Hey people! Another chapter of offensive innuendo! This chapter contains offensive language, racial humor, sexual puns, and offensive material on most levels. If you are offended by this you may write out a complaint, fold in neatly, and shove it up your ass! Lol just playin. Its all in good fun. Anyway here goes! By the way, the scenes from the RE storyline may not be in order. I am making a lot of it as I go. Also, I smoked a lot of weed when writing a lot of this so certain parts may only be funny to ppl who are smoking a fatty while reading. The scene involving Barry is based on the Lemon Aids Walk episode from Drawn Together but the rest of the content is all me. I just wanted to try DT dialogue on RE characters. Barry attacked all the other RE characters in a fit of roid' rage. All because of interventions. What lead to his intervention? I know these scenes aren't in order and because they aren't we'll just label them as deleted scenes. I was high. lol. That's the reason for the screwy order. All right! I hope u like it!

Jill: "What are you going to about them?"

Irving: "Actually I was gonna stop at Quiznos..."

Jill grabs him by the throat. "One more time. What are you going to do about them?"

Irving: Ahhhh! Ok! Ok!...jeez..."

Irving walks into a room holding his handgun. He removes the duct tape from the mouths of the three Jonas brothers. He shoots all three of them in the head. Then he goes into another room where Justin Bieber is tied up. Irving begins to pistol whip him. Bieber is bleeding and Irving keeps hitting him until Justin's blood spatters on him.

He walks past the stuffing of what used to be Miley Cyrus who he had arranged to be stuffed by a taxedermist.

Irving: "Now to deal with those pesky BSAA!"

(Scene with Spencer's death.)

Spencer: "You were the only survivor of the Wesker children."

Wesker: "You mean I was manufactured? By skynet? And sent back in time to kill John Connor?"

Spencer: "Yeah...wrong story. As I was saying, I could have changed the world! I was to become a god! And not one of those silly Hindu Gods. Not the Jew who got nailed to wood. But the God of the old testament! The kind who always smites people! I was to be the oldest man alive since Betty White!"

Wesker rips his heart out. "That right is now mine...along with the rights to Umbrella and Tricell and Capcom products in general."

Wesker uses the blood to paint his face with war paint, smearing the blood on his cheeks. However Wesker also used Spencer's blood as lipstick.

Chris and Jill burst through the door to discover Wesker with blood on his face and hands.

Jill: "What in the name of three dimensional characters and predictable one liners are you doing?"

Wesker: "I was...uhhh...This is akward. I was just..."

Chris: "Dude, you don't have to explain yourself. You earned your redwings, didn't you bro? You know what they say, whenever you go south, you got blood in your mouth!"

Wesker: "No...! I'm establishing my place as God of the world!"

Jill: "Haven't you ever seen 300? You got that from Xerxes!"

Wesker: "Yes, but Leonidas is the one who dies. Gerard Butler dies wearing a speedo. Not Xerxes."

Chris: "He does got a point! Plus did you ever notice all those piercings? I was thinking it was Dennis Rodman!"

Wesker: "Time for you to die. Just like Pamela Anderson's acting career."

They fire at Wesker but he dodges and speeds toward them knocking the gun from Chris's hands. Jill attempts to kick him but Wesker punches her away. Wesker grabs Chris and chokeslams him on a table and then slides him across the table.

Wesker: "I am God! Just look at my Zeus like biceps!"

Chris: "You're like a German pornstar's mouth."

Wesker: "Why?"

Chris: "Cause you're fulla shit!" Chris gets up and tries to attack again but Wesker blocks him and tosses him like a rag doll.

Jill tries to attack again but is thrown into a shelf.

Chris: "You got owned bitch!"

Jill: "We're on the same side, dumb ass!"

Wesker grabs Chris by the groin.

Wesker: "Let's finish this..."

Chris: "I'm pretty sure you're supposed to grab me by the throat. Anyway you got exactly ten minutes to take your hand off my dick or I'm really gonna be pissed!"

Wesker raises his eyebrows and the two embrace in french kissing.

Jill: "No!" She tackles Wesker and they go flying out the window.

Chris: "No! Where will I ever find such a hot piece of ass again? And Jill's gone too!"

(Scene ends..)

(What lead to Barry's intervention...)

Barry: "I'm like a man with the power of the G virus but without the G virus and twice the hepatitis C! Which I assume is just Greek for strength!"

Barry injects the steroids into his left butt cheek and his pupils get bigger, he gets pimples on his back, his muscles bulge and his penis shrinks from 7 inches to 5.

Barry: "What a rush! But I need more money for more steroids!"

Later that day...

Barry bursts in on Carlos while he is showering and grabs him by the throat.

Barry: "Sponser me. Sponser me!"

Carlos grabs his man purse and fishes out money.

Carlos: "Here. Just don't hurt me..."

Later that day...

Barry finds a pikachu piggy bank.

Barry: "Sponser me!"

He smashes the piggy bank. Barry then, injects more steroids into his ass, but as he does, there is a purple bruise, the size of a quarter. Again, his pupils get big, he gets worse acne, his muscles increase and his penis goes from five inches to three.

Much later that day...

Barry bursts into Claire's room.

Barry: "Sponser me!"

He searches the room, Claire is sitting smoking a joint.

Barry in a deeper, hulk like voice: "Ooooh, you laced it with PCP. Nice touch! Yoink!"

He grabs money from Claire's money jar which was labled ABORTION MONEY.

Barry grunts like a gorilla and leaves.

He accidentally drops a needle.

Claire: "There's something up with this guy. Just like all white people in scary movies, I'd better investigate."

Claire injects the needle. Suddenly her boobs turn to pecs, she grown facial hair and a bulge in her pants resembling a male genitalia grows.

Claire in a deep voice: "I was afraid of this. Steroids!"

(Scene ends.)

(Deleted Scene: Marshlands.)

Chris and Sheva see a merchant as they move through the marshlands. "Got something that might interest ya!"

Merchant opens up robe to reveal that he is naked. Other than weapons.

Merchant: "What can I do to yo...for you stranger?"

Chris: "Yikes. I can see why they got rid of this guy in the last one! He is gayer than a magician!"

Sheva: "Wait...street magician, Shaman, or Vegas?"

Chris: "Vegas!"

Sheva: "Yeah, that's about right."

Chris: "They should havelaws against nudity! The same way, they have laws against copyright infringements!"

Chris in Hank Hill's voice: "Damn it Bobby! You masturbate to guys!"

Chris buys an M-16, a Sniper Rifle, and a Grenade Launcher. Sheva buys a Sniper Rifle, a Shotgun, and an AK-47.

Chris: "Yeah! Now we have so many guns, we ought to be rappers!"

Sheva: "Is that another racial remark?"

Chris: "No. But this is. What do Republicans and rappers have in common? They both love guns and they use the N word a lot."

Sheva: "How did I get the dumbest partner in the world?"

Chris: "Hello! America is known for having bad schools as we spend more money on war than schools! We spend a lot on prison too. Hell, even African immagrants who come to America take their education more seriously than kids from the U.S.!"

Sheva: "And you wonder why the rest of the world hates you."

Chris: "Hey, if you don't like America, you can get out!"

Sheva: "We're in Africa, dumb ass! Why else would there be white majinis speaking swahili?"

Chris: "Hmmmmm. I see. I don't understand your point mister, but I get the gist of what you are saying."

Sheva rolls eyes.

They find one of the pieces for the door they need to unlock. They are soon attacked by the Tribal people of the marshlands from the Npadya tribe.

Chris: "Those are the palest black people I've ever seen! Sorry Vanessa Williams!"

Sheva: "Just shoot them, you moron."

Chris shoots them with his pistol. He kills three of them with headshots. Sheva runs up and kicks a wounded majini. Chris shoots one in the leg. He then hits it with an uppercut.

Sheva fires a shot with her rifle and a majini's head explodes.

Chris: "That was the best head shot since Abraham Lincoln!"

Chris throws a grenade and finishes them off. They got on boat and head to the next location.

Sheva: "This is boring. Let's skip to the next chapter!"

Execution ground

Chris and Sheva search near the eleavtor. They begin to head down the docks and see more majini coming.

Chris: "Hey, look! I found an Ipod! I took it off Dechants body!"

Sheva: "Have you no respect for the dead?"

Chris does not hear her as he is listening to November Rain by Guns N Roses.

Sheva taps his shoulder and he notices a box of Donuts. Rasberry filled powdered hostess.

Chris grabs them and they begin firing at the majinis. They open fire and take down several of them. Sheva is hit by an arrow. She goes forth to engage the majinis.

Sheva is wounded by a majini and is in danger of dying. "I need your help!"

Chris: "Once I finish my donuts I'll help!"

Sheva: "Damn it! You have to heal me or revive me!"

Chris with a mouthful of donuts: "That's not true. I just have to bring you back before your brain stays dead for too long. Even if you fall to the grond and it says YOU'RE DEAD, doesn't mean I can't bring you back. I mean how much sense would that mak...Sheva?"

Sheva passes out as Chris fails to heal her.

Chris: "Oh great. Fall asleep when I'm in the middle of a sentence. What a bitch!"

Majini, "She's dying ya idiot!"

Chris: "Really? Noooooooo! She was so beatiful! So black and beautiful! I never got to tell her that! She was realy beautiful. oooooohhhh."

Chris grins at the unconscious Sheva and begins to take his clothes off. The majini just stare at him.

Chris turns red.: "I know this doesn't look good. I hope you didn't think I was gonna drop yogurt on an unconscious chicks feet, did you? Cause that's not true!"

Majinis. "Wow. You are so wrong. We're supposed to be the bad guys..."

Chris: "Hmmmm. I'm out of ammo for my M-16. I better use a scarecrow for Black people!"

(I know I'm going to hell for this But its just jokes lol This is kinda from that show Boondocks.)

He pulls out a scarecrow dressed in what looks like klan robes. The black and arab majinis run.

Only the white majinis remain.

Majinis: "We're not effected by that. Not only is this a waste of time, but it proves you are an ignorant American asshole!"

Chris: "I built a scarecrow for white people too!" Chris pulls out a scarecrow that has a football in one hand and a bloody knife in the other, resembling O.J. Simpson.

The white majinis scatter in fear.

(Barry gets clean.)

Barry arrives at aids walk. He sees his team mates all wearing bandages and casts.

Barry: "I'm sorry for the pain I caused. As Popeye lay dying in my hulking biceps, he wished for me to get clean. Then he died of Aids from the use of shared needles."

Barry is dressed in a half shirt that reveals his stomach and a pair of pink sweat pants that say JUICY on the butt of them.

Rebecca looks at Barry: "Uhhh...Are you one of the people who sponsered us for the Aids walk?"

Barry: "Hells no, I'm not sponsering you. I'll be sponsering me! To win the Aids walk!"

Claire: "Its not a race asshole! Its a charity! Like not spitting on ugly people!"

Barry: "Well before you know it, I will do more walking and have more aids than you can possibly imagine!"

The starting pistol is fired and the walk begins. Barry begins to walk along with the others.

He pulls out a silenced pistol and shoot the other walkers in the head but soon runs dry on ammo.

Barry "Outta my way!" He says as he snaps the neck of an elderly couple.

Barry picks up the pace.

Barry: "Come on Barry! Walk! Walk like an eagle!"

He turns on sammy haggar 'Winner takes it all' on his Ipod.

Barry notices that there are a pack of walkers ahead of him. Barry chucks a grenade, after pulling the pin. Finally all the walkers are dead. Barry crosses the finish line, singing.

Barry in a high pitched girly voice: "Winner takes it all, until he takes the fall in time he'll make it over the top!" He hits a high note as he sings.

Barry: "I won! I did it all for you Popeye!"

Rebecca: "You fuckin idiot! Not a single dollar was raised! All the walkers are dead! This walk is ruined!"

Barry: "I don't exactly understand but I get the gist of what you're saying. Thank you for your hearty congradulations, mister."

Barry looks in the sky and sees Popeye's spirit smiling down on them.

Barry: "Who the hell is that asshole?"

Chris and Sheva see Irving. "You're just in time for the big finale! Boom! Its like pow right in the kisser. Pow right in the kisser!"

Chris: "I'll stop you!" Chris begins running in slow motion after Irving as Irving makes his getaway.

Sheva: "What are you doing?"

Chris: "Being dramatic!"

Josh: "Over here you too! I have found a boat! It wasn't exactly easy either!"

Chris: "Josh? You're alive? I would have thought you had been killed of two chapters ago...I mean...well ya know...First Kenneth Sullivan...then Marvin Branaugh...ya know what, never mind."

Josh: "Yes, I have got a boat. Meet me at the docks on the double! We need to go after Irving. I killed a British couple on their homeymoon to get this boat!"

Chris: "Sounds fun. We'll be there."

Chris gets out his M92F and begins firing at some dogs while Sheva stays near the gate and handles the majini. Sheva finishes with the majinis. She comes to help him with the big majini.

Chris: "Sheva I need your help! This fat majini is like Kim Kardashian! Its hard to look at and it won't go away!"

Sheva fires three shots from the sniper rifle. Sheva takes out the booby wire traps.

Chris: "hehehehee booby traps. Booby. hehehee."

Sheva runs to Josh.

Josh: "Come on! We have thirty seconds left! Where is Chris?"

Sheva: "Damn it! I'll go get him!"

While Sheva goes to the cabin to find Chris, Josh dumps the body of a man in a tux and a woman in a white dress after tying concrete blocks to their feet.

Sheva: "Chris, what the hell? You're raiding the desks for jewelry?"

Chris: "Aw come on! I deserve some jewelry!"

They get on the boat and Josh begins to drive them away.

Chris and Sheva dock Irving's boat.

Irving: "Youse two are making me look bad! You never give up!"

Sheva: "Its over, Irving!"

Irving: "Time for my extreme makeover!" He begins to pull out a mirror and puts on lipstick. He then puts on a blue wig that a stripper would wear. Then he puts on eye shadow, eye liner, and lip gloss.

Irving blows a kiss at the mirror: "Nice. And now to inject myself with the virus!"

Chris:"Knock it off!"

Sheva: "Don't you dare!"

He injects and begins to transform.

Chris: "In the time it took him to do that, why didn't we just shoot him?"

They both got on mini guns and begin firing at Irving. They shoot the orange veins on his tentacles. Soon Irving is exposed again and they unload on him. It spits Irving's body onto the deck.

WillIrving: "Dying's not so bad...I can see Elvis! I see a warm fire for me to keep warm!"

Chris: "What is Umbrella planning?"

Irving: "To take over. You'll find all the awnsers you want in that cave up ahead. Too bad I won't be here to see the new world. Its changing and you're oblivious to it. But the new world is a lot like having sex with Kobe Bryant. You can fight it all you wanna but...its gonna happen."

Chris: "Poor bastard..."

Sheva: "Oh well. Shit happens. I got his wallet! When this is done we should go to Baskin & Robins!"

Chris: "I expected I would hate it here but I was wrong! I like Africa better than I liked Indian reservations!"

(Flashback.)

Chris is speaking in a public apology for multiple offenses to a crowd of Native Americans. He had commited offenses, all of them having to do with gambling addiction.

Chris: "I made mistakes. I made wrong choices. Some sell their bodies for crack, I sold mine for poker chips. I even spent my second mortgage on the slots! Te hpoint is, even though we slaughtered millions of American Indians, and forced them off their land, we shouldn't let them have casinos because it brings out the worst in weak minded white people. So what I'm saying in short...USA! USA! USA! USA!"

Five minutes later...

Chris is still chanting but is beaten to a bloody pulp has a few teeth missing, a bloody nose and a fat lip, not to mention the American flag is tied around his throat in attempt to strangle him.

Meanwhile...

Claire has a baby girl now.

Carlos: "When did you have a baby? Who's the father?"

Claire: "Hell if I know!"

Rebecca: "Didn't you use birth control?"

Claire: "Birth whhaaaaaaaaaatt?"

Carlos: "Just look at your baby! She's behaving badly!"

The baby has broken into Claire's lipstick and put it on. The word Juicy is on the back of the baby's diaper.

Barry: "Hey, baby! Got some formula with that shake?"

Claire: "You're grounded!"

The baby crawls away and flips her off.

Claire: "Watch your language, you little whore! Don't make we wash out my mouth with ham!" Claire devours an entire ham.

Steve discovers a cell phone at the scene of the Aids walk. It is Barry's. He sees a text to Barry that said he needed help. The name was from C. Redfield.

Steve: "Claire? No! She's in danger in Kijuju! I have to save her!" Steve pulls out a 9mm and heads out into the street.

Steve pulls a gun in an old man in a Toytota.

Steve: "Get outta the fuckin car!"

Old man: "Just take it easy sonny! Don't hurt me!"

Steve: "Get in the fuckin trunk!"

Old man: "Please! I don't wanna die!"

Steve mocking: "'I don't wanna die' You're gonna fuckin die!" Steve begins firing the gun in the air and the old man runs. Steve begins aiming at him and one round hit the guy in the hip.

Steve: "Whee! Hang on Claire. I'm coming!"

He does not notice the three kids in the backseat.

Kids: "Uhhhh...grandpa?"

Meanwhile Wesker is sitting on the bed, smoking a blunt. Alfred is lap dancing for him in a pair of bra and panties.

Alfred: "You like that,don't you?"

Wesker: "You know, when Excella dances for me, she at least has the decency to tuck her penis between her legs!"

Steve arrives at the the airport where he has a private plane waiting for him.

Steve: Sorry kids but I am in such a hurry to go to Kijuju, that I have no time to stop this car or slow down. Toodles!"

Steve bails at the last minute and the car keeps going but then is smashed by a semi truck.

To be continued...

That's all for chapter 6! I hope u found this funny! BTW, please tell me in detail, what u thought was most funny about this. Leave a detailed review. Sorry it took while but I've been busy. I sure made a lot of these characters either complete perverts, pshychos, or just all around assholes didn't I? Or stupid. I hope u noticed that Steve mistook Chris's text message to be from Claire and is on his way to Kijuju for nothing! By the way, Tina/Prisoner, I dedicated the scene with Chris and the donut to you lol Well anyway please R&R! With details! No flamers!