ALRIGHT MY LOVERS? Here is an update for all of you lovely people. I've decided that I'm going to stop being a shit head and saying that this is going to be bad. I like writing this story so I'm going to enjoy it. Oh yes motivational speeches for myself right there. So yes back to business, thank you so much for all of the reviews for the last chapter, they are basically why I'm still going and carrying this on, and why I'm in such a good mood about it.

I would have updated sooner but I've been out a lot doing uneventful things, but they were fun uneventful things. I've also been trying to sort my mess of a life out...that's always a fun activity for the summer. I get my GCSE results back soon and I am actually ridiculously scared about them, it's now only 18 days! :O

Just a quick mention to 'you're looking sexy'...you're review cheered me up so thank you :) ALL OF YOU LOT ARE SO LOVELY *HUGS AND KISSES FOR ALL* Thanks to all who favorited and alerted also :)

I'm sorry for my funny mood right now, I don't know what's caused it, maybe tiredness and hunger as it is really time for lunch and I only just woke up ;)

I DON'T OWN SKINS.

ENJOY :)

"But why here?" I don't answer, just look out at what's around me. I can feel the tears in my eyes, the lump in my throat, the overwhelming feeling to throw up, but what I can't feel is my voice. Nothing's coming out. I don't even know what I would say. 'Hi, I just brought you to a grave yard to see my dead grandmother, would you like a cup of tea? Maybe a chocolate biscuit to go with it? Yeah make yourself comfortable.' because I'm sure that would go down swimmingly.

"Naoms, why are we here?" I look back to her, I feel vacant, empty and she sees it. Even she looks like she's about to cry. She slips her hand into mine, and they really do fit so perfectly. Our fingers lacing together instinctively. Every time her hand is in my own I have to take a minute to actually process the fact that she's with me.

"Come on I'll take you home." Emily starts to walk back the way we came but I head towards it. There are so many of them everywhere, just sitting quietly. There's no one else here but Emily and me, it's silent, you can just hear the wind around you. I make my way down a path with more of them on either side of it until I get to the right one. When I finally lay my eyes on it I can't tear my eyes away from it. Last time I came her was two years ago. It's surreal seeing it all again. When I was last here I stood in silence, I couldn't say anything. I was crying, my mum clinging onto my hand as hard as she could. She was more composed than me, she was prepared for it to happen. I had never even thought about losing her ever. I remember on that day I was angry, I was scared and I was so fucking upset that I just cried my eyes out. I was the first to cry at the funeral, the coffin was brought into the church and I instantly burst into tears upon seeing it. Back in the reality that is now, with Emily behind me I start to walk towards it, ignoring Emily's shouts at me. She repeats my name over and over again but I can't stop myself.

"Naomi! Naomi for fucks sake where are you going? Naomi!" Her voice is just lost around me. The tears are still there, I want to throw up, I feel physically sick. I stop dead in my tracks in front of it, extending my arm I just lightly touch the top of the stone and run my hand along it, brushing off the dead leaves that lie across it. I see her name, I see the flowers and I can't help the amused smile that rises on my face. She hated flowers, really hated them 'too jolly for their own fucking good' she used to say, never get her started on the smell though or she'd tear your fucking head off. As my eyes trail down the stone I see all the loving words written there. Loving mother, loving grandmother and of course loving daughter. My eyes then reach the bottom where the dates lie...1931 - 2008, that's when it really hit me like a punch in the gut. My legs gave way completely and I just stay there, on the floor, a heap of pathetic-ness. Two fucking years and I'm still crying over her. Fuck sake. I'm crying in front of her grave, my hand tracing the letters of her name, like that's going to make her come back to me. She fucking left me. I hear Emily vaguely rushing over. She holds onto me and all I can do is cry. I cling onto her hoodie that's she's wearing, my head being held securely in the safety of Emily's arms. One arm around my neck, with me holding it there and the other on my back, holding me closer. I'm sobbing, my throat hurts, I feel like I'm really about to throw up now, and I can't help but scream because my because all I can do is feel the loss in my stomach.

"She fucking left me! She said she wouldn't leave me and she fucking did."

Emily's hold tightens on me, she's holding me so tightly, rubbing my back slightly trying to calm me down and it really doesn't work. I can't fucking calm down. I've held all of this shit in for 2 fucking years and now it's all coming out and it hurts more and more with every fucking tear that falls. We stay like this, Emily holding onto me. Me crying and shouting and screaming until I become too tired to cry anymore.

There was an old bench nearby in the cemetery that we set up camp on. We sit there, I sit completely up right, feeling tired and empty at this moment. Emily holds onto my hand no matter what, which I am grateful for. All I need right now is quiet and Emily and I have both of those things. I look over at Emily slightly and she looks concerned, she's not looking at me but she's obviously deep in thought, not knowing what to do right now but trying to portray the fantasy that's she's not panicking at all. Her face screams "Shit, what do I do?" bless her. This makes me smile momentarily and you know, I really should put her out of her misery and let her know that I'm okay and actually explain why I brought her here in the first place.

"She died two years ago." Emily looks up at me, completely shocked that I'm even able to speak. Granted, my voice sounds like shit but at least it's still working. "It was some kind of heart problem, well that's what my mum told me. I came back from school and my mum was just sitting at the dinner table, she'd obviously been crying, and you know us Campbell's, we don't cry. Hard as nails we are." I manage a week smile, which prompts a small knowing smile from her. "So yeah, she told me that my gran had died and I broke down, after that I stopped speaking to her, everyone really, even Cook for a bit. It was easier not having to explain to people. It kind of stopped the hurt but of course all that quiet has come back to bite me in the arse." I gesture to my, make-up smudged, crumpled clothing, tear stained self with my free hand, as the other one is currently comfortable in Emily's hand. I can't help but take the piss out of myself, this is so fucking pathetic. Upon those thoughts Emily's hand instantly tightens around my own, I forgot that she could read my face like a fucking book for 2 year olds. "Then you came along." I look up at her and smile with as much warmth as possible, she on the other hand looks guilty for something. "It's a good thing that you came along Em, since meeting you I've felt happier, less alone." I look down to my knees, this opening up shit is harder than I thought, now I know why I didn't do it for so long. "The last person who I actually said 'I love you' to was my gran and she left me, she abandoned me, that's why this" I raise our hands, visually explaining my point that we, as a couple, is so new to me. This idea of loving someone has always hurt me. "This right here, is just so new and so fucking scary. Can you understand that? I love you but people leave me Em. They don't want this person obviously. They don't give a shit. I'm trying to be better. I'm trying so fucking hard but all I come back to is the fact that the one person I loved fucking left me." Emily looks at me, her eyes completely full of sympathy, I can feel my eyes beginning to fill with tears again. I don't want to fucking cry anymore. I'm done with crying and being this vulnerable person. Fucks sake.

"I love you Naomi...I'm not going to leave you. I'm here okay?" She moves our hands and places mine on the side of her jaw. "See I'm here, with you." She smiles at me, it's as simple as that. She smiles at me and I believe her.

Emily walked me back to my house, holding onto my hand, never even loosening her grip on it, not for even a split second. Without realising, we had spent the whole day at the cemetery, it's now pretty fucking dark. I'm tired, my brain doesn't want to function and I think my voice has gone on a holiday so I am now a mute. Marvelous. Once we get through the front door I sit myself down on the bottom step of the stairs while Emily goes to get me some water and ibuprofen for my fucking head ache. I actually think my head might split open. I know my mum's in the kitchen, she's always in the fucking kitchen, so much for a feminist. I can hear her and Emily talking vaguely, god know's what they're saying though, when I say vaguely I really mean vaguely. Emily's probably explaining her presence here, in the kitchen, taking our ibuprofen. She's just a pain killer fiend it seems. I hear the voices becoming louder as my mum starts to work Emily out. Emily could never lie well, I smile at the thought of her really bad lying abilities. I'm guessing that it is now time for me to make my appearance in the family kitchen. I pull myself up and slowly make my way in, as I stand in the doorway I feel my mums eyes snap to my form instantly, I daren't look though, she's going to be concerned and shit and I am in no mood to deal with that. I look over to Emily, completely ignoring my mums existence. I open my mouth, but fuck all comes out, apart from a pathetic whisper so I nod my head towards the stair case indicating that it is time for us to make an exit. She coins onto my thoughts and makes her way in front of me, leading the way, I place on hand on the small of her back as she passes me, supporting both her and me I think, or I just wanted to touch her, I have many motives. My mum calls my name from behind me but like I said, I am in no mood to deal with her fucking 20 questions right now, so instead, in true Naomi Campbell fashion I walk away while holding up my middle finger, sending my mother the correct message that is indeed 'fuck right off.' I know it's harsh, but I'm tired and cold and really feel like complete shit, I don't think I've ever felt this bad for a long time. My head hurts, all these thoughts rushing around all at once, that's why my head feels like it's about to burst open, spewing all of these emotions and thoughts onto the closest bystander, who was Emily. But there will always be these thoughts floating about in my head and I will always feel like I'm going to burst. It's just human nature.

I get to my room, with Emily holding the door open for me, what a gentleman. I smile at my own comedy, I can be quite hilarious sometimes. I look up to Emily who hands me my pain killers and water, she looks concerned, but I can handle her concern, it's a lot less complicated. Once throwing back the medication and water I look back to Emily and smile slightly, a small smile being returned.

"Naomi." My eyes move to hers quickly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just tired." I manage an audible whisper which she accepts happily. I am feeling better, finally being able to cry out all of that shit has made me feel lighter. I'm not 100% "what's the story in Balamory happy" but I know that I can smile without faking it. Emily slowly moves closer to me, kissing me lightly on the lips. It surprises me how a gesture that is so simple can be so full of love. I can feel it radiating from her. Her eyes scream 'I love you' and her lips whisper it in the best way possible. When Emily pulls away I move my hands instinctively to her jaw and hold her near me. Our foreheads resting on each others for just a moment longer. I feel Emily take my hand in her own and she starts to direct us towards the bed. I'm so fucking tired.

"Come on, we both need some sleep." I nod slightly in response, my voice has well and truly given out so there is no point in even attempted a whisper or even a squeak. Emily pulls the duvet back for me as I remove my hoodie and t-shirt and then my jeans. I go to my wardrobe to fetch some clothes for both of us to sleep in. Usually underwear would be fine, but tonight isn't really a usual night. I find two pairs of shorts and my pig t-shirt for Emily and my 'I love crap' t-shirt for myself. When I hand Emily her t-shirt she lets out a short laugh and I send her my first grin of the night.

"It's good to see you smile." I place a gentle kiss on her lips, I feel her smile as I do. Emily and me are obviously going to be okay even after my huge break down. We break away from each other and throw on our respective clothing that all belongs to me. Not only is she a pain killer fiend she's a clothes stealing whore. I love her though, even if she does steal all of my clothes. I smile to myself while we get into my bed. I place myself as close to Emily as I can get, resting my head in the crook of her neck, my arm draped over her stomach. I need to feel safe, and being with her is the only way to feel that. I hear Emily say 'I love you.' Fucks sake I can't respond when I have no voice, instead of vocalizing I come up with a cunning plan. I push her shirt up slightly on her stomach and start tracing letters with my finger. I look up to her, making sure she's paying full attention and then go back to putting my plan into motion. I trace out the response I wanted to say 'I love you too.' I look to her again and she just laughs, well it's good to know that she appreciates my genius. I go back to my former position, my hand now resting on her bare stomach, I really do like her stomach. Emily lies there playing with my fingers that are resting on her, entwining our fingers, then releasing them, then entwining them again. I lean up slightly and kiss the base of her throat, as that is all I can reach from my very comfortable position. Sleep eventually takes over my tired body and brain and I slowly completely relax into Emily's form.

I'm woken up by my phone screaming at me, why the fuck did I set 'A Day to Remember' as my fucking ring tone. Mental note - change ring tone. I turn over to reach for my phone and feel Emily move a bit to keep hold of me. I smile down at her, snoring just a little bit which is quite adorable. My phone tells me that Cook is calling "fuck..." well that's fucking fantastic, voice still gone. I let my phone ring, I can't talk to him so our conversation would be pretty pointless. He's probably also calling on behalf of my mother. They are like a tag team with me sometimes when I'm in a bad way, both reporting back to each other with their findings and I'm not in the mood to be their fucking test subject, dissecting everything that is going on in my head. The only person that I need to talk to about my fucking drama's is Emily. No-one else right now. I turn back to Emily who is now not so asleep, just looking at me, and then down to my phone in my hand that has started to scream again. I hand it to her and point to my throat, she gets the voiceless message and answers the phone for me.

"Hi Cook." Her voice is husky, as usual in the morning. I hear Cook screaming down the phone at her, concern lacing ever semi-tone of his voice.

"Cook she's fine...No seriously she's fine...she's with me now...you can't talk to her...because she's lost her fucking voice you prick." Shit, Cook really can push Emily's buttons sometimes, but to be fair, Emily is always a bit moody in the mornings, it's just her way. "Look sorry Cook okay, but right now she's just tired...right, bye."

"Fucking hell." I laugh at her for a bit, she's never had to deal with Cook on a one to one basis, he is a testing little lad sometimes when he wants to be. "He's worried about you, Gina rang him last night telling him you were in a right state." I let my head hang back and let out a big huff of air. I fucking hate it when my mum does that, she has no fucking right. I feel Emily's hand resting on my arm lightly, I just look down and smile lightly at her. "Right Campbell, enough of this malarky, breakfast." She grabs my hand and literally pulls me down the stairs. She knows full well that I can't object or anything, no voice, no witty remarks, no nothing. Today is going to be a quiet day for Naomi Campbell.

So there it is, the ambiguousness stuff all gone :) what a relief, so now we can all cheer up cos writing this was quite the downer...

Please let me know your thoughts on this, either review or message me, either way :)

REVIEW PLEASE.

lots of love withlegslikethat xxxx