A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay. It's just been so hectic lately… I'll have the next chapter uploaded within two weeks max! Really! The end of the chapter was written in quite a rush, so I apologise if it isn't that good.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Princess Diaries series.

"Is everything alright, Michael?" My parents exchange anxious looks.

Oh no. I know that look.

Get ready for the 'lunatic-treatment'.

"Everything's fine." I say calmly. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"He likes someone from school, Mum."

Great. Now the cat's out of the bag. And unlike normal, nice parents, my parents have to be really interested in my life!

"Who is it, Michael? Oh, it's just lovely that you're getting crushes! I remember when I was your age…"

Ramble ramble. And so on. About the ancient times when my parents were teenagers.

"Who is this little lady, Michael darling?" My mother asks eagerly. "Is it that Judith Gershner girl? She's been phoning quite a lot, lately. She seemed nice. Very polite. Why don't we ask her to pop round for dinner?"

I must have look horrified. Because that's how I am feeling at this precise moment.

"Yes, Michael." Lilly smiles 'angelically'. "That sure sounds lovely."

"NO." I say quickly, when I'd composed myself from the moment of horror. "That's really not necessary."

"Darling, you don't have to be shy!" Mom leans forward, her eyes bright. "We're very supportive of your relationships. Why, when Dad and I were your age we used to-"

That was the point when I started replaying an episode of Buffy in my head.

This is the problem with having psychiatrists for parents. They have the false idea that they understand you and that you want to hear their many stories about THEIR own relationships.

I really really don't.

Lilly and I must actually have something in common since she looked a little sick in the face. Well, she always does, but you get what I mean.

I have to stop this.

"Mother." I cut across her happy ramble. "I do not like Judith Gershner. Lilly is just talking crap, okay?"

Mum's happy expression turns concerned and she and Dad share another glance.

"Michael, dear. I can't say I entirely approve of your vulgar language. Most of our young, erm, customers' problems relate back to bad language, darling. Are you sure, you don't want to have a talk with your father and myself?"

What is this? Seriously?

Oh, just wait till Mum and Dad hear Lilly utter a sentence. They'll be fainting away from the 'vulgar language'. In fact, they should invite their psychiatrist friends and have a fainting party.

"Well, I'm sure there must be some girl you like, Michael darling." Mum said, trying to sound casual. Whatever happened to the parents who used to say 'NO COURTSHIP BEFORE UNIVERSITY'?

Then my dear father decides to horrify me to new levels.

"Who said it has to be a girl?" He grunts, wiping his mouth with the palm of his hand. So unreasonably disgusting. "The kids these days are very modern, Ruth. Apparently homosexual relationships are not a big deal, these days."

Yes, my so-called dad is suggesting that I should get off with some guy at school. I've been wondering this for years- who are really the ones with the mental problems? The psychiatrists or the so-called patients?

Lilly starts snorting like a pig (which isn't really hard for her to do) into her pie which caused even deeper gashes in my already scarred mind.

Mom looks worried. Then she composes herself and goes into strictly-professional mode. "Well, of course, Michael, we understand completely if you have these tendencies…" Then she breaks off, looking at dad. "We do understand." And she laughs a little nervously.

That's when I decide I've had enough.

I stand up and put down my fork.

"Look. I'm very thankful for your, er, support, but really…. I don't like Judith. Or ANYONE for that matter! Male or female!" (I glare at Lilly who is smirking at me) "So just leave me alone!"

And I go into my lovely room with no annoying parents or deranged sister to bother me.

Just my dog who decides to drool all over my lap. After it ate that chewy rabbit thing that smells really really bad.

How nice.

"Mia's coming around later." I hear Lilly say deliberately loudly. Yeah, like that's going to have any effect on me. I'm just going to turn up the volume to Sum41.

"Oh, that's nice, darling, but I thought you spent all Saturday together?"

What, she doesn't have another date, does she?

"Yes, but today she had to go somewhere with her evil grandma or something."

Ha. Yeah right. What did she wear this time to meet her 'grandmother', I wonder? A prom dress?

Okaaaay. Obviously my music is not working.

I'm going to go and watch a re-run of Buffy.

I don't know what is wrong with me.

It's not like I haven't ever seen a girl before.

Well, I'd better explain since I'm not making much sense here.

I was in the kitchen pouring some Coco Pops into a bowl and munching on it (yum!). And I heard the doorbell ring.

I heard Lilly screech "I'm comiiiiing!"

I almost dropped my cereal bowl thanks to the harmonic sound from my sister.

You can imagine my astonishment when it turned out that the person at the door hadn't run fled for his or her life after hearing the pig-like squeal from my sister.

Anyway, it turned out to be… well, Mia.

I don't know why but when I heard her voice, I got this weird feeling in my stomach again. It definitely wasn't the Coco Pops or such.

I went towards the hall just to say hi but then Lily and Mia seemed to be arguing. Now, this was a surprise because usually no one argues with my sister. Unless they are looking for an opportunity to turn deaf and almost blind at the prospect of seeing my sister with her face tomato-red with spit flying from her mouth.

Anyway, I was quite intrigued, so I walked into the hall and took a good look.

Woah.

That's what I said.

Because… because well, Mia looked… really, er, quite… hot. I'm not going to deny it this time. But, hey, this does not mean I like her!

She'd had her hair dyed and cut and it suited her a lot. She'd had make up on as well. I don't know how but I was sort of in quite a daze and maybe shock by her appearance that I phased out.

"Lilly, shut up."

"Woah." That shook me out of my little daze.

No one tells my sister to shut up. Really, no one.

"What did you say to me?" Lilly demanded, her eyes narrowing.

"I told you to shut up, Lilly! Everyone's telling me what to do and I don't need my friends getting on my case too!"

I sort of watched, mesmerised, as she wrenched open the door and slammed out.

"Can you believe her?" Lilly demanded. "I mean, I know she's having difficulties with her family but she doesn't have to act like a total headcase about-"

"Michael!"

Ugh. Her spit had just landed in my eye.

"What, dear sister?"

"Shouldn't you be sticking up for me? You saw what she was like!" She stared at me, obviously waiting for some brotherly support. Haha.

"Stick up for you? Now why would I do that, oh dear one?" I smiled at her pleasantly which I knew would make her furious.

I got the reaction I knew I'd get when my sister's head went lobster red and her eyes did that thing where they sort of bulge out.

"You are so unbelievably irritating!" She shouted, her arms thrashing out at me. "Just because you have some stupid crush on her-"

"Wait!" Now it was my turn to act like the unreasonably insane person. I really don't know why but when it comes to the subject of Mia I get kind of het up. "For the last time, I do NOT like her!"

For some reason, Lilly didn't act all smug and go on about how I was denying my so-called 'passionate' feelings for Mia. She just stared at me for a few moments before shaking her head and retreating to her room.

I wonder what's wrong with her. Oh wait. Don't answer that.

Felix is here. First, it started off alright because we dug into the lasagna his mum made him bring and he showed me this new game that he'd downloaded. Then when I thought he'd somehow turned into a new un-sarcastic and sane person at long last, he resorted back to his normal self by poking about in my room.

"Moscovitz, what's this?" Felix holds up Star Wars action figure. "And why is this in your room?"

I grit my teeth and supress a groan that is rising up from my throat. "It's a Star Wars action figure. It's worth about a hundred bucks so I'd put it down carefully if I were you."

Felix sighs and shakes his head as if I'm a lost case. Talk about hypocritical. He's the one who collects car magazines that he doesn't read but insists that he can name the model of every car he sees. Which he can't.

He makes his way over to my desk and starts rummaging through my essays.

"Have you found the evidence, yet, officer?" I ask sarcastically.

"What's this?" He holds up a single sheet of music. "Tall Drink of Wa- hey!"

I grab it from him and crumple it up quickly. "It's none of your business, alright? Will you stop going through my stuff?" I snap at him, finally angry. I throw the crumpled paper hard at the rubbish bin.

Felix looks taken aback. "Alright, I wasn't trying to stick my nose in or anything. Are you alright?"

I sigh. "Yeah. Look, it's just a song I've been working on. It's nothing really."

Felix shakes his head again. "Man, we need to get you a girl."

I can't help but smile slightly as I roll my eyes. You can count on Felix to constantly be his smug, irritating self.

"Says the most eligible bachelor in New York himself." I respond, turning on my computer.

"Well I'm enjoying my bachelor status very much, thank you. Girls love me."

"Right, and guys love my sister." I say sarcastically.

"What I meant was," Felix glares at me. "You obviously need a girl-" Then he starts smirking like his typical self- "Or a girl, if you know what I mean."

I groan and roll my eyes. Not this again.

"A certain girl in our school if you know what I mean, and I think you do."

I just ignore him.

"A particular girl in the freshman year."

Just keep looking at the computer, Michael.

"A certain tall girl with-"

"Alright, I get the point!" I snap, realising that he could go on and on and probably would.

Felix grins and folds his arms smugly, leaning back against my desk.

There's a ping from my computer alerting me that someone had logged into IM.

Using this as a divertion from Felix and his annoying little act, I turn towards the computer to see who it is.

"Ooooh, look who it is!" Felix looks estatic. "If it isn't little Miss Thermopolis herself!"

"There's no need to wet yourself with excitement, Felix." I say, turning away from the screen. "I'm not even going to talk to her."

With that, I turn off my monitor. There. That will show him. Why on earth would I talk to Mia anyway?

Although… I do want to know why she went off her rocker earlier. And whether she's doing alright with her Algebra. And how she's coping with her mum going out with Mr Gianini.

You know. Just to make sure she's alright.

Felix raises an eyebrow. "Oooh touché. Well, I'm gonna go to the toilet. That lasagne did not agree with me."

Charming. Utterly charming.

I twist around towards the computer on my chair and turn the monitor on. I may as well check the hits on my website. But first, I'm going to check my IM. You know, just to check who's online. And if Mia's still online. Not that I'm going to talk to her. Really, I'm not.

"You offered to be her Algebra tutor?"

Felix stares at me in disbelief. I bury my head in my hands. Alright, so I did talk to her.

Felix starts laughing like an insane person. Which he is, really.

"It's not that big a deal!" I defend myself. "I'm only looking out for her because she's my little sister's best friend, and erm, well-"

"Man, you are so into her. It's beyond pathetic. Next thing you know, you'll be writing little love songs and- oh man, was that what that sheet was?"

We both turn to look at the crumpled sheet of paper in the waste bin.

"No!" I almost shout. I don't know why but I'm lost for words. "Look, that song isn't even about a girl anyway!"

"Ha, yeah right."

"No, really. How do you know it's not about… a, a horse?"

"So you're saying that you wrote a song about how your knees feel wobbly when a horse glides by in a pink dress?" Felix says sarcastically.

I groan. Trust Felix to remember the annoying details. Alright, I admit it is about a girl. A song about my ideal girl, actually. But it's really not about her. I can see why you'd think it's her but just because my ideal girl is like Mia doesn't mean she is Mia. See? It makes perfect sense.

I tell Felix this.

Felix sighs as if frustrated. He stares at me for a moment, looking unsure of what to do. Then his mouth slides back into its usual cocky grin.

"Oh ok. So I suppose you won't be bothered when that loser Showalter asks her out."

Wait. Wait. W-what? I don't know why but I suddenly feel really panicky mixed with an urge to strangle that Showalter.

"I have to go now." He smiles at me pleasantly before opening my door. "Bye-bye Mikey."

"Wait!" I follow him out of my room, quickly. "Wait, what do you mean? He's gonna ask Mia out?"

Felix turns the knob on my front door and pulls the door open. "Oh yes. I heard him bragging to his geeky chummy wummies over lunch. But of course, why would you care about that? It's not as if you like Mia, is it?"

I stand there, unable to accept the fact that Kenny Showalter of all people is going to ask Mia, my Mia, out. Wait. What did I just say?

Felix rolls his eyes and shuts the door behind him. He grabs my arm and pulls me back into my room.

I let him drag me over to my chair on which he sits me down. And not carefully either.

"Come on, Moscovitz. Just admit you like her. You need to stop torturing yourself over this."

"I don't like her." I say automatically.

Felix groans and buries his head in his hands. "Michael. I see you looking at her all the time. You write lame songs about her. You say you feel all weird when you see her. You want to kill Showalter for liking her. You offer to teach her math! Just stop being an idiot for one moment and admit it."

Slowly, I nod.

Tall drink of water


Can't say how much you want her

How long you've tried to stay cool

But she doesn't even see you

Wait for her in the lobby

Your knees are getting wobbly

She glides by in her pink dress

Towers over all the rest

Hands start to get sweaty

You really think you're ready

To take a little walk over there

Tell her how much you care

What will you say now

Will she make your day now

She looks this way now

Get moving, don't delay now

You think you're ready for your close-up

But she's not China doll make-up

Or a picture-perfect teacup

She's more real than any girl you've ever seen

You're not gonna make it

But this is it, you just can't fake it

She's the girl who makes your heart sing

Means more to you than anything

She's a tall drink of water

Can't say how much you want her

How long you've tried to stay cool

But she doesn't even see you

The lyrics above were written by Meg Cabot.