I thought that since my exams were done that I would be updating more regularly but I haven't been home for 3 days, so writing hasn't happened. But I spent this whole evening writing this up for you :) I really am sorry for making you all wait.
I have to say again, (I'm getting repetitive) BUT I LOVE YOU EVERYONE THAT IS REVIEWING AND READING! You are all so lovely to me. All of my reviews make me smile, which is always weird when I'm with my friends and I suddenly have a huge smile on my face :) I hope that doesn't mean I have no life at all :P
I DON'T OWN SKINS.
ENJOY :)
Operation "something to do with Emily" may have been set in motion but I am fucking freezing my tits off out here. It's supposed to be summer for fucks sake and I feel like I'm on holiday at one of the poles. The things I do for this girl, honestly. I still can't believe she agreed to come and meet me at 2 in the morning after I'd just acted like I didn't value her one bit, like knowing her meant fuck all to me even though the few days that I had known her had been some of the best days of my life. I obviously lead a sad life.
"Text me if you need me."
"Why would I need you?"
"Anyway, I'm off. See you Naoms."
Why do I do these completely stupid fucking things to people that I care about. Yep. I care about her, I like her. All of this has already been established in my own head, but she must think I really couldn't give two shits about her. So that's what I need to do, I need to let her know how I feel. That sounds so fucking cheesy and I'm Naomi Campbell and I don't do cheesy. For fucks sake just be honest, it's really not that hard!
Last night I hadn't noticed the way Emily's face had fallen after I had spoken, but thinking back to that moment made my chest hurt. She looked so hurt. All of that day she had looked happy. Smiling pretty much constantly, it became infectious, even when I managed to smack my own head she managed to smile. Not in a bitchy way, just an amused expression, it was nice. Usually those kinds of things would piss me right off, but when she was laughing at me being a clumsy prick, for some reason, it was okay. But once I had opened fucking mouth and said that I didn't need her her face collapsed for a second. How could I do that to someone.
It's now almost 2.30 in the morning. I'm tired and I look like shit. I was going to throw my joggers on before I left the house but then I realised that Emily still had them, along with my pig top, the very top that she had been wearing the last time I had seen her, which is now yesterday. I'm standing in the cold, on my own, in a park, wearing a pair of shorts and a hoodie that I found at the back of my wardrobe. I do have some tights on under the shorts, but they aren't exactly the warmest article of clothing that I own. Emily said that she would be about half an hour, and I'm not being picky but it has now been over half an hour and I am really cold. Fuck me this was a stupid idea. No one should listen to my suggestions, specifically suggestions that I make at two in the morning after I've just caused myself a head injury. I'm obviously concuss or something along those lines.
After waiting for what is now 40 minutes my phone vibrates in my shorts pocket.
Emily: Fucking hell it's freezing why are you wearing shorts?
How the fuck does she know that I'm wearing shorts? Who is she Yoda? I did a general spin around on the spot, which made me look like a complete arse, and I still haven't managed to see her. It's dark anyway and her hair may be bright but it isn't glow in the dark as well. Fucks sake this is just irritating.
Naomi: Where the fuck are you?
"I'm right here you twat." Fucking hell! This is now the seconds time this girl has caused me to practically jump out of my skin. And now she decides to scare the shit out of me while I'm standing in the dark at almost 3 in the morning now.
"Jesus! Can you stop sneaking up on me? Especially in the dark."
"Sorry, I couldn't help myself." And there's that cheeky smile of hers. Well at least she's no really pissed off at me. Or at least she doesn't seem to be. This is a good thing.
"You're very annoying." I raise my eyebrow at her, which again seems to amuse her.
"Yeah well, you seem to inspire it in me." And again there's that smile. How the fuck was I able to be a complete bitch to her.
After a few minutes of grinning, laughing and generally having a bit of a laugh I choose to just do what I came to do. I consciously remove the smile that's on my face and replace it with a sad, guilt ridden expression. She seems to realise what's going on as her expressions changes to a sad smile and her eyes fix themselves to the floor, as usual.
"I'm sorry Em, I really am." I stare at her intently, waiting for her eyes to meet mine. But they stay fixed to the floor.
"Em, please look at me." She still just sits there, not looking at me. For fucks sake, I'm trying to make peace, and salvage whatever there is that made up our friendship, relationship, thing that we have at the minute.
Right fuck it, I slowly pull out a fag and light up, savoring the sensation that is nicotine. I really need to just calm down but the fact that Emily now won't even look at me is just stressing me the fuck out.
"It doesn't matter Naomi, it's not like we're friends or anything, you've only known me for a day or so, I don't mean anything to you so it's fine really." She looks so blank. There's nothing behind her eyes anymore. She doesn't even need to make eye contact with me to realise this. Her eyes are just so dull. So fucking defeated.
She actually thinks that she means nothing to me?
"No Em, it does matter. For fucks sake!" I didn't mean to shout really, but I'm frustrated, I'm on the brink of being really fucking pissed off. "I was a bitch to you and you're my friend." Right calm the fuck down. Deep breath. Fucking release it. Release the fucking deep breath you brainless fuck. Finally, right here we go. "I like you Emily." She still hasn't made eye contact with me, but I see her eyes almost pop out of her head. I don't know why I even said it. I mean I thought about it, it's not like I'm intoxicated or anything. I'm completely in my right mind. It just felt like the right thing to say to her.
Slowly her head turns towards me and she makes eye contact. She looks really shocked. Like really fucking shocked. The shock slowly fades away, like the cogs in her head are whirring and she's just processing everything that I just said to her. She searches my own eyes, looking for something, god knows what. The defeated emotion behind her eyes seems to be dissipating and hope seems to be replacing it.
"I like you too Naoms." The smile that graces her lips is probably the most pure smile I have ever seen in my life. It's so beautiful. She's really beautiful. I think a similar smile is now plastered over my own lips.
She suddenly looks really embarrassed. I know it's dark and it's cold, but I think her cheeks have suddenly gotten slightly redder."So what does this mean then? You know for us?" And you know what, I have no fucking clue what this means for us.
"Well, I don't know what it means for us at this present time, but right now I think we should go home cos it is fucking freezing Ems." The laugh that comes from her is so light. Barely audible.
"Okay I'll see you later today then?"
"No Em, come back with me, I live around the corner and it's nearly...Shit 4 o'clock. You're not walking back at this time."
"Okay I'll just text Katie." She just smiles at me again. That beautiful smile that makes me think that everything is going to be okay.
Once we got home we made ourselves comfortable in my bed. It wasn't what I would call awkward just different. I've known her for 2 days and she's now sharing my bed and told me that she likes me as well. We both seem to be fairly shocked and completely gob smacked about what's happened. We're both on opposite sides of the bed, but I can occasionally feel the cold of her skin on my own. She's wearing another one of my t-shirts which now seems to be becoming a recurring situation. What the fuck is going on with me? What does this all fucking mean?
"So what does this mean then? You know for us?"
That question is not going to leave my head any time soon. I really do have no clue. I hadn't thought about what all this would mean. Where do I think this is going to go? I have never been so confused in my whole fucking life.
AND THERE YOU GO :)
I hope you're all liking this my loverlies.
I'll will really try to update as soon as I can.
Thanks for all of my reviews :) keep going please.
REVIEW PLEASE.