4:30PM

Finn Hudson couldn't stop staring at Rachel Berry's boobs. Ever since she returned from the bathroom with Santana he couldn't take his eyes off them. They were just… there.

Suddenly a scrap of paper bounced off Rachel's shoulder from the other side of the table. Rachel seemed oblivious to the air assault and another pellet of paper missed the target and landed unnoticed in her lap. Finn glanced over to recognize that Puck too had discovered the joys of Rachel's cleavage. He balled another scrap of paper and flicked it in her direction and it disappeared down her blouse.

Rachel was finally aware of the game and gasped as if she had swallowed a bug.

"Cut it out, perv," Santana snapped from beside Rachel, probably jealous because nobody was paying attention to her or something.

Finn noticed something then and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. Rachel was sitting next to Santana, who sat next to Kurt, who sat across from Puck, who sat next to him. They were all sitting at the same table. He wondered when exactly that happened.

Puck only glared at Santana and worked at chipping the remnants of nail polish from his fingernails. Finn couldn't help but snicker. Whenever Puck got his butt handed to him it always made Finn feel a little good about himself, especially since Puck acted like he was such a badass and was always giving him such a hard time.

Rachel reached down her shirt to pick out the paper ball and adjusted her shirt by pulling it down further. Finn's breath caught in his throat and he found himself inadvertently leaning forward with his jaw unhinged. She caught him staring and he turned his eyes quickly to the ceiling and began to nervously whistle.

"I can't believe we made it through an entire day of detention," Kurt said dryly, lifting his attention from the game of Dots he and Santana were playing. Finn arched a brow at this. Didn't they hate each other?

"I know," Puck added. "I've gotten more sleep this afternoon than I have all semester."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Santana began. "But even though I was stuck hanging with you losers all day, I actually had fun." No kidding, Finn rolled his eyes. She spent the whole day putting everyone down.

"Let's just stop kidding ourselves," Rachel said suddenly. "None of this so called bonding is actually going to stick. Come five o'clock you'll all go back to treating Kurt and me like you're so much better than us. Because we don't choose to hide who we are." She stood to her feet and placed her hands on her hips. "You people are so terrified of what other people will think of you that you're living a lie."

Finn wasn't always the most self aware person in the world, but even he could tell that at least some of her pointed tirade was directed towards him. Ever since they started hanging out, all he ever did was disappoint her. She just didn't understand how hard it was to be him. Everybody was always depending on him to throw dweebs in trashcans or sing the big solo or throw the winning touchdown or write the best faith poem in Celibacy Club. There were too many pressures for him to deal with and yes, he admitted it, sometimes he took the easy way out. But he was trying to change. He hadn't even stepped within a hundred feet of a dumpster since joining glee and just the other day he slapped a slushie out of Puck's hand before he could toss it in someone's face. Of course it turned out that Puck was actually going to drink it so they had to go all the way back to the Quick Mart so Finn could buy him another one, but that was beside the point. Wasn't joining glee club enough to show his true colors? Did he really have to go into detail about how lame he actually was?

He let out a heavy sigh. He was going to prove to Rachel that he was better than that.

"I'm not in detention because of the assembly," he said, breaking the awkward silence that Rachel's rant had ignited.

"Duh," Santana said dumbly.

Finn needed all the confidence he could get to tell this story and thus chose to ignore her. "Yesterday, after school, I was rehearsing for glee and I…" he swallowed thickly. "I got a little excited."

"Hold up," Santana lifted her hands in a halting motion. "You got a hard on from signing?"

He pressed his lips together and his eyes inadvertently settled on Rachel. "Yeah."

Rachel gasped as if suddenly understanding the situation.

Kurt stared at him dumbfounded. "This is like a horrible car crash. I know it can't end well, but I can't look away."

"It gets worse," he said tightly. "I sort of lost control of the situation and had to, uh… relieve the tension."

Puck dropped his face in his hands from second hand embarrassment, Rachel was too in shock to even look at him, and Santana couldn't stop laughing.

"Oh my God," Kurt said slowly.

*swipe*

The tension was building.

Finn shut his eyes and pictured a U.S. Postal Man bouncing off his windshield.

It didn't work. He took a deep breath and pictured it again.

Post Man crashing the glass as his mother shrieked in terror. But suddenly it wasn't his mom in the car. It was Rachel. And they weren't in a car they were in his bed. And she wasn't sitting next to him; she was on top of him, grinding on him like in their glee performance.

He shot to his feet.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked immediately sitting up.

His entire body tightened and he had to pull his shirt down to hide his obvious erection. Who got a hard on from five seconds of kissing? He berated himself.

"No, no, uh, I just got to go," he said quickly, too panicked and deprived of necessary blood flow to his brain to think clearly. It was too mortifying to comprehend and he wanted nothing more than for Rachel to forget how… quick firing he was. "Look, just please don't tell anyone about this. Okay?" And with that he darted off the stage.

He ran down the hallway towards the gym. "Mailman, mailman," he chanted through gritted teeth.

Halfway to the locker room he remembered it was Friday. The hockey team used the locker room on Friday's because the football team didn't have practice and if Karofsky caught Finn jerking it in the shower he would never hear the end of it.

In a panic Finn turned down the administrative hall. The only club that met down there was OCD anonymous and he knew there was no way any of them would use a public restroom.

Upon entering the men's room, Finn checked every stall before locking himself into the last one. Pulling down his pants he let out a huge sigh of relief. Finally taking matters into his own… hand, he was so close to the edge that he didn't hear the creak of the door.

A loud groan passed his lips and finally the tension in his groin was relieved. Finn fought his labored breath as he quickly cleaned up and swung the stall door open, startled when he saw Principal Figgins horrified expression on the other side.

"That was a really good poop. Those burritos are killer. But so… so awesome." He said awkwardly to no avail. He was busted.

*swipe*

"Principal Figgins said that he thought I should check myself into rehab for sex addiction or at least join his church's youth group, but he couldn't get approval from the school board so he settled on Saturday detention," Finn said staring at the floor.

Nobody could meet each other's gaze.

"That was the most embarrassing story I've ever heard," Santana said after a long moment.

"So I guess I'm just as lame as anyone else," Finn said with a nod. "I'm definitely not too good for anyone in this room."

He finally met Rachel's eye and offered her a small smile and for once she didn't seem so disappointed in him.

"Kurt's not in detention for whatever dumb reason he said before," Puck suddenly said. Everyone snapped to attention. Finn narrowed his eyes at his friend; apparently he wasn't the only one swallowing his pride. "After school I was trying to throw him in the dumpster and he punched me in the face." Finn's eyes darted to petite Kurt with wide eyes. "That's why I have this black eye," he gestured towards the bruise. "I didn't fight ninjas or anything. Kurt punched me."

"Oh my God!" Santana shrieked. "I can't believe I had sex with you in the reference section over that."

"Why didn't you say anything, Kurt?" Finn asked.

"I threatened to beat him up if he told anyone," Puck said before Kurt could open his mouth to speak. "But the truth is even though he's small, he's like freakishly strong and could totally take me if he wanted to."

"I considered revealing the truth," Kurt said with a proud smirk. "But the image of him quivering on the floor, after I so eloquently punched his lights out was more than enough for me. I didn't need the entire school to share in my joy." He paused thoughtfully, "Plus I figured so long as I held Puck's dirty little secret I'd have some sort of leverage. There goes that power trip."

Finn nodded proudly. Now Rachel couldn't be mad at him anymore. Not only was he a loser but Puck was a loser too, and Kurt was cool now. "What about you Santana?" He asked hoping to throw a perfect game with his leadership and heroism.

"I'm appalled," she said folding her arms across her chest defiantly. "I can't believe I wasted all my time with you and Puckerman. It's embarrassing! What with Finn being in the early stages of becoming an internet pedophile and Puck unable to hold his ground against a Swedish milkmaid? I can't even look at you."

"Oh come on," Kurt spoke up. "You've never done anything stupid or silly or self deprecating? You're entire life has been an endless reign of superiority?"

Santana turned her eyes up to the ceiling as if to recount every event of her life. "Yep, sounds about right."

Finn and the rest of the room joined in on a collective eye roll. Santana was so fake, no wonder everybody hated her.

"Didn't you at least have braces or something?" He asked.

"Nope," she smirked. "Invisaline." Of course.

The library door swung open and Mr. Schuester appeared. "Hey guys, looks like you've just about made it."

"Thank God!" Santana sighed. "I think loser-dom is becoming contagious," she said looking pointedly at Puck.

"Well hopefully you've learned your lesson Santana," Will said. "Skipping class will not be tolerated. If you had just seen the nurse instead of leaving school grounds to 'shop', all of this could have been avoided."

"What the hell does that mean?" Puck asked upon Mr. Schue leaving.

Santana distracted herself by running her fingers through her ponytail, hoping the topic would be dropped.

Finn wasn't going to give up that easily, leaning forward on his elbows he cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah Santana, what does that mean?"

"I was having lady troubles, what Mr. Schue did was sexual discrimination," she answered defiantly.

"Finn was having boy troubles and you don't see him complaining," Puck said hooking a thumb in Finn's direction. Finn frowned.

"I really, really, needed a new pair of dollies for my Cheerios uniform," she explained, still vague on the details. "So I went during Spanish class and Mr. Schuester caught me afterwards with a bag from Dick's Sporting Goods."

"What the hell are dollies?" Puck asked.

"They're the underwear part that goes over your underwear," Finn explained. "Quinn wears like three pairs when we're making out so that Jesus won't get HPV or something." He flinched. Maybe he shouldn't have said that in front of Rachel.

"Why would you need another pair?" Kurt asked, now equally intrigued as the other boys.

Santana was getting angry now, which was never a good thing. "I got something on them, okay?"

"Like what?" Puck continued the unintentional game of 20 questions.

"It was ketchup," Santana sneered.

Finn wasn't sure what was so embarrassing about that, he got food on his clothes all the time. He thought for a moment. He had never seen Santana eat tator tots before and that was like the only thing worth eating with ketchup in the cafeteria. Unless she was having a burger or something, which was gross.

Puck however, blew up with laughter at this revelation. "That is so gross!"

"Enough, we get it," Rachel stood up for her former nemesis. "I don't get it though. If you had a valid reason for leaving school grounds, why did Mr. Schuester still give you detention?"

"Because I did what Coach Sylvester told us to do if ever accosted by him. Tell him to shove it and insult his hairstyle."

"That'll do it," Kurt nodded slowly.

"So, whatever, I'm not always superior, I'll get over it," Santana snapped in defeat.

Finn smiled proudly and turned his gaze back to Rachel. He could be better. He could show the school that it was okay to be not cool sometimes, that maybe that's what makes you cool. McKinley was going to see a new social order, and he was going to do it all for her.