The Aislin Chronicles
Part XXXII
A/n: Thanks for the reviews guys! I love 'em lots! And HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I hope everyone eats lots and lots of candy and has a really great night! Enjoy!
9-13-03
5:45 PM
Mom cracks me up. All this week she's been dreading the shopping trip for maternity clothes, but God, get that woman in a clothing store and she goes crazy. She's almost too cute in pants with a stretchy waist and her little belly sticking out.
Ooh, Caleb's birthday party was today. The three of us walked over to the Lampi house earlier around noon. Stephanie answered the door carrying around Ava, her little cake making "helper." Personally, I'd call her a cake eating menace… You say to-may-to I say to-mah-to. Tomato? Sorry, looked funny when I wrote it like that. I got confused after a minute because I have a short attention span and forget things.
Where was I? Oh. (See?)
Caleb was so excited to see us. He came running at us with his little party hat on, and he wanted to make sure all of us got one. He wouldn't give one to Dad for some reason though, it was really funny. Dad would be like, "Do I get a hat too?" and Caleb would giggle and run away, and come back a few seconds later and do it all over again. Then we gave him his present (wrapped very nicely by yours truly in some pretty awesome dollar store Bob the Builder paper), and he was so excited. He was like, "Aiz-in, Aiz-in, play now?" I was going to say we could start a game but then the doorbell rang and off he ran to see who it was.
Suddenly it seemed as if the place were swarming with little kids and very few adults. We herded them all in the backyard like sheep and proceeded to play, who called it, Duck Duck Goose. And guess who the kids wanted to be the goose almost every time? That's right. Me. I couldn't help but notice as we played for nearly fifteen minutes straight that the adults had managed to slowly disappear. Hmmm. At least they had Ava, and I didn't have to deal with her then.
Finally the kids got bored and Caleb wanted to open his presents. This was when I discovered where the adults had disappeared to… They were sitting in the living room watching the UCLA game! Jerks… Haha. Anyway, the present opening commenced and I was given the job of keeping Ava occupied so she didn't realize what was happening and get jealous of her brother. Luckily she was quite fond of the paper, but also of eating it, so that was a bit of a struggle keeping it out of her mouth. She also enjoyed balling it up and throwing it at me, or ripping it into little pieces and seeing how many she could stick in my hair before I almost killed her.
Thank God for the cake.
Delicious chocolately-ness, mmm. Ava of course was grabbing chunks and smearing them all over her face as opposed to eating them, but whatever floats her boat I guess. Jeff did volunteer to clean her up even before she got her cake so I didn't feel too bad that she got messy. Caleb is so cute though. Since I like scarfed mine down and he eats so slowly, he thought I didn't get any and tried to share his with me. What a sweetie.
It took awhile to get all that cleaned up though. Little kids are such messy eaters. Good God. It's on their face, it's on their hands, it's on the floor, it's on the table off their plates… I suppose I'm one to talk. I have tendencies to spill like, everything… After that we let the kids loose in the basement to play with whatever toys they dug out of boxes. They were pretty much good down there so I came upstairs to relax. I saw Mom and Steph talking, and Mom was holding Ava who had fallen asleep and she actually looked so cute. Seeing Mom hold little Ava makes me want Syd-n-Vaughn junior sooo badly. I can't wait! I really can't. I want him/her right now.
Parents started to pick their little ones up and it was about then when Caleb remembered he wanted to play Chutes and Ladders with me. We started a game in the living room with his best friend Kyle. I like this Kyle kid, mostly because he's pretty quiet. Probably just shy because he doesn't know me. But he made the greatest facial expressions during the game. He looked so devastated to go down a chute but was just rejoicing with a ladder. Caleb wouldn't sit still; he was bouncing around the room while we played. And he kept asking me questions like, "How old are you? I'm dis many!" and holding up his fingers, and he asked me when my birthday was, and he asked when his sister's was, and I only knew because Steph told me some time ago, and oh, other random questions about silly things. I love that kid, he's just the cutest.
Finally it was time to leave, and Mom, Dad, and I left for out shopping trip. You know how that went now, I'm just really amused because the mere thought of it was so horrible to her before. I can't wait until her stomach is really big. That will make me happy. She's going to be so cute. Well, we practically had to drag her into the store, and at first she was being stubborn and wouldn't try on anything and just stood there with her arms crossed. Finally some sales lady helped us shove her into a dressing room with a few things, which developed into several things, and before we knew it… Happy pregnant lady! Yay!
Time for dinner.
9-14-03
3:21 PM
Kathleen came over for a little while today. We took a walk, and we were coming back to my house and we looked into the Lampis' yard (because we always do… hehe) and there was Dad and Jeff Lampi battling it up on the basketball court. Dad, well, he's not half bad at basketball, but Jeff… LAMPI GOT GAME. Oh wow, is that one hot, hot basketball playing man. Wooo! I believe Kathleen's comment as the shirtless guys came into view was, "That's hot." Indeed, Jeff Lampi was. And I know she wasn't thinking about my dad again… Gross, Kathleen, you're gross. Well, that's my story for the day. Jeff Lampi has some mad baller skills.
9-15-03
3:44 PM
I hate him! I hate him I hate him I HATE HIM! That jerk, bastard, idiot, bastard… God! I hate him so much! I can't even, ugh, I'm so pissed off right now. I hate him. That asshole, led me on or used me or something. Jerk. I hate him!
Damn it!
4:15 PM
I am never talking to Ian Schmidt ever again. He is the lowest, scum of the earth, pile of trash, piece of crap boy I know. No, person! He's horrible! And I hate him!
4:21 PM
Sorry, I started crying again. Well, I suppose I haven't really stopped since Francie dropped me off. The day of school was so hard to get through without shedding a tear. And damn it, he isn't worth my crying over! He wasn't worth a minute of my time. He's such a bastard!
I've already went through my screaming, crying, throwing kicking things rage. Now it's just the rest of the crying part. I know my anger well now. I can't control it, but good God it feels good to throw things. And rip things. And punch the bed a thousand times. It's the tears that burn. That trickle down your cheeks like rivers of fire, dripping down your chin and into your heart like a rusty knife has stabbed you. Because that's how it feels to cry like this, and I've known it several times. I'm sick of crying like this, this is getting so frustrating.
4:24 PM
Well if I can't stop crying I suppose I'll work through the pain, the burning, the desire I have to scream so loudly my lungs burst open.
We ran a little bit late this morning, so I got to first hour a few minutes later than usual. Jess and Adam were already there, bickering about something. When I came in the room and Jess saw me, she hurried over to me and gave me this huge hug, and was like, "I'm so sorry, Ais," as we walked to our seats. I was sort of in a daze, I mean, I woke up late and had to rush, and I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about.
Then Adam said, "Lay off it, Jess, she probably doesn't want to talk about it."
"I'm just trying to comfort her! She probably had a rough weekend…"
They continued on for a bit, and finally I had enough sense, or stupidity, to ask what the hell they were talking about. Jess turned pale and sank into her seat. I didn't know? Nope. Uh-oh… Then, of course, I begged her to tell me…
So Saturday night, there were some people at the movies. Seeing Pirates of the Caribbean. Some of those people were making out in the theater. And by some of those people, I mean Ian and Lauren Putnam.
That… Bastard! God, I hate him! I hate him so much!
6:47 PM
I heard Sydney come home at about five. I just lay in my bed perfectly still hoping she wouldn't come up. I just wanted to be left alone. All day people were trying to cheer me up, and damn it, why should I try to be happy when I'm clearly not? Just shut-up and go away, go hang around your boyfriends and have fun.
Regardless, Sydney's feet were clearly carrying themselves up the stairs and she made her presence known. "Aislin? Your dad has to work late tonight, and I–" She opened the door, saw me crying on my bed, and instantly came over to hold me. She didn't say anything. She just held me, and stroked my hair, and it felt good. She didn't try to get me to stop crying, it just happened. After awhile the tears just eased.
I felt her stomach poking into my side. She kept stroking my hair, and finally she asked, "Do you wanna talk about it?" I shook my head, and I could feel her nod. She stayed a few more minutes. "I'll start on dinner if you're hungry."
"I'm not."
"Oh. Okay." Finally she kissed my head and left. She came back only to clean up the broken glass on the floor from the picture frames I smashed.
I'm not crying anymore, I'm just… I don't know. Dad came home a few minutes ago. I heard him and Sydney talking out in the hall. He called for Sydney when he got inside, and she was upstairs, so he came up and they greeted each other. Then he asked where I was, and Sydney was like, "She's in her room."
"Okay."
"Something's wrong. I think something happened at school today that upset her… But I don't know what." I heard Dad start towards my door, but she stopped him. "No. Give her some time, she'll come around. You know her."
I heard him sigh.
I think they're downstairs eating dinner now. Bonding. Being cute. Whatever. I don't care.
Dad's going to want to talk to me. Sydney will want to wait until I talk to her, but Dad will come up here, I know he will. And he'll sit here and just wait for me, and be completely patient, and eager to listen, and I just won't be able to tell him. I can't tell him. This whole situation… I'm so embarrassed with myself for getting as attached to him as I did. I mean, we weren't official. He may not have even liked me.
Then why does this hurt so much?
Footsteps. Here he comes now. Just to do exactly as I said..
7:14 PM
Okay, so I told him everything. Like I always do. I told him about my huge crush since last year in seventh grade, about going to the movies this summer, about kissing him at the ice cream place, about holding hands with him. And Dad, he just took it all in under his furrowed little brow. He hugged me, held me, said the right things, and still… I don't know.
He knocked on my door before he came in. "Aislin?" he asked, peeking his head in. I tried not to acknowledge him. He came and sat on the edge of my bed next to me. I was lying down on my stomach, gazing hard at the wall, trying not to meet his eyes, that would be the end of me.
"You want to tell me what happened?" He rubbed my back. And no, I didn't want to tell him what happened. "Is it another math test? I thought you said things were going pretty well in that class." Don't even get me started on math class. Normally I'm stealing as many glances at him as I can and begging for his attention, for him to pass me a note. Today I didn't look his way once. I sent him no notes. I ignored him when he talked.
It was horrible.
I made Dad sit there in silence for a few minutes. More than a few minutes, actually. More like ten minutes. All just waiting for me to say something. I did manage to tell him it wasn't math. Something else.
After a bit, he grabbed my shoulders and made me hug him. He told me, "You know you can tell me anything, okay?"
Then he got me, he looked me in the eye. I just stared up at him, watched him stand up and walk towards my door. That's when I caved. "You remember Ian, right?" Of course he did. He's probably the one thing that haunts his nightmares, the one thing that scares him about me. Well, not anymore. I told him about everything that happened then. And I just didn't stop. "I don't understand. What did I ever do to him? Why would he just go and… do that? I mean, I thought he liked me. I really thought he really liked me. God… You even told me boys were jerks! Why didn't I listen to you? Why did I even like him…?"
"You can't help who you like, and you just acted on your feelings. Ais, if he didn't like you, then he wouldn't have spent all this time with you." He touched my chin. "He did really like you."
"Then what did I do to make him do this to me?"
"Nothing. It wasn't you."
"Then why?"
He hesitated. "Boys don't always think with their heads. They have a habit of thinking… elsewhere."
"It's not fair."
"No, it's not. And I'm sorry." He shouldn't be. There's nothing he could have done about it. I didn't have much else to say, nor was there much else I wanted to hear, so I just asked him to sit with me a for a few minutes.
We sat, and the phone rang. Sydney came upstairs. "Honey, Jess is on the phone."
"Tell her I'm… I can't talk to her right now."
Sydney understood. Crap. I started calling her Sydney again. Mom, it's mom. Mom. I'm not sure what she told her. But I feel kind of bad.
I knew Dad had work to do, and I knew he probably wanted some time with Mom, so I let him go. I'm still here though. I'm not hungry but my stomach is growling. I guess I ought to eat something, make it content. I just can't stop thinking about this. The image of Ian and Lauren making out in the movie theater, at our movie. Our movie.
Lauren. It's all her fault. First she steals Margarita, now she steals Ian. What's next, is she going to steal my house too? My parents? My unborn sibling? Bitch. She's lucky she made it out of Spanish class alive.
I guess I'm still not sure what to make out of all this. Dad helped straighten things out, though. He did have to remind me what boys do tend to think with… And they are jerks. And, okay, so I guess there wasn't anything I could have done to stop this either. But I think that… I sort of wish it had been me, something I did wrong, because then it would mean he had a reason or something… I don't even know if that makes sense. Well. It wasn't something I did wrong. Ian Schmidt is just another jerk.
A/n: Sorry to end that on a depressing note. But, well, I should have an update pretty quickly. Because I've been spending my fifth hours plotting out this story and I have the whole next Aislin-time-month projected out in detail. Happy now? I hope so.
Or, you know, you could just eat some chocolate. It is Halloween after all. Chocolate usually does the trick for me. Haha, get it, trick? Yeah, I know my jokes suck. Please review in spite of that!