The Abyss Chapter 5

It was 3 weeks 4 days and 2 hours since Syed had left and all he had was a crumpled note, a short text and the a thick dossier on Qadim that seemed to be filled with nothing but cold leads. The private investigator had done all he could and Christian's resolve was crumbling. It wasn't that he trusted Syed any less, but that he feared Qadim even more.

To the casual observer all was well, he dealt with his clients, and he appeared positive and held the party line. However between clients he avoided company, increasingly seeking the refuge of their flat, desperate to be surrounded by memories of Syed.

The Council of War knew the true highs and lows, after Syed's text they thought they had pinpointed where he and Amira were, but when they finally found the cottage it was empty. Now they were devoid of clues.

In the evenings Christian had taken to wandering aimlessly around places that had any association with Qadim, just in case something had been missed. Jane had begged him not to go alone, but he didn't want company, he wanted to wallow in the loneliness that engulfed him night after night. Besides the further he travelled, the longer hours he kept, the more exhausted he made himself – the more chance that when he finally collapsed into bed that he would actually manage to snatch some sleep. It was better than the alternative - a worry fuelled insomnia or memories of lust filled nights further eroding his peace of mind. More than anything he felt like he was doing something.

He idly flicked through the dossier for the hundredth time, wondering what to do next, wondering whether there might be something in this praying lark – but in the absence of faith it was fruitless. The thought that Syed's belief would be sustaining him brought some comfort. He closed his eyes and thought back to the times when he had seen a troubled Syed calm himself through reading the Qu'ran, chanting or praying.

After two days of tears and arguments Amira, had inevitably capitulated to her father's demands, she was distraught and drained of all the fight. She sat fidgeting, resigned to her fate. Syed, being more skilled in the art of deception, cloaked his fury with a calm, controlled mask. Today he would compound the guilt he already carried by deserting her and their baby. His resolve was fuelled by the complicity of those who should care for him most, and the confirmation that there was only one person who truly cared that he didn't waste his life by living a lie. His plan made, he patiently waited for the right time and cradled his baby daughter, in awe at the tiny fingers, the perfect features and the strands of dark curly hair. He shut out the noise around him and tried to imprint her onto his memory.

It was Qadim who saw him first, standing between them and their destination was the mountain of a man that was Christian, still, silent and resolute with his eyes fixated on Syed. In a scene reminiscent of the morning of "the" wedding Zainab couldn't help but unleash her fury at him, too late Qadim sought to restrain her.

Airport security seemed to appear from nowhere, and as the commotion raged Syed felt a tap on his shoulder and Jane hissed. "Don't make a scene – follow me." She turned walked away from the departure hall glancing only once behind her, surprised to see not just Syed but Amira with babe in arms in pursuit. As soon as they were out of sight they took to their heels and fled for the car and the open road.

"What about Christian?" panted Syed

"He'll be OK, he knows where to meet us." Responded Jane

"How did you know?"

"Your Dad, he found out your Mum had agreed to meet Qadim with your passport and he was furious."

This iota of sanity from his father gave Syed a small crumb of comfort.

At their destination, Syed and Jane went in search of supplies, leaving Amira bottle feeding. She suddenly became aware of Christian; he hesitated at first, and then gently stroked the contented child's cheek.

"Hey, I hope the rest of her life isn't as traumatic as the start of it." He turned his gaze to Amira "I'm sorry – I never meant for you to be hurt."

"I know" she said "I blamed you for everything to begin with, but I have had time to think and Syed and I have done a lot of talking. You did deceive me, but you did also try and help me make things work. The truth is Christian I have missed you as much as a friend as I have Syed as a husband."

They chatted for a while then Christian pushed two room keys across the table. "I thought we had better lie low for a bit and stay here tonight. Maybe I should let you sort out the sleeping arrangements."

"I am not sleeping with you Christian!" she grinned

He blushed slightly "You'd be safe enough with me."

"Hmm…. The last time a slept with a gay man I ended up with this bundle of joy"

"So … you accept that he is gay then?"

"I can't believe I never saw the signs – but yes I know, and I know he can't change what he is. Here…." She said pushing a key back across the table "I'll share with Jane, I need all the help I can get just now, this motherhood thing doesn't come naturally you know." Somehow that didn't surprise him!

Jane and Syed returned, as their eyes met Syed practically launched himself at Christian and was engulfed in his arms. Syed choked back the sobs, Christian feeling the tremors coursing through his body, drew him tighter. Neither man could speak but Christian held on until he was sure Syed had regained his composure, releasing his grip but not able to breach the contact he interlaced their fingers.

Christian and Syed remained touching, even if it was just the brush of a fingertip throughout the next hour as the four of them caught up on the events and called a relieved Tamwar and Roxy.

As they finally retired to their room hand in hand Syed said "I am going to have to stop doing this aren't I?"

"What running off to your wife?"

"No – returning to you with nothing but the clothes on my back – I think all my possessions might be halfway to Pakistan by now."

As the door closed behind them Christian pulled him into a searing kiss.

"They are only things Sy. Everything I want is right here – and besides when you're with me who needs clothes?"