I know this is a bit short but it's just a bit of a filler. If this is starting to seem a bit shit, i can only apoligise really.
I DON'T OWN SKINS.
Enjoy.
I don't see why people always seem to have a problem with how I like my tea. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a lot of milk in your tea. I'm just being practical, by having more milk my tea isn't as hot, therefore, I don't burn my tongue. I'm one smart cookie. But that's what I've done all my life isn't it. I've avoided relationships, loving people so I don't get burnt, but now, I'm in a relationship and this is a big fucking relationship and I don't know what to do with it. Maybe I should stop having so much milk in my tea, allow myself to get burnt on the odd occasion, so I know how it feels. Who would have thought that a simple conversation about tea would spark such deep thoughts in my little head.
"How's your face?" I look up from my tea slightly, my eyes just peeking over the edge of the cup to see Emily staring back at me with an amused look on her face. I raise my head above the cup and raise my eye brow.
"My face?"
"You know, when you fell down the stairs a few minutes ago." Emily says this like this is something I should remember, as I recall it I didn't fall, I was just saying hello to the hard wood flooring.
"I didn't fall. I don't know what you're talking about Em." I resume my position staring at my tea with my lip on the edge of the cup, acting like Emily is imagining everything, which I know is just going to frustrate her, but she looks sweet when she's frustrated, so I'll annoy her as much as I wish.
"You fell. I heard you fall." And now her voice begins to squeak cos she's trying so hard to convince me that I did indeed fall. I'll put her out of her misery soon, maybe.
"I didn't fall." I really did fall...
"You fell."
"I didn't fall." It was quite a dramatic fall actually...
"You did."
"Didn't." My head is fucking killing me right now...
"You did."
"You two do realise that you are both 19, not 5 year olds." I turn to my mum who only shows amusement in her expression, probably a bit of annoyance but that's just normal mother behavior really. She leaves, which now leaves Emily and me sitting in the kitchen laughing at how immature we can be. Well I was laughing anyway. Emily just sits and sulks in her seat next to me with her own cup of tea covering her mouth. This just makes me laugh more, I really do know which buttons to push with her. I lean over and kiss her on the cheek and then study her intently, waiting for the inevitable smile to break out on her face. I wait, and wait, and wait a bit more but no smile appears. I lean over again and kiss her cheek but don't pull away from her. Instead I stay fixed there, smiling on her skin and staring into her eyes, that are desperately trying to avoid my own. I feel her cheek move in a way that is familiar to me. Whenever she lies on my chest I feel her smile, I know how she smiles without even seeing her lips. And of course when I pull away a smile has appeared
"I win." I send her a triumphant smile and finally drink my tea which is now the perfect heat due to my sensible amount of milk and patient waiting. I make tea sound like a science. Once I've got my head out of my mug of tea Emily swoops in a catches me completely off guard with a morning kiss.
"You do know that I haven't got round to brushing my teeth yet." I smirk at her, expecting her to be completely disgusted. Instead she just shrugs at me.
"I was curious about what your tea tasted like."
"You could have asked to try it."
"Well that's just no fun." I lean back in a kiss her softly but with as much love as I can muster. She smiles into the kiss happily. I lean away again and just look at Emily, she looks so happy just sitting in my kitchen with me wearing my t-shirt.
"So Em, as this is our first official day back in Bristol what would you like to do, apart from wear my clothing?"
"Your my girlfriend, so I'm allowed to wear your clothes whenever I wish." She flashes a smug grin at me. Obviously proud of herself for making her point so eloquently. "And also, it's was our first day back yesterday." It was our first day back yesterday? Shit I've pretty much lost an entire day, I don't think I drank so much to erase my memory. Shit.
"But I don't remember the majority of the first day, so I'm pretending that it never existed." I grin at her this time but the smile isn't returned as quickly as I would have thought. There's a moment of sadness behind her eyes. What happened last night?
"Good mornin' all! How are we all diddling today?" Thank fuck for Cook's inappropriate timing that somehow manages to be appropriate. He saunters over and roots through the cupboards in the kitchen. Sometimes it's like he fucking lives here, but on the other hand I don't have to be nice to him while he's here and get food for him, he can just do it himself. I enjoy being a lazy sod from time to time. When I look back to Emily her eyes are fixed on her now empty cup of tea. I don't know what I've done. I don't know what I said but that doesn't matter. I move my hand under the table and entwine our fingers together holding her hand as tight as I can. She doesn't flinch away which is a good sign. She holds my hand just as strongly.
"Come on, we're going for a walk." I say this with as much determination as I can. I stand, bring Emily with me who looks slightly surprised by my sudden determination to fix whatever might be broken.
"Is 'going for a walk' some kind of lezzer term for a willy waggle?" I turn back slightly to see Cook looking round the kitchen door and wiggling his eyebrows at us with a stupid grin on his face. "Mind if I watch?"
"Fuck off Cook!"
We walk in silence, me just dragging Emily along, our hands constantly connected. I'm determined to fix this. On a mission if you will. I remember. Of course I fucking remembered what happened. Cook can be a really cock sometimes when he's fucked off his face.
"She spoke to me, and she told me that she loved you. Yep that is what I recall happening. And that may seem like a small statement and all but the last person she said that she loved, apart from me of course was her..."
We all know that my elbow didn't slip. It purposely hit Cook in the ribs as hard as possible, cos he fucking deserved it. I'm going to tell Emily, but I needed to work my way up to it. To make sure I know what needs to be said. It's true that I have only told one other person that I loved them. But that person left me, abandoned me, and that's when it all went to shit. Until now. With Emily I know she won't just leave me, I won't let her leave me. Not again.
For so long I've been pushing people away from me, thinking that if I'm alone I'm going to be so much safer. No-one can hurt you when you're alone. No-one can let you down. No-one can leave you. I adopted this idea quite recently. Not after my dad left, that didn't get to me. I was young. I didn't know him. He's means nothing to me.
I learnt this behavior about 2 years ago. My families always been small and I was so attached to my grandmother. She really loved me and I really loved her. We used to go for walks and just talk about any old shit. She would repeatedly bring biscuits to me, thinking I needed to put on a bit of weight bless her. She was the only person that shared my hate for the communal living shit. She would always say to me that my mum's a fucking cow who is a nutter and that a teenaged needs to live with peace and quiet, not the fucking living embodiment of Jesus Christ. I always thought that she would never leave me, but 2 years ago she died with no fucking warning. She left me alone. That's when I stopped fucking trusting people. She even said to me "I'll see you soon love." But she fucking left me didn't she. I didn't see her soon apart from in a fucking coffin. I hate that I get angry about this. I hate that I can't even remember her and have a huge smile on my face. Of course now a few stray tears are falling down my cheeks.
"Naomi just wait one second. Where the fuck are we going?" I turn back to her, some tears present in my eyes. I quickly throw them away and take a deep breath, composing myself.
"I just need to show you something. Trust me okay?"
"Okay."
I continue to drag her along, we're almost there. I haven't been there for so long. I only went there once and decided that I never wanted to go back. I wanted to remember her as she was, not how she is now, even though I struggle with that enough as it is considering that my blood practically boils every time I think about it.
I slow my pace down quite significantly and eventually stop.
"I don't think I can...I don't know...For fucks sake." I stare at where we are. I feel lost. All I feel is pain when I'm here. I do what I always do when I can't handle these kinds of situations, pull out a cigarette and try to light it "Fucking hell, pissing lighter." Emily puts her hand over my own my own that are furiously trying to get the fucking lighter to work. I look up at her and I know that I look like shit. I know I look like I'm about to cry at any point.
"Naoms, why did we come here?" She looks me, not moving her eye line from me at any point apart from when she blinks, but that only takes a split second. Her hands stay where they are, holding both of my hands in her own.
"I told you I'd explain today didn't I?"
"I thought you said you couldn't remember." She's obviously skeptical as to whether I was telling the truth about me forgetting everything or not.
"I remembered. So I'm going to explain now instead of having Cook talk a load of shit when he's completely splattered."
"But why here?"
I know this whole chapter is a bit ambiguous, but it will hopefully start to make a bit more sense soon.
Thank you for all of the reviews I've got for the last few chapters. Thanks for all of the alerts and favorites as well. Let me know what you think.
REVIEW PLEASE.
lots of love withlegslikethat xxxx