It's be a while. Sorry about the lack of updates, inspiration for this fic has been evading me of late (hence the reason I started Fallen.) But I've finally got around to it…
Review, comment, rate whatever you choose.
To those people who've motivated me, helped me out, listened to my rants, sworn at me, demanded that I write more, and a multitude of other things: You know who you are and I love you. Yes, you!
Kaila xxx
On Friday I found myself sitting on the worn couch in the Farros music room again. I was trying to work on lyrics but nothing would come. It had been a few weeks since Zac had discovered my secret and I hadn't dreamed about anything else except Josh dying since.
Weird…
I jumped a mile as I realised Josh was standing right behind me, looking over my shoulder.
"Whoa dude, sneak up on me much?"
"Oh sorry. Got anything new?" he asked, gesturing to the book in my hands.
"Nope."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I think my inspiration has taken an inconvenient holiday" I joked.
"Mine's still here, it's just…"
"Being bitchy?"
"Pretty much" he replied, looking as frustrated as I felt.
"Well, we could..." I murmured as an idea slowly formed. "No, it's stupid…"
"What?"
"I was going to say that we could try writing together but-"
"Are you kidding?" he cut me off in mid sentence. "Grab a Sharpie, we've got work to do!"
I shifted to make room and handed Josh my guitar. I felt my heart speed up as he sat next to me and I told myself for the tenth time that day the he would never consider me as anything more than a bandmate.
"Shotgun not writing it out!"
He looked up from tuning the guitar and shot me a dirty look and I laughed and smiled sweetly.
"Ha that's funny" he replied sarcastically.
"It's hilarious and you know it."
"Fine, let's settle this shall we?"
"Bring it on loser." I shot back, matching his tone.
"Tough talk short stuff." He countered as he made a fist.
"Rock paper scissors?" I scoffed. "Really?"
"Whatever dude" he muttered.
Josh won two of the three rounds so I got stuck with scrawling down the notes.
"So what have you got so far?" he asked, staring at me intently.
All my confidence disintegrated in two seconds.
Great Hayley, seize up now why don't you! Think, keep talking, act normal!
"Uh yeah about that… All I've got is what I sung last week…"
"I don't know about you" he mused. "But I write about experiences, life. We build on what you already have but first we have to figure out what is you're trying to say."
"My parents divorced a few months ago" I blurted out.
I ignored the incredibly pissed off voice in my head that was now yelling at me, telling me that he probably couldn't give two shits about my personal life and to stop spilling my guts and concentrate on making sense. Instead, I looked into his deep brown eyes and willed him to understand.
"That sucks."
"Yeah, it really does…." I trailed off, feeling the familiar that had haunted me for so come rushing back to the surface one again.
"You feeling ok? We can write about something else if you want."
I shook my head and wiped away a tear that run down my cheek.
"No, it'll be good for me to get it all out ya know? I can't let in kill me like its been doing. I know what I want to say, I just can't figure out how."
"Ok um, start with a verse; they're always harder than a chorus."
I tore out a clean piece of paper and with Josh leaning over my shoulder making suggestion, I began to write.
I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd breathe then you were wrong
Because I won't stop holding on
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd breathe then you were wrong
Because I won't stop holding on
This is an emergency
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this
It's really not your fault
And no one cares to talk about it
To talk about it
Cause' I've seen love die way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive...
So give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again
I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
And you do your best to show me love
But you don't know what love is
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
Well I can't pretend that I don't see this
It's really not your fault
And no one cares to talk about it
To talk about it
Cause' I've seen love die way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive...
The scars they will not fade away
And no one cares to talk about it
To talk about it
Cause' I've seen love die way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive...
I smiled as the last notes for the guitar faded and the song ended.
"Woah dude that sounded…"
"Awesome!" Josh finished. "What do you think? Should we play it for the others?"
"Definitely ."
Josh grabbed his phone and sent a text to Zac and the others. They turned up a few minutes later and were just as impressed. Our first song. Wow.
A few months ago, if someone had told me I'd be in a band and writing songs, I would have said they were crazy. I would have said that I'd given up on anything and everything after my parents split.
I couldn't believe I'd almost hung it up.