The Aislin Chronicles
Part XI
A/n: Hey, thanks for your reviews! So hmm what could they be fighting about? Enjoy!
2-27-03
7:12 PM
So… She's not home for dinner. She's not home after dinner. She's not home, period. The vibe I'm getting from Dad is like… 'Maybe if I don't say anything Aislin won't notice.' Well, Dad, I noticed. And you still haven't said anything. He asked me about school at dinner, so we talked about that. It distracted me a little bit. I should have asked him about it.
And after dinner I said I'd do the dishes, which trust me, is not a thing I offer to do often. He said that he'd rather just do them alone. That's what worries me. He doesn't even want me to help? Does he even want me in the living room? I'm not sure I want to find out. I just want to know what's going on.
It could be so easy. He could knock on my door and say, "Aislin, we got in a fight, and she left," and then we could go get her together and bring her back, wherever she is. But no, he has to make this difficult. He has to be all quiet about it. And he has to distract me with his own irrelevant questions.
Sydney and I were just starting to connect, too. We started talking a lot more. And… I don't know, I don't feel as awkward around her. I mean, I've always felt I could trust her (not exactly sure why), but I was never like, "What? Oh, I forgot, you killed my father," either.
7:21 PM
There are so many things I just don't understand.
7:26 PM
Uh oh. Dad's watching TV, and it is way too loud. I guess I better go out there and protect him from the wrath of the neighbors below us. Sigh. I have to study or something for a math test tomorrow, too. Oh dear. Not to mention I still have my cough from when I was sick. This day just keeps getting better and better, does it not?
Okay, going out to… calm Dad down?
2-28-03
4:00 PM
Maybe she'll be home when Dad comes home today. Hm. Why do I doubt that? Ugh. School today was all right. My math test went okay (I hope) and it wasn't incredibly boring, and we listened to The Giver on tape as we read and there was this weird music that Kathleen and this Brian kid were dancing to in their seats… Yeah. I guess that constitutes for an all right day. Except all I was thinking about was Syd and Dad's fight. I mean, was it about Bill and Irina? Which I started? I still haven't told anyone. God, I can't stand this much longer.
What if they never make up, and Dad never marries her? And we're just left with each other forever? Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but I wouldn't mind sharing him with someone else. Especially Sydney. No, no, this is crazy. They're gonna make up. And get married. Of course they will.
No matter how much it scares me I am going to talk to Dad tonight, I have to find out what's up. I am going to get the truth, and then get them back together. Or… at least I'll try. And then I'll celebrate the fact that I have no homework this weekend.
7:44 PM
Oh, wow. Okay. I'm going to try to understand this. If I can. So, I definitely don't have all the details, but here's what I've put together from Dad's side of the story:
On Wednesday he was overseeing a mission Sydney was on. After hearing that much, I frowned, and Dad went on to explain that it was just a local mission, "routine," whatever that means. I still wasn't very happy, but he said it wasn't dangerous– no –it wasn't supposed to be dangerous. But something happened (he either couldn't or didn't tell me) that would have blown her cover and he commanded her to abort. He said she refused to listen to him, though, which pissed him off apparently, and "finally she got out of there, I prevented her cover from being blown."
He said that they didn't talk at all on the drive home. But as soon as they got in the door, well… I know what happened. According to Dad, she doesn't trust his judgement. Then she left.
After he was done explaining that, I asked, "Where is she?"
"At Francie's," he mumbled, staring deeply into the television. I paused then and looked at him. He looked pathetic. That's the only word that comes to mind. It's quite depressing. Like I just want to shake him and yell, "SNAP OUT OF IT!" but I can't. And I won't, either, because… I'm not sure why. I don't feel like he should be his normal self, you know? This situation is so not cool, he should act like that. The only problem is that it's hard to watch him in that state. I hate seeing him like this.
"Have you talked to her at work?" I asked after taking in his patheticness.
"No… Found out from Weiss." I bet that makes work really complicated. They haven't talked since then? That's horrible. No wonder he's moping around. God, I feel awful. At least it wasn't my fault, though, it wasn't about Irina and Bill. I almost wish it was. Then I could at least know how to fix it. Or… Maybe not know, but… Oh I don't know. I'm so confused. If only I could get them to talk. If only I could get Dad to say a complete sentence. That might be a start.
7:59 PM
I have to get Dad to like… Act like a human. Jess and Adam's choir concert is on Monday night, I'll make him take me. Then he'll be in public and he'll be forced to be normal.
Sigh. This is going to be a tough weekend.
3-1-03
12:35 PM
I figured out last night that I need to talk to Sydney and hear her side. It's bound to be a little different, and maybe I can coax her into talking to Dad. Or coming home. Or something. I wonder what she's like. If she's a mess like Dad or if she's having a blast at her best friend's house. Hmm.
Anyway, I figured this out way too late last night so I waited until this morning to call. I stayed up late last night. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't make myself write in here. I had nothing else to say. I would have only doodled. I've started that habit again, the doodling. Dr. Kazsuk made a comment about it on a worksheet, which is very creepy coming from him.
12:38 PM
Um.
12:39 PM
I didn't actually fall asleep until like 2:30 ish and then I woke up at seven, which wasn't pleasant. I couldn't fall back asleep at all because I was worried about this Syd and Dad thing. I got up and had a wee bowl of cereal, but I just didn't feel like doing anything so I went back to lay in bed, and I must have drifted of because the next thing I knew it was 11:30.
And now here I go, I'm calling Sydney.
12:43 PM
It's ringing. Three times. Answer your bloody cell phone, damn it!
Ah. "Hello?"
"I'm mad at you." Wow, that was blunt. I guess I'm mad at her. Well, why shouldn't I be? She stormed out and left us, and now Vaughn's hurting and I'm confused and worried and losing sleep over the matter.
Oooh. Breathe.
"I know, sweetie," she sighs, sounding sad and sincere.
"Come home."
"I… can't."
You can but you won't, is what you mean. "Will you tell me what happened?"
"Well, we were on a mission. I was almost done when… Someone who could have recognized me arrived. Your Dad told me to abort, but I was close to completing it, and I could have easily avoided the person. We started arguing on the comm. links, and I nearly blew my cover because of him." She's started to get worked up. "He doesn't trust my skills as an agent, and he has no reason not to. He knows damn well I'm capable of…" Hesitation. "He flat out didn't trust me– doesn't trust me."
"But Dad said–"
"I'm sorry, Aislin, but right now I really don't want to hear anything he said. And I just can't come home. Not now."
We're quiet now. I don't know what to say. If I ask any more questions I'll only get more frustrated than I already am. I can't stand this. It's insane. They're so… Stubborn! UGH! "I have to go. Bye."
12:48 PM
Oh my gosh, I just hung up on her. I didn't even let her say good-bye. But bloody hell if she won't listen to what he says and he won't listen to what she says then how am I going to get them to talk? I am fed up with their stubborn natures, it's no excuse. Not for them.
Okay, maybe this is getting to be more than I can handle. I'm starting to get stressed, that's bad. I just, I can't, ugh. I have got to call Jess. I need to talk to somebody who will listen, and since neither Syd nor Dad will, she's the only one.
But I'll call her in a bit. I'm too… I don't know. I need some time to calm myself down.
3:05 PM
I called her. We had a deep conversation. We don't really know what to do, but I know that we have to get them to talk somehow. I just don't know how, or when. Sigh. I'm so glad Jess listened. Finally, someone around here. She said she feels really bad for me because this is all so screwed up. They were supposed to be engaged right now, for goodness sake. Hm, well, I don't feel any better about the situation, if anything I might feel a little worse, but at least I have Jess to talk to about it. Which is nice. I should have told her a lot sooner.
I think I heard Dad mumble something about Weiss coming over for dinner. That will certainly be interesting. And it will lighten the mood here. A lot. And on the bright side (I know, I'm surprised there is one too), my cough is starting to get better. My coughing fits are getting farther apart. I think I'm going to take a nap or something until Weiss gets here.
3-3-03
3:32 PM
Oh my God, OH MY GOD. Dad is going to KILL me. I can't believe what I did, I UGH! So that bloody math test on Friday- I failed it. FAILED. A 47 percent. And Dad is supposed to sign it. And if he doesn't, I'll get a zero. Which will show up on my grade slip when he goes to conferences this week. So either I face him with a 47, in his condition, or I wait and let Mrs. Frierson tell him I got a zero. Either way, I'm screwed.
I can't believe this. I've never failed anything in my life! Dad expects so much better of me, he's gonna be so mad! I don't even want to imagine his reaction. How could I have let myself fail this? I mean, I know I was distracted because of the whole situation, but I thought I had it under control.
Dad is not going to be happy when he gets home. He'll already be in a bad mood because he's not talking with Sydney, and this is just going to make it worse. But I have to get him to sign it. Maybe he won't pay attention to what he's signing if I ask him casually enough. Yeah. I'll just be like, "Oh, hey, Dad, wanna sign this for me?" and he'll just sign it and leave it alone. And maybe he won't notice why my math grade's dropped to a… lower grade at conferences?
Nevermind. I am screwed. Maybe I can hold off until he sees the grades. If I'm lucky. Ugh, why did I have to fail it? They should move me to the lower math class. I'm not smart enough. Mrs. Frierson is just screwing me over, and I'll fail life. Die, pre-algebra, die.
9:19 PM
I'm certainly feeling better. So much better. And Dad's not so pathetic anymore, not that he's not hurting still, because he is. He's just not moping like he was. Okay, I really should back up. The math test (which I still think should die):
Dad got home a bit after five, so I grabbed the test and found him at the dining room table. "Dad, I need you to sign this." So the "be casual" thing didn't go over so well. I sounded freaked out. And I couldn't look him in the eye. It was horrible.
He grabbed the papers from me and looked them over, of course. "Aislin, what… What is this?"
"My, um, math test from Friday."
"We went over the FOIL method together, you should know how to do this. What happened?"
I do know how to do it. I got all frustrated with myself then, and combined with his tone of voice, I started to get teary eyed. No matter how hard I tried to stop I couldn't. "I don't know! I-I was kind of distracted that day."
I finally looked up at him and he tore his eyes away from the test. His brow was all furrowed; he noticed my near-tears. "If you tried your hardest and got his grade, it–"
"No, Dad! That's it, I didn't try my hardest! I couldn't focus on math. How could I when all I could think about was–" I stopped and bit my lip. I didn't want him to know that his fight with Sydney was affecting me this much.
When I stopped I just stared at him, but he understood. "Oh," he replied, sliding back in his chair. "I didn't realize this would impact you so much… I should have. I'm sorry, I should have realized that I'm not the only person this is affecting." My near-tears stopped. He picked up the pen and scribbled his messy signature across the top. "Look, I don't care about the grade. It's my fault you failed. And I know you know the material, and you usually do pretty well in math."
He gave me a side smile, but I didn't react to it. Then he handed me the test back. "Is Sydney coming home?" I asked meekly.
He frowned. "I don't know," he answered, just as meekly, averting his eyes. Seeing him all depressed again made me depressed again, so I hugged him. I think we both needed it. Then he asked me to help him make dinner, and we went back to our usual conversation/banter and it felt better.
But when we finished dinner I remembered Jess and Adam's choir concert, and since we were feeling better, for lack of a better word, I pushed him into his bedroom. "You are shaving and making yourself look presentable while I do the dishes," I told him. "You're taking me to the MacDonald Junior Academy choir concert."
He stared at me blankly (cough, pathetically) and rubbed his way-too-long-to-be-stubble stubble. "Fine."
So we went. The concert wasn't that bad for middle school kids. I sat by Kathleen, she was there. Afterwards we were talking to Jess and Adam and we noticed Dad conversing with Kathleen's dad. Dad looked almost healthy again. Mostly because Vaughn is so much younger than Mr. Moorland, but also because he was talking like a normal person. It was kind of a nice change.
He told me on the way home he was glad I made him come. And he said he liked talking to Mr. Moorland, he said he was very interesting. I could almost hear Kathleen commenting in my head: "Interesting? I think he means weird." Whatever. But it's good to know that I'm not dead because of my math test, and that Dad's not slowly dying from the inside out. But the Sydney thing is really hard on him. I have to figure out a way to get them talking. Oh well, baby steps, baby steps. Good night.
A/n: Okay, the next part should come soon, but after that softball starts and that takes up a lot of my time so I don't know how often I'll be able to work on this. Hopefully more than I think. True story: in 7th grade we listened to The Giver and it had weird music and it was narrated by none other than Victor Garber. Anywho, please review! Part XII will be good, no, great, I promise!