Sirius' POV

It's hard to resist him. Every day seems to last an eternity, forcing myself to go through the motions of normalcy when my arms long to pull him close to me, my hands long to smooth over his scarred skin, and my lips long to ensnare his tender mouth with mine. I often find myself, in the middle of class, gazing at him, no doubt with my lust unhidden. I've never felt like this before, not even the combined happiness I got from my time with every insignificant girl I have ever graced with my presence could compare with my unchecked joy when he grants me one of his rare grins, or when he occasionally touches me as friends are wont to do.

Because that's all we are. Friends. And as long as he's happy like this, that's how we'll remain.

Sometimes he catches me staring at him, or looks at me strangely when I touch him a tad too long or often. He always turns away with a slight flush in his cheeks and avoids me as much as possible for the remainder of the day, undoubtedly disturbed by my unusual behavior. I have to wonder if he knows, knows that I love him, or if he's disgusted by my affections. But by the next day it's as if nothing had happened, and he never talks about it. No, I'm convinced that friends are all Remus Lupin and I will ever be.

\*(o_o)*/

Professor Binns was giving an extremely dry lecture that day in History of Magic, though it was made much more bearable by the fact that I got to sit next to Remus for an hour. I was honestly trying to take notes on the goblin uprising Binns was currently rattling off facts about, but my eyelids kept slipping down and I was dangerously close to dropping my head on the table and taking a nap as half the class was doing. It's not as if I really needed to take notes. I usually force (with great amusement on my part) Remus to help me with the homework if not give me the answers straight-away, and I have always had a knack with the tests themselves.

I glanced around the room quickly to see if anyone had noticed my slight drooling. Reassured, I turned to Remus beside me to provide a distraction from the pressing need of sleep, but instead met a pair of soft brown eyes gazing at me. Elbows propped up on the desk, chin cradled in hands, Remus stared at me with a look I couldn't recognize in his eyes. If I didn't know better I would say it was… But that couldn't happen, not him, the most adorable, absolutely amazing, straight person in existence. Whatever the underlying emotion under that smoldering gaze was, it sent shivers up and down my spine and made my whole body flush with heat. For a few moments our gaze was locked together; I was unable to make a move.

Then Remus blinked and seemed to realize I had caught him staring at me. As I watched the blood rushed to his face and his skin shone the most delicious shade of pink. He quickly turned to face the front again and looked to try and interest himself in what Binns was droning on about, but then gave up and dropped his head onto the table in front of us with a soft thud. His face was thus hidden for the rest of the class, but even so, I hardly took my eyes off his rounded back and slightly quivering shoulders.

One of the few times I looked away I received a questioning look from James a row over where he was lounging next to Peter. He sent a pointed glance at the prone Remus beside me and seemed to silently say, "What's up with him?". I replied with a simple shrug of my shoulders and turned my eyes back to drinking in every soft curve and hard line of Remus' body.

As soon as the Professor dismissed us to lunch with an essay assignment my desk-mate was up and out the door. He was gone before anyone else could get to their feet. As I was packing my books into my bag James sidled up to me – confidence oozing from his pores as usual – with a strangely unsure face.

"Um, we need to talk." He said hesitantly. I looked up at him and he added, "Alone."

I cocked one eyebrow, but followed him out of the classroom anyway. We stopped in front of an unused classroom and James sent Peter to lunch ahead of us (where Remus was surely absent). Inside the dusty, old room with chairs and tables stacked up on the perimeter, he turned to look at me with that same unsure look, unnatural in the dim light.

It was a minute before he found the words to start with, "Something's been going on between you and Remus lately. I want to know what."

No beating around the bush then, I thought, slightly amused at his directness, but a bit scared to wonder if it was really that obvious. I forced out a chuckle that sounded fake even to me, "What do you mean? Everything's fine."

"Oh please, I don't think you realize how often you two stare at each other. It's as if both of you grew another eye in the middle of your foreheads." He scoffed at me, "It's getting rather ridiculous, the way Remus disappears for the whole day if you so much as brush against him. What did you do to the poor boy, Sirius, rape him?" His look had turned hard, as if his question was even half serious.

I flushed and was speechless for a moment, then burst at him, "What the hell! Do you actually believe I would bloody do that? Much less to Remus? There's absolutely nothing going on between us!"

Bloody Hell, I silently cursed, how is it the thought of Remus is the only thing that can get me worked up like this?

James matched me for volume in his retort, "If there was nothing going on we wouldn't bloody well be having this conversation!" But then he dropped his voice considerably, and tried to sound reasonably understanding, "Listen mate, you're my best friend. I know when something's wrong. And something is definitely wrong." He pinned me with his gaze, "You know you can tell me anything. I can help you with whatever is going on, you just have to tell me what it is."

I could tell he was honestly concerned about me, and I had to admit that I have been acting rather strangely, even stranger than I usually am. Lately I've been more stressed out and haven't been sleeping well, resulting in dark circles of a concerning size underneath my eyes. Looking back, I could see that during whatever time I've spent with my fellow marauders I've been severely distracted by either Remus himself or the thought of him and how his chocolate eyes glitter in the light of the moon. You know it's gotten bad when even James has noticed it, the vain git who's hopelessly obsessed with that fox Lily Evans.

A moment of serious deliberation while staring at the floor, then I decide my pitiful love has been smothered in the dark for long enough.

"Um, well… I guess there is something I should tell you." Work up to it, nice and slow, I thought, something less difficult to admit first.

"I… I-," I bring my eyes back up to his concerned ones and force it out, "I'm gay."

A flicker of surprise on his face doesn't go unnoticed, but then he smoothes it out into an expression of acceptance and encouragement, "Oh… That's- that's good. Um, how long have you, ah, known?"

I almost cracked a smile at my best mate's obvious, slight discomfort. "For about… 2 months now, I think."

"Hmm. And what changed? I don't need to remind you of your history and reputation of being a lady-killer."

Here it is… Maybe he'll be okay with it, I hope silently before reluctantly answering with the hard truth. "Now that I'm able to look back, I realize that I was looking for something in all of those girls, something none of them had. Though it was quite a lot of fun, I was never satisfied, and that restlessness kept me going from one to the next." I didn't dare to pause in case James tried to interrupt. If I stopped spilling my guts now, I doubted I could force myself to start again. "Then when it was winter break a few months ago every one was gone. All the girls, you, Pete, every one except for me and Remus had left for the holidays. It was the first time I actually felt happy. We just played wizard's chess and ate the whole time but it was… nice. It was like all that restlessness had melted away along with all the strain and stress that comes with being me."

I dropped my eyes to the floor again; unable to watch James' reactions to what was coming. "When classes started again and everyone was back all that stress came back. But then, whenever I was around Remus it was just a little bit more bearable, a little more fun. I didn't feel the need to date unceasingly, and I didn't miss it. All I needed was Remus. And I still need him, I want him."

"You love him."

I whipped my head up and looked at James, who had a silly grin on his face. I must have looked puzzled at his apparent amusement at my crisis, for he expanded on his statement, with the smile still in place. "I suspected something of the sort."

"I still don't see how you can smile, this is a serious problem." I said with a hint of warning in the tone.

Apparently he didn't hear it. "Aw, come on man, it's not as bad as you think," He said, that stupid grin still on his face.

I had an urge to punch that smile off his face, but settled for grabbing fistfuls of his robes and slamming him against the wall next to the door. I shoved my face up into his and snarled at him, "You're not the one that wants to rip the clothes off your best friend every bloody time you see him. Don't you dare tell me it's not as bad as I think, because it's worse than I want to admit even to myself. There's no fucking way Remus is ever going to look at me as anything other than a friend. Where does that leave me, huh?"

James glared at me and said snidely, "And who says Remus won't ever look at you like that? Or doesn't already?"

"Because he's bloody straight!"

"Have you even noticed how he's been acting around you lately, how he looks at you?" James asked, exasperated.

"He- he looks at me?" I loosened my grip a little.

James rolled his eyes. "Only all the time."

"You better not be messing with me."

"Sirius, mate," He looked into my eyes, and I knew he was going to speak the truth, "He bloody loves you."

I froze for a minute, searching for something in James' eyes. Then I released him and he smoothed out the wrinkles I made in the front of his robe.

"H- how do you know?"

James turned to me and his lips pulled up in a smirk. "I still can't believe you haven't noticed. He's constantly staring at you whenever you aren't staring at him, and he blushes as red as a beet whenever you touch hands or whatever. Oh, and for the past year he's had an irrational hatred of every girl you were currently with."

I pondered this, then asked, "But if he is in love with me, then why does he run away whenever I touch him?"

James waved his hand in dismissal, "Probably just some I'm not worthy werewolf thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he's just as slow as you are and hasn't noticed you've fallen hard for him."

I allowed myself a chuckle at that. "Well, all this is fine and dandy, now that I know he likes me – you better be right – but what should I do about it? What next?"

I can't believe I'm asking relationship advice from James, he can't even get Evans to agree to study with him, I thought incredulously.

"Hmm…," James considered silently for a minute, then said, "Well, I think the first thing you have to do is get him to admit he loves you – and believe me, he does – which will be tough on its own. Then you need to convince him that you undeniably, unequivocally love him with all your shriveled, black heart." This last part elicited a mirthful grin from both of us.

"And the best part is," James said quietly and with a knowing smile, "I have a plan."

A/N – Ahh! This is my first story, the whole thing written between 1am-6am. Thank god it's Friday night. Anyway, a million thanks (and a chocolate bar (: ) to anyone who reviews! Please no flames, I don't think my poor, weak heart could take it. If you couldn't tell, it's set during the 4th or 5th year James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are at Hogwarts, and Professor Binns is still alive.

Now to sleep.