Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Angel the series.
Synopsis: This is the third story in the Soul series I am working on. In order the stories are The Price of a Soul, The Judging of a Soul, and now The Weight of a Soul. The Council is having it's own inner-struggles but have been forced to stop their pursuit of Faith. Just as they are breathing a sigh of relief, once member of Council is killed and sends a package to the team that has caught them all by surprise.
Chapter Six
Wesley finally stopped in front of a larger stack and wheeled over a ladder. Heading about half way up, which was three feet from the ground, he started looking through the books. Angel watched and finally, resigned, he sighed.
"All right Wes. Why are we here?"
Wesley turned to look at him and grinned, heading back down the ladder he handed Angel the books.
"I thought you would never ask!"
Reaching into his breast pocket he pulled out the now very familiar card.
"Sophus, the mind. Without mind joined to body one will never -"
"Wes! Just, tell me what happens next?"
Wesley frowned and looked at the card then at Angel before shrugging and replacing it into his breast pocket.
"One of the ways to be a part of the world around you is to study it. I'm certainly not saying I get all those, pop references that Cordelia does, but one should have some idea of the world in which they live."
Wesley started walking again so Angel followed, arms still full of books.
"Wes, I know about the world."
"Ahh, parts of it yes. You know of the dangers, the hidden battles, the darkness. But what do you know of the mundane? The every day?"
Wesley stopped and turned causing Angel to almost run right into him and drop the books. Wesley seemed to not even notice and removed his glasses for cleaning as he spoke.
"Did you know, that even when we do not have a case I am studying? I go to Caritas and learn other languages, learn of other dimensions, demons. I'm trying to always expand my knowledge of the world around me and those that inhabit it."
Angel looked down at the books before answering. It was true he saw Wesley studying quite a bit but unless he knew the case that he was currently working on he didn't bother to ask. Was he really that distant from what was going on around him?
"No I, didn't know that. You go to Caritas alone? To, to drink?"
Wesley raised a brow at his question.
"At times I drink yes, at times I go alone. Sometimes I find Spike there, other times Faith has come with me."
Angel shook his head.
"I'm sorry, I, never noticed."
Wesley smiled sadly and replaced his glasses.
"Yes well, I believe that is the point. What you know about someone, about the world around you, is directly related to how much a part of the world and of their lives you are. Tell me, when you and Buffy were dating, what was your song?"
Angel blinked.
"Song?"
"Yes I believe most couples, especially those in high school, had a song they designated as their song."
"We, never had one. Not that I knew of."
"Well then, her favorite band? Book? Movie?"
Angel just kept shaking his head. He realized how little he knew about anything.
"I, really didn't get to know Buffy. It was just, "
Wesley waved a hand not wanting to get into the romance part of things.
"That's, fine. You see though Angel, you were then starting to be part of the world around you, and yet, you still kept your distance. Still stayed out of the world, apart."
"They were high school kids, Wes, what did I have in common with them?"
Wesley started taking books from his arms and putting them on shelves behind him.
"I suppose we will never know now."
Angel frowned and glanced down, starting to hand books over to Wes to put on the shelves he stopped at one and read the back of it. Wesley paused letting him check it over.
"Find something interesting?"
Angel glanced up.
"This one. Emma. It's, Cordelia's favorite. She doesn't like to admit it, because it's considered a classic and not what people would believe she actually reads, but she does. Every year at least once."
Wesley grinned.
"And there you have learned something about the world around you. About the people in it. What else?"
Angel looked confused then understood.
"Oh, well her favorite ice cream is the mint chocolate chip. She hates country music."
He looked at Wesley a bit more of a smile.
"I know her favorite food at the take out, and I know Gunn's favorite music, about his sister, and where he lives. I know how you like your tea and coffee, and when you want which one."
Wesley folded his arms over his chest.
"So we've ascertained that you are a part of our lives, now, you need to become a part of the world around us."
Angel nodded and looked at the book in his hand.
"Hey Wes?"
"Hmmm?"
"I, know more about Cordelia then I do you."
"Yes I had noticed that."
Wesley's lips twitched but he waited.
"So what's your favorite book?"
AA
It was back to the nothingness, though he was left a chair. Sitting back he began to read through part of the book he had with him. He was sort of enjoying the silence, he had quite a bit to think about with all that had happened so far. So when Cordelia walked over she was quiet and sat down in front of the chair. Turned towards him she put arms over the arm of the chair.
"So you had a good talk?"
He lowered the book to his lap and looked down at her.
"I did."
Cordelia smiled.
"I'm glad. You and Wes needed some bonding time."
"You could have just sent us out to get some coffee or something. I think the dying was going a bit far."
He let his hand drift down over the side of her face. Cordelia just shrugged.
"You can be pretty thick headed."
"Cor."
She sighed and stood up offering him a hand.
"All right champ. You're almost there."
Taking her hand he stood up and let the book fall to the chair. He didn't let go of her hand.
"Almost where, I still don't think I understand what's going on."
She didn't let go either but didn't look at him.
"I told you Angel. This is for your soul."
He pulled on her hand, yanking her back to him and grabbing her chin to look at him.
"Cor."
She tried to lower her eyes but couldn't. So as usual, her emotions were right there bright as day.
"You gave up on me Angel."
Her small accusation wasn't what he'd been expecting.
"No, I just -"
"You just decided what I wanted didn't matter anymore?"
"Not if it meant you were going to die!"
"We all die Angel!"
"Not because of me! I can't take that, I, couldn't."
She seemed to take pity on him then and sighed.
"Angel, you take too much on. It's not all your fault, it's not all your burden. Even your soul you feel is a burden. It shouldn't be. You should enjoy it."
He shook his head.
"It's a curse, Cordelia."
She smiled and squeezed his hand.
"The point is, it doesn't have to be."
"I don't know how, how to make things all right."
With a shrug she started walking again pulling him with her.
"Who says you have to? Or have to alone? You keep forgetting, we are all in this together. Because we want to be. So stop thinking you are a job or a curse we are all stuck with. Okay?"
"Cor-"
She stopped and turned to look at him.
"I mean it Angel. Start letting some of this stuff sink into that thick head of yours."
She was glaring now and whether she knew it or not, she was cute when she got annoyed. His lips curved and he nodded.
"All right, I'll try."
She softened into a smile and gave a quick nod.
"Good. Because this is all just a warm up."
"Warm up?"
Cordelia licked at her bottom lip.
"Angel, your shanshu? It's not just one thing. It's not just something that suddenly happens. You are waiting for it like it's going to just happen over night one day."
Angel stopped. He had been thinking that. They all had really. That like a reward it would be just granted. Mortality.
"So, then how does it happen?"
She smiled and raised a hand to his face.
"Step by step. Piece by piece. This, is a piece. SO stop waiting, hiding from the world. You need to be a part of it."
She was fading again and he frowned reaching for her hand.
"Cor?"
"With or without us, you are part of the world around you. A big part champ."
AA
Angel was left alone again and while the time was good for letting things sink in, it gave him more questions than answers. He didn't like how Cordelia was insistent that he live with or without them. It was foreboding, and he didn't like that at all. She was skirting issues and he noticed, other than the first time she showed up, he hadn't seen her card. With Faith and Wes it was all about those cards. As he thought about it he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the cards. Finding his, Manus, Faith's, Spirtus, and Wes', Sophus. As if he had to incorporate parts of them into himself, but why? Were the Powers planning on taking them away? Making him go it alone? He wanted answers before he went too far down the path that the Powers were pushing him down in this little test, but he wasn't getting them.
"So guess you don' know my favorite movie do ya?"
Angel turned around and smirking at him was Spike. Great, Spike. Just what he needed.
"Syd and Nancy?"
Spike shrugged.
"Too easy. Actually, got a thing fo' musicals. Judy Garland an' all that. But you tell anyone an' I'll deny it."
Spike quickly glared at him and Angel shrugged.
"Seems to me that means something."
"Look 'ere poof!"
He didn't get to finish as Skip cleared his throat and looked at Spike. Spike thrust a thumb back at Skip.
"Right, this bloke says 'ts my turn now."
Angel tilted his head and crossed his arms over his chest.
"And what can you teach me?"
Spike grins and pulls out his card. Skip meanwhile shakes his head and turns to leave, muttering something about no one following the script. Spike holds his card up and reads it to Angel.
"Right then, Animus, the heart."
Angel just raises a brow and gives him a look. Spike frowns and looks at the card himself.
"Yeah, thought that a bit off, meself. Think Red might've screwed it up there."
"She did not!"
Both vampires turned to find Cordelia glaring at them, hands on her hips. They looked at her, then at each other, still not understanding. Cordy huffed out a breath and walked over to take the card from Spike and slip it back into his pocket.
"Whether you like it or not, and I know you don't, you two balance each other."
This time both Angel and Spike huffed out a breath and shook their head. Cordelia looked between them.
"Angel's a heart, doesn't really beat, where as Spike's beats so hard it's all he hears."
When Spike and Angel both looked at each other confused then put hands to their chest, or checked their pulse she groaned.
"It's a metaphor people!"
She walked over to Angel and poked him in the chest.
"You close off your heart, you don't open it to people or allow people in."
Angel sighed.
"I did that once, remember? It let Angelus loose."
Cordey waved a hand and turned away to head towards Spike again.
"Pfft. That was physical love and you know it. Not emotionally."
"Sayin' th' poof's a bit stunted yeah?"
Spike grinned and Angel narrowed his eyes at him. Cordy just continued.
"Okay yes you loved Buffy, sorry love Buffy. We all know, the whole epic love thing, but not enough to be open with her, to really let her in. You were willing to be let into her life, but never completely. You could be what you thought she needed or wanted but you weren't open with her so that she could even try and be the same for you."
Angel looked down then. It had just been, easier he thought, to be there for her, to not expect much from her. He thought it would be too much to put on her. No one really noticed his contemplative look because Cordelia was rounding on Spike, poking him in the chest now.
"Now you! You let too much in, you expect too much. Your problem is that you lead with your heart. Everything you do is for love. And it's good, you know, to do things for the people you love, you do it for just love. The concept, the feeling. You live for it. You let it consume you, and you can't, Spike. Not anymore. You live for you, and then let love in. Not the other way around."
She smiled as his face fell and kissed his cheek. Finally she looked between them again.
"So see, you two balance each other, you live by your heart, and you don't know how to live with one. So there, now. . . discuss!"
She walked passed Angel and gave his arm a pat before disappearing. Leaving behind two vampires, both staring at their feet, and faces screwed up in concentration. It was Spike that finally broke the silence.
"So. Cheerleader always annoyin'ly right?"
Angel raised his head for a twisted smile.
"Well, she thinks she is anyway, which is just as bad."
Spike nodded and rubbed at the back of his neck.
"She's right though, yeah? I lead wit' m' heart. Wit' Dru, hell even before. It's addictive, that feelin'. I chase it, need it, makes me blood burn, till I twist it, destroy it."
Angel frowned.
"No offense, but how does that help me?"
"You twat! Maybe I work too 'ard, want 't too much, came 'ere and stayed t' fight 'cause I was 'opin' she'd love me."
"So this is because you're in love with Cordelia."
Spike growled and started to pace.
"Look, I don' know. Maybe, maybe 'm just in love wit' the idea she could love me. But you got it worse!"
Angel narrowed his eyes.
"Oh really?"
Spike snarled and whirled on him, poking at his chest.
"Yeah really you poof! See you got it! You got people lovin' you an' you don' let 'em in. Wes, the slayer, you don' let 'em in, you got no clue what you have! An' the cheerleader! She's as open as can be, right there for ya, an' you won' open jus' a bit an' let 'er in! Gonna lose 'er an' those excuses you got fo' your soul an' all ain't gonna make it better."
Angel let his hands fall to his side and thought to argue, his jaw ticked, but Spike calmed and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his card and slid it into Angel's pocket.
"Love hurts, yeah? Losin' it hurts. But 'ts better'n th' numb feelin' of not lettin' people love you. Whatever way they can. You don' see what you got, but some o' us would give an' arm fo' it. Stop. Wastin'. It."
Angel stared at him then down at his pocket and his jaw relaxed. He grabbed Spike and gave him a hug, then quickly let go. Leaving Spike confused.
"An' what's that fo'?"
"I'm sorry. I couldn't let go of the past, refused to see how you've changed. Whatever excuse I had, soul or not. Cordelia's right, you've, become a good man."
Spike took a step back and put his hands up.
"Don' go all crazy now. Baby steps, yeah? I'm jus' glad this ain't my test."
"Um, it sort of is."
Both turned to find Skip standing there. He shrugged.
"The Powers like to keep things hush hush. Anyway, Spike if you'll come with me? Oh Angel, you have your final test, just uh, head that way."
Spike shook his head and went to follow Skip.
"Good luck, poof."
"Same to you, William."
Spike narrowed his eyes then turned and they disappeared. Angel looked behind him and muttered something about all directions being the same here, but then started walking.
"How do I know when I'm there?"
"We will tell you."
"When we are ready for you, lesser being."
AA
A/N: Okay so Angel is learning a lot! Let's hope he actually takes some of it to heart because the final test is coming up! He could earn a fabulous reward, or lose it all. But hey, some chances are worth taking. Hmm, any ideas? Since he doesn't quite have a full deck yet, looks like the last test is going to be a doozy!