Here we go, chapter 4! This will cut into the end on 4 and start into 5! Thank you rainfox and everybody else who gave good feedback! I hope you like this chapter as well!

Leon has finally gotten the plagas out of his and Ashley's body. Krauser is dead. Now Leon is headed up an elevator and has left Ashley behind. He sees Ada tied up and sees Saddler. "What is with you and taking people hostage? Why don't you just kill them?" Leon asks.

Saddler grins. "That can be arranged."

Leon, "No! Wait a sec...uuhhhh...I have a joke!"

Saddler, "This better be good. Go on..."

Leon, "So Jesus walks into a motel, he hands the inn lkeeper three nails and he asks, 'Can you put me up for the night?"

Saddler laughs. "Bravo. But now it is time for you to die!"

Saddler tries to cause Leon chest pain but Leon says, "Sorry. A bump of coke and a bit of electricity took that away!" He throws his knife and cuts Ada down.

Leon begins firing his TMP. Saddler turns into some spider/crab like thing. Leon empties an entire mag into him but it doesn't kill him. Saddler knocks him down witha crab leg. Leon, "Whoa that was close. Legs should never be this long!"

Saddler, "It can do more than walk, if you catch my dift."

Leon gets out the Mine Thrower and fires it. The Mine explodes and Saddler is weakened. Leon runs up and stabs him in his center eye.

Saddler knocks him back. Saddler summons a group of ganados.

Leon, "Hey that's cheating! You can't do that! That's not in the game!"

Saddler, "Has any of this gone by the script? At all?"

Leon, "Fair enough." Leon begins to enter a cheat and he gets more weapons. He now has an AK-47.

Saddler, "What the hell?"

Leon, "At least in Grand Theft Auto I get weapon cheats!" Leon begins opening fire on the Ganados. Many of the ganados change shape and start to look like Latino gang members. Leon switches weapons and has an Uzi. He opens fire and drops three gangsters with the rounds. "Welcome to San Andreas, fool!"

Leon sees another thug in a low rider and runs up and pulls him out of the car and shoots him and then yanks his wallet.

Leon then gets in the car. Daddy Yankee is playing. Leon switches it to the rock station. "Nah."

He switches it to the rap station. "Nah."

(My sister used to play this. Its an annoying song but I'm using it for comical purposes. This was done in Meet the Spartans as well.)

Finally he settles on a song and begins singing to it. "I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world, wrapped in plastic, its fantastic."

Leon gets out of the car and guns down the rest of the gang members and Ganados and also takes their wallets. Saddler yells, "Enough of this video game violence! Die!" He begins to chase him but Leon runs across a bridge just before it gives out. However Saddler jumps over and Ada grabs a rocket launcher and throws it. "Here, use this!"

Leon, "So that was you at the end of the 2nd game."

Leon takes the weapon and fires.

He kills Saddler.

(Escape scene.)

Leon and Ashley are headed for the boat. Leon jumps down the ladder and aims his Sniper Rifle back up and looks at Ashley's panties. "Oh! You pervert!"

He does it again. "Hey, what are you looking at?"

Leon hears the countdown. They had a minute and thirty seconds. "Damn, that's right."

After they have made it off the island Ashley ends up in the water. Leon stares at her. "Nice. You're all wet."

Leon helps her onto the jet ski and they drive off. "Mission accomplished. Right Leon?"

Leon, "No. We still need to get you home. Then I need a bump of coke and a lot of whiskey."

Ashley, "After we get back, how about we do some...overtime?"

Leon, "Are you a virgin?"

Ashley, "How dare you!"

Leon, "Well I'm only asking because what if they kidnapped every virgin daughter of world leaders? Then they got 72 virgins! Why do Muslims like 72 virgins? How about 72 sluts who know what they're doing?"

Ashley, "UUhhh...I don't think these people were Muslim. I'm pretty sure they were Spaniards."

Leon, "Hey, who works for the government, me or you?"

Ashley sighs. "Okay. But you still didn't give an answer."

Leon, "Okay. Fine. But you have to cry and beg me to stop."

Leon and Ashley ride off in the distance.

Two months later

Leon and Ada finally hook up. They are making out and are starting to kiss all over each other's bodies. Soon they are going at it. First in missionary and then Ada begins to ride him.

Suddenly the door bursts open and Wesker yells, "I'm next!" He is naked other than his sunglasses, and for some strange reason, fully erect.

Leon, "Get outta here Wesker! Ada's mine! Get your own!"

Wesker speeds up to them and grabs Ada and throws her off the bed. "Who said anything about Ada?"

Wesker grins as he walks toward Leon.

(Resident Evil 5)

2006

Two days before Chris and Jill have to go after Wesker. Chris is watching the news at the safehouse they rented. He and Jill will be going out later. It might be their last chanceto spend time with each other. Chris is watching cops. The police man on the show said, "We're going after a man who once was a hero to this country. He protected the presidents daughter. However after being fired, he is unemployed and runs a drug and prostitution ring. We're approaching his place now. Most of the women he pimps are from Vietnam or the South."

Suddenly Leon Kennedy comes out of the house fully nude and firing a handgun. He wounds the cops and though he is shot back a couple of times, it doesn't hurt him as he is high on speed. Leon shouts at one of the Vietnamese hookers. "You still owe me money! Di Di mao! Run but I will find you! You'd better give me my money!"

Leon sees a southern hooker running as well. "Get back here! Bitch better have my cornbread!"

(See if you get this movie reference. It won't be the exact word but just see if u know it.)

Leon continues to shoot at the police andbackup has to be called. Leon approaches the camera man with his smoking pistol. Suddenly his penis begins flopping around and then stares at the camera and yells, "Biohazard!"

Finally the show ended and Fox News came on. "I'm Justin Credible. There has always been terrorism in our world but now it has a new face. We will show you some terrorists of the past and one of the future."

They showed footage of Hitler, Stalin, Saddam, and Osama Bin Laden. Finally they showed Wesker. Wesker rips his pants and boxers off, thankfully it is edited. Wesker begins thrusting at the camera yelling, "I wanna to fuck the head off a fucking pig and then rip its fucking guts out and then fuck its fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck fucky fuck fuck fuck fuck..."

Jill shows up and says, "Are you ready to go?"

Chris, "Yes. Let's go."

Chris narrating: "Jill Valentine has a pair of tits that won't quit! I want to make love to her. And then make a romance explosion on her stomach."

Chris talking, "So Jill, I was thinking we could go to the Outback for dinner."

Jill, "That sounds great."

Chris narrating, "It was supposed to be a perfect date. But everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong!"

Jill looks angry as Chris is making out with the waiter, a young man, named Adam. Chris says, "You look like you're having a bad time!"

Jill, "That's because you're kissing our waiter!"

Chris, "Yeah but he brought our food! I don't want to tip him!"

Chris, "I'm sorry, I thought it would go different. Better than this!"

Jill, "Really? How?"

Chris draws a picture and shows her. It shows Chris and the guy serving them, making out but this time Jill is smiling and giving a thumbs up.

Jill, "I can't stay mad at you. Let's go to my place. We can have dinner there."

Chris and Jill leave. The waiter takes out his genitals and rubs them all over their food.

A random guy yells, "He's porking it! Get it? Porking it!"

2008

Chris is unloading the jeep, preparing for his mission.

Sheva, "Welcome to Africa."

Chris, "Africa? What are you talking about? I thought we were in Harlem!"

Sheva sighs. "I'm your new partner. I'll be helping you. They hate Americans in this village. Also, pretty much most white people. Except Eminem. Anyway come on."

Chris, "I speak African. Botswana, voodoo, gumbo, mende, Bishop Tutu, dashiki, toto."

Sheva, "I find that offensive."

They walk toward the entrance to Kijuju. The soldier searches Sheva and grabs her ass. "You don't have to get touchy! But here's my number."

She gives the soldier her number.

They enter Kijuju and head for the deal's location.

Chris and Sheva see the arms dealer.

Arms Dealer: "Good. You're both here."

Chris: "Wait a minute. I thought this was Africa? I didn't know there were Saudi Arabians here!"

Arms Dealer: "I am from Morocco. Besides, there are plenty of people in Africa who are from foreign lands."

Chris:"Yeah but Morocco isn't in Africa! Isn't that somewhere near Italy?"

Sheva, "Actually..."

Arms Dealer: "No, you dumb American! It is in North Africa!"

Chris: "North Africa? That's not the real Africa! Just like South America isn't the real America! I mean Africa has, safaris, animals, Mount Kilimanjaro. North Africa is a crappy land mass of nowhere!"

Arms Dealer: "This guy is an idiot. This way. I have your weapons."

He gives them handguns. "Have you heard of Uroburos?"

Chris, "Rumors of a D day project."

Arms Dealer: "You mean Doomsday? D day was World War II. Jesus, buddy, I am from a third world country and I still know history better than you! Yes, and it is no rumor. Irving is the man you want. He knows all about it."

Sheva: "How do we know who Irving is?"

Arms Dealer: "You cannot misss him. He's the terrorist with guyliner on. Plus he's the only white man other than Chris and Wesker in these parts."

Chris: "Wesker? I thought he's..."

Arms Dealer: "Oh shit! Almost ruined it! I already said too much. I'm just sad I won't be able to be there...Anyway get outta here and catch a terrorist you crazy kids!"

Chris: "Whatever happens, we stick together."

Sheva, "Don't worry. I may not be as big as you but I can hold my own."

Chris: "You have a penis? Who knew?"

Sheva: "Not what I meant."

Chris: "Ohhhh right. Well I know you'll do fine. I had a woman for a partner before and she had some tig old bitties!" Chris grins as he thinks of Jill's breasts.

Sheva asks: "But do you have a big cock?"

Chris: "Wel I don't like to blow my own horn. But for five bucks I could..."

Later on Chris and Sheva are in a cabin and see a crowd and they are about to preform an execution. They see the Arms Dealer.

"You dont know what you are talking about! You can all go to hell! Or Mexico! They are both pretty bad."

Chris: "Damn! They got him! Just when I was craving a slurpee..."

The Arms Dealer looks at the big man with the axe.

"Go ahead! What doesn't kill me will make me stronger! Wait...never mind."

He is decapitated. Then the Majini with the loudspeaker points and yells and the mob of people come running toward the cabin.

As they break the windows, Chris yells, "Mortak Kombat!" Suddenly very annoying techno music begins playing.

Sheva: "This is the wrong game!"

Chris: "Who cares? It goes with the scene!"

Chris began firing at the majinis. Four, five shots hit a man in the chest while Sheva also opens fire.

Chris: "Wow. This is a more culturally diverse group of enemies. Thanks to the Japanese producers. They claim that the allegations of racism against the game, had nothing to do with them changing things up but we all know better! They didn't want to look bad! Plus Sheva is my partner for the same reason! Seriously! I wonder if affirmative action had anything to do with that?"

Sheva: "Shut up and help me!" She is being grabbed by a majini.

Chris: "Oh for christ sakes Sheva! Get a room! Oh wait..."

Chris punches him off of her. "Little something I used to use on Claire. That's what she gets for borrowing my Black Sabath album without my permission!"

They head outside. "Come in Kirk! The locals are hostile!"

Kirk: "Really? How hostile? German hostile? Viet Cong? Al Quieda?"

Chris: "Uhhhh...actually more like left eye from TLC!"

Kirk: "Oh shit! Women from the Hip Hop Scene are crazy! We'll be there soon! Just hang on until then!"

Sheva opens fire on a gas barrel and it catches several majinis on fire.

Chris: "Oh shit! Someone brought her A game!"

Chris empties an entire clip into the axe majini and it doesn't harm him.

Chris: "Somebody didn't forget their steroids!"

Finally backup arrived.

"Its gonna get hot down there! Find some cover!"

A man wearing a mask aims an RPG out of the chopper.

Chris: "Hmmm. That guy looks a lot like hunk..."

Sheva: "Move, you idiot!"

They take cover and the chopper cleans up the rest of the majnis.

Chris: "Thanks for the backup!"

HQ: "No problem. Hip Hop bitches is one thing but what if they had gotten as hostile as a drunken jock at a roofie party? I'm glad I could help."

Excella/Wesker scene.

Excella shows up to give Wesker his shot but he is not there. She can hear Wesker in the bathroom wailing.

Excella: "Wesker?"

Wesker: "Oh Alexia! How could you leave me like this? Ohhhhh!" Wesker bursts out of the bathroom and puts his clothes back on a in a speedy flash.

Wesker: "All done. What's on your mind?"

Excella: "Uhh...Well..you're going to need somebody to help you in your new world. I was thinking maybe I could be your new partner?"

Wesker explodes and grabs her by the throat. "What? How dare you! It is way to soon to think about that! So I won't and I'll just say yes. Welcome aboard partner!"

(I didnt have anything thought out for this scene. Lol.)

To be continued...

Sorry it was so short ppl! I don't have a lot of time! I gotta run to work. I'm covering a shift. I am a bit low on ideas for now so be easy! Anyway tell me if have any critism. Sorry if it isn't funny enough. Anyway ppl, hope u enjoyed!