The Abyss, Chapter 4

Syed wandered outside, the morning air was fresh and sweet so unlike Walford. The cottage was set back from the road behind a pretty well kept garden, with a vegetable patch on one side and a patio with chairs on the other. Nice place to bring up kids, the newly awakened Dad in him thought. He liked what he saw; he thought he could find peace and solace in a place like this. He wondered what Christian would make of it, not enough night life for sure. He created this image of an English country pub with a low beamed ceiling and a roaring log fire, with "Hooray Henry's" in the lounge and "Country locals" in the snug with Christian propping up the bar, loud and proud in a vest bopping to Kylie! They would probably get banned for life, he laughed out loud at the thought – drawing his inquisitive minders closer. He shook his head, realising that this place was no more than a gilded cage and moved back inside.

Amira was clearly enjoying the luxury of having servants again; she smiled at Syed and patted the chair waiving everyone else away.

"So tell me what has happened since I left Walford." Syed shook his head he didn't want to upset her in her condition. "Syed, I want to know, and I want the truth – not some fairy tale version that you create for me." He started to move away, but her hand reached out and stopped him. "I need to know, I am about to be a mother, and everyone keeps treating me like a child" she implored.

So Syed talked, he told her all the details bar two – Qadim's attack on Christian and his attempted suicide. She listened intently as he unburdened himself, the breakdown of his family, the therapist, the mosque, the party and his acceptance of who he was. She had assumed that he would simply walk into the sunset with Christian. In some ways it made her feel better that she had not suffered alone, she was glad that they had hurt and yet ...

"If you are so happy with Christian, why are you here?"

"I do care you know – I just can't be who you want me to be."

He fell silent, thinking back to the last time he had said those exact same words, the layers and layers of guilt that came from his multiple deceptions were crushing him and he could no longer trust himself to speak. It never ceased to amaze him that Christian had so freely forgiven him, especially when he was so incapable of forgiving himself. He wanted Amira to forgive him also, but it was too much to expect.

She looked at him, so deep in thought and realised that she had never really known him and wondered what the future held – he was here, which meant something. Part or her still wanted to punish him for his rejection, part just could not bear to let him go because despite everything, she still loved him, or at least the person she thought he was, and he was the father of her unborn child. What did she want of him – to play happy families when she knew his heart was always going to be elsewhere? Could she live a near celibate life with a husband who didn't want to worship her?

"My Dad didn't give you a choice did he?"

"Well lets just say he made me an offer I couldn't refuse." He smiled ruefully

"Does Christian know where you are?"

"I don't even know where I am – do you? How long have you been living here?"

"Dad brought me here when I started to show – the only time I go out is when he comes to take me away for the day, and then it is to places where he is sure we will not meet anyone. He is looking after me like a princess, but I am so lonely. I miss my friends, I miss going out, I miss shopping"

"What is he going to hide you away for the next twenty years until our baby grows up!"

She liked to hear him talk about their baby, but she shook her head glumly. "When the baby is born he is taking me to Pakistan. I told him if he wanted a fresh start there is Paris, Vienna, Milan, New York or anywhere in the world but he thinks I need to get back to my roots, both culturally and religiously. If you come back with me we are to live as man and wife, if not he has another husband lined up for me who is prepared to succumb to the shame of taking on another man's child. I don't want to go Syed – but what choice do I have?" Not for the first time since he had left Walford Syed wished that had answers, one thing was for sure whatever plan he might have had it didn't include Pakistan.

Amira had discovered there was a mobile phone hidden in the kitchen for emergencies, so she agreed to create a diversion for Syed. She started to scream and Syed was taken aback that such a delicate, fragile creature could create such a blood curdling sound, but it had the desired effect bringing everyone running to her side. Syed slipped to the kitchen, he knew he wouldn't have long.

Back in Walford the Council of War were getting an update from the Private Detective. They learned that tracing Qadim's business interest and properties was proving challenging as he had holding companies and partnerships all over the place; they also learned that some of his business interests were in Amira's name. There was no sign of Amira in any of his London addresses but Qadim had been seen at a Harvey Street gynaecologist who specialised in home births, so the detective reckoned they were not that far away. When he finished his report Jane followed him out to the street to ask what he really thought the chances of finding Syed were, he started to answer when they heard Christian shouting.

The met half way up the stairs – it was a text from Syed.

"Do you recognise the number" said the detective.

"No – and he says not to reply"

"How do you know it is Syed then?"

"No one else calls me Clarkey!"

The detective took the number saying it might be very helpful and left.

Left on his own again Christian took solace from the meagre contact, poured a drink and starting another letter.