10:30AM

Finn Hudson watched Santana Lopez rummage through her purse. So far this morning he had seen her pull out a full makeup kit, two different Cheerios-brand thermoses, unload an entire nail salon, and flip through an increasing stack of trashy magazines.

Puck seemed to notice this too. "Holy shit, Santana, what do you have in there?" He asked as he lifted her large purse and jingled it a few times before dropping it back on the table with a thud.

"I don't know," she said snatching her bag back. "My stuff."

This piqued Kurt's curiosity. "You know you can tell a lot about a person based on what they carry in their bags."

Santana rolled her eyes, "Yes, the autographed copy of Elton John's biography in your backpack is a real shocker."

Finn frowned. He didn't get why Santana was so mean to Kurt all the time. "Hey back off," he said before he could fully consider it. Santana was going to bite his head off.

"Oh don't even start with me Finn," the wrath of Santana began. "We all know you're packing a bottle of Extendze in your back pocket."

Finn blushed. He knew he shouldn't have told Quinn about his issue. The entire Cheerio squad probably spent half their rehearsal time laughing at him. He looked over to Rachel and prayed that she had never seen that stupid Jimmy Johnson commercial. If Rachel knew what a loser he was when it came to sex no way would she still be into him. He had to stay a stud.

Puck was the only one who knew how to handle Santana and never put up with her crap. That's why he and Puck were such good friends. He was the nice guy who attracted the crowd, while Puck was the muscle who kept people in line.

Puck dumped the contents of Santana's purse across the table. "What the hell is this?" He asked picking up a handful of loose breadsticks.

"Oh my God," Santana reached for them and quickly began munching them. "Me and Brittany went to Breadstix last weekend. I didn't realize I still had some left. They're awesome because you can have as many as you can carry and they never go bad."

"That's because they're already stale," Finn flinched. Santana was hot, but she was totally gross.

"Did you steal all this jewelry?" Kurt asked sifting through the tagged items.

"But your dad's a doctor, you're like totally rich," Finn said.

"The cashier told me I couldn't fit in an extra small even if I wanted to. I was going to drop these earrings down his pants to get him fired but I didn't want him to think I was coming on to him," she shrugged. "So I just took it and reported it to his manager."

"You're awful!" Rachel exclaimed from her corner of the library after what seemed like hours of silence on her part.

"What are you hiding in there, Puckerman?" Santana asked reaching her hand into Puck's pocket, not even deeming Rachel with a response. "Fake ID?" She said picking through his wallet. "Hot. Is this a picture of your nana?" She asked with a hint of disgust. Puck shrugged. "Lame. Oh, a credit card!" She said picking the card out to examine it. "What's the limit?"

"I don't know, like 500 bucks," Puck said.

She huffed. "Double lame." She looked over at Finn expectantly.

"Sorry, I don't have a credit card," he said.

"Ew, I'm not hitting on you," she held her hand out for his wallet. "Even I have standards."

Finn emptied his pockets. Chewed piece of gum he was saving for later, left over pop tart for lunch, and twelve dollars plus change.

"You keep a condom in your wallet?" Puck laughed. "Wishful thinking much?"

This seemed to concern Rachel who leaped across the room and into the conversation. "You do realize that storage of prophylactics in a warm damp place like a leather wallet renders them almost completely ineffective."

"Is a Planned Parenthood pamphlet the only piece of literature you have as reading material?" Kurt asked. "I mean really."

"Don't worry," Puck said with a laugh. "It's only there for decoration."

Finn narrowed his eyes. Puck could be a total douche sometimes.

Santana cleared her things off the table and back into her purse. "Okay VonTrapp, your turn."

Kurt emptied several different types of moisturizers from his bag. Finn cocked his brow. Kurt either jacked off constantly or was the softest human on Earth.

"I have really sensitive skin that varies with the weather," he explained before popping the lid off his industrial sized hairspray for a quick mist.

"Organic pita chips and hummus! That's my favorite snack," Rachel said pointing at Kurt's perfectly packed lunch. "Is that the jalapeño flavor?"

Kurt looked perplexed then disgusted. "Yes, it's pretty much all I eat," he said dryly.

Finn was confused. Was Rachel hitting on Kurt? She did know that he was… well he had always assumed that Kurt was gay. He thought it was pretty obvious but never bothered to ask. Was that something that dudes talked about? Like their feelings and stuff? This made him think though, he always heard that girls go for guys that reminded them of their dad and Rachel had two gay dads so he guessed it kind of made sense.

"Hey," he said reaching for a random bottle of lotion. "Can I try some?" He asked keeping his eyes trained on Rachel just in case she was into that sort of thing.

"All right Rachel, it's your turn," Kurt said placing his hands on his hips.

She sank back towards the table she was sitting at before. "I don't really have anything that interesting."

"Come on, Rach," Finn said, "we all revealed our deep dark secrets."

Rachel carried a small purse, it's not like she could fit anything that embarrassing in it. She pulled out two iPods first. "Decoy," she explained holding one of the MP3 players up. "People seem to find flushing my belongings down the toilet to be endlessly entertaining," she spat turning her attention to Puck.

Finn found himself turning his attention to Puck as well with accusing eyes. Maybe if Puck wasn't such a dick to Rachel people wouldn't make fun of her so much. Then she would be popular and then they could totally go out. Finn took a mental note to kick Puck's ass.

Next she pulled out some lip gloss, some hair spray, and a small compact. Nothing too exciting in his opinion, but everyone else seemed to laugh hysterically at it.

"Do you of all people really need this?" Santana asked holding up the compact.

"Cool, is that like a compass or something?" Finn asked because camping was awesome.

"It's the pill, you dumbass," Puck mocked. Definitely kick Puck's ass, he noted.

How was he supposed to know? It's not like he'd ever seen it before. Quinn wasn't on the pill because her parents would never in a million years let her get it, but more importantly because she heard that it made people fat.

"It's important to be prepared," Rachel reasoned.

Kurt picked the final object out of Rachel's purse: a seemingly endless strip of condoms.

"Are you serious?" He murmured with wide eyes.

She snapped them away and smiled nervously. "And to have various birth control options," she added.

"Hold up," Santana clapped her hands together joyfully. "Part of me is disgusted by the fact that you have more birth control in your purse than a drugstore. But the other part can't help but find it sickly adorable that you not only think a guy will want to have sex with you, but will want to do it multiple times!"

"Hey," Finn broke in. Maybe if he treated Rachel like she was a cool person, other people would think she was cool too. "There's nothing wrong with being responsible or whatever. I think it's cool."

He couldn't miss the grin Rachel flashed before remembering that she hated him.

"You would," Puck said with a roll of the eye.

Crap. Finn thought to himself. He really had to stop telling people all of his secrets.

"What does that mean?" Santana asked.

Finn looked at Puck pleadingly. For a best friend, he sure was a ticking time bomb. "I mean that Finn was the only other lame ass carrying around condoms like he was going to get some."

Finn was never so glad to be insulted in his life. Maybe he wouldn't have to kick Puck's ass after all.