Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Angel the series.

Synopsis: This is the third story in the Soul series I am working on. In order the stories are The Price of a Soul, The Judging of a Soul, and now The Weight of a Soul. The Council is having it's own inner-struggles but have been forced to stop their pursuit of Faith. Just as they are breathing a sigh of relief, once member of Council is killed and sends a package to the team that has caught them all by surprise.

Chapter Five

Angel let her pull him along and somewhere along the way, they were on the streets of L.A. again. He looked around then stopped short and pulled her hand to stop her.

"Cor, what is going on?"

She stopped and looked at him before dropping his hand. She walked up to him and put a hand on his chest. Stared at it a moment and furrowed her brow. Tilting her head up she looked at him.

"Can you feel it? Your soul? Mine is, just part of me I guess, but I've never been without it to know what it feels like."

Angel found himself staring at her hand.

"Yeah. I can feel it."

His voice came out strained and she just watched his face.

"What does it feel like?"

Angel swallowed and covered her hand with his own.

"It's, heavy. Like a blanket of weight. It's a constant reminder of what I've done, what I'm trying to make up for. It's, "

"A burden?"

He didn't want to admit it, because he didn't want to lose it but he nodded. Cordelia sucked in a long breath and pulled her hand away.

"Well, that's what this test is for. It's for your soul, Angel."

He immediately missed the warmth of her hand and only reluctantly let go of her hand. His eyes jerked up at her words.

"They are going to take my soul? Don't they know what that means? That will bring back Angelus!"

Cordelia sighed and reached for his face, cupping it in her hands.

"That's the point Angel. You are Angelus. It's not like Jeckyll and Hyde! At least it's not supposed to be. I get it, you did some really bad stuff, and sure it's easier to believe that it wasn't you. At least in some way, but you can't just put all your bad thoughts, bad feelings into Angelus and all the good hero stuff in Angel. You are one person. You can't just, separate your life like that. Learn to accept it all as part of you, and be a whole person."

He wanted to argue it but realized what she was saying, was exactly what he and Spike had been saying about Buffy. He closed his eyes and reached for her wrists to pull her hands away.

"I can't. It's hard enough to know what I'm capable of without a soul to think that it's not the soul holding me back. . . "

She shook her head. He wasn't ready yet.

"Is exactly what you need to know. To remember. It's you Angel, not a soul, not a demon, in the end, it's up to you. I need you to remember that okay?"

She sounded, distant and her hands were gone, he opened his eyes to find her fading away. Panic struck he reached for her.

"Cordelia!"

"Time to start, big guy. Make me proud!"

AA

Willow paged through the book and shook her head.

"I don't understand this! It was supposed to bring them to Cordelia. You know, so they could bring her back."

Lorne stared at Angel and blinked before turning his face away.

"All I know is it's a bit too bright there to be just our Angelcakes. Something big is up, shortcake. I think the Powers may have just hijacked our plan."

"So, what do we do?"

Lorne walked over and threw an arm around her shoulders.

"I'd say, we have a drink. Wait it out, get to know each other. Do you sing?"

AA

Angel hadn't known which way to go so headed down the street and through an alley that he knew would bring him back to the Hyperion, only to hit a dead end. He frowned and turned to go back the way he came to run into another dead end and Skip. He sighed heavily.

"Skip."

Skip lifted a hand in greeting.

"Hey. Seer says you're ready. So time to get things moving buddy. So check your pocket."

Angel stared at him like he was speaking another language.

"What?"

"Your pocket, your shirt pocket. Go ahead, check it."

Angel reached into his pocket and finding something frowned, pulling out the card he'd had earlier. Skip grinned.

"I love that part."

"Okay it's my card. So what?"

"So that's the hand, manus. It means that you are the hand, the warrior, the champion. Your the muscle."

Angel shook his head and replaced the card.

"Thanks for the update."

"The point is, you have to be more than that. Right now you're living like that's all you have. The job. If you want that shan shu thing, you need to be a more, well rounded person."

"You're kidding right?"

"Afraid not. It's all about what kind of person you are going to be, not what kind of vampire. So we start with the first lesson."

Angel opened his mouth to ask what lesson when Skip stood aside and Faith smirked at him.

"Faith?"

"Hey there champ. I drew the short straw."

Skip cleared his throat and looked at her. Faith rolled her eyes and pulled a card out of her back pocket.

"I represent the spirit, the fire in a soul that keeps moving forward, always passionate blah blah blah."

Skip frowned and then shook his head.

"Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me. Okay well I'll leave you two kids to it."

With that he stepped back and was gone. Faith shoved the card back into her pocked and grinned at a confused looking Angel.

"Sweet, he's gone. Let's hit the road!"

"Faith, what exactly is going on?"

She shrugged and walked up to him.

"Look, I didn't get it either but Cordy explained it really well. I'm not a big words person so I'll just put it plain okay? You are in a rut. You aren't even trying to live."

"I'm a vampire Faith, dead? Which means that I'm not alive."

She punched at his shoulder.

"You were a hell of a lot more alive then I was, but you're fading away. Dude, it's like you're not enjoying anything anymore. If nothing else enjoy the fight. So come on!"

She turned and headed out the alley that was no longer full of dead ends. He could go in either direction. Towards the hotel, or follow Faith. He glanced to the hotel, knowing he'd not find any answers there anyway, and followed Faith. He jogged to catch up.

"So that's your big plan? We go fight things? You know none of this is real right?"

She grinned at him over her shoulder.

"So? You want to argue real? I didn't think I'd ever have anything real. A normal life, a normal family. There are a hell of a lot of things that I'll never have. Normal is at the top of that list. There's a hell of a lot more things I'll never be. I got that lesson in Sunnydale."

"Faith. . ."

"No, it's fine. You know? I'm five by five. The point is, I'm not going to ever be the 'good slayer', or daughter, or friend. I'm not going to have any of that. I wanted it, or thought I did. It made me, bitter, hateful. I hurt people. A lot. I'm not saying that goes away, I get that it doesn't. I just also get that that's not all of me. Not anymore. I was trying to find a way to fit into a mold. One I thought, I was supposed to fit. I figured once I did, the world would finally pay up what it owed me. The world, doesn't owe me shit. It's not fair, it's not nice. Not everyone is going to learn that lesson and that's not fair. But I'm dealing."

Angel smiled and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Faith, you have come an amazingly long way in a very short time."

She grinned up at him.

"Yeah I know. I'm head of the class when it comes to bad girls going good. I thought all I was good for was screwing up, killing things. You showed me that I could channel that. There's not much I'm good at, or good for Angel, to find a way to do what I'm good at, what I enjoy and be able to help people? Who gets to do that?"

He looked over at her and slowly started to smirk.

"I showed you that huh?"

She rolled her eyes and elbowed him.

"Like you need a bigger head. The point is, you should enjoy it! It's not about trying to get to the end and that shanshu shit, it's about the journey. As corny as that is. So, enjoy it!"

Angel lowered his head and pulled his hand away, shoving it into the pocket of his duster.

"I wish I could. I dont' see them anymore, Faith. The people we help, their faces fade away and all I see are the people I've hurt. I keep hurting. I took away their lives, spirits, joy,and they didn't deserve that. So if I took it away from people that deserved it, why should I deserve any joy?"

Faith shrugs.

"Beats me! You did some bad shit, well guess what I've done some bad shit too! The point is, people who don't deserve it get the good life. And people that deserve better get shit on. We can't fix everything, we can't save everyone. But it's important to enjoy what we do have while we have it."

"That sounds. . . "

"Cheesy as hell, yeah I know. Here's the short version okay? You and me? We aren't meant for good things, or long happy lives. So, we better enjoy what we can while we can and work our asses off to make things better while we're here. Got it?"

He paused, then nodded.

"Yeah, I think I do. Thanks."

"No problem, now can we. . . "

She stopped as she heard a scream, then looked up at him.

"You game?"

Angel wasn't so sure they should be enjoying it but then again, they were still doing the good work either way. He rolled his shoulders and gave her a smile before taking off after the scream.

"Keep up slayer."

AA

Angel had felt better after a good fight. Real or not he had actually let go, enjoyed it, something he hadn't done in a while. Fighting was something that was required, and since learning that it lessened the pain of the vision he wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. Faith had said her goodbyes and he'd headed back the way he'd come. After a few feet, things faded away and he was back to the nothingness he'd been standing in earlier.

"Have a good time?"

Rubbing at a sore jaw he glanced up to see Cordy glaring at him. Or at least trying to, the twinkle in her eye gave her away. He grinned back at her.

"Actually, I did, thanks."

Her lips twitched up into a smile and she nodded.

"Good, now come here and let me see the damage."

He walked over even as he was complaining.

"It's not real you know. It doesn't even hurt much."

"Things are real enough here, Angel."

She warned lightly and grabbed at some extra fabric draped around her wrist and dabbed at the cut on his lip. Angel caught the tone though and reached for her wrist.

"Cor? What do you mean it's real enough?"

She tried to go back to his cut but he didn't let go and she sighed.

"If we fail, then we fail. Faith is fine now, can wake up at any time, and you, you are on the right track. So that's all that matters."

Angel frowned and grabbed her chin.

"No, that's not all that matters, what does this all mean? For you?"

"So it's, kind of a test for me too. I'm supposed to help you. Not just with the visions, with everything."

Angel's face softened.

"You do, Cor. You help me, more than you know."

"Not enough. You still don't understand. So, that's why this test. Angel, if you pass you - uhhh."

She winced and doubled over. Angel grabbed her arms to keep her standing up.

"Cor?"

Breathing hard she finally calmed and stood up herself. She tried for a soft smile.

"Okay, I guess some things I'm not supposed to tell you just yet."

Angel growled and tucked the hair that fell in her face behind her ear.

"Maybe if they just told me themselves. . . "

She raised a hand to his chest and smiled.

"Angel, it's okay. They have their reasons. So, now let me patch you up before you have to move on."

"Move on?"

"Well duh! That was just part of it."

When he still looked confused she reached into his pocket and pulled out the cards. There were two there now. She held them both up.

"This is you."

Angel nodded.

"The hand, right. Skip, sort of went over that."

"So you heard the spiel, servant of the Powers, instrument for justice, blah blah blah. So you remember that there was that little prophecy?"

"My, shanshu."

She grinned back at him.

"Right, that. The part that says you'll be mortal and live a mortal life. Like the rest of us boring normal people."

Angel found himself smiling, he knew she was poking fun but was okay with that.

"So that's part of it?"

"Only the biggest part! Angel, you've been working towards it, fighting for it like it's a number to reach, or a goal to achieve. You wait, and assume living your life starts when you shanshu. Like your redemption and living are separate things. One starts where the other leaves off."

He was getting a little frustrated actually, with all of this. He got that he was mistaken about things, and needed to make some changes, but things were harder than anyone could realize. Reaching for the cards he looked at them, front and back, before putting them back in his pocket.

"So I'm supposed to learn to live."

Cordelia smiled and started wiping at his face again, causing a small wince.

"None of us are perfect Angel. We are all missing things, but together, we're stronger. So everyone is going to help you. At least try and bring you out of that broody shell."

He stepped closer again and reached for her hand, his thumb tracing over her palm.

"So what are you missing, Cor?"

He was very close all of a sudden and while he wasn't holding her hand tightly she couldn't seem to pull it away.

"Angel -"

"No, we've already figured out that I'm missing spirit. Did my part. Now it's your turn. What do you need?"

She debated telling him, telling him a lot of things, but it was definitely not time. So she just smiled and raised her other hand to brush at his forehead.

"Right now, I just need you to get through this. And to trust me. Okay?"

"I trust you."

Her smile grew, breaking any left over tension quickly.

"Good, so if you need me, you'll just have to call. Got it?"

He blinked as she wiped at his chin then stepped back.

"Wait, are you going somewhere?"

"Not far, it's just, not my turn yet. Not really. Besides, you two can handle this on your own, right?"

He was more confused and let her hand drop as he looked around.

"We two, who?"

He turned back and she was gone.

"Cor?"

He stared after her, he could still feel her warmth and pulse under his thumb. She was there, she was just, gone now. He sighed and shook his head.

"People come and go so strangely here."

"Ah, a quote, often attributed to Lewis Carroll."

Angel whipped around and grinned.

"Wes!"

Wesley nodded and his face fell into surprise as Angel suddenly strode over and hugged him.

"Er, yes well, it's, good to see you as well."

Angel finally let go then looked around. They were suddenly in a very very large library.

"What's this?"

Wesley adjusted his glasses.

"Oh I do believe this is my turn. I do hope you are ready, there is so much to learn."

He turned and headed down an aisle of books. Angel groaned and looked up whispering under his breath.

"Help? Cordelia?"

AA

A/N: Okay so shorter chapter, but it would have been way long if I did both Faith and Wes! So you will have to wait! The next chapter will be Wesley and Spike.