The Aislin Chronicles
Part XIV
A/n: Apparently, I can't add. I gave Aislin the wrong birthday. She's really born in 1990 if she's 13. Whoops. Anyway, you all should be proud of my productivity today. I went shopping, finished this, and made cookies all this afternoon! Enjoy!
3-25-03
3:52 PM
Well, I had an interesting day. School wasn't bad, Kathleen decorated my locker and Jess tied a few balloons to me, and I got a bag of candy from Mrs. Frierson and can of Coca Cola from Mr. Johnson. That was nice. But right, about last night.
So I was sitting on the couch with my journal and a pretty pen, wrapped up in my quilt, crying, and I heard footsteps down the hall. I looked up and Dad walked in, rubbing his eyes. He headed towards the kitchen and noticed me sitting in the dark, alone, in the middle of the night.
"Hey," he whispered. "Midnight snack." I just sat there, trying to contain myself. He turned a dim light to ravage around the kitchen, but it was bright enough for him to see that I was crying. Instantly he was by my side on the couch, his brow furrowed as I tried, and failed, to wipe my tears away.
I clutched my journal into my chest, remembering how it was Father who had given it to me. And suddenly, I just spilled. I told him how it was my first birthday without Father, my thirteenth birthday, no less, and how much I missed him, and loved him, and how I couldn't stop thinking about him. It felt like he died all over again, it was just like it happened a few days ago.
"Vaughn, I'm tired of remembering him and being sad," I said, not realizing I had started to call him Vaughn again. "I want to remember him and be happy. But it's like… Can I miss him and still be happy? I just–" I tried to inhale a deep breath to calm myself, but it didn't work, and I kept on crying.
Dad said he was like this on his first birthday without his father too. He said it was hard, and that it would eventually get easier. I could tell there was no other way for him to comfort me, only time would make things better. But every time I looked at him, I could tell he was uncomfortable. I mean, there I was, talking about how much I missed Father all while Dad's right here. So I tried to make him feel better too. "I'm sorry I miss him," I said. "Father was always working, he was never around. You… You've been more of a father to me than he ever was."
I didn't catch his reaction. At first, I thought I was just saying something to make Dad feel better, but after I said it, I realized I meant what I said, which made me cry harder. I love my father, er, I loved him, but really, I raised myself. I had dinner with him once a week, if I was lucky. And when he was around, he was great. He was my best friend. But he was never there. And it terrified me that Dad was like a replacement. Because Dad wasn't, he wasn't at all.
Ever since I found out what Father really did, why Sydney had to kill him, I've been arguing with myself about him. Was he good, was he bad, was he really the person I thought I knew? Finally, I settled on the idea that he was just my father. No more, no less, despite his insane line of work.
What little I had of him, I lost. I didn't have any other family to hold on to, he was all I had. All consistency in my life left me, so when Vaughn and Sydney became constants in my life, it was such a comfort. They became my family, certainly differently than what Father and I had, but I guess that's what we are. A family.
So in the midst of my breakdown, Dad took my journal and pen and set it on the coffee table. He inched closer to me and grabbed my hand firmly. "It's okay to miss him," he whispered to me. But that was all I needed; I could miss him– I did miss him –and everything would be okay.
After a bit Dad carried me in my quilt back into my room. He tucked me in but stayed sitting on the bed. "You know," he started, "Syd and I decided on no more missions because of you."
I had finally stopped crying by then. "Me? Why?"
"Because if anything happened to one of us… We couldn't leave you behind." He bent over and kissed the top of my head while I contemplated his words. I had never really thought about that. What would happen if something went wrong on a mission and one of them didn't come home? It was a comforting thought to know they wanted to stay in my life.
"Dad?" I called just before he walked out the door. He turned around. "I love you."
He smiled. "I love you too."
Then Donovan jumped on my feet and kind of ruined the moment. But he made my feet warm and I fell asleep. When I woke up he was barking at the door to be let out of my room, and it was like a minute before my alarm was gonna go off. I grumbled and let him out of my room then I went to eat breakfast. Dad said I could stay home from school if I wanted because I didn't get much sleep, but I really needed to take my mind off it, and I knew people like Jess and them could do the trick. Sydney didn't say much, I'm pretty sure Dad talked to her about it. Which is fine. It's good, actually.
Well, we're going out to dinner tonight in honor my thirteenth birthday. (Thirteen? Really? I still can't believe that.) I wonder what presents I'm getting. Hehe. Presents. Those always cheer a girl up.
3-28-03
6:58 PM
Hey, I haven't written in here since my birthday. Teachers finally realized spring break is almost here and they want to cram as much as they can into our heads via mass amounts of homework. Poor plan in my opinion. Anyway, I guess I should talk about my birthday dinner!
Dinner was good, we went to some nice restaurant in town. Oh wait! First I got presents from them at home. They got me one of those portable DVD players, which is insane. They shouldn't waste all this money on me. But. It's entertaining, hehe. And I got new clothes and stuff. And I got a camera, and a photo album to fill. The camera's really cool, I've taken a few random photos here and there. And it's got an awesome zoom. Which I don't play with when I'm bored… Um…
So after dinner, we were waiting for the bill, and Sydney went to use the bathroom. Dad told me he wanted to give me another present. I said he was just spoiling me but he stopped me. He told me that he wants to take me back to Ireland sometime. Not like, really soon, but whenever I'm ready we can go. Just the two of us. I said I'd really like that. But I don't know when I'm going to be ready. Maybe when that day comes when I can remember Father and feel happy. Maybe.
Hm.
7:07 PM
Anyway, I'm going to Kathleen's for the night. Jess and her sister Krissy are coming too, it'll be fun. It's going to be our last sleepover for a while because they're going away for spring break. Which reminds me, Dad and Syd asked me where I wanted to go. I'm not really sure yet. I was kind of thinking… No, no, never mind, I'm insane. Absolutely insane.
7:09 PM
Well, maybe not, I mean…
No! I'm crazy. Just forget what I was thinking. Wait. Agh. I hear you laughing at me, journal, and I don't appreciate it.
3-31-03
3:33 PM
Well, it's official, I'm nuts. All weekend Dad was pressuring me about where I wanted to go for spring break. I told him he and Syd could decide but for some reason he kept asking me. He said we could go anywhere. Anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. And do you know what I said in reply? "Well, I kinda wanna go someplace cold. It's so warm here, like, all the time."
I can't believe I said that out loud. That's what I was thinking earlier, somewhere colder, but I mean, why? It's… cold! He says anywhere and I say cold. I really think someone needs to examine my head.
6:15 PM
Hahahahahaha, this is hilarious. Hahahaha! Dad booked us a cabin. Up north. In the mountains. Where it's cold. Hahaha…
4-1-03
3:41 PM
Everyone'e freaking out over spring break at school. A bunch of kids are leaving early, so we're just going to watch movies in class and stuff, hehe. I was talking to Ian Schmidt about spring break today in math, he's going to visit family in some city I pretended I'd heard of. I told him I was going up north, and he said the mountains were really cool.
So.
I'm excited now?
And he smiled right after he said it. He's too cute.
3:44 PM
And I got to thinking, cold's not so bad all the time. It'll be warm in the cabin and stuff. And it's only a week. And it will be pretty and relaxing, and then when we get home the warm will be nice to return to. I guess.
Jess's family and Adam's family are going somewhere together and are leaving on Friday, so they'll miss the morning (we only have a half day on Friday) and Dad said we're going to leave that afternoon, come back next week Friday.
Okay, I lied, I'm super excited for this trip. I really want to get away for awhile. I'm sick of school and just doing the same thing day after day after day. This will be fun. But it's only Tuesday, and that's oh so far away from Friday. Well, not really, but school seems to be getting longer. Honestly, aren't they only supposed to have us for so many hours? I think they're sneaking in extra minutes just to torture us.
So today was April Fool's Day. Three of my teachers "assigned" us a huge project then said they were kidding once a few kids flipped out. It really wasn't that funny. Kind of a silly holiday, don't you think? Whatever. Sigh, far-away-Friday.
4-3-03
9:24 PM
Oh my gosh I have to pack like half my crap still. I feel like I'm bringing so much stuff, but I checked the weather and it could be warmish but it could be cold and I just want to make sure I'll be ready for anything. This bag is barely big enough.
Yay, we leave tomorrow! I'm so excited. Dad and Syd are going to pick me up after school gets out, and then we stop here to get Donovan and our bags and then we leave! I can't wait. School tomorrow is going to be so pointless. What are we going to do for a half day when half the kids are gone? Nothing! It will be great. Hopefully I'll get to talk to Ian a lot, hehe.
Ugh, I guess I better finish packing for real. Do they make bags big enough to pack my whole room? That would just make everything easier.
4-4-03
1:32 PM
We're on the open road, northbound! At last! The roads are bumpy sorry if my handwriting is weird. Yes, I just apologized to a journal. Who cannot read. Anyway, school was so ridiculous this morning. I don't know why I bothered to go. We watched movies first and second hour (our team didn't even bother to change classes) and then we had to go to third hour. Which for me, was gym. Mr. Petrowitz is evil and he made us do stuff. There was this huge cage-like box of basketballs and all the guys were going crazy. Dee and I and a bunch of other girls stood around and talked. We occasionally took a shot so Mr. Petrowitz wouldn't get mad. But really, it was so stupid.
But now I'm jamming with my headphones to a CD Fini and Dee burned for me for my birthday. I don't know most of the songs, but it's a good CD. Very catchy songs.
Man, this is going to be a long drive. We probably won't get there until well after dinner. But it will be fine. I'll sleep some, write some, read some, play twenty questions with Dad and Syd (I am the master at that game). In fact, sleeping doesn't sound so bad. Donovan looks mighty comfy asleep on the seat beside me and my pillow looks mighty inviting…
8:17 PM
We're here! And it's cold! And I realize how much I totally did not miss cold but that's okay because the cabin is really cute and it's so pretty here in the mountains. The cabin has two bedrooms and one bathroom, so we all have to share, which kinda sucks. But my room is upstairs in like a loft, it's nifty. I've finally finished getting settled in up here. And I'm not tired at all because I slept most of the way up. Although we did get in a few rounds of twenty questions, and I kicked their butts with "ceiling fan." They were stumped for probably twenty kilometers, it was awesome.
I'm gonna go down and talk with Syd and Dad. And tomorrow commences doing nothing for an entire week! This is going to be great, I can tell.
A/n: Wahoo, spring break! I'm not sure when I'll be updating next, because softball will keep me busy this week, then I leave for my own spring break. I'll definitely have the next chapter written (or most of it) when I get back, and maybe I can post that weekend before school starts again. We shall see, we shall see.
I hope you enjoyed this, so please review! I'm excited for the next part, it's going to be goooooood.