The summer before Declan and Fiona head off to Yale starts off tension filled, to say the least. They're not talking to each other and they certainly aren't having sex. Fiona starts to question whether or not deciding to go to Yale was a smart choice. She's only going so she can be with Declan, and they can't even look at each other.
He's too busy with Holly J, and even she is hanging out with Holly J. It's not like she can avoid her forever, she's supposed to be her best friend. She can't just say 'sorry I don't want to hang out with you because we're both in love with the same person, who is, by the way, my brother.' So she sits there and listens as Holly J goes on and on about how perfect he is and how much she loves him, nodding and smiling at all the right parts.
On July 16th it all changes.
Fiona comes home to find Declan screaming and Holly J crying. She stands there and watches as Declan throws a glass against the wall while Holly J screams.
"How could you do that to me, Holly J? HOW?"
"I'm sorry, Declan! It didn't mean anything; I swear… he doesn't mean anything."
He turns away from Holly J and that's when he spots Fiona hanging in the shadows. He stares into her eyes and she stares back.
"Declan… please."
The connection is broken and Declan turns back to Holly J. "I hope you enjoyed your time with Sav, because he's the only one who wants to be with you right now. Get out."
And just like that, they're over.
Fiona is there to comfort Declan that night and just as quickly as their relationship ended months ago, it's rekindled.
Time comes for roommate assignments for Yale. Declan and Fiona decide to room in an apartment off campus together, their parents obviously approve of them not mingling with the "others" in the on-campus dorms. Declan and Fiona are just happy that it will grant them some privacy.
Fiona is surprised by how everything is perfectly falling into place. They're going to be living together and they're going to be able to pretend that they're a normal couple. The fact that Holly J is going to be far, far, far away at U of T without any chance of her visiting just adds to her happy mood.
Peter doesn't really approve of her starting things up with Declan again.
"Every time you guys start up your relationship you always get hurt, Fi…"
"But it's different this time."
"How?"
She sighs, "We're going to be away from everyone that knows us, Peter. We're going to be able to go into town and walk around holding hands and nobody is going to know who we are."
"I just… what happens when he gets bored? He always does, Fiona. He's just going to hurt you again. I care about you too much to just sit by and watch that happen."
She grabs his hand and smiles.
"Even if that does happen, he always comes back to me, doesn't he?"
He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. He knows how strong she is, he's seen how wonderful of a person she can be. She doesn't need somebody like Declan stringing her along and holding her back from living a full life. She's not going to understand even if he tries to tell her, so he just stays silent. Even if he will be miles and miles away at NYU he knows that he'll be called to Yale once or twice during the semester to mend her broken heart.
September rolls around and it's time to move in to their apartment. Their parents come with them to help them move their things in. They "help them" by bringing their personal movers and decorators with them and putting them to work. Three hours later, their apartment looks like something you'd see on the Upper East Side and definitely not like a normal apartment a college student would have. Their parents finally leave and they're alone.
"Ew! I don't think it's supposed to look like that!" Fiona laughs, sitting on the counter, and points at what is supposed to be Mac N' Cheese.
Their first foray into cooking that night doesn't go so well. It's not like they've ever been alone to cook anything for themselves though, so they can't really be blamed for that.
Declan laughs and throws the mess into the trash. He walks over to Fiona and stands between her legs.
"Well, what should we eat? Cereal? We could always go out."
She smiles at him and puts her arms around his neck and pulls him closer to her. "You know, suddenly I'm not so hungry."
He smirks. "Oh yeah?"
She nods, laughing. "Yeah."
She kisses him and suddenly all joking and thoughts of food are put aside. He's pulling her closer to him and grinding against her and she's pulling at his hair. He picks her up off the counter and she wraps her legs around him as he carries her to his bedroom. He places her on the bed and starts kissing her neck. Clothes start being shed and everything starts getting hazy.
He whispers 'I love you' into her ear and she whispers it back into the air. It's the first, but not the last, time that they make love in their new apartment.
The first few months are perfect like that. They're settling into college life just fine. They both learn how to cook things so that they can survive. They both learn how to do laundry. They both do well in their classes. They fight. They make up. They make love. They're careful around other people who know that they're siblings and they go out to dinner at nice restaurants out of town and they pretend that they're a normal couple.
Things are going fine until a week before Thanksgiving. Fiona comes home late from a study group and is walking in to the apartment just as Holly J comes stumbling out.
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh, Fiona! It's so great, I came to talk to Declan and… I think we might be getting back together! I told him I was going to transfer here and he was so excited!" She leans in closer with a smirk on her face, "We had sex."
Fiona stares at her for a second, unable to speak before plastering on a smile. "That's awesome."
"I know, right? Oh, we're just going to be able to hang out all the time once I transfer here!"
"Great!"
Holly J pulls her into an excited hug before pulling away, with a grin still on her face. "It was great seeing you, but I have a flight to catch and I don't want to miss it. Oh, we'll have to catch up soon!"
Fiona agrees and watches her go. She stands outside in the hallway for ten minutes before she's composed enough to walk in. She grabs the doorknob and opens the door. Once she's inside, Declan is all over her, kissing her neck, kissing her hands, kissing her lips. He pulls off her shirt and her pants and she can tell that he's not going to tell her about Holly J. It's a good thing they're both so great at acting.
She calls Peter and tells him about it the next day. He can't lie and say that it was unexpected, but of course he doesn't tell her that. He tells her what she needs to hear and he says he can come see her if she needs him to. She refuses and tells him that she can handle it on her own.
It's time to go back home for Thanksgiving and they're both dreading it. They won't be able to be together as much as they'll want to be. It's time for them to go back into hiding and it's definitely going to be a challenge. Fiona is actually dreading the fact that she's going to be seeing Holly J around Declan more than anything, but she's obviously not going to tell him that.
When they get home it's only a matter of hours before Holly J is over and Fiona can hear them laughing and kissing and fucking and feels sick to her stomach. This feeling doesn't go away and it's ever present almost the entire time she's home. She spends most of her time with Peter away from the house and they're both perfectly fine with that.
A few days later they go back to Yale and they have two weeks before the semester ends. They're both stressed from finals and stressed from untold lies that they try to pretend aren't hanging above their heads ready to explode. Fiona is still feeling sick and she blames it on the fact that her teachers seem to be making studying for finals literally impossible, still piling on pounds of homework and projects.
And then finally, the semester is over and a weight feels lifted from their shoulders. They celebrate after their last finals by getting drunk and making love all night long. It's not until the day after that they realize that they're going to be home for a full month and they're not going to be able to be together. They solemnly pack up their things and put on fake smiles when their parents come to pick them up.
Being back in their own house is very weird, especially since they're now going to be staying in their own rooms. Holly J shows up soon after they come home and Fiona feels nauseous and escapes to Peter's house and stays there for three days. After she is puking for three days Peter sits her down and pulls a pregnancy test out of a plastic bag.
"I think you're pregnant."
"What? I'm… no."
"Think about it, Fi… just please, take the test."
She takes the test and he holds her when it comes up positive. She knows that she can't possibly have her brother's baby. It would probably come out with six arms and four eyes. She decides that she'll have an abortion and Peter agrees to take her when she's ready. She wants to wait until after Christmas, he tells her that it's her decision.
As luck would have it, two days after Christmas she wakes up and she's bleeding heavily. Her mom rushes her to the hospital and she learns that she's had a miscarriage. She tells her parents that it's Peter's and he's sitting there holding her hand and doesn't dispute it, so they believe her. Declan doesn't visit her in the hospital.
Their parents go off on a trip two days later, leaving them alone. But they're not alone. Peter isn't leaving Fiona's side and Holly J has practically moved in. Declan and Fiona still haven't spoken.
Holly J has left the house and then and only then does Declan come storming into Fiona's room. He takes one look at her and Peter lying on her bed before evenly telling him to get the fuck out.
"What the fuck, Declan? You can't just throw him out. He's my guest."
He looks at Fiona then at Peter. "I need to talk to her."
"Look, whatever you want to say in front of me you can say in front of Peter."
"I'm… not sure that I can, Fiona, you know that."
Peter laughs. "No, man, really… you can."
"Are you insane? You told him? What the hell were you thinking? Do you want people to find out?"
"Hey, I've known for like a year and people still haven't found out about your little secret, right? So don't worry."
Declan is silent for a few seconds before looking at Fiona. "About the baby…"
"What does it matter to you? It's not like it was yours."
"Wait, what? That shit you told mom and dad was true? He's the father? How is that possible?"
"Hmm, I don't know. You had time to screw Holly J at Yale, didn't you? I obviously could make time to screw him, right? Oh, that's right… you didn't know I knew about that. Oops."
"That's different!"
"How is it different, Declan? We were supposed to be together. We were making it work! You cheated." She's silent for a few moments. "I cheated. It's the same."
He shakes his head, "This is done. We're over."
She laughs without humor. "Oh, how convenient! Holly J is coming to Yale so you need to be open, huh?"
He doesn't say anything. He just looks at both her and Peter one last time before storming back into his room.
"That was brave of you. I'm proud."
"Yeah? Then why do I feel so horrible?"
The rest of their break is tense, to say the least. Their parents don't notice of course, but everyone around them does. When it's time to go back to Yale they're both dreading it. Fiona knows that Holly J will going to be practically living in their apartment and she'll have to live with the reality of Declan and her ending up together. She knows she'll be miserable.
They come back to their apartment and it's just how they left it. She sleeps in her bedroom for the first time and it feels very eerie not being in Declan's bed with him.
The rest of the semester passes far too slow for Fiona's liking. She hears Declan and Holly J mostly every night and her and Declan go days without acknowledging each other's existence. They don't have sex the whole semester even though they're both pathetically pining over each other. It's the longest that they've gone without being together in a while and they both aren't sure how long it will last.
They take their finals and the night after their last one is the first time they actually talk. They're drunk, but it's a start. Two days later they're packing up their things and heading back to Canada for the summer.
They last two weeks back at home before they're back together. Their parents are in Europe and they fall back into each other's arms. They fall back into their usual routine. They screw in secret and try and keep Holly J and the rest of their friends oblivious.
They go through their remaining years of college like this. Holly J ends up moving into their apartment but Declan and Fiona still get together when she's at class or at her job.
Holly J starts hinting about becoming engaged halfway through their senior year of college and Fiona wants to strangle her every time she tries to talk to her about seating arrangements and bridesmaids and floral designs. Declan ends up proposing to her on their graduation day and it's then that Fiona puts her foot down and tells him that she's done. He doesn't fight her.
Eight months later Fiona finds herself standing at the altar behind Holly J as her Maid of Honor. She's wearing a beautiful dress and she's in a beautiful church but she can't help but want to cry. She's not happy this is happening and she's not happy that she has to stand here with a fake smile. Declan is standing there and that's when things start to happen.
Declan's first mistake is staring at Fiona when the priest is talking instead of staring at the girl he's supposed to be marrying. His second mistake is not noticing that Holly J isn't nearly as oblivious as they always thought she was. His third mistake was not noticing that Sav Bhandari is sitting in the front row staring at Holly J. His final mistake is not noticing the way that Holly J goes to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear even though her hair is perfect.
That, apparently, was a signal. It's a signal for Sav to jump up and yell that she can't marry Declan because she should marry him.It's a signal for Holly J to run down the altar and away from Declan. It's a signal for Holly J and Sav to run out of the church together, leaving everyone in the church shocked and confused.
Time stops for a few minutes and everybody is frozen. Declan breaks up the stillness by running down the altar and out of the church, Fiona follows right after him. He runs into the room that he got ready in and she goes right in, too. She locks the door and stares at him as he stands in the middle of the room staring at the floor.
"Declan, I'm so-"
He cuts her off by laughing.
"No, shut up. Don't say you're sorry, you're not. My fiancée just left me. I should be devastated. I should be angry. I should be… I should be anything but relieved. I don't even care! I'm just so happy that you're standing in front of me because I'm in love with you and I've treated you so horribly and I don't deserve you. I cheated on you and then you only cheated on me because of how I treated you…"
"I didn't."
"What? You didn't what?"
"I didn't cheat on you. I was mad. I lied."
"You mean… the baby? It was mine?"
"Yeah."
Declan rushes towards her and pulls her into a passionately violent kiss. He's grasping at her and he's desperate and it's been so long and he just needs her. She kisses him back and he pushes her against the wall and pulls down her underwear and unzips her pants. He takes her against in the wall in a hurry of movements and desperate actions. He cries out that he loves her and she whispers it back.
Afterwards he's a flurry of emotions.
"Let's be together. Let's be real. Let's tell everyone."
"Declan, don't be ridiculous… we can't tell anybody… do you know how they'll look at us? Nobody will ever accept us."
"I don't care, Fiona! I don't care. We've wasted too much time! We're twenty three years old! We've been a fucking secret for nine years! I can't do it anymore, I just need you, baby, I can't… Let's move to Hawaii or to a remote island or something where we can be together." He's kissing her again and it's a desperate motion.
"Wait, wait. We can't Declan… We need to end this."
"No, Fi-fi, no… you don't mean that. I can't live without you. I love you. I'll never find anybody I love more than you."
She starts crying and she kisses him one last time.
"I'm sorry."
She turns and walks away, leaving him alone.
Six months later he puts a pistol in his mouth.
She moves to a little cottage in Hawaii soon after and doesn't keep in touch with anybody except for occasional phone calls with her parents and Peter.
Five years later she drinks herself to death when she's 28 years old. It happens two days before the fifth anniversary of Declan's death. She thinks it's kind of poetic.