Hey people! Time for more sexual jokes! Now in this chapter I will reveal what a Jill Sandwich is. XD. Anyway I keep making these jokes about Wesker being the Terminator. So now, what f I actually made it happen? What if he was sent back in time to kill Chris so that he never started the BSAA? This will have some time travel involved. Tell me what you think!

BTW Lethal Weapon jokes too. I needed to get that douche bag Mel Gibsonfor his insensitive remarks. So I'm tearing him a new one. Also, I have made several references to Terminator so I am gonna take the high road and have a terminator model that is supposed to be Wesker.

Special K agrees with me that he likes like the governor of California, hence The Governator. He said Wesker is a T-1000 wannabe. Arnold Schwarzenegger's only consistent name in the Terminator series was Terminator. His model number varies from each one. I do not own the rights to Drawn Together, Terminator or Capcom. Some humor is borrowed from other shows but with my touch. For the most part its mine.

Also Weskinator will have Schwarzenegger's lame movie one liners as well.

Though I am unsure what nationality Wesker is, I decided to give him an Austrian accent to parody Terminator. Though he is Wesker's appearance, he still has the accent. Also at some point, just in case Resi Roach/Special K reads this, I will do a parody about the dumb stories where an oc is created so a woman can put herself in a story and have sex with Wesker. Seriously, that is lame. While my OC Dia from Ground Zero has a few of my beliefs, he is not supposed 2 be me. He is embodied by the black actor, Larenz Tate.

Also any and all donut references involving Barry are decicated to Prisoner/Tina.

Anyway Please enjoy!

Steve arrives in Kijuju. He somehow still has a pair of Golden Lugers. Suddenly a female majini comes up to him.

Steve: "Sorry mister. I don't have any change."

The majini reveals its head.

Steve: "Whoa. Somebody needs to brush their teeth." Steve unloads with the Lugers and the majini dies.

Steve: "Cool! I just killed Umbrella's replacement for the zombie! That's one more thing off of my list."

Steve checks off Kill a majini which is on his list.

Number 2: Find out what part of India the Navajo Indians are from

Number 3: Make "Sex" with woman.

Number 4: Find out what is if its not butter.

Number 5 Look up why I have 3 balls instead of 4.

Steve: "Oh wow! One of the old ganados! Uhhhhhh que is Clair...ooo?"

Ganado: "Actually that wasn't even slightly close to how you say it."

Steve: "Wow! You speak English?"

Ganado: "No. Just that first sentence and this one explaining it."

Steve: "You've gotta be freaking kidding me."

Meanwhile...

Wesker has just finished creating the W-800. It was an android designed to look just like him.

Wesker: "Now you are going back in time to 2002 to to kill Chris before the BSAA ever exists."

Terminator: "Yes. I am going to kill Chris Redfield."

The terminator leaves.

Wesker: "Excella where is Chris? We have a family reunion to go to."

Excella: "He just entered a cave. Irving is dead."

"Wesker: "Aw god damn it! How are we supposed to get to that cave? I was going to sell them as conflict diamonds! And I was gonna have nine year old kids mine them for me!"

Excella: "Wee're in the cave. Our base is."

Wesker: "Really?" In deeper voice. "Right. Soon the little fishy will come see my hook. Now I will avenge that homosexual who wears guy liner and is the lead singer of Green Day."

Excella: "Don't you mean Irving?"

Wesker: "Why? What did I say?"

(Deleted scene from RE0. Why Billy really got arrested.)

Bily is driving in luxery sports car. Instead of wearing his tank top, he is wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

He then gets out of the car stopping in front of a group of Cubans and he pulls out an M-16. He begins firing at them and kills three of them. More Cubans start coming out and start shooting at him. Billy just keeps firing.

He begins singing I Ran So Far by Flock Of Eagulls.

Billy: "And I ran. I ran so far away...never gonna get away."

Announcer: "Resident Evil. Vice City. Awwww yeah!"

Billy: The name is Vercetti. Don't you forget it!"

Cops: "Vice City Police! Drop your fuckin weapon!"

Billy: "No! I don't wanna!" He opens fire and hits two cops. He gets back in his car and drives away.

Vice Police Chopper: "Get outta the car with our hands up! Hey I can see my house from here!"

Billy fires MP5 out of the window.

Billy goes into the Pay N Spray. New engine and paint job so cops won't recognize you...

Billy runs over an old woman. Unless you kill again before the flashing stops...

Billy: "Damn it!"

A cop pulls him out.

Murtaugh: "Nice job Riggs!

Twnty minutes later...

Riggs: "You know what they do to you in prison?"

Billy: "Yeah. I did fifteen years. Which makes sense in GTA but not in Resident Evil All though in GTA it makes no sense of how I was locked up during Nam but I'm still a Marine. Oh well."

Riggs: "Crime doesn't pay. Haven'tt you ever seen Lethal Weapon?"

Billy: "I boycott your movies now. I found Passion Of The Christ extremely anti semetic."

Riggs: "Fuckin Jews. They're resposible for wars. Are you a Jew?"

Billy: "How the hell should I know? I'm a cross between Billy Coen and Tommy Vercetti."

Murtaugh: "Cohen? Aint Sacha Baron Cohen Jewish?"

Riggs: "Damn right. And I'm an Australian who played an American but also played a Scottish hero. I also have a partner who is too old for this shit. He should have retired years ago. From acting and the force. He's so old, black and culturally irrelevant, I started callling him Bill Cosby."

Billy: "What an idiot. Crazy actorss..."

Riggs: "You wanna see crazy?" Riggs pulls out a molestation doll tha is used in court rooms and begins fucking it. He then begins sticking his tongue in the hole. Then he pulls out a gun. He points it at his own head.

Riggs: "I'll fuckin do it! I'll do it Rog! You shouldn't tempt me, man!"

Billy: "This kinda proves my point..."

Riggs: "Shut up! You're next!" Riggs fires the gun and shoots himself in the foot.

Murtaugh: "Bottom line. You're going to be put to death in some shit hole called Raccoon City."

Billy: "Why? Cause of two cops? You should have seen two days ago!"

Riggs: "No. We're not doing it cause of that. Its cause you boycott my movies. Lethal Weapon was way better than Die Hard! And Passion of the Christ. By the wy, the Halocaust never happened. Jews made it up."

Chris and Sheva are searching through the caves.

Chris finds a topaz.

Chris: "Sweet! As soon as I get home I'm taking this straight to the pawn shop! And I didn't have to kill a kid over here to get it!"

Sheva: "Why are you so fucking strange?"

Chris angrily, "Strange? How dare you! I am not strange! This is strange."

Chris lifts up his shirt and begins licking his own breast, and massaging his pecks.

Sheva: "Okay...moving on...oh my god! Spiders!"

Chris: "You fuckin women say you want equal rights but as soon as something scary comes your way, like a rapist or a spider, you come running back."

Chris sees the big spiders coming out of the ground.

Chris: "Run for your fuckin life!" Chris shoves Sheva out of the way and runs.

Sheva opens fire on them and kills two but one of them latches onto her.

Sheva: "Help me!"

Chris: "What's the magic word?"

Sheva: "Please help!"

Chris: "No that's wrong...oh wait never mind."

Chris pulls out his AK-74 and fires and kills three of them.

Chris: "Thanks to the armory and not that annoying fuckin merchant, I now have more arms than the wackiest God in all of India!

Sheva: "Thanks partner."

Chris: "Oh now you decide to go by the script!"

Sheva: "Yes well, unlike you I actually am professional."

Chris: Professa...whaaaaaaaaaat?"

Sheva: "Never mind"

They head down into the ancient civilization area.

Sheva: "I never knew such a place existed here..."

Chris: "I know! For the most part, Africa is a total shit hole!"

Sheva: "How do you know? This is the only place you've been here! You can't judge Africa on just one place!"

Chris: "I guess yyou've never met us Americans before, have you? But if we ever found oil here, you all better watch out!"

Sheva pulls out the Cattle Prod she had bought and hits him with it Chris screams like a girl and falls to the ground rolling in agony and convulsing.

Sheva: "I'm going to that everytime you step out of line!"

Suddenly they hear some of the tribal majiinis coming.

Chriis gets up and sees the enemy coming.

Chris: "Oh my God! Just like Black people in movies, we're going to die!"

Meanwhile...

2003

A storm of electricity appears in the year 2003, in Los Angeles California. This is just a month after Jill and Chris's encounter in Russia.

The terminator designed to look like Wesker has arrived in the past. His mission is to terminate Jill and Chris before they start the BSAA

The Weskinator is naked as he can't bring clothes back in time. He walks up to where a trio of Frat Boys are talking.

Frat Boy: "Hey buddy! Laundry night? No clean clothes?"

Weskinator shoves his fist through his chest and rips his still beating heart out of his chest cavity.

Weskinator: "What did you say? I'm heart of hearing."

Wesker kills the other two and looks at their bodies to decide which one's clothes to take.

Back in 2009...

Chris fires his AK and mows down three majinis. Sheva fires her shotgun at a big tribal one as it ululated. The blast seems to not do much damage. Chris kills the big one with the AK-74.

Chris: "Shooting a gun is like having sex. You aim, you shoot, you run."

Chris arms his M92F and begins aims at a majini with torches He fires.

Chris: "Ahhhh! Somebody shot me!"

Sheva: "You're pointing the gun the wrong way, you idiot!"

Chris: "Really? Oh...right." He reverses the gun and continues firing. He can see Sheva across the room kicking a majini that she has wounded.

Chris switches to his Sniper Rifle and fires, hitting one of them in the head.

Chris: "Sweet! I haven't seen that much blood since Princess Diana!"

Sheva is grabbed from behind by a majini. Chris zooms in with the Sniper Rifle. He is about to fire but then is turned on by Sheva's tribal outfit.

Chris: "Oooohhh. I'd like to play female slave and overseer with her anyday!"

(I'm going to hell for that one.)

Chris zooms in on her luscious ample breasts. He then zooms down her toned stomach down to her legs. He zooms in, looking at her white panties, that are exposed.

Chris: "That is the way to do it, Leon!"

Sheva drives her elbow into the majini.

Sheva: "Damn it! I needed your help! Now shoot those damn majinis!"

Chris fires five shots andf hits a majini but he accidently hits her as well.

Sheva: "Watch where you are aiming you idiot!" She returns fire and hits Chris in the leg.

Chris: "You bitch!" He fires and hits her in the arm.

Sheva fires and hit him in the hip.

Chris: "Maybe we should stop. We're doing damage to each other."

Sheva: "Okay. I'll heal us. But we need to prevent this from happening again."

She heals them.

Chris: "How do we do that? What about them?" He asks referring to the majini.

Sheva: "Okay. We're going to the main menu. Wait for it to save before you exit."

Chris: "All right."

Sheva sets up another game and turns off the attack reaction.

Sheva: "Okay. Ready when you are."

Chris: "I was born ready."

Chris throws a grenade at one of them. The majini grabs the grenade, pulls the pin and throws it back in their direction.

Chris: "Um...run like fuck!"

They do but some debris from the blast hits them causing further damage.

They make theirr way into some passage doorways and Sheva finds a chest.

Sheva: "I need your help getting this open."

Chris: "Go ahead. I'll follow." Sheva hits B and begins struggling to move it. She wonders why Chris has not helped her until she looks to see him looking at her ass through the scope.

They move it and Chris sees gold.

Chris: "Dibs!" He punches Sheva and knocks her down, grabbing the gold.

Sheva: "You idiot! We both get the gold!"

Chris: "Really? Oh. Okay."

They search other chests and find various jewels and gold. They move one last chest and a trap door opens. They fal through the floor.

Chris screaming like a girl: "Oh my God! Please lord! I swear I'll stop putting spy cams in the shower when Claire gets home from work! Just don't let me die!"

Sheva: "We only fell ten feet!"

Chris: "I'm still injured!"

Sheva: "How can that be? We've jumped off of higher buildings than that! Where are you hurt?

Chris: "My courage..."

2003

Barry, Rebecca Steve,and Jill are celebrating the downfall of Umbrella at a local night spot.

Claire: "Why the hell isn't Chris here? He should be here celebrating! Or at least celebrating with Jill...while I watch..."

Rebecca: "He's away taking care of important business."

Shot of Chris at a karaoke bar. The song he is singing is Tequila.

(Back to night club.)

Jill: "Here's to Umbrella's fall!"

Steve: "And to freedom of speech!"

Rebecca: "Fuck yeah!"

Claire: "That's the shit!"

Barry rips off his pants and boxers and starts thrusting his genitals.

Barry: "I want to rip the head off a fucking pig and then rip its fucking guts out and fuck its fucking corpse, fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck."

Chris finally arrives.

Jill: "Where the lell have you been?"

Chris: "I was doing karaoke for the song Tequila. I would say I wasted my time since there was only one word in the song."

Jill: "Dumb ass."

Chris: "What's up with Barry? He looks like he's been doing speed."

Jill: "Don't worry. He's using an unsucessful version of the virus. The T virus tastes like apple, the G virus tastes like grape. This tastes like krispy kreme donuts. Its like crack to him. But it does seem to make him fast, but not strong. Its sugar high."

Barry grabs Chris: "Now I'm the hero! I'm like superman! Only I can get up flights of stairs."

They begin drinking.

The Weskinator enters the club. He is wearing a pair of blue shorts and a white muscle shirt.

The Weskinator comes up to Chris.

Chris sees him."Hmmm. He looks like Wesker...but Wesker doesn't dress like that."

Weskinator: "Tell me. Are you Chris Redfield?"

Chris thinking: Hm. He can't be Wesker! He sounds like he's from Austria!

Chris: "Are you from the service? Because I specifically asked for no Eastern European women!"

Wesker points a gun in his face. "I've gun to meet you."

Chris screams and starts running like a girl.

Weskinator pulls out an MP5 as well and starts firing.

Chris thinking: I was having a good time, I was laughing like a drunken pro athelete. Then this asshole comes in shooting at me and now I'm screaming and crying. Like the wife of a drunken pro athlete.

Barry sees Weskinator shooting everybody. "Activating Donut shield!" Barry grabs a young woman in the club and uses her as a human shield. She screams as she is hit by several rounds.

Suddenly Leon S Kennedy comes in. The Weskinator shoots himm in the head.

The Weskinator walks up to Chris with the smoking guns and points them in his face.

BOOM!

A shotgun is fired. Leon is holding a shotgun and this time his hair is so much lighter than it had been and he was dressed different.

Leon: "Come on me if you want to live!"

Chris: "Don't you mean come with you?"

Leon: "Why what did I say?"

They hop on Leon's moped outside and speed away. Twenty minutes later, Leon stops and tells him what's going on.

Chris: "Wait. I don't understand. Leon was just shot! How can you still be here?"

Leon: "I'm Leon from the future. That redhead Leon was done away with."

Chris: "Wait a minute...you've got white hair! Almost white...Leon doesn't look this old!"

Leon: "Wait till you see him next year in 4! You'll swear its Taylor Hicks you play as!"

Chris: "What the hell was that thing?"

Leon: "Weskinator. He was sent back in time to kill you and Jill before you started the BSAA. Six years from now Wesker will try to take over the world. But there was a side effect. It caused young men all over the world to spend so much time playing Resident Evil 5 on the 360 that they neglect all other responsibilities. School, jobs. Girlfriends. So they still need to have sex. So they become gay!"

Leon: "The world becomes a more tolerant place. So Wesker sent a machine back in time to kill you. A hetero killing machine!"

(Shot to Weskinator's creation)

Weskinator wakes up. Wesker stands above him.

Wesker: "We must test his skills to make sure he is straight."

He hands the Weskinator a remote. He turns on the TV and switches it to That's So Raven.

Wessker: "Good. Pop culture recognition. Check."

Weskinator is handed a gun and he empties it into a poster of Chris from Resident Evil 5.

Weskinator: "What's the difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist? You can negotiae with a terrrorist."

The scientists laughed.

Wesker: "Okay and he's funny. He is ready."

2003

Chris: "Well what the hell are you doing in the past?"

Leon: "I was sent back in time to protect you."

Chris: "So now you're from the future too? I thought you were in a video game!"

Leon screams so loud his eyes go bloodshot. "Video games are the future!"

Suddenly two cops rush forward and arrest Leon.

Meanwhile at Barry's house, Bary has just returned from deactivating the donut shield. He answers the door covered in dirt and blood and is holding a shovel.

Weskinator: "Tell me. Are you Chris Redfield?"

Barry: "Wait a minute. You're the one who killed all those people at the clu...dude! Is that a beer tap?"

Weskinator has a beer tap on his chest.

Weskinator: "Ja. Its tapped lager."

Barry: "Cool! Can I have some?"

He is still high off his krispy kreme virus. He charges into a wall speeds away and comes back holding a goblet that says FLAVOR FLAV

Weskinator: "You totally schooled that wall."

Barry: "Up high!"

They high five and then Weskinator has another arm come out of his back and gives him a robot five.

Barry: "A robo five? Dude you are so hetero! Tell me, bro. What do you think about vagina?"

Weskinator: "Dude, I love the vagina."

Barry: "Dude I love the vagina! What do you like to do to it?"

Weskinator: "What do you think I like to do to it?"

Barry : "I think you like to fuck it."

Weskinator: Damn straight I like to fuck the vagina."

Weskinator and Barry in unision: "Sweet!" They high high five.

2009

Chris and Sheva approach Sheva.

"Excella Ginone! Put your h

ands up!"

The masked lady in the bird mask shows up and kicks Chris, Sheva tries to fight but the lady knocks her back.

Chris: "Wait a minute...are you Cameron Diaz? I'd recognize that beak anywhere!"

They continue the struggle and Jill's mask is shot off.

Sheva: "Enough games!"

Wesker: "You haven't changed. Other than your figure. You look like you used steroids hris."

Chris: "No I didn't. Barry did that and his penis got so small it became a vagina. Not cool dude."

Wesker: "I would expect you to be more happy to see us."

Chris: "Do you mean happy or trouser snake happy?"

Wesker removes her mask.

Chris: "Jill! You're alive! Though I wouldn't haveminded a few minutes with your corpse either."

Wesker: "Isn't this one big family reunion?"

Chris: "No that's me, Jill and Barry! We did the Jill Sandwich!"

Chris flashes back. He and Barry are double teaming Jill. Jill is blowing Barry while Chris penetrates her from behind. They are also playing cards on her bare back.

Barry: "Go fish."

(End of flashback.

Jill attack again and kicks Chris a few times and he goes flying.

Chris: "Whee!"

Sheva attempts to shoot but is tackled by Wesker.

Wesker: "Two on two. Unlike the Jill sandwhich. Those were unfair odds."

Chris: "I get to swing with a black girl and a white girl? Sweet!" Chris starts to unzip his pants.

Wesker: "Not what I meant...but continue..."

Jill starts throwing stuff at Chis.

Wesker: "Muhahahaahh. She stocked up on animals."

Jill threw beavers at him. Chris punched them away from him.

Chris: "I just love pounding furry beavers!"

Jill hurls a donkey at him with her superhuman strength.

Chris kicks it away.

Chris: "I gave that hairy ass a licking!"

She throws a bunch of cats at him. Chris dodges them.

Chris: "This is one dude who knows how to avoid pussy!"

Jill throws a rooster at him.

Chris catches it.

Chris: "I'm going to choke this cock until it explodes and falls asleep leaving me alone and unsatisfied..."

Jill kicks Chris.

Sheva fires at Wesker with her Assault Rifle but only a few hits him.

Chris throws Jill to the ground.

Chris: "Bitch, you better check yo self for you wreck yourself! Homey don't play that!"

Sheva attempts to pull the device from Jill's chest.

Chris: "Ooooh this is hot..."

Chris rubs his nipples as he watches.

Wesker: "Chris. What is the most common name in China?"

Chris: "What?"

Wesker: "Chin!" He punches Chris in the face.

Chris wipes blood from his face.

Chris: "What's the capital of Thailand? Bankok!"

He punched Wesker in the groin.

Wesker holds his groin and looks at Jill and She

Wesker: "Damn...This is like my childhood. Two women appear to be going at it and my balls hurt."

Chris gets up. He opens fire. Wesker dodges. Jill is firing her Skorpion at Sheva. Sheva takes cover behind a pillar. Chris fires a wound shot to her arm. He then, grabs Jill from behind and Sheva runs up to pull the device off.

Jill then fights both of them off.

Sheva: "Hold her down while I get that thing off of her chest!"

Chris: "Hold her down...? I wasn't holding her down. I was...ohhhhhh. I get it."

Wesker: "This fight is turning out to be more of a let down than the last time I had sex.

(Flashback.)

Wesker is driving along a road. He sees a young girl who couldn't have been more than eighteen. "Need a ride?"

The girl without thinking, gets in.

"I'm Mary Sue. You must be Wesker."

Wesker: "That is correct dear heart."

Mary Sue: "Ohhh... you got something on your pinky. It looks like chocolate."

Wesker: "Yes...chocolate...right..."

NMary Sue licks it off.

Wesker: You like sucking my pinky do you? Well here is something you can suck on. Its not as long but it is just as hard!"

(End of flashback.)

Wesker: "She does not love you anymore Chris."

Chris: "Liar! She does too!"

Wesker: "How dare you call me a liar? I am an NBA player, an astronaut, president of the world, a God, and I have a fourteen inch cock but I am not a liar."

2003

Chris: "And then he said he was from the year 2009. I just want to know when this will end."

Police Officer: "And I want to know where those legs end? They go on for days!"

Chris: "Thanks for noticing." He is wearing nylons.

Chris: "I'm going to make a call. There's one guy I can always trust."

Meanwhile Barry and the Weskinator are taking a shower together. The robot is way more well hung.

Barry: "My favorite words for vagina? Well, baby gap, panty bacon, and beer cozy. How about you pal?"

Weskinator: "I call it a taxi so I can roll over and get some sleep."

They both laugh andd high five and then Barry high fives the extra robotic arm from its back.

Suddenly Barry's cell rings. He gets out of the shower.

Barry: "Christopher! Hey, what's up?"

Chris: "I need you to come to the police station!"

Barry: "Why? Is this about the donut shield?"

Weskinator takes the phone and talks in Barry's voice.

Weskinator: "Where are you primary target? I mean Chris? The police station Okay stay right there I'll be right there to kill...haha...I mean murder you."

Barry: "Whoa! You do an even better me than I do!"

Meanwhile...

Carlos is on the phone with Rebecca.

Carlos: "You know that leather bra I like? That comes with the edible panties? Yeah that one. I'll be wearing that."

Meanwhile...

in present day...

2009

Barry, Carlos and Billy are all playing spin the bottle.

Barry spins it. "Do you think it was a bad idea to send Leon back through time?"

The bottle lands on Billy. Barry and Billy embrace in a french kiss.

Carlos: "No. Cause if the Wesker android kills Chris, there will be no BSAA. Its important!"

He spins the bottle and it lands on Billy

Carlos: "All right! I got the Marine! This should be moy beuno!"

Billy: "Dude, if you're gonna be gay about this, you can't play!"

Carlos: "I'm sorry."

They kiss.

Barry spins the bottle. "I'm married with kids. You two are the only homos." The botte lands between Barry and Carlos.

They all yell, "Tripple kiss" At the same time.

To be continued...

Well I hope you all liked this wacky ride! Any krispy kreme reference is for Tina. & the reference to Wesker and Mary sue was a crack at people putting their OC's in to have sex with Wesker. That was for Special K and Resident Roach. Also, Wesker's small penis was a reference to Resi Roach's profile and what it says about Wesker. lol.

I hope you all had a good laugh. There is a lot of DT conetnt in this but I add my own touch to it so it isn't plaguerism.

Tell me in detail what parts you thought were funniest! Love ya'll!

later.

A.S.