all my amazing reviewers. To the people who have reviewed every chapter so far thank you so much, and the new readers that have just joined on thank you all so so so so much I wouldn't be doing this without you. Enjoy! P.S. Let's see who can guess the "Step Brothers" Quote!
"Call Me Irresponsible"
Chapter 6
"Hot Mess"
"Sss Ow," Jared flinched as Lilly pressed a cold towel against his left eye.
"Sorry," Lilly apologized cleaning up the cut on his cheek. "I'll try to make this as painless as possible."
"NO I should be apologizing," Jared cringed in taking a breath of air as the side of his face continued to burn.
"Don't even worry about it."
"No I need to worry about it," Jared pouted removing Lilly's hands from his face. "I was an as-," Jared started receiving a glare from Lilly. "Asinine jerk earlier. You and mom have always taught me to be appreciative and respect women and what did I do? I went and disrespected one of the most amazing and admirable women that loves me the most in this world. You're not a whore, or a bitch and I want you to know that I'm sorry and I love you more than anything."
"I fully accept your apology," Lilly grinned. "And it's okay. You get your temper from your mom. I guess being inside of her for eight moths rubbed off on you."
"You never really talk about you and mom before you guys had Sam, and I."
"Well there's not much too tell," Lilly sighed starting to repair Jared's face again. "We met when we were twelve, I confessed my love for her when I was thirteen and we've been together ever since. We got married when we were sixteen and ten months later Sam was on his way out of me. Almost a year after we had Sam your mom was pregnant with you."
"Didn't you guys ever think about having more kids?"
"Well don't tell your brother but we have actually been talking about it lately. Having a fifteen year old, a fourteen year old, and then a two month old baby could be difficult," Lilly grinned. "And we are all done," Lilly stated putting her supplies away.
"Look at that scar," Jared examined.
"You seem excited," Lilly looked up confused.
"You know how awesome that is. Some things never change and that is scars make you look sexy," Jared grinned.
"Yeah have fun telling people you got it," Lilly laughed. "Yeah I might have gotten the shit beaten out of me by my brother but I still look hot" Lilly mocked.
"Oh ha-ha," Jared faked laughed. "The last time I heard something that funny I fell off my dinosaur. Where is mom anyway?"
"She's in Calabasas on a business trip. She should be back Sunday."
"Ok," Jared shrugged walking out of the bathroom.
"Wait Jare," Lilly called.
"Yeah mom," Jared asked coming back into the bathroom.
"You never did tell me why you were mad at me?"
"Oh it's stupid," Jared blushed.
"Nothing you could say could ever be stupid, now tell me what I did," Lilly pried.
"Ok," Sam started clearing his throat. "When we got the call from the hospital that you were in a car accident and that mom was too. The first thing that came to my mind was "I might never see my mom again?"
"Well yeah that's what most people would think," Lilly urged.
"No that's the thing. I thought I might never see YOU again," Jared looked down ashamed. "You were the first person that came to mind. You were the one I was a wreck over because I thought I might never see you again, and when I thought about it I hated myself. I love both of you guys so much and I was ashamed with myself because mom never crossed my mind until I saw her unconsciousness in that hospital bed. So I kicked myself and I figured out since you were the one I obviously cared about most that maybe if I was a total dick to you that it would justify my thoughts."
"Oh honey," Lilly laughed. "That doesn't mean you love me more. You heard I got HIT by a CAR, A CAR that's a pretty big deal. Your mom just fainted. Your subconscious instantly though faint, hit by a car," Lilly explained balancing her hands raising her right hand higher than her left. "I think a car beats fainting."
"Really," Jared exclaimed.
"Really Jare Bear," Lilly chuckled ruffling Jared's hair. "Nothing's wrong with you. Actually everything's fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive" Lilly reassured.
"OK. Thanks mom," Jared beamed wrapping Lilly in a bone crushing hug.
"C-Can't breathe," Lilly wheezed.
"Oh, sorry mom," Jared laughed. "Sometimes these muscles are just too powerful," Jared sighed flexing his guns.
"Oh please my muscles are bigger than yours," Lilly laughed body checking Jared on her way out of the door.
"I think I like it better when moms here," Jared groaned walking out behind Lilly. "At least you don't hurt me when she's around," he cringed rubbing his shoulder.
"Speaking of your mom I think I am going to call her," Lilly grinned thinking of the gorgeous brunette pulling out her cell phone.
"Hi you've reached Miley leave a message at the beep," Miley's voice message played in Lilly's ear. "Hmm I guess I could call the hotel there staying at. Hey Jared did your mom say the name of the hotel the she's staying at," Lilly yelled down the stairs.
"NO," Jared yelled back. "Why don't you call the company and ask them," Jared suggested.
"Good idea," Lilly replied dialing the numbers on her cell phone.
"Stewart Records Jennifer speaking how may I help you," Miley's assistant answered.
"Hi I was just wondering what hotel Ms. Stewart and the company executives were staying at this weekend," Lilly asked.
"I'm sorry," Jennifer questioned.
"Miley has a conference in Calabasas this weekend."
"I'm sorry Miss but there is no confrere scheduled for this weekend," Jennifer smirked noticing Lilly's voice. "I do have a Ms. Stewart scheduled to be driving down to Calabasas to meet a Mr. Jake Ryan this weekend though."
"J-Jake Ryan," Lilly stuttered.
"Yes Miss. I have it written down that she will be staying at the "Agoura Hills Hotel: Homewood Suites by Hilton Room 219."
"Would you happen to have the hotel number," Lilly asked searching for a pen.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes," Lilly adjusted quickly writing down the number and running down the stairs.
"Hey mom what's the hurry," Jared chuckled looking up from his steak.
"Go call your aunt Sydney and pack me a bag I'm going to see your mom."
Back at Jake Ryan's house a nervous Miley fiddled with a string hanging from her much to short skirt and a cooled Jake fixed himself a drink at the bar behind Miley on the sofa.
"I don't know if it's a good idea to drink Jake" Miley started as Jake sat down across from her. "I think we can both see where it got us the last time we were together."
"I guess any choice of humor would make this confrontation a little less awkward," Jake grinned above him glass.
"Sorry I'm a little nervous," Miley squeamishly laughed.
"I can tell. So let's just get to the point and you can tell me what I can do for you."
"Well you see I'm madly in love with some one that I never fell out of love with and I seem to still be married to you."
"Ok. I will give you your divorce if you give me one thing."
"What do you want," Miley asked apprehensively.
"You have to have sex with me."
"WHAT? No I'm not going to sleep with you you you you,"
"Miley come on calm down."
No I'm not going to calm down. You are a horrid pitiful excuse of a man. What kind of foul human being gets their kicks out of other peoples suffering. That wasn't a rhetorical question young man?"
"So you and Lilly had kids I see," Jake laughed.
"W-what of course," Miley answered confused.
"I always said you should have been a red head, you have enough fire and determination to be one. Look I'm an actor as fun as it sounds I get a little bored from time to time, and as honored as I would be to sleep with a women as beautiful as you I'm just kidding around of course I'll divorce you,…wife," Jake grinned. "And I haven't been called a young man in years a decade tops," he laughed beckoning the papers from Miley's hand signing and initialing the correct places. "I can always spot a sexy milf a mile away."
"Why does everyone keep calling me that," Miley blushed as Jake let out a deep throaty chuckle.
"It has been a pleasure being married to you Ms. Miley Ray Stewart. I think this is the longest most functional relationship I have ever had."
"Oh come one you're telling the oh so suave ex-zombie slayer doesn't have a little piece to tickle his fancy."
"Oh my my Ms. Stewart I think that has to be about the dirtiest thing I've ever heard you say."
"Really?"
"Well Stewart you're forgetting that I haven't seen you in what ten, eleven years? I guess we have a whole weekend to catch up," Jake smirked hopefully."
"Well I'm not scheduled back until Sunday so I guess I could squeeze you into my busy schedule."
"Oh Ms. Record Company CEO can pencil me in I'm honored," Jake curtsied.
"As you should be Mr. Big Shot," Miley grinned.
"Ok I have some wonderful spots Ms. Popst-"
"EX-Pop star," Miley corrected. "I couldn't juggle kids and fame that would just be unfair."
"Speaking of the little crib-nuggets you have to have pictures."
"Oh of course," Miley glowed as she skipped over to Jake's seat pulling out her wallet and dropping a row of pictures.
"Jesus Christ what are these a half a mile long?"
"Oh hush up. Now this one right here is little Sammy Lucas Truscott Lilly had him when she was sixteen right after we got married he was two months early much to our dismay because me being the procrastinator I am I didn't have hardly anything ready, and this one here is Jared Collin Truscott I had him right after Sam was born he's fourteen Sam's fifteen and Sam's a big lacrosse and football player I guess he would be because he does come from Lilly which is where he got his athletic side and well most of her good and bad habits well she doesn't really have any bad habits expect her undeniable charm of course because we all know how athletic I am-NOT and Jared is more of baseball fan but is more sensitive like me as were Sam is more protective again like his mom-," Miley rambled as she noticed Jake starring at her from her peripheral vision. "What are you staring at," Miley exhaled.
"Oh I'm sorry I was just trying to see how long it would be before you finally took a breath and you're cheeks started to ache from smiling so much."
"I'm sorry I just get excited whenever I talk about them."
"Hey don't ever apologize for loving someone or something as much as you love your family. That's something special you guys have don't ever take that for granted."
"Trust me I don't," Miley grinned softly stroking Jake's cheek. "And thank you Jake for being so awesome about everything. I know this was kind of sudden."
"Don't worry about it Miles. That's what friends and husbands are for," Jake smirked. "Now tell me more about this 'oh-so-wonderful' family of yours," Jake laughed as the broad smile reappeared on Miley's face as she went on talking about her family.
Within a mere few hours Lilly paced back in forth in Miley's hotel room after countless hours of driving, many broken speed regulations, and numerous red lights ran. After growing tired of waiting Lilly finally decided to give Miley's cell phone one last ring before retiring to bed from exhaustion.
"Hello," a male voice answered the phone.
"Uhh Hi is Miley there."
"Oh sorry you missed her she just went in the shower can I take a message?"
"Um no I can call back later."
"Okey dokey buh-bye now," Jake sighed hanging up the phone.
"Who was that?" Miley asked stepping out of the bathroom.
"I don't know they were calling from a hotel," Jake shrugged.
"Who would be calling me from a hotel?"
"Oh do you see the big black eight on my forehead."
"What no."
"Then don't assume you can just shake me and I can give you an answer."
"OH everyone's a comedian," Miley mocked.
"Why don't you just call the number back smart one?"
"Wow I guess underneath all that beauty is some brains," Miley chuckled ruffling Jake's hair.
"OH ha ha. You can borrow one of my shirts to wear to bed tonight since you didn't bring your suitcase and you can stay until you leave tomorrow."
"Thank you Jakey."
"I will never get why parents have to add a y to everything. Next thing you know you'll be asking if 'Jakey wakey is hungry ungery'," Jake laughed.
"Oh aren't we funny you've made me laugh so much since I've been here," Miley grinned redialing the number on her phone. The other person picked up in time just as Jake pounced on Miley tickling her sides.
"J-J-Jake s-s-stop s-stop," Miley gasped as she completely forgot about her phone leaving Lilly to only hear Miley gasp underneath Jake's hold.
"Say that I'm funny, amazing, and the best you've ever had."
Jake begin farther away from the phone all Lilly hear heard was Miley scream "You're amazing and the best I've ever had," resulting in her quickly hanging up.
"You never said funny," Jake sighed stopping to let Miley catch her breath. "Now I have to tickle EXTRA hard," Jake laughed as he went in to attack Miley once again.
"Okay Okay you're f-funny amazing and t-t-the best the best I've ever had," Miley wheezed relived as Jake finally let go.
"See now that was all I asked for," Jake beamed climbing off Miley placing his hands on his hips with a feeling of accomplishment.
"You see what you did know I don't know who called me," Miley pouted.
"Oh poor little Miley," Jake mocked. "Now come on get some sleep champ."
"Ayi Yie Captain," Miley giggled hopping of the bed and saluting Jake.
"Here lay down." Jake slowly adjusted Miley into bed tucking her in planting a kiss on her forehead.
"Friends forever," Jake started sticking out his pinky.
"Always together," Miley snickered. "You still remember that."
"Can't forget it," Jake chuckled. "Oh and Miles," Jake turned around as he started to leave.
"Yeah Jake," Miley answered turning over.
"Thanks for giving me more fun than I've had in a long time," he genuinely smiled.
"No problem. Consider it my pleasure."
"Goodnight boss," Jake grinned.
"Goodnight captain," Miley smiled remembering some of their old nicknames.
The next morning a fresh-out-of-bed Jake shuffled down the stairs at the smell of breakfast only to see Miley dancing to a blared speaker with one of his maids.
"What more could a man ask for," Jake started making both women jump. "Two beautiful women dancing and making me breakfast. This is the life all men should live."
"Oh Mr. Ryan you know you won't do anything," his maid Maria grinned.
"I think I just have too much respect for you otherwise you would probably be bent over this table right now."
"Oh excuses, excuses," Maria grinned tossing him a drying cloth. "Now Miss. Stewart here was kind enough to cook you breakfast and keep me company you might consider drying the dishes."
"Uhh don't I hire people to do that for me," Jake groaned.
"Stop pouting and dry the dishes. I have to go make the bed that you refuse to make. Everyday another woman is in and out of your bed. Juro a veces que pienso que esta casa es una manga de puta en vez de una casa. Acabo de decir todos yo trabajo para un burdel poseído por un padrote no una estrella de cine."
"That's why I love you Maria you're the best," Jake called out after her.
"Do you even know what she just said," Miley grinned looking over her shoulder.
"I swear sometimes I think this house is a whore hose instead of a home. I should just tell everyone I work for a brothel owned by a pimp not a movie star," Jake smirked resulting in Miley snorting in hysterics.
"I know. I can't get rid of her though," Jake said over his freshly brewed cup of coffee he had just made.
"Come on breakfast is ready," Miley laughed fixing Jake a plate.
"Have you ever thought about settling down Jake," Miley asked amused as he practically inhaled his food. "Jeez I've never seen anyone eat as fast as Lilly and that's saying something."
"It's soooo so soooo good though," Jake talked around his mouth that was fully occupied with food. "I haven't had a good home cooked meal since my chef quit."
"Why'd they quit?"
"Some shit about how I supposedly 'sexually harassed her'. I mean what kind of world is it when you can't even smack someone on the ass without them filing a lawsuit."
"You Mr. Ryan are a mess," Miley snorted.
"Okay but can I be a hot mess. You never hear about messes only the hot messes are important. I mean look at the facts you have Lindsay Lohan, a song and an album named after the term."
"It's by the same band," Miley argued.
"That song is a classic of a classic album."
"You call the lines 'stumblin' but yeah you still looking hella fine,' if your dancing up on tables you go, go go, you got it girl,' and my personal favorite 'drunk all night, you think your hot shit' classics."
"That is a phenomenal song and you know it."
"FINE you can be a hot mess."
"Thank you," Jake grinned starting to eat his meal again as he started to hum. "Stumbling but yeah you still looking hella fine."
"Uhh. Keep doing what you want and I'ma make you mine," Miley started to sing along.
"Well, you're a hot mess and I'm fallin' for you."
"And I'm like 'hot DAMN' let me make you my boo," Miley sang really getting into it.
"'Cause you can shake it, shake it, shake it, yeah you know what to do," they started to sing together rather loudly. "You're a hot mess I'm loving it hell yes," they ended together screaming as they busted into tears from laughter.
"Oh Geez. Now that we have officially embarrassed ourselves will you finish eating so you can get dressed? You're going to take me back to my hotel and I'm going to change. Your maids probably think I'm a slut."
"Oh they do not."
"One of them walked past me and muttered 'Ramera norteamericana'. Now I don't know a lot of Spanish but I do know when I'm being insulted."
"One person called you an American Prostitute. Calm down."
"Come on were going now." Miley sat up as she pulled Jake up the stairs.
"Wait I'm not done eating though," Jake whined.
"I'll feed you later."
Jake sped though the cars as Miley was lucky she didn't eat breakfast as his Silver Lamborghini Gallardo had to be pushing one thirty-five.
"Jake you know I'm in no hurry to get back right."
"Oh I know that's why I'm going extra slow today."
"You call this SLOW," Miley yelled.
"Are you going to complain the whole time," Jake grinned pulling up at the hotel. "Or are we going to get your stuff. What's the point of having a LAMBORGIHINI if you can't drive it to its capacity? In Latin Lamborghini means 'oh really cool super fast car' and, how would it make me look if I don't honor the Latin ones."
"Ok one I'm pretty sure that's not what Lamborghini means, and two capacity is the amount that can fit in something. It has nothing to do with speed."
"Well what's the point if you can't drive it to its maximum speedaxity?"
"That's not even a word."
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were once Noah Webster in a past lifetime. How's the dictionary business going?"
"Touché," Miley grinned as they walked into the elevator and Jake turned a pale white and he held his breath.
"What's wrong with you," Miley questioned.
"I hate elevators, always have, and always will," Jake inhaled as the floor dinged and he briskly, but quickly walked out of the elevator.
"I have found a lot to hold against you this weekend sir," Miley laughed.
"I'm sure," Jake laughed pinching Miley's butt on the way in the door.
"Jake stop it that hurt." Miley swatted his hands away as he laughed following her inside but quickly ran into her back. "Ow why'd you stop walking," he questioned but suddenly saw Miley duck and barely made it to the floor in time as a vase shattered against the door behind them.
"Lilly what the hell are you doing," Miley yelled as she sat up just in time for another object to be thrown at her. As Miley sat up she noticed it was a phone book.
"Lilly what are you doing here?" Miley questioned sprinting towards the furious blonde as Lilly picked up a glass ashtray. "Hey hey hey lets talk with our words and not objects, especially glass objects that could HURT people. Now sweetheart tell me why you're here."
"Oh don't you sweetheart me," Lilly seethed. "I tried to call you numerous times when I was at home so I called your office and to my surprise they tell me you don't have a conference this weekend, and then I come here and you don't come home all night. I didn't know whether to be worried or even more pissed off than I already am if that's even possible, but I guess I should be angry since you come back with no pants on and I called you last night and you call me back and all I hear is you panting over zombie slayer boy over here and I just don't even know why I try anymore because every time I do, something else bad happens."
"Ok now Lilly I have always prided our relationship on how much trust we have in each other, and so I need you to trust me when I tell you this okay," Miley paused and started again when Lilly finally nodded her head. "Now yes I did lie to you when I said I had a conference which I didn't and that was wrong of me, BUT I came here for Jake to sign the divorce papers I had drawn up a couple of days ago that state I get all his money."
"Wait what," Jake yelled.
"Just kidding, but I came here to get a divorce and I don't have pants on because I took a shower at Jakes place and he let me borrow one of his shirts, and then Jake started tickling me which is why I was gasping, I just slept over at his house in his guest room the whole night because it was getting late and I left my phone in the car, and the charger at home so even if I had it most likely it would be dead. Now I love and I would never cheat on you please believe me," Miley pleaded and was shocked when Lilly pulled her into a heated kiss.
"Mmh," Miley moaned slipping her tongue in Lilly's mouth form instinct.
After air became a necessity Miley pulled away.
"I'm confused."
"I'm sorry Miles. I should have trusted you more. I'm sure now you really want to be with a crazy physcotic lunatic like me."
"You're not crazy. I probably would have done the same thing," Miley giggled.
"Yeah probably," Lilly chuckled.
"Let's go home baby."
"You lead the way," Lilly grinned.
"Awhh, look at the cute wittle famiwy" Jake laughed.
"Jake Ryan you weren't going to let me leave without giving you a proper hug now were you," Lilly smiled.
"Well I was too afraid you were going to attack me," Jake grinned wrapping Lilly in a massive bear hug. "We all know you're stronger than me."
"And don't you forget it," Lilly laughed giving him a peck on the cheek. "I'm sorry I almost hit you with a vase."
"And a phone book," Jake added.
"Yes, and a phone book," Lilly blushed. "And thank you for taking care of my wittle Miley while I was gone," she giggled pinching Miley's cheeks.
"Yeah that's a real turn-on," Miley sighed.
"How about if I pinched some other cheeks," Lilly growled.
"I'm gonna get some," Miley sang beaming. "I'm going to put our stuff in the car. It was great seeing you again Jake," Miley smiled hugging him once again, and walking out the door.
"Did she give you a full twenty minute research overview of our kids?"
"More like thirty," Jake laughed. "It was fun though. I enjoyed learning about little Sammy and Jare, who I haven't seen since they were kids. Miley seems to forget that though seeing as she started from since they were inside you until now. I think she forgets we knew each other in high school and college."
"That's Miley for you. We better get going though. The one kid beat THE shit out of the other one and Miley doesn't know yet."
"Oh she's not going to like that."
"Uhh tell me about it," Lilly grinned. "See ya Jake. Oh and take the stairs will ya I don't want you to toss your cookies all over the elevator."
"How did you-"
"I'm a mother I just know," Lilly laughed closing the door behind her.
The next day back at Miley and Lilly's house Lilly's sister Sydney starred down at Jared.
"What the fucking FUCK happened to your eye."
"That would be me," Sam grinned coming down the stairs. "Sorry about that little brother, but I had to take you down."
"You know your moms not going to like that right," Sydney grinned as the lock on the door jingled. "Well I guess we'll find out right now."
"Hello my wonderful family," Miley beamed walking over giving Sam a kiss on the cheek and then abruptly stopped when she came to Jared.
"What the hell happened to your eye?"
"Would you go for common misunderstanding?"
"Well it can't be that common if it leads to a black eye like that," Miley scowled.
"It was nothing Miles trust me," Lilly grinned coming up from behind Miley.
"I think the real question is how come you guys weren't back yesterday," Jared accused changing the subject.
"Well I'm sorry but someone couldn't keep their hands on the wheel," Lilly grinned.
"That's because someone couldn't keep their hands off me," Miley giggled.
"How about we go upstairs and I put my hands in some other, private places," Lilly snarled in Miley's ear.
"I like the sound of that," Miley smirked running up that stairs, Lilly hot on her heels.
"That was a close one," Jared sighed.
"Oh and Jared you're not getting off that easily," Miley said peeking her head around the corner.
"Damn it."
"I heard that," Miley yelled.
"Oh Ms. Stewart I really need to get an A on this exam. Are you sure there's not something you could do," Lilly called from upstairs.
"Oh I think something can be arranged," Miley grinned quickly climbing the stairs and the sound of a door slamming could be heard in the distance.
"Is it just me," Sam asked coming out of the kitchen. "Or do they seem even hornier now then when they left."
A/N 2: This is the FIRST chapter that hasn't ended with a cliffhanger.
Songs used in this chapter:
Cobra Starship-Hot Mess (Single and album)