If Buts And Maybes

The sun had just started to rise, it had been a very long night. Louise Carter was coming to the end of a very traumatic nightshift. She walked into ITU. She saw Joseph, who was sitting beside Jac's bed in the chair. He had fallen asleep. It was obvious Joseph had been there all night. Louise taps him on the shoulder.

LOUISE: Wake up, Joseph.

Joseph jerks awake, at first he's not sure where he is.

JOSEPH: Where am I? What's going on?

LOUISE: It's alright, don't panic. You're still at the hospital, you've been here all night.

JOSEPH: Oh I must have fallen asleep. How's Jac doing?

LOUISE: Well, all things considered she's doing pretty well. She's not out of woods yet though. We have to make sure the amputation wound heals properly.

JOSEPH: I'm not sure how Jac will react when she finds out she's lost her leg, she's been through enough trauma.

LOUISE: I must admit, there were times in theatre that Ric and I thought she wouldn't make it. But all credit to her, she's obviously made of very strong stuff.

JOSEPH: Jac's not as strong as everyone assumes she is, believe me I know. It's all just a front, a form of defence. So she doesn't have to get hurt again. Or people let her down, when they swore they would never ever do it again.

There was a sad, but very angry edge to Joseph's voice, Louise had never heard before. Joseph started opening and closing his hands. He was looking very agitated his eyes were slightly bloodshot.

LOUISE: Why don't you go home now Joseph? You must be exhausted. I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp will keep you updated on Jac's condition if there's any change.

JOSEPH: No, I'm staying put. I owe her that much, at the very least. I'll stay until she wakes up.

LOUISE: You don't owe her anything Joseph. With all due respect, if you hadn't of been there, Jac would undoubtedly be dead already.

JOSEPH: Well forgive me if I don't feel like blowing my own trumpet right now. I still maintain, that I'm partially to blame for the condition she's currently in.

LOUISE: Look, I'm not sure why you're intent on giving yourself such a hard time. I'm just stating the facts. My advice is, cut yourself some slack.

JOSEPH: Yes well, it's easier said than done. In some ways she brings out the worst in me. My feelings for Jac have never been simple. For years I've fought emotional battles, not only with Jac, but with myself. In many ways we end up doing exactly the same thing, because we have either been hurt by one another, or by someone else. So we both end up shutting people out, be it intentional or otherwise.

Louise was slightly unsure whether to ask the next question. But in the end decided to ask it anyway.

LOUISE: Do you love her?

Joseph shifts in his seat, as he grapples with an answer he'd been asking himself over the years, and as yet, a clear cut response still seemed impossible.

LOUISE: It's a simple answer to a straight forward question. Do you love Jac, yes or no?

JOSEPH: Believe me, if I knew the answer to that question, my life would be so much easier.

LOUISE: How about if I ask whether you'd like a coffee then? You look as though you could do with one, and to be honest I need one as well!

JOSEPH: Smiles. Thanks that would be great. By the way sorry for rambling on so much!

Louise walks towards the door, before turning around.

LOUISE: Don't worry about it, what are friends for? But please Joseph, stop blaming yourself for what has happened, what's done is done. You can't change the past. You must be strong now more then ever. Not only for you, Jac will need you, whether she admits it or not.

JOSEPH: I'm determined to be here for Jac, she's been on her own for far too long. But not anymore. Not this time...

I've got a few ideas about where this story could go. Please review this Thanks.