I'M BACK! I hope you missed me! Nah, I've missed writing though, it's only been three days and I swear I had some kind of withdrawals from writing this fic.

Thanks for the reviews I got for the last few chapters and all of the alerts and favorites. I just want to mention Caitlin. I didn't think this fic was THAT good so it's nice to see that someone is really enjoying it. That applies to all of the reviews I've got really. They make my day and make me want to keep going :).

So here's chapter 12. I hope you like it. Keep in mind that some of it was written under the influence of Vodka and cake so if the beginning bit makes no sense then that is why!

I don't own skins!

ENJOY!

"I love her."

I spent the rest of the day in bed, sleeping, thinking, talking to myself. That has really become one of my worst habits, talking to myself. I could easily get into a full blown conversation, I do actually manage to. People say it's a sign of madness, I say that I can just make great conversation with myself.

I dreamt of Emily, of the effect she's had on me since I met her only a few days ago. Of how she smiles when I take the piss out of her small, but perfect stature. Of the way she always smiles whenever we kiss. The way she's drowned by any piece of clothing that belongs to me. My dreams were all based around all of the things that make Emily, Emily.

I thought about what Cook had said to me about love fucking you up, even though it was the best feeling in the world. I don't know if I'm convinced. How could something that is supposedly so good fuck you up so much. Aren't those contradictory ideas? Love is always said to be amazing. It's supposed to make you feel good, but all it's done is confuse me more than anything that has ever confused me in my whole life. More than the idea that was explained to me in Year 11 physics. Apparently we never really touch anything. It's something to do with spaces between electrons and protons. I never remembered the details because it really started to confuse me, therefore I just decided to forget about it instantly. This mentality really helped me during my GCSE and A-level years.

Emily popped in on me a couple of times today, just checking if I'm okay and letting me know that the children in our group miss me. Secretly I think it was just because she was missing me. Obviously I haven't lost my sense of humor, even though I'm 'apparently' emotionally drained as Cook likes to say.

I'm bored of just sitting around, waiting to feel better. Waiting for someone to say that I'm feeling well enough to go out. I'm not terminally ill. I just hate not knowing. And right now I don't know anything. I don't know what Emily's thinking about us two. I don't know what I'm thinking about us two. I wish I did.

I like her.

I like her a lot.

I told Cook that I loved her.

And I actually think I do love her.

I never stop thinking about her. She consumes every thought I have. How could someone so small make such an impact in only a few days. It shouldn't be possible. I noticed during the first few days that she wasn't the vulnerable little red head that she appeared to be. She has balls (not literally). She takes risks. She tok risks by just getting close to me. I don't let people in. I don't let people get so close to me that they are able to hurt me, but somehow Emily managed to get that close. Right fuck this! I'm not going to keep dwelling on this. My slight break down has made me realise something...there is no point on dwelling on the past. It's not going to bring anyone, or anything back. I need to concentrate on what's happening in my life at the minute, on the people in my life at the minute. I need to concentrate on Emily. I want her, she wants me. It's simple. I don't care that she's a girl, that's just being trivial, and love isn't trivial, you can't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens. Who knew I could be so insightful? So if I know that I love her what am I supposed to do? Well first I need to get out of these clothes, have a shower and make myself look slightly presentable.

Right shower, done. Changed clothes, done. Now I'm just sitting on my bed trying to will myself to actually move and go and find Emily.

"ALRIGHT BLONDIE!" Oh marvelous! Cook comes crashing through the door with what looks like a lot of alcohol and a little red head behind him. Cook is just beaming, he's probably already had a few drinks and Emily is just smiling shyly behind him. It's weird how sometimes Emily has this confidence that I envy and then the next time I see her, her confidence is actually nowhere to be seen.

"Don't call me Blondie Cook. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well I thought..." Emily jabs him in the ribs with a cheeky grin on her face. "Sorry, we thought that you needed a bit of cheering up, so a little drinking is in order." He grins at me, the widest grin he can manage I assume and Emily just sends me a sweet smile at me.

"I'm guessing that the whole drinking idea was Cook's?" I raise my eyebrow at the both of them and then turn my gaze to Emily who's still standing by the door. She actually looks stunning, still in that hoodie which she hasn't seemed to have removed from herself once since we left home and arrived at the river side. It's strange because the hoodie looks vaguely familiar, but I just can't place it. It's big on her, drowns her completely and she pulls it over her hands, like for security. She looks so comfortable just wearing it happily, it doesn't seem to matter that it doesn't fit her at all.

"Well yeah it was his idea, but it's not all that bad. We have ouzo, rum, vodka and a bit more rum." Another smile is sent my way from Emily. I can only imagine that Cook is smiling too but I can't bring myself to break eye contact with Emily.

"Well what are we waiting for then?" I wink at Emily and then finally move my eyes back to Cook who is grinning again like the fucking Cheshire cat.

"That's the spirit Blondie."

So for the second night in a row I'm quite wasted. Cook, Emily and me were just sitting in our room just drinking in a circle, which to be honest is quite pathetic, but I don't think I care anymore. I'm with the girl that I am secretly head over heels in love with and with one of my best friends. The difference between tonight and last night is that I'm happy, I'm not sobbing my eyes out thinking about all the shit in my life.

When Emily got here and we started drinking, which makes me feel like I'm 16 again, I don't know how we were trying to behave. It was like we didn't know what to do. We don't know what we are. As far as most people know we are just friends, well with the exception of Effy and Cook who probably know more than Emily and me actually know ourselves. But once the alcohol was steadily flowing we seemed to relax. Emily settled herself happily with her head on my lap, snuggling into the hoodie that she refuses to take off.

"You know little red's asleep?" I look down to see Emily's hair splayed all over my knee. I lazily play with some stray strands.

"She is?" I don't even look back up at Cook, Emily's sleeping form has me completely transfixed. Her breathing is perfectly even and peaceful.

"Yeah she's actually passed out." I let out a small laugh still looking at Emily.

"Light weight." I say this with a small smile on my face and then turn back to Cook, for some reason he actually has a genuine smile on his face and he's just looking between me and Emily.

"So have you told her yet?" I know what he means, it's weird how Cook can be paralytic yet still ridiculously philosophical.

"No, but I'm going to..."

"You should do, she's so fucking in love with you Naomikins."

"How do you know Cook?"

"Cos I know what love looks like. I may be a prick who just fucks girls but I've seen the way you look at her and I've seen the way that she looks at you and honestly it's exactly the same way that I look at Effy. You know I love her but I'm never going to get her, but you have a chance Naomi so don't fuck it up yeah?"

"I knew you weren't as bad as everyone thinks you are Cook."

"Fuck off."

"You wish. Could you help me put her into bed please?"

"Threesome?"

"Piss off Cook!"

Cook scooped Emily up and gently placed her in my bed. She stirred a little bit from her sleep a bit but didn't wake up so it was fine, she just snuggled back into the hoodie and was again dead to the world.

"Seriously what is so special about that hoodie?"

"You really are stupid aren't Blondie."

"What?"

"I'm letting you work it out yourself."

"You fucking tosser."

Cook left soon after that, said he was going to go and share with Effy as Emily was obviously staying here tonight. So I was pretty much left alone with my thoughts. I couldn't stop looking at Emily but I couldn't stop thinking about everything that Cook had said to me lately. He's blatantly struggling with whatever's going on with him and Effy, he can't handle how he feels, I know he can't but I don't know how to help him. I know earlier that I said I need to concentrate on Emily but I can't just abandon Cook. Fuck now I start caring, fucking brilliant.

I decided to have a fag, what I always do when I need to think so I got my cigarette out and sat on the window cill with my legs dangling over the side. I always used to do this when I was younger, it made me feel free, like I had no boundaries because I could just sit, with my legs free from any restrictions and watch the world pass me by. Of course all that was on my mind was Emily and "Love". That four letter word that scares the shit out of me. I never know what to do with it. It's like a foreign object to me. If I have it I just want to throw it away because I don't know how to use it. But I need to change that. I've found someone that makes me happy. Someone who always manages to make me smile with both my lips and my eyes. I need to cherish what I have.

I got my ipod out and put on something quiet, 'Mumford and Sons.' But that was a bad idea. They sing of love. How it's good. How it can't hurt you. They sing about everything that I have never thought. They have such a pure vision of what love is.

"Love, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free."

Those words stuck in my head. "It will set you free." I always thought I was free. Like nothing could stop me. I thought that love could imprison you. I thought it could hold you back. If I ever fell in love I thought it would hurt me. But I was wrong. Because I have fallen in love and all it's done is made me feel good. I turn to face the sleeping red head who has captured my heart and all I feel is warmth. I smile involuntarily. She really is beautiful, even when she is passed out.

It's about midnight now and I've just been sitting on the window cill watching Emily sleep soundly. I'm not some kind of pedophile or anything I just can't bring myself to not watch her. She's so peaceful when she sleeps. She breathes so evenly. Her nose scrunches up occasionally like she has an itch. She pulls the hoodie she's wearing closer to her every now and again. Her hair falls gracefully over her features. She's the most beautiful person I've seen. Right it's time to stop staring, try and act a little bit more normal, instead of perving on Emily Fitch. I turn my attention back to the outside world, it's dark, really fucking dark. Honestly I've never been much of a fan of the dark, not that I'm scared, just not keen on it. I do find it intriguing though. Darkness can hide so many secrets, there could be loads of people out there, walking, talking, making love. Anything can happen in the dark and no one ever has to know about it.

I don't know what time it is now, I really can't be arsed to look as well. I just keep my eyes on the scenery around me. It much be nearly morning though as the birds are starting to sing. Without any warning a small hand rests itself on the small of my back, curving round my waist. I turn my head to be met with a pair of tired brown eyes.

"You're awake then?" I give her a cheeky grin and she blushes slightly, I think mainly because she's a bit confused.

"Did I pass out?" Her voice laced with tiredness.

"Just a little bit, don't worry I made sure Cook was the perfect gentleman. We don't want him trying to get into your nickers now do we?"

I spin my legs over the window cill so I'm facing Emily properly, a leg on either side of her, my hands firmly fixed on her waist, hers now resting on my legs.

"Emily, I have a question to ask." I fix my eyes to the floor, attempting to avoid Emily's eye line altogether but she obviously has contradictory ideas. She places her hand under my chin and pushes my head up so my eyes meet hers. She smiles, her beautiful smile which relaxes me.

"Go on then."

"Well it's a bit complicated and I've never really asked anyone the question that I'm thinking of asking. But really it's only a question so how hard could it be just to ask a question? I can ask questions can't I?" Shit I'm babbling again. I do this so much recently, mainly when I'm with Emily. For fucks sake. I swing my head back and puff out all of the air I've been holding in then turn back to look at Emily who is wearing a highly amused expression.

"Well you just did, but I'm guessing that's not the question you were originally intending to ask." Her amused expression goes back to the mildly serious one that she was wearing earlier.

"No, okay...well...You know what it doesn't matter."

"Naoms." She's pleading with me. She knows I need to ask her something. I know that I need to ask her something. But it just sounds so fucking cheesy.

"It's just I want to get this out of the way because it's bothering me. You see I don't know what we are right now. I mean what are we doing?" She looks at me, seriously for a second but then her expression just changes to amusement. I didn't think this was funny.

"So basically you're asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"No...well yes...no. Fuck it! Are we together?"

"If you want to be together, either way I still want to kiss you whenever I see you." I consider kissing her at that very moment but then I realise what she's getting at I think.

"You're trying to make me ask you properly aren't you?" I raise my eyebrow towards her and she fakes a look of complete shock.

"Naomi Campbell. I am shocked, no flabbergasted that you would think I would try and manipulate you like that." Her look of shock changes to a cheeky smirk instead and her eye brow is raised, like she's challenging me to ask her. I have two choices now.

1) Give in and ask her properly to be my girlfriend.

or,

2) Play the game and see who gives in first.

I move my hands to her neck and interlock my fingers around her neck, she moves her own hands to my waist. She's smiling. I move my face inches closer to her own and stroke the tip of my nose along her own nose. My lips are level with her own, her eyes are fixed on mine. Daring me. I feel her breath on my own lips. Her hands are caressing any exposed skin on my back, my own finger tips stroking up and down the back of her neck. Our lips are so close to touching, when I suddenly pull away, the classic Naomi Campbell smirk fixed into position. I want to play the game. God knows I want to play the game so much, but for once in my life I've found something that isn't a game to me. This is real. I kiss her forehead and grab her hand, pulling her towards my bed. We both lie down, facing each other, faces almost touching again.

"Emily, will you put up with my adorable, rambling self and be my girlfriend?" I grin at her as her expression changes to show pure happiness. Her eyes are shining so bright and her lips form the perfect smile.

"Do I have to?" I playfully slap her arm.

"Bitch. Well if you really don't want me I'm sure I can find someone else."

"Okay! I'll be your girlfriend!" She leans forward and kisses me softly, yet passionately. For once I snuggle down into the crook of her neck and play with the hem of one of the sleeves of the hoodie that she still insists on wearing. That's when I notice something, sewn into the hem of the sleeves are two letters 'N.C'. I do know this hoodie. I know it well. It's mine. She must have picked it up in my room one night when she stayed over. I look up at her again and smile, giving her a final kiss before I drift off to sleep, it is about 1 in the morning now so sleep really is needed if I'm going to keep up with all of the children tomorrow.

"Good, cos I really don't want to find someone else."

There we are :) I hope you like this chapter. I'm glad we are back to happy Naomi, not grumpy/slightly depressed Naomi, that's just no fun to write :P.

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