Wow. Last chapter. Wow.
I am sincerely sorry for the delay, but I guess I didn't want this story to end. But I'm kinda happy it is. It just feels right to end it here. (Well, I guess, the epilogue, next chapter, will be the right-right place)
"But love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah." –Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley.
It's been twenty-one years since Tony first locked eyes with Ziva.
Fourteen years since Ziva's cancer; since their marriage, since her death.
Eleven since Ziva McGee-Sciuto was born.
Nine years since Tony met Emma; nine years since he fell in love again.
Seven years since Emma found out she was pregnant; since Emma became the second Mrs. Dinozzo; since Janiel Dinozzo was born.
Three years since the Dinozzos moved back to Washington.
Two years since Anthony Dinozzo the Third was born.
And life was moving on.
…
The sun had long set over Washington when Tony and his kids arrived at the desolate beach. The mid-summer night blessed them with a clear sky, the stars shining as bright as the emerald green eyes both his kids dawned.
The threesome picked a spot a few feet away from the softly crashing waves. Tony lay on his back, facing the heavens. Janiel followed him, practically bouncing down on the sand, his warm chuckle pulling her closer. He placed his son on his chest, giving him a quick kiss to his wild black hair.
"Daddy!" Janiel cried almost immediately. "A shooting star!" she pointed eagerly towards the sky.
"Close, that's a plane JJ." He laughs, folding his hands over his son's stomach.
"Daddy?" A little voice questioned after a moment.
"Yea sweetpea?"
"Is grandpa up there?" Janiel asked quietly, talking about Emma's father who had recently passed.
Tony exhaled deeply. "Yea…grandpa's up there. So are a few of daddy's friends." He took another deep breath. "Actually a lot of daddy's friends." He added sadly.
A star shot across the sky.
"One more daddy…please?" JJ pleaded, her fingers intertwined and her hands clasped together. "Just one."
"Fine." Tony held back a smile. "One. And then bed."
Janiel sunk deeper into the covers. Tony turned to find his son already half asleep. He smiled at his peacefulness.
"Tell the one about the prince and the princess in the box!" Janiel bounced in her bed.
"You've heard that one a million times." Tony rolled his eyes playfully.
"But it's my favorite!" JJ protested.
"Fine." Tony huffed, adding a smile. His daughter lay back down, pulling the covers above her neck, reaching her chin.
Tony quickly moved to story mood.
His voice was clam, happy. "So there they were, the prince and the princess, walking down a street, huge crates of…what were they again JJ, I forgot?"
"Movies! Lots of 'em!"
"Right!" he smacked his forehead. "Movies, my favorite, how could I forget. Remember what kind of movies?"
"James Bond! But only the ones by Terence Young…cause those were the best." She said as a matter-of-factly.
Tony smiled, she was definitely his daughter.
"Exactly. Now, back to the story. So the prince and the princess were minding their business, when all of a sudden, the princess could feel that something was wrong." JJ eyes began to worry. "And then, out of nowhere, the king's minions jumped out from behind the boxes and tried to pelt them with jelly doughnuts." Janiel's eyes lit up with a smile. "And the prince could not let the jelly ruin his fancy suit, so he grabbed the princess and jumped into an open box, closing it behind them. They waited hours before the king's minions finally gave up, but when the princess tried to open the door, it was locked…"
…
After giving his sleeping daughter a kiss to the forehead, and another kiss to his son's forehead, he gently padded to the door, turning off the lamp, and quietly closing the door behind him.
He made his way into the living room, finding Emma sitting peacefully on the couch, flipping through the channels.
"Hey." He flopped down next to her, instinctively wrapping an arm around her and placing a quick kiss on her cheek.
He was surprised by her lack of emotion; his wife was usually a bubble of energy, no matter what time or how much lack of coffee. "You okay?"
"Fine." She said quickly, deciding that the news was a satisfying channel.
Emma never watched the news.
"No, you're not. Something's up." He absently twirled her hair with his index finger.
She hesitated. "Nothing…I just…" she took a deep breath. "I came by the Navy Yard today, to bring you lunch."
"Oh, Em, I'm sorry. I went out for l-"
"McGee told me where you were." She said simply. And he knew.
"There's no way McLoyal actually covered for me, is there?" he rubbed the back of his neck.
Emma was silent.
"Look, it's her birthday…Abby wanted to go, her car was in the shop…"
"Don't explain." She finally turned her head towards him. "I have no problem with you going to her grave every now and then…but Tony, this is the third time this month." Her puppy eyes never lied, she was concerned, hurt.
Tony opened his mouth to speak, but she stole his chance. "I know she was your partner, your wife, but it's been fourteen years.."
"Look, I won't go as-"
"You're missing the point Tony. I want to make sure you still don't have feelings for her."
"You think I'd marry you I if still had feelings for her?" he narrowed his eyes.
"Death does things to people Tony, you're in a state of vulnerability, you seek comfort in the first person to offers it."
"I'm not one of your patients Emma!" he shot back, but did not raise his voice.
"My patients are people too Tony! They're not all crazies!"
It hurt to fight with him.
Tony took a deep breath. "I'm not still in love with Ziva." he spoke calmly, trying to end the argument.
She took his hand. "But you miss her."
He tightened his grip.
"I don't compare you to her." He assured her, after a moment.
"I know." Emma kissed his cheek, and laid her head on his chest. "I just don't want you to be hung up over her. I want you to let her go." Her words were slow. "She was dying Tony."
He nodded. His eyes were wet.
"I'm-"
"Don't apologize…that's a rule right?" she picked her head up and met her eyes with his. "And you shouldn't apologize for being a good person."
The high noon sun was no match against the crisp September wind that nipped at Tony's bare fingers.
He stood in front of the gray marble stone, tightening his scarf around his neck as the wind carried a few colorful leaves past him.
Ziva David
Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Hero.
"Hey…" he took a few awkward breaths. "I know I was just here yesterday but um, Emma made me kinda realize something yesterday."
He sat down quickly, Indian style, and traced his fingers in her name. "I really miss you." He laughed mirthlessly.
"I do…and maybe I should have waited to be with someone else. I mean five years…is that enough…god I ask you the same questions all the time." He chuckled.
Tony kept a soft smile. "But I'm a very entertaining person, so you must not get bored."
A squirrel scurried to the oak tree next to him, running up it and into a little hole close to the branches.
"I love Emma…" he chuckled absently. "You'd like Emma. She's a good mix of you and Kate. She puts me in place, and she's irresistible." He smiled. "Like Kiva…or Zate."
He is momentarily lost in a fantasy.
But he laughs his way out. "Yea…well," his voice is softer, quieter. "I miss you."
"And everyone was right," he shakes his head. "Only took me fourteen years to accept, but they're right." He holds his tears, strong. "You and I weren't meant to be, we played with fate, and we had one hell of a run. But it wasn't inevitable." He found himself wiping a stray tear from his cheek. "I guess nothing is inevitable, we control our forever. So does fate, but so do we." He chuckles in realization and acceptance, because chuckling is the only thing keeping his tears in place. "Nothing is inevitable."
His smiled a soft, warm smile.
Tony starts to get up, tapping her grave as he does. "Well you're not getting rid of me that easily; I'll be back…unfortunately just not as much. Think you can deal with only hearing my absurd movie references once a year?" he can't seem to wipe that grim off his face.
"Ani O'hev O'Tach"
Giving her grave one last final look, and flashing another thousand watt smile, he turned and walked away into the brisk autumn wind.
"L'hitra'ot, crazy ninja chick."
the minor fall and the major lift...
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
hallelujah...
Translation: "I love you.";; "See you soon/later"
Wow.
.
I just want to thank every single one of my readers, reviewers, and alerters. You guys have made this story a truly amazing experience for me. Even though I do have one other completed story, this feels like my first. I did not expect this story to do as well as it did, and I have you guys to thank.
This was such an amazing story to write, and thank you all for putting up with me. You are strong for that haha.
I really hope I can get the epilogue done soon.
(Also, I picked Hallelujah, because no ending is complete without this song:))
I love you all, so much3
-Samm (N.C.I.S)