Disclaimer: I don't own. We all know this. If I did that scene in Eclipse with Jasper telling Bella of his past on the cliff edge would have been so different. In my version he'd have shoved Alice off and Bella would have offered her a Zippo to light her way down. .
I'm so sorry, but this chapter gave me hell. I had about nine pages written before I realized I hated it and deleted it all. It didn't flow right to me, but I think I've got it now. I'm still not completely happy with it, but I'm satisfied. I always knew this one would be the hardest just from the length of time needing to be covered. The next one shouldn't take as long to get out, but will be the hardest to read because of the content.
On another note I have no clue about the way music contracts or tours are so don't yell if I got it wrong. Also I've never done drugs of any kind so if I got the pot smoking wrong, that is also in here, let me know.
And for those of you that I know will ask why Bella is going another year to college than Jasper would have gone it has to do with her changing her major to education. She had a few more classes she needed to take.
In the first memory they are both 20. It goes up from there.
Song for Chapter: Mess I've Made by Parachute.
Enjoy.
XXXXXXXXXX
Present Day
I rolled the key around in my hand as I glanced into the box. Every Saturday I hesitated in taking out the next item. The memories that came with it, highlighting the many mistakes and bad decisions I made, were the ones that had laid the foundation of ruin.
Finally with a sigh I set the key down and reached for the small rectangle of paper. I flipped it over twice between my fingers before righting it and reading the name typed out on the front.
Felix Jacobs
New Age Records
It was a simple little business card. I'd received it after singing two songs during an open-mic night on November 4, 2000. I'd met with Felix, an agent, and a lawyer a week later. When I'd walked out of that building three hours later I had a 6 year recording contract, 100,000 cash advance, a commitment to do 3 albums, and a band, when Felix found the right people that is.
I gripped the bottle in my hand and took another long swig from it. No matter how hard I tried I could only pull forth very little else of the night I'd received the card or the meeting after. My guess would be because nothing really started until the night I met the band. It was the night I became acquainted with him.
XXXXXXX
January 5, 2001
"Are you nervous?" Bella asked from the passenger seat.
"A little. I hope I can handle playing with other people."
"You'll be fine." She said giving my hand a squeeze.
I raised it and kissed the back, giving her smile as I did so.
A few minutes later we pulled into Felix's driveway. Heidi, Felix's wife, met us at the door and after giving us both a hug, we made our way out to the backyard.
There were five people spread out around the patio. Felix was by the grill, flipping steaks. He came over after turned the heat down.
"Hey you two," He said shaking my hand and giving Bella a kiss on the cheek. After we greeted him he led us over to the first two. It was a blond couple.
"Jasper this is Peter, your lead bassist and back up vocals, and his girlfriend, Charlotte. Peter and Charlotte this is Jasper, the lead singer and acoustic guitar player, and his girlfriend, Bella."
A round of nice to meet yous, handshakes, and smiles went around before Felix turned to the other two men who'd walked over during the introductions. The first was a dark haired guy with a braid hanging down his back. The second had dark blond hair kept back in a short ponytail at the base of his neck. "Jasper and Bella this is Garrett, second bassist and piano. And this is James the drummer."
Garrett's smile was genuine as he shook mine and Bella's hands. James', however, was kind of shrewd and more of a smirk.
He made no move to shake hands, but that didn't bother me.
Felix then clapped his hands, drawing all attention to him, "Well now that introductions are out of the way, let's sit down to eat."
Everyone made there way to the patio table and found their seats. Bella was placed next to Heidi and Charlotte and the three of them quickly struck up a quiet conversation.
Myself, Felix, and the other three guys were at the other end of the table. Felix told us what to expect. I would be considered a sole artist so no worry with choosing a band name. We'd meet next week to play together and go through a few songs before deciding on not only our first single, but also choosing ones to be on the first album which he wanted out by the fall. It was a short timeframe, but he thought if everything worked out well it could be done. I would finish out my junior year, going into the studio when I didn't have class. I'd have to quit my job, but thanks to the advance I'd already received it wasn't a tragedy.
Over the summer Felix wanted to set up gigs at little venues, bars that featured local bands, fairs, local TV shows, and things like that. His goal was to have us open for a well known band on their tour after our album came out before moving onto having someone open for us. I had to admit I was excited about everything. Even if it meant that once senior year started I would not be returning to college.
A few more details were hashed out before the girls joined us in conversation and we got to know each other a little better, finding out where people were from and things along those lines.
When the night came to a close, Bella and I were the first to leave. We wished everyone a good night and settled into the car for the short drive home.
After I pulled out of the driveway I asked, "So what do you think of everybody?"
"Well you know I like Felix and Heidi. Peter seems okay and I already love Charlotte. We even exchanged numbers and made plans to meet next week for lunch sometime. Garrett is nice too..."
She trailed off there and I glanced over to see her biting her lip. "What's the matter?"
"I don't like James at all."
I was confused. He hadn't done or said anything that I could tell and they'd never been alone. "Why?"
"It's stupid because I don't really have a reason. It's just this feeling I got. He didn't talk much and the way he looked at everybody like he didn't want to be there. Maybe he was nervous and I'm just being paranoid. I don't know, like I said it's stupid."
I smiled and pulled her hand up to kiss the back of it. "It's not stupid baby, but I'm sure he's harmless."
She smiled in return and rested her head on the seat. "Yeah you're probably right. So, tell me what Felix had to say about what's to come."
XXXXXXXXXXX
Present Day
After that night everything had gone off the way Felix had wanted.
The band and I worked well together and took no time at all choosing and recording our first single. When it came out on the radio it quickly became the most requested song. Our album songs were quickly chosen as well and we had gotten right to work on getting it done for a September release.
Over the summer of that year we'd played at many different venues around California, any where from The House of Blues to the San Diego Zoo. There wasn't a weekend that we weren't out of town. I'd loved every minute of it and Bella seemed to be the same way.
When school had started back I had not returned. There was a chance that we would be getting an opening act spot for half a Linkin Park tour and I would have had to have dropped out anyway.
The band members and I grew pretty close during that time too. Peter and Charlotte were cool like Bella and I had thought and we went out a lot of times with them. Garrett was kind of a loner though and the only time I spent with him was before shows or in the studio.
James on the other hand I hung out with a lot. If Bella was working late or studying I'd have a beer with him down the street. While I didn't support him leaving or talking about being with a different girl most nights, he was funny and most of our time, was spent laughing. Bella had still not come around on liking him, but there was nothing I could do about it.
In September our album had come out to rave reviews and sold a million copies in the first week. Photographers became a constant every time Bella or I left the apartment, but we took it in stride. It came with the territory and we dealt with it.
In October we got the news that we'd been hoping for. Linkin Park asked if we would open for them from the beginning of the year to the end of July. The only problem was Bella not being able to join me. She would be starting her student teaching about the time I left so it wasn't even an option. Thankfully I would be able to come home at the end of each month, for a weekend, and then when school was over she was going to join me for the last two months.
When the tour started, right after New Years it was such a rush. a different city most nights, interviews, and photo shoots. It was amazing to see the work that went behind pulling off a show. The screaming crowds were mind-boggling and the fact that they asked for autographs even more so.
While I was having fun I still missed Bella like crazy. Not being with her on Valentine's Day or our anniversary just added to it, but we did make up for that when I was home, staying in bed most of the weekends. Plus I think both of us being busy kept us from going insane completely.
We did, unfortunately, have one small incident where I was an asshole. It was the middle of April and for some reason a busier week for the band than normal. I hadn't gotten a chance to speak to Bella directly for a few days and when I finally did get a minute, right before our first set, to call her, she didn't answer. After that set, a few more phone calls, a couple texts, our last set, more calls and texts, a few or five beers, still no answer, and then finally a call from her at 11:30 I'd been livid and said a few stupid things, including that whatever she'd been doing must have been more important than me.
She'd promptly set my ass straight that where she was it was only 8:30, that she'd left me a message the night before that I had answered back with a text and forgotten about, and that her job and school were while not more important than me, were still important nonetheless.
After she'd hung up on me and I'd checked voicemail, where the message was saved in my phone, I'd called her back and groveled, promising never to talk to her the way I did again. She'd forgiven me and when I went home a week later she'd forgiven me more. I made sure nothing like that ever happened again and the rest of the tour finished without worry.
When it was over life had settled down for a little bit. We had more interviews and photo shoots than before, but the constant traveling had ceased.
Bella started her last year of school, student teaching twice a week both semesters, and started on her paintings and drawings for her final show at the end of the year.
Once again I'd find myself with James at the local bar or we'd go out with Peter and Charlotte when she was free.
Things were good and then the New Year came and all of it started to change.
In January Peter proposed to Charlotte. On Valentine's Day I gave Bella a pair of diamond earrings in a small velvet box. March was the announcement of our own year long tour. April was when Peter and Charlotte decided, at the spur of the moment, to elope in Vegas.
Those were four events that at the time I didn't notice a few very important things, but can remember clearly now. I can remember the way Bella's smile never reached her eyes. I can remember the way her enthusiasm was a little too enthusiastic to be real. I can remember the way her right hand would sweep across her left sometimes.
I would give anything to go back to that time, pay attention, and speak up. I have no doubt things would be different. That Bella would have told me she wanted to get married and I would have asked her. I could place the blame on her and say she should have said something, but as my mom told me afterwards it wasn't her place. I was the man who supposedly loved her after all.
Instead I missed it and didn't know why we started arguing over little things. By the end of May they'd gotten so stupid and frequent that I was hanging out with James more or at the studio until late. Then we argued about that.
It was a vicious cycle that we couldn't seem to get out of and then I really messed up. I let her down and unfortunately, it would become a common occurrence.
XXXXXXXXX
June 8, 2002
"It starts at 7 and they announce the winners at 9."
"I know Bella." I said grabbing up my guitar case. "You've told me fifty million times."
"I know Jasper," She said back. "This is important to me though and you've been at the studio later than that all week. I just don't want you to miss it."
"I won't, I'll be there I promise. I've got to go now though."
"Okay," She said leaning up to give me a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I left her standing in the doorway as I rushed down the hall to the elevator. I made it to the studio last and quickly got situated. We had about four songs left to do on the album and we wanted to finish it soon. This one had not been as easy to get out like the last one and these last few songs kept giving us fits. I finally got my shit ready and we got to work.
"Sorry guys that one isn't going to work. You need to do it again." Malcolm, our sound guy, said through the intercom.
All four of us groaned. We'd been at this hours upon hours and for some reason we just couldn't get things nailed down. We thought we had it with that one, but apparently not.
"Alright guys let's go again." I said, nodding at Malcolm to get ready too.
We played through the song for the millionth time and once again it didn't sound right.
Over and over we went until finally Malcolm gave us the thumbs up through the window. "That one was perfect guys. I'll see ya'll tomorrow at 9 to start on the next one."
"Thank God," I sighed, standing up and stretching my neck. "That seemed to take forever. What time is it anyway?"
"Um...9:45."
As soon as the nine left Garrett's mouth I remembered Bella's show.
"Fuck!" I cried rushing to grab my things.
"What?" Peter said watching me dart about.
"Bella's senior show was tonight. I completely fucking forgot."
"That was tonight? Can you still make it?"
"No it's already over. Shit, I told her I'd be there. She kept on me about it and...fuck. I'm so dead." I continued to unplug my things when I felt Peter's hand come down on my shoulder.
"I'll get all this taken care of. Go home and fix this somehow."
"Thanks man." I said with barely a glance.
Leaving everything where it was lying I rushed out to my car and sped home. It was a little after 10 when I pulled into the parking lot and parked beside Bella's car.
Taking the stairs I made it quickly to our door and unlocked it, pushing it open.
I found Bella sitting in the middle of the couch with her head down.
"Baby..."
She shook her head cutting me off.
"I don't want to hear sorry Jasper." I went to say it anyway, but she started talking again. "You know when you didn't get there at 7 I was okay. Annoyed, but I figured you'd be there soon. At 8, I was telling myself any minute now. And when they called my name for best in show at 9 I was so hoping I'd look up and see you standing there. Guess what?" She asked, looking up at me and while I could see she'd been crying the anger was overriding everything. "You weren't."
"I know and I'm sorry but why didn't you call me?" I asked like an idiot.
"I shouldn't have had too. Wasn't it you that told me just this morning I'd already said it fifty million times already?"
"Yes."
"Then why? This was important to me."
"I know Bella, I just got stuck finishing up the song we were doing and I forgot the time."
"Well I hope you got it right then."
"I did."
"Good, at least one of us had a good night."
"Bella, I said I was sorry."
"I know."
"You're still mad though."
"Yes I am Jasper. I wanted you to see the things I had done and be there with me when I won." She said moving toward the kitchen. "At least you can see everything tomorrow at the party."
Fuck, tomorrow. I closed my eyes as I mumbled, "I have to be back at the studio tomorrow."
I didn't know if she had heard, but then the slamming of our bedroom door let me know she had. I groaned and scrubbed my hands over my face Fuck.
Walking slowly to our room I reached for the handle just as the door was jerked back open. Before I could say a word a pillow and blanket landed at my feet and then the door slammed shut again, the lock making a defining click.
I stood there for a few minutes before sighing and bending down, picking up my bedding for the night. I went and made my bed up on the couch. It was comfortable most of the time, but knowing the reason I was sleeping there made it the lumpiest thing ever.
I never got to sleep and when the sun peeked through the blinds I went ahead and got up, leaving the apartment quickly and going on to the studio. I knew the only way to fix what I'd done was not go in, but the studio was reserved and I had to be there. My hope was getting everyone else there early and getting what we could done so I could leave and go to Bella's party.
I called the guys and Malcolm and thankfully they agreed to come in. James was surprisingly first through the door and found me dosing on the couch.
Hearing the door I sat up and scrubbed my hands over my face. He dropped down onto the stool behind his drums and said, "You look like hell man. Bad night?"
"You could say that."
"Was she completely pissed off?"
"Yep and hurt too. I really fucked up."
"She'll get over it dude. I wouldn't stress it so much."
"She shouldn't have to get over it. I should have been there."
"You can't change it now. Get her some flowers or some shit like that and she'll be fine."
"Now I know why you don't have a girlfriend." I said, standing up to stretch and try to wake myself up a little.
"Nah that ain't the reason. Girls are too clingy for me. I like to just get what I want and get out; much less drama."
"That will change when you fall in love."
"Not going to happen."
I rolled my eyes because there was no talking him around. He was who he was and nothing I said would ever change that.
Moving over to my stool I pulled out my guitar and started to make sure it was still tuned.
The others soon came in and after a quick check for Peter and Garrett on their own guitars we got to work.
The song was easier to get than the last one and just after one we had a perfect recording. I was extremely happy about it, since I would know be able to make it to Bella's party. It had just started and I would have to run home to shower, but I could make it.
As I packed everything up James walked over, "You want to go get a beer and lunch."
"Can't sorry. I have time to make it to her party and maybe make up a little for yesterday."
"Good luck with that. Call if you need a place to stay tonight." He said, grinning.
I flipped him off, waved to the others, and left him laughing behind me.
I made it home just before two and rushed into the shower. Once finished I headed into my closet grabbing a pair of black dress pants and a white button up.
I'd just sat down to put my shoes on when I heard the front door open, making me sigh in frustration.
I walked out and found her in the kitchen. She glanced over and said a quiet, "Hey."
"Hey, I thought your party was until 4."
"It was, but it was boring and I talked to who I needed too so I decided to come home."
"I was about to head over there. I wanted to see everything."
"It's okay you can see them when I bring them home tomorrow." She said and started to walk around me.
I shot my hand over to the other side of the door and stopped her movement.
"I really was trying to get there Bella."
"I know. You look nice."
"You're still upset with me though." I stated.
She glanced up at me and I hated seeing that her eyes had gone glassy. "Yes, you broke a promise to me last night Jasper. I'll get over it, but I'll need a few more days."
I nodded. There was nothing I could say, I'd hurt her and sorry wasn't going to make it better.
"I'm going to take a bath."
I let me arm drop so she could continue out of the kitchen.
As she made it to the bedroom door I said, "I love you."
I heard her whispered "I love you too", before the door shut.
I had to figure out a way to make this up to her and I needed to figure out a way to do that. Walking over to the couch I flopped down and ran over ideas.
XXXXXXXXXX
Present Day
By the time Bella had gotten out of the tub I'd thought of what I wanted to do and I had spent the whole next week getting things arranged. Bella had still been distant during that time and busy finishing up with school, so I was able to accomplish everything.
When she graduated at the end of that week I'd swept her away for a weeklong trip to a cabin in Gatlinburg Tennessee. I'd told no one, except for mom and Charlie, where we were going. I'd left the phones at home so no one could bother us, and I'd spent the week making up for my screw up.
The trip had the desired effect I'd wanted and by the end of the first day we had been back to the way we supposed to be. We did everything Gatlinburg had to offer, from buying cheap souvenirs to a helicopter tour and everything in-between. We laughed and talked and forgot about home for just a little while.
When we'd gotten back to L.A. things stayed good. I made sure I was home at a reasonable hour each night and we both seemed to reconnect in a way.
And then the tour started.
Bella was with me for about six weeks until she had to return to start the teaching job she'd gotten. Charlotte was also there, but where Bella left; she did not. Since her and Peter had gotten married they didn't want to be away from each other, so she quit her job and stayed with him.
If I was just a little bit bigger asshole than I already was I could say that the things that happened to make Bella leave weren't entirely my fault. I could place the blame on Charlotte for not leaving the tour too. I could say it was Peter that didn't want to hang out anymore; instead spending time with Charlotte. I could even go as far as blaming Garrett for his loner status. The biggest was James though because I did, for a long time, try to say everything was his fault. That the lying, drinking, and other shit was because of him and to an extent it might have been, but the truth was he didn't hold a gun to my head.
I made the decisions. I could have walked away and spent my time alone, but I didn't.
By the time November rolled around things with Bella went from great to bad and soon after we were well on way to landing smack dab in the middle of worse. All thanks to me.
XXXXXXXXX
November 18, 2002
Hey baby it's me. Just wanted to make sure if you were still going to be able to make it to your mom's for Thanksgiving. I'm flying up on the 26th, call when you get a chance. Love and miss you.
-0-
November 21, 2002
It's me again. I know you're busy, but could you please call and let me know if you're coming home for Thanksgiving. Also to let me know that you're okay. It's been a week since I talked to you last. I love you
I listened to my voicemail and then dropped the phone beside me. I knew I needed to call Bella, but I really didn't want to tell her, that no I wouldn't be able to make it home. I thought I was and then Felix had gotten us a spot during halftime of the Cowboys/Redskins game.
I hated canceling since I hadn't seen her since August, but it had to be done.
Taking a deep breath I picked my phone back up and called her number. She answered on the second ring.
"Hey Jasper," She said and I could hear the smile in her voice.
I shut my eyes knowing that I was about to wipe it off and decided to just get it over with.
"Hey baby. Um...I'm not going to be able to make it to mom's house."
She was silent on the other end so long that I actually pulled the phone away to make sure it hadn't dropped.
"Why?" She asked after I finally said her name.
I explained what was going on and then waited for her anger.
It didn't come though. Instead I heard something in her voice much worse, tears.
"I'll let Maria know."
"Bella." I said with a sigh.
"It's fine Jasper. It's your job. Can I at least appease her with you coming at Christmas? Or is that too far in advance for you to know yet?"
"No I'll be home then. I promise."
"Alright."
"Hey man, it's time for us to get ready for our show." James said sticking his head in the door.
I nodded and heard Bella saying, "Well I'll let you go then. Love you."
She didn't wait for a response before hanging up and I said, "I love you too," to a silent phone.
-0-
February 14, 2003
Happy Valentine's Day.
That was it. Three words and not I love you. I'd much rather hear them, but what could I expect. I hadn't called in a few days, being busy, and once again not being able to make it home when I said I would.
I groaned and tried to call her, but her phone went straight to voicemail and glancing at the clock I saw why. She was still teaching and wouldn't be able to answer for another hour.
I left her a message wishing her a Happy Valentine's Day too and told I loved her. I also said I'd call before the show.
I paced around the dressing room. We'd already had our sound check and there wasn't much to do, but wait until it was time to go on stage.
James walked in a few minutes later and flopped down onto the couch. I could feel his eyes following me in my circuit around the room, but he didn't say a word and I didn't acknowledge him.
After a few more minutes I made to turn around to walk the other way and had enough time to throw my hand up, keeping the tossed beer can from smacking me in the chest.
"What the fuck dude?" I asked sending him a glare as I reached down and picked it up.
"Sorry, just thought you could use it and you showed no signs of slowing down any time soon. What's up with you?"
I groaned dropping in a chair. "I don't know I just can't seem to stay still."
"Look I know you want to be with your girl, but you need to relax or you won't be able to do what you need to do later."
"I know. How are you always so calm?" I asked.
"I smoke a joint maybe once a twice a day sometimes more. Usually more." He answered making me laugh until I realized he was serious.
"Seriously?"
"Of course, it's not like it's something worse like coke or heroin. It's just pot."
"Yeah, but..." I started but trailed off when I didn't know what to say.
"What? You can't tell me you've never thought about doing it."
"I haven't."
"Why not?"
"Well because my mother would kick my ass for one and then Bella's dad is a police chief."
"It's not that big a deal. It's not going to hurt you."
I gave him a skeptical look.
He rolled his eyes in return and stood up. "Come on."
I sat there and watched him pull the door open and head down the hallway before quickly following behind.
By the time I made it out of the exit door he'd already disappeared through, he was lighting up.
"What the hell?" I asked glancing around.
He sucked in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before blowing the smoke out into the air and answering me.
"Relax Jasper. We aren't going to get caught." He said holding the joint out to me. I shook my head no.
"Come on you know you're a little curious and you really do need it."
My eyes cut from it to him and back again before reaching up and pinching the end between my fingers.
He grinned as I put it to my lips and sucked in the smoke. I then went on to hack up a lung while James cracked up.
"Sorry," He said through the laughter. "Forgot to mention that would happen the first time. Don't pull as much in until you get used to it."
After a few more tries I could hold a little smoke in without coughing and we ended up smoking a second one.
I had to admit the affect was nice. I was completely relaxed.
XXXXXXXXX
Present Day
I wish I could say that had been the only time I used pot but I couldn't. I would go on to doing it daily.
Every time we'd land in a new city James would disappear for an hour, something I'd never notice before, and return with a baggie full. We'd smoke one then and again before and after the show. No one ever caught on and I never saw that I was doing anything wrong. I mean, as James had said, it wasn't anything too bad.
What I didn't realize though was that it was changing me, more than I already had. I was drinking more. I slept more and didn't call Bella when I was supposed to. I was even lying to her about what I was doing each night after the shows.
Instead of being in my hotel room watching TV like I'd tell her I would be doing, I would be at a bar or club and on a few occasions-strip clubs.
When the tour ended over the summer and I went home I didn't smoke as much, only when I knew I would be able to shower and brush my teeth before I saw Bella again. Unfortunately I wasn't able to keep it a secret for long before she found out. And once again I made a promise that I didn't keep.
XXXXXXXXX
October 25, 2003
"You guys did amazing." Felix said looking at the four of us in the band and Bella and Charlotte. "The festival was a huge success and we've already been asked to come back next year."
I smiled over at Bella earning one in return and pulled her more into my side. The San Francisco music festival we'd just played our last show for had gone on all week. Bella had had school and had not been able to make it until last night. She'd been here today though and I was happy about that. We were staying until tomorrow morning and I wanted to just go back to the hotel with her.
As I turned my attention back to Felix I found that would have to wait though.
"So now that I've told you that I have another announcement and then we're all going out to celebrate. Starting in April we will be flying to Ireland to begin your six month overseas tour."
"Seriously?" James asked grinning. "Cool. Right Jazz?"
"Yeah that's awesome news." I said feeling Bella stiffen beside me. I mentally groaned knowing this would probably cause an argument later.
I wasn't going to let it bother me right now though because it really was awesome news.
The group asked a few more questions before we all headed to a local club.
The night started out fine. Bella seemed to move past the news for now and we had fun. We danced, drank a little, and talked with every one else. Bella did ignore James for the most part sticking with Peter and Charlotte, but I knew she'd never gotten around to liking him any so I let it go as well.
Around 1 Bella came over to the bar where I was and said, "I'm ready to go."
"Really?" I asked taking my sixth or seventh shot of the night.
"Yeah, I'm tired."
"Oh..."
My eyes fell on Peter and Charlotte as they walked up.
"I think we're going to head back to the hotel man." Peter said.
"Alright, do you mind if Bella goes back with you guys? She's ready to go too.""You aren't coming?" Bella asked. "Nah I'm going to stay a little longer." I said glancing over at James, whose eyes were cutting back and forth between the two of us. He also had a small smirk forming.
Bella trailed her eyes over to him and then huffed. "Fine. Make sure you don't wake me up when you come in."
I nodded and watched her walk out the door before turning back to the bar and motioning for another shot.
"You are in trouble." James sang.
"She'll get over it." I said without thinking earning a clap on the shoulder as he laughed.
When he stopped he said, "You want to go outside for a minute. I think you need to relax."
I only had to think for a second before I downed the Tequila in front of me and nodded.
An hour and a half later and feeling really good, I stumbled through my room door. I had enough sense to know to be quiet. I made my way into the bedroom, finding Bella sound asleep on her side. She looked so peaceful laying there, the moonlight making her skin glow. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to crawl in beside her but I had to take a shower first.
Turning toward the bathroom I took a step and tripped over a shoe, hitting the floor with a loud thump.
"Jasper?" I heard come from the bed before Bella was kneeling down beside me. "Are you okay?"
I groaned and turned over to look up at her. When I did I cracked up laughing.
Her eyebrows drew together. When I showed no sign of stopping she said, "You're drunk."
I nodded and held up my hand, using my fingers as an example as I said, "Just a little."
Rolling her eyes she reached to help me stand.
When I was back on my feet she helped me to the bathroom and flipped on the light. Leaning me against the counter she started the shower before starting to pull my t-shirt off. It got to about my chest when she stopped and took a deep breath in.
"What is that smell?" She asked glancing up at me and then leaning forward slightly. Are you high?"
I did the finger thing again. "Just a little."
Her face crumpled. "Jesus Jasper. What has gotten in to you?"
"Some pot." I answered.
"That isn't what I meant."
I shrugged my shoulders since I didn't know what she meant then.
She shook her head and stepped back. "Take a shower."
"You aren't going to help?"
"No." She growled and went to the door, slamming it behind her as she stepped out.
I fumbled my way through getting my clothes off and then washing. Once done I dried off and wrapped a towel around my waist.
When I came out of the bathroom a little less high and drunk, Bella was looking out the window.
"Was this only tonight or have you done it before?" She asked without turning around.
"I started while away on tour." I answered honestly.
Her hand came up to run through her hair. "Is that it or are you doing other stuff too?"
"That's it."
"Who?"
"What?"
She turned around and I realized she'd been crying. "Who was it that got you started on it? I know you didn't do it yourself."
"It doesn't matter." I answered not wanting to rat James out.
"You know what never mind. I don't even know why I asked. I already know it was James."
I neither confirmed nor denied her statement, but my silence answered enough.
"I knew he was bad news."
"No he's not."
"He's got you doing drugs. How is that not bad news?"
"It's just pot. It's not that big a deal."
"Seriously? That is what you think? Well let's call Maria or dad and see if they think it's not a big deal."
"Don't go there Bella."
"Then you need to stop. I can't and won't do this. I can't worry about you doing something else that's going to hurt you and I won't hesitate to call your mother or dad if you do it again. "She started crying harder as she finished and I quickly walked over, wrapping her in my arms.
"I'm sorry baby." I said hugging her to my chest.
"I love you Jasper and I won't let you do this to yourself anymore."
"I know." I said pulling back and cupping her face in my hands. "I love you too and I'll stop. I promise, okay?"
She nodded and hugged around my waist again, I held on to her for a little while before we moved to the bed.
As we fell asleep I knew I really did need to stop.
XXXXXXXX
Present Day
I hadn't stopped. I didn't even try really. I'd seen James a few days later back in L.A. and within ten minutes I was high again.
I kept it from Bella of course and was sneakier on when I did do it. I think she saw through me though, since the arguing picked up more and I had ended up on James' couch a few times.
Every time she'd ask about it I would lie and swear I wasn't. With no proof she wouldn't take it any further, but that didn't mean she believed anything I said either. I never realized it and with each lie and swear I uttered I slowly pushed her away.
When I left for the overseas tour in April of '04 things weren't good and things didn't get better once I came home in October.
We got through the holidays and into March of 2005 before everything crashed around me and I finally saw the complete mess I'd made of my relationship with Bella.
God I wish I could go back and seen it earlier though; not when it was too late.
And especially not when my girl had had to suffer for two days with only my mom's arms around her.
XXXXXXXXXX
Okay so how was it? I think I've succeeded turning Jasper into a complete douche. I will redeem him in most of your eyes, but not in the next chapter where I make those that, aren't pissed off at him already, pissed off. Just remember you have to crash and burn before the good stuff comes back.
I didn't like doing it though because do I love him, but for the story it had to be done.
.