A/N: Greetings earthlings! So I've been having trouble finding time for writing lately since I'm working full time for the summer, but I felt bad about not having anything to post, that I took all my lunch hours for the past week and used them to scribble up this little one-shot for y'all. :) PLEASE don't totally spazz out on me at how it starts...you HAVE to read it to the end, and I PROMISE you, you won't regret it! I even shed a tear or two in the lunchroom while working on this, so hopefully my public humiliation was worth it! Please enjoy and review if you have anything to say. Thanks!
NOTE: This is probably one of the only times I will ever write something in Derek POV, because I really struggle with his voice, but please let me know if you think I totally bungled it, or if I managed to get it halfway right because I'd like to know for future stories. Gracias.
Disclaimer: I'm not Kelley Armstrong, I don't own Darkest Powers and I don't make any money from this, unless you count that dream from the other night...
(Derek's POV)
It was hot for the end of September. Too hot. Between a body temperature that normally runs a little high and the heavy coat of fur I sport several times a week, I'm getting desperate for the crisp nights of fall.
I could have been home, comfortable in my air-conditioned apartment but, like the fool that I am, I was waiting in a shadowy recess, anxious to make sure all was well, like I do most nights. Some people watch sitcoms, some people lurk in the shadows guarding their families. I say to each his own.
Simon was watching t.v. in the minimalist living room, bare feet propped on the coffee table as he finished off his beer. He checked his watch and did a double take and I saw his eyes fly up to check the clock on the wall. Good, he'd finally noticed. Chloe was late.
The crunching gravel announced her arrival seconds later, and I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. The engine cut and a door slammed before more gravel crunched under her shoes as she made her way up to the front door.
"Hey, babe." Simon had heard the car, too, stepping out onto the broad flagstone porch. "You're home late." A lop-sided grin. "I missed you."
She made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat. "Yeah, we lost power for two hours and we had to make it up or else we'd be even more behind schedule." Her bag flopped onto the stones as she walked into his arms and rested her forehead on his chest with a tired sigh. "I missed you, too. I'm so glad to be home."
They stood there for a moment in each other's arms and I felt like the sick bastard that I am. It's been years since I had my chance with Chloe, and like an idiot, I'd shoved her at Simon and run like hell away from the only woman who's ever looked at me and actually seen me, and liked what she'd seen. I'd pushed the two of them together one time too many and finally something had clicked and my chance had passed me by.
My brother and his…wife (God, I hate that word) are living examples of why you should be careful what you wish for.
Finally, Chloe broke away. "I'm starved. Anything left from dinner?"
Simon laughed, hooking an arm around her waist as he stooped to grab her bag and usher her inside. "There's plenty. Derek was over, but I finally managed to order more than even he could eat."
"Oh, Derek was over?" Their voices were muffled by the door closing.
I stood guard until I'd made sure the door was locked.
Simon's happy, I reminded myself firmly as I crept away and found a good spot to Change. It didn't take much coaxing anymore, and I looked forward to the blinding pain with a hunger that scared me. Chloe's happy. This is what you wanted. Isn't it?
After the agony came some peace. Life was so much simpler on four legs. The hot air was still stuffy but no longer intolerable and the faint stirrings of the wind brought denser, more concentrated scents.
Something small and swift snapped a few twigs a bit deeper in the woods and I turned, ears pricking, the thrill of the hunt speeding up my heart rate. Rabbit.
I turned to give the house one last check, unhappy to be leaving my mate inside with another male. Reasoning with the wolf part of me is absolutely impossible, so I just let the thoughts pass through me without trying to put forth my logical, well-thought-out arguments that get me nowhere.
Chloe was backlit at the front window, frowning as she stared out into the darkness. What was she doing there? A short howl broke out of me before I could stop it, a summons to my mate. She started and pressed her palm against the glass as she strained to see. I had to rein in my urge to…what? Ring the doorbell with my tail and fight Simon for her?
The wolf was all for it but the instinct to claim Chloe as mine wasn't stronger than the instinct to protect my Pack. Simon was Pack. Hurting him was out of the question, as was having Chloe. The wolf harrumphed but accepted it. For now. I let a mournful howl echo through the woods, then I whirled and stretched my legs to their limits as I disappeared into the haven of the forest.
A few weeks passed by with me doing my usual nightly patrols. My training regimen over the years had definitely paid off; I was now able to manage a Change every other night and in under five minutes. Changing so often definitely helped keep my temper in check, but mostly I did it as a preventative measure; if my Pack ever needed defending I had to be in peak fighting shape. No one was getting to Chloe, Dad or Simon (oh, fine, Tori, too) if it was the last thing I did.
Chloe was on back patio tonight, reading a hefty book in the faint light. It had rained for a week and I think we were both enjoying the lower temperatures without the accompanying dampness.
"Luuuuuuuucy, I'm home!" Simon shouted from the front hall. It took an effort not to roll my eyes. His Cuban accent could use a little work.
"Out back." She laid the book aside and tilted her head back for a kiss when he joined her.
"I'm gonna go get changed," he murmured against her mouth. "Want to come watch?"
She laughed. "I'd rather help."
Jesus. I needed to get out of here. Now.
They dashed inside, laughing like crazy people as Chloe pretended to chase Simon up the stairs while he threatened to report her for sexual harassment. The bile rose in my throat and choked me with its bitter sting. The kisses and casual embraces and their happy home I could manage – barely - but this was too much.
The night she'd gone for ice cream with Simon all those years ago, their first date, I'd confronted her and she'd told me what my damnably perceptive brother had said when he'd kissed her. If I hadn't laughed at her, told her I wasn't interested and never would be, maybe I'd be the one running up the stairs with her now, laughing with her and loving her- stop. I couldn't change what I'd said. I'd sent her running back to Simon and I'd smiled at their wedding as the best man five years later. I had no one to blame but myself.
Rain began to fall and I got ready to make a dash for my car, hidden in a spot nearby that I used on the nights I didn't Change and needed a ride home. Just before I left, though, I spotted Chloe's book, pages darkening where the water spattered them. Damn. She would hate to find it ruined in the morning.
I eased up to the patio cautiously, one eye on the bedroom window, reading to run like hell if I saw so much as a flicker of movement. Chloe seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense when I was around. I grabbed the weighty book off the table and jogged to the patio doors to leave it under the overhang. Hopefully she wouldn't notice that her books had started growing legs and walking themselves out of the rain.
The pages flopped closed as I laid it down and the title literally stopped my heart. The wave of animal fury that ripped through me kick-started the Change and I barely made it out of sight before I was incapacitated by pain. The wolf ripped free, howling in mingled fury and anguish as I forced my shaking muscles into action and sprinted for the woods, hoping to find oblivion.
The animal part of me should have known by the scent, but the human part of me had suppressed that knowledge until the title of the book brought it all crashing down. What to Expect When You're Expecting could only mean one thing.
Game over.
I nearly dumped poor Chloe onto the floor as I flailed awake. I'd bought us a king size bed so she'd always have plenty of room to sleep, since I tend to sprawl but she's always suckered up to me on my side no matter how much room there was on hers. Like I'd complain. I slept better with her in my arms, anyways.
"Derek, shh, shh, it's ok," she murmured sleepily, pulling herself back over to me, reaching up to stoke my face. I caught her hand and turned my face into her touch, inhaling her familiar scent with a shattering sense of relief. My hands were shaking.
"Another nightmare?" No pity in her tone, just a question. When you've seen and done what we've seen and done, nightmares come at no extra charge.
She was visible to me even in the deep darkness of our bedroom, her nightgown a pale cloud around her.
"Something like that." Chloe married to Simon and pregnant with their child? The word nightmare didn't even come close to describing that.
She stroked my cheek slowly as she eased me back down and settled with her head pillowed on my stomach, watching me even though her bright blue eyes couldn't see me. Her long fair hair beckoned me and I twisted a lock around my fingers then combed it back from her temple, trying to calm my racing heart. She didn't push me to tell her about it, but waited patiently, knowing that I'd tell her when I'd calmed down. It makes it less horrible, telling someone else about the awful scenes your subconscious constructs for you some nights.
"You-" I had to clear my tight throat and start over. Twice. "You were married to Simon."
"Hmm."
"You were pregnant." It sounded so innocuous when I said it like that, especially when the woman in question had been sleeping with her leg thrown across mine while I had been dreaming of her making a life with my brother.
"I see." A small, warm hand closed around one of mine and laid it against the gentle swell of her belly where our baby grew. "Well, I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure this isn't Simon's," she said seriously. Trust her to know how to make the awfulness of my dream shrink away.
"Only pretty sure?"
A quiet laugh came from her as I rubbed slow circles over where I could hear the rapid chugging of a tiny heart. Then she bit her lip and frowned in pretended thought.
"Well, there was that swinger party a few months back…"
Even though I knew she was teasing (honestly, could you picture Chloe at a swinger party? She still stuttered when I came out of the shower without a towel on) the wolf sent up a low growl.
"You're not as funny as you think you are. Actually," I lunged and twisted, pulling her under me as I tickled her, "I don't remember a swinger party, but I do remember that blue dress-"
"Derek!" she gasped, breathless with laughter as she batted at my hands. "Stop or I'll have to pee!"
I relented, leaning in to brush my lips over that spot behind her ear. "And the garter belt-" My hand stroked her leg. "And that other thing, the…corset thingy." I walked my fingers up the swell of her belly.
"Bustier," she whispered, her hands running lightly over my shoulders.
A groan. "Yeah. Loved that thing."
"Loved it so much you shredded it." A smile touched her lips. "Derek?"
"Mm?" Couldn't she see I was very busy trying to figure out the buttons or zipper or whatever fastenings that kept the skimpy lacy thing she was wearing together? Chloe called it a nightgown and Tori had called it lingerie. I call any sort of sleepwear unnecessary, but Chloe seems to like the flimsy things, which means she'd probably be irritated if I destroyed yet another one. Damn.
"Derek." Her hands slid up my neck and cradled my face, forcing my eyes to meet hers. "You know it's always been you, right?"
My heart stuttered as my throat closed at her question. "Yeah."
Her eyes shifted over to her left hand, her engagement and wedding rings glowing faintly even in the dark. "I'm your wife," she said quietly. Her rounded belly pressed up into mine. "This is our baby."
I lowered my lips to meet hers, nodding. The wolf was all puffed up with pride, like he always was whenever he thought of the pup. Baby, I corrected myself distractedly.
When I lifted my head, Chloe's eyes were swimming with tears. She'd been embarrassed at first by her general weepiness, especially since I used to panic at the sight of tears. But after five months, I was an old pro at not freaking out over them, so I just rested my forehead against hers and enjoyed the tender moment. A smile lifted her lips even as the tears began making silvery tracks down her temples.
"And you're my husband," she whispered fiercely, pulling me down for another kiss that carried the tang of tears, and not just hers.
I nodded again, hearing our baby's heart beating steadily alongside Chloe's and I thought that there must be a God after all.
"Always, Chloe," I murmured. "Always."