Hai guys!

Sorry about the lack of updates, I have been suffering from a severe case of writers block and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere fast. I'm not really happy with is chapter, it feels 'early' if that makes sense….

As always, any ideas or suggestions are appreciated.

Thanks, Kaila

I sat curled in a fluro green beanbag, silently watching Josh as he played me a song. It was angsty and low but I recognised it immediately and sung along.

I listened in
Yes I'm guilty of this
You should know this
I broke down and wrote you back
Before you had a chance to

Forget forgotten
I am moving past this giving notice
I have to go
Yes I know the feeling,
Know you're leaving

Calm down, I'm calling you to say
I'm capsised, erring on the edge of safe
Calm down, I'm calling back to say
I'm home now
I'm coming around, I'm coming around

Nobody likes to but I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry

Spelled out your name and lists the reasons
Faint of heart
Don't call me back
I imagine you when I was distant
Non existent

I followed suit and laid out on my back imagine that
A million hours left to think of you
And think of that

Calm down, I'm calling you to say
I'm capsised, staring on the edge of safe
Calm down, I'm calling back to say
I'm home now
I'm coming around, I'm coming around

Nobody likes to but I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry

Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down

Nobody likes to
But I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down

Josh focused everything on the guitar, the melody flowing through him like a waterfall. His passion for the music was obvious.

"I never would have picked you for a Tegan and Sara fan" I murmured as he finshed.

He smiled and I fainted inwardly.

"Well seeing as you're joining, do you have any ideas for a name?" he asked casually.

"Um how about Paramour?" I offered.

"Huh?"

"It's French. It means secret lover."

I noticed Josh looking over my shoulder and I turned to see Zac, Taylor and Jeremy standing behind me, listening in.

"What do you guys think?" I asked them.

"I like it.." Taylor mused. "Maybe we could change the spelling though. Para-m-o-r-e, like my Mums maiden name…"

"Its better than what we've got now" Zac stated.

"Any thing is better than being nameless dude" Jeremy replied dryly. "And I'm with Tay, I like it."

"Well Hayley," Josh declared. "It looks like you've given us what we were missing, a voice and a name. Welcome to the family!"

The boys applauded and I smiled, felt embarrassment colour my cheeks.

Once we'd finished, Josh insisted that I stay a little longer and I didn't argue. I meant to go home at around 8 I sat up most of the night talking shit with him. He was so easy to get along with and once he got past his slight shyness, he wouldn't shut up. Not that I minded. He was fifteen and had been playing guitar three years. His favourite bands were Sum 41, Sunny Day Real Estate and Jimmy Eat World. He hated homework, techno, popular people and his hometown. He adored his family and was waiting on a younger sister. He nagged me for a run though of my nauseatingly boring which I refused until he gave me the cutest puppy dog look I had ever seen. I'd have to toughen up and not give in no matter how adorable he looked if his stories of getting into trouble with his friends were true because I knew I'd be dragged into the craziness at a later date. By the time we stopped talking, it was well past midnight so I texted my Mum and crashed on the couch. For some weird reason I couldn't sleep. So I jammed my iPod in my ears and tuned out.

I was at an old theatre, watching myself from above as I played with the band. The band me was singing something but I couldn't hear properly over the roar of the massive crowd that watched on. All of a sudden, Josh ran to the edge of the staged and jumped. I felt uncontrollable fear freeze the blood in my veins. Instead of being supported by the crowd, they moved away revealing a jagged cliff.

Josh had jumped off a cliff.

I forced myself to moved and jumped down onto the main floor. I landed on my feet and ran against the of zombie like people who didn't seem to notice me at all. After several long moments, I reached the edge of the abyss. I swallowed my terror and let myself fall. The air rushed past me, blowing my hair into my eyes and forcing me backwards. After what seemed like eternity, I slammed to the ground. I winced as I felt the air rush painfully out of my lungs. I stood shakily as I waited for my eyes to adjust to the unforgiving black.

"Josh?" I called, ignoring the pain in my ribs. "Josh? Josh where are you?"

Silence

I walked tentatively, sharp gravel cutting into my bare feet.

"Josh it's me. Are you ok?"

I something sticky under my feet and I knelt down to get a better look at the source.

Blood

He lay on the cold, stony ground, his body bent and covered in cuts and bruises. His brown eyes were cloudy and glassed, the life that had filled them only moments earlier dimming. I recoiled away from him, as his blood stained my white t-shirt and jeans a violent, sickening red. It was then that I noticed the final horrible detail.

The impossible angle of his neck.

Josh Farro was dead.

My eyes opened wide and it took a moment for the fear and sleep to fade. I jumped as I realised I was being watched.

"Are you alright?" Zac whispered. "You were dreaming."

"Huh? Yeah I'm ok..."

He saw straight through me.

"You were talking in your sleep. You mentioned Josh."

Oh shit, Well done Hayley

"How often" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"A lot."

"Ugh, ok did I say anything else I should go into hiding about?"

Zac laughed softly and I literally felt like I was going to throw up.

"You said 'Please don't leave me, I need you. Please Josh.' "

I groaned. "Is that it?"

"Yeah. You like him don't you?"

I fell back onto the pillows underneath and sighed.

"Yeah, I do. Please don't say anything Zac.. Please."

"S'ok, I won't say anything. Pinky swear."

"If you say anything I'll trash your drum kit!" I threatened.

"I don't doubt it" he replied worriedly.

"So why were you up anyway?" I asked as I noticed the time.

He grinned and held up a fist full of candy.

"I got hungry."

I laughed and caught a poptart he threw in my direction.

"Why am I not surprised?"