As we all know, I am, unfortunately, no Stephenie Meyer – All Twilight Characters belong to her.

Chapter 5: EPOV

"Find me here,
And speak to me.
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you.
You are the light,
That's leading me,
To the place,
Where I find peace again"

~ Everything, Lifehouse

.

I hear whimpering. It's a familiar sound, but somehow completely different and I am overwhelmed by a sense of déjà vu.

I look around me, but it is dark. I have no idea where I am or how I got there but I know that I need to follow the noise. I need to help.

I walk forward with my arms outstretched, trying not to trip or fall over anything. The whimpering gets louder and they turn into sobs. My stomach plummets as fear crawls over every inch of my skin.

I want to tell her I am coming. I want to tell her that I am here but the sound can't make it past the massive lump in my throat.

I continue forward but it doesn't feel as though I am getting anywhere in the vast darkness that surrounds me. I am stuck, I am completely helpless.

"Help me. Oh God, Please. Please no!" The words are desperate screams. She is pleading.

I hear a low grumble and the sound of a gun cocking. It rings in my ears. I begin to run toward the sound. I no longer care if I fall. I push forward with everything in me.

"Why did you have to try and get away?" My blood runs cold at the sound of the man's voice.

"You know I can't let you go and you know I can't let you take him." His voice is rising.

"All you want to do is humiliate me and take everything I've earned; after everything I have done for you, after everything I have given you, this is how you repay me?"

The sobs get louder and I now recognize the dream I am in. I am no longer participating, I am just an observer.

l have no control.

The screaming begins and my heart tears open as I am forced to listen to the desperate cries.

"You stupid bitch!"

"No, Edward. Get out! Get away from here!" I hear her scream just before the gun shot rings out and the darkness dissipates at the sound.

My entire body breaks down and I try to wake up. I don't want to see what I know is there. I try to close my eyes. I try to run away. But I have no control. I am no longer seeing this through my eyes, but through the 9 year-old eyes of a memory.

I try to prepare myself as best I can but when the image clears, I finally realize what is different.

It is not my mother's body lying lifeless on the floor, it is not her blood seeping out from her body, leaving her cold and pale.

It's Bella's.

.

I jolt up in bed. I am covered in sweat and my body is trembling.

I haven't had the dream in a few years and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why it is back or why it is different. For the last few weeks, I have had memories littering my dreams, but this is the first time I have had this particular one. The one I had every night for about a year of my life, just with some subtle differences.

My heart is beating furiously and I can feel the familiar panic rising in me. I take a ragged breathe, holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling. I repeat the action and try to focus solely on getting my breathing steady.

I am out of practice but am grateful for all the years I have had to master the process of preventing the attack. When I was younger it was Esme or Carlisle who would calm me down. They'd wake to my screams and rush into my room, handing me a brown bag to breathe into. It was hard on them but they never let it show. They never gave up on me and eventually the dreams subsided as I began to move past what had happened.

There have been stages since then; times where I'd dream about certain memories, time's where I'd be surrounded by sirens and flashing lights. But this dream – the worst of them all – didn't return until today.

I feel the panic receding and I get out of bed and straight into the shower. The feel of the hot water hitting my muscles is soothing, as I try to remove the image of Bella's lifeless body from my mind. I try to replace it with an image of her smiling like I have done before, but it is impossible. It feels as though the image has been burned there. A constant reminder of what could happen if I fuck this up.

The water begins to run cold as I think and by the time I get dressed I am no longer panicked, or afraid, but I am utterly pissed. The lack of control and helplessness of the situation frustrates me endlessly. There is nothing I want more than to help her, but at the same time, there is a part of me that can't help but wish that I had never met her in the first place.

My stomach drops at the thought. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Edward.

I growl in pure frustration as I grab my watch from next to my bed and secure it around my wrist before grabbing my black leather jacket from my closet. The house is quiet. Em and Rose aren't home. Em is back at work today and Rose has gone to help at the shelter.

Last night, after fetching them from the airport, we had gotten Pizza's and had just chilled, watching TV and catching up. Rose had spoken about how excited her parents had been to see them and how they had doted on her and the baby.

I can't fathom why last night would be the night that I would have had that dream. I hadn't even seen Bella since she left on Saturday night and Sunday was a pretty good day. What was the trigger?

I could hardly think straight as I made myself a cup of coffee and looked through the cupboards to find some cereal.

Lucky Charms.

I pour myself a bowl and hurry through it. I don't taste anything. It doesn't help to settle the gnawing feeling that has established itself into the pit of my stomach.

Monday. My day off and all I want is to go to the pub and savour any distractions I can find. I slam the empty bowl into the sink.

I need a cigarette.

I haven't smoked since my high school days but you never forget the relief that nicotine can bring. I grab my keys and lock up the apartment before getting in my car and driving to the small grocery store.

I probably look like some kind of crazy guy on a mission as I storm into the shop. I grumble at the small brunette behind the counter as I ask for a pack of Marlboro's.

She is only about 17 and she looks at me as though I had just grown another head.

"What are you looking at?" I practically growl. She gasps and turns quickly, fumbling to find the Marlboros. I immediately feel guilty.

"Sorry", I mumble as I trade the smokes for cash. I don't wait for the change and I storm back to my car.

I sit in the Volvo feeling like a complete train wreck and try to get my head in order.

There is only one place to go.

I start the car and drive to the place I found when I was still a miserable teen and had gone in search of somewhere I could just be completely alone.

I park the car by the familiar trees and get out. I walk into the woods. My pace is fast as I walk the familiar path.

The only sound I can hear are my footsteps and in the silence I am left to think. My mind is bombarded with images from the original memory.

.

I stare at my mother lying, cold on the bathroom floor. It feels as though time has stopped as I fall to the ground next to her.

'Mommy!" I scream as I shake her.

"Get away from her," he says. I look up at him and see that he is still holding the gun. It is pointed to me and he is crying.

"This is all her fault!" He growls. My body is frozen with fear. There is a strange ringing sound. One I know but my brain cannot comprehend it.

"Shit!" He screams. "Why the fuck did you do this?" His voice rings in the air around me. My eyes are bleary with tears and I have no idea what to do.

"No, Edward. Get out! Get away from here!" I hear my mom's last words and suddenly I am up and dashing through the door.

Another shot rings out and I collapse. There is a searing pain in my leg and as I hit the floor, the final shot echo's through the air

BANG.

The ringing sounds become clearer and I recognise them as sirens.

I look down at my leg and see that I am bleeding. I get up and wobble through the passage. I can see the blue and red lights flashing through the darkness of the living room.

I can't make out anything but the lights as my eyes fill up.

"Help!" I scream. The sound breaks through the lump in my throat.

There is a loud banging that fills the room and before I even know what is happening there are people swarming through the house. They are all around me.

"We need a medic here!" A gruff male voice says. The voice is close to my ear. I am on the floor again.

"Mommy!" I scream. My body feels numb but I can still feel the trembles that are wracking me.

"Medic!' The voice screams as he hold me down.

"It's alright, son. You need to calm down." I feel pressure on my leg as another man appears.

Arms surround me and I feel myself being lifted.

All I hear are random voices.

"Poor boy..."

"...It's carnage in there."

"Bullet to the head..."

And then it is black.

.

I shake myself from my memories and step through the trees into the little meadow that I like to think of as a sanctuary.

I flop down to the floor, pull out a smoke and spark it. I pull hard and sigh in relief as it fills my lungs, sending the blessed nicotine into my bloodstream. I lay back, resting on my elbows and staring at the sky. I watch the clouds as they pass. The sun is out; it's the first time in a while and I revel in the feel of the warmth on my skin.

I take another pull of my smoke. Letting it calm my frayed nerves.

A throat clears behind me.

I start and jump up to look at the source of the noise. What I see leaves me speechless.

Bella is standing a few feet away, wide-eyed, and holding a blanket in one arm and a book in the other.

"I-I'm sorry," she stutters. Her voice is soft but it carries in the serene silence of the meadow.

All I can do is stare. I look over her. Her brown silky hair is tied back, leaving her shoulders bare. It's the first time in a long time that I have seen so much of her skin. She is wearing tight dark wash jeans and a pale blue vest. Her skin practically shimmers in the sunlight. Her brown hair is shining, reflecting a million different tones of brown.

The relief is immediate as I realize that she is alright. I can see the bruises on her arm and cheek but compared to the image of the lifeless body that has been stuck in my head since I woke up, she looks perfect.

"Um, I'll... I'll just go." She lets out a sigh and starts to turn away.

"No!" The word falls from my lips without any thought. She stops dead and turns back to face me.

"You can stay." The words stumble from my lips. "I mean... of course. There's nothing to apologize for."

She gives me a soft smile and I exhale in relief. "Thanks."

She looks nervous but not prepared to run.

"I never thought anyone else knew about this place." I say as she steps forward. I notice her intentions and help her lay her blanket down on the floor.

"Well, actually, I just stumbled on it yesterday."

"Oh." Is my intelligible response. My surprise at seeing Bella standing in the meadow seems to have screwed up my ability to form coherent sentences.

"Yeah, when I woke up and saw that the sun was making an appearance today, I decided to come out here and spend the day reading."

"Good idea," I say as I straighten the blanket out.

She sits down on it and looks up at me. She looks so innocent sitting there. I haven't seen her looking so normal in so long. My heart beats with an unidentified emotion. Relief? Hope? I am not sure but it's a good feeling.

"Um, I'll just go." I start but she interrupts me.

"No, Edward. You don't have to. You can sit with me if you want. I'll just read and you can... do whatever you were doing before I interrupted."

It's my turn to smile at her.

"Okay. Thanks." I sit down on the blanket next to her feet and lean back on my elbows again. I leave an acceptable gap between us and take another pull of my smoke before putting it out.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"Oh." I grin at her. "I don't. Well not usually, anyway. I mean, I used to, but this is the first time in a while." Apparently her being here, in my meadow, makes me ramble too.

It feels like we are in a dream world as I stare up at the clouds, like nothing can touch us here. Like we aren't really even here at all. Some time passes as I watch the clouds moving and listen to her turn the pages of her book.

"This may seem random but it kind of feels like I fell through the rabbit hole."

I laugh at her apt description and look over at her. She is smiling and there is a flush across her cheeks.

"I know exactly what you mean."

I lay my head down and close my eyes, just enjoying the moment – the peace.

I hear her shuffle and when I open my eyes and look over at her she is lying down on her stomach. Her nose is still buried in her book.

"What are you reading?" I ask.

She chuckles as she shows me the cover. "It's an old favourite."

"I can see so, though why anyone would read that book, more than once, willingly, I will never understand."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You've read it?"

"Yeah, don't look so surprised – it's a classic."

She laughs. Not the small timid kind but a full, blown laugh. She flops over and clutches her stomach.

"It's not that funny!" I say but I am laughing too.

"Actually, it kind of is. I have this image of you sitting behind the bar, your head buried in a copy of Wuthering Heights. It's pretty funny."

We both lay there chuckling for a while, until the silence returns. There's a strange tension in the air.

"So what made you decide to come out here?" She asks timidly.

"I just needed to get a way for a bit."

"I know the feeling," she mumbles, almost too soft to hear.

"Yeah, I found this place a few years ago – junior high actually. I've been coming here to clear my head ever since."

Silence. "So you went to Forks high?"

I chuckle. "Yeah."

More silence. I turn to look at her.

"I wish I had lived here back then" She says, there is so much sadness in her voice. She opens her eyes and they are shining with unshed tears.

"You didn't miss much."

She turns and our gazes meet. I am blown away by how something that seems so small can be anything but.

"You have no idea."

She turns back to look at the sky and a single tear slips down her temple. I watch mesmerized and move my hand to stop it. Like magnets - I have no control over the action.

My hand touches her temple and when it meets her face I feel the hum that is always there when I am around her. But it is not just something in the air – a feeling - it is something palpable, something physical. My skin burns where there is contact. I am utterly lost in the moment and when I finally pull back I see her staring at me.

Her eyes speak volumes; she feels it too.

"Well," My voice is gentle; just a whisper. "If you ever want to give me an idea, you know where I am."

"Hmmm." She responds noncommittally as she closes her eyes.

We just sit together – taking in the peaceful serenity of the forest surrounding us. You can hear the birds fluttering close by and the wind passing through the trees.

As the time passes the sun begins to disappear behind the gathering clouds. It's a sign of reality.

"I better go." The words are barely spoken.

She opens her eyes and they are no longer shining. She pulls herself up and I have to resist the urge to stop her.

"Reality beckons."

I get up after her and help her shake out the blanket and fold it up.

"Where did you park?" I ask, hoping we can walk back together.

"I didn't. I walked."

"Oh."

"Yeah, um, my place isn't too far."

"Do you want a lift back?" Her eyes widen.

"Um, no. That wouldn't be a good idea." My fists clench as her words remind me of the reality of her situation.

"Why?" I say through gritted teeth. Even though I know the answer, I need to hear it.

She bites her lip and looks down. Shit.

I immediately feel like an ass for bringing it up and making her uncomfortable.

I take a deep breath.

"Okay. I get it. I'm sorry for prying. I could always just drop you off ...down the road or... something?" I hesitate, hoping that I am saying the right thing.

When she looks up at me again. Her eyes have that similar glint in it. The one that makes me think of a wild animal. Her body is tense and she seems to be involved in her own inner struggle.

I watch closely as her shoulders slump and she exhales slowly.

"Yeah.. um... okay. We can do that." The hopeful feeling that was completely lost to me this morning, is back and stronger than ever.

I grin at her as I grab the blanket from her hands and begin the walk back to my car. She follows behind me and I slow a bit so she can catch up.

"Seems like our few moments of sunshine are over." I say after a few moments of awkward silence. The ominous grey that is typical for Forks, has returned.

She stops and looks at me. "Are you seriously talking about the weather?" She is smiling a little.

"Yeah. I suppose I am." I grin back at her.

"Well okay then. Yeah, back to the gloomy, wet and typical."

"I take it you don't like the rain." It's a question more than a statement.

"No. I don't really like any cold, wet... thing." I look at her as she says it. Her face scrunches as though she has just smelt something revolting.

I chuckle. "So why Forks? I mean, it is the rainiest town in the continental US."

"I was born here, my dad lived here and there are a lot of good memories here." Her voice takes on the sad tone that I recognize. I decide a quick change in subject is necessary.

"So what exactly do you do, Bella? It feels as though I know so little about you."

I climb some rocks up ahead and offer her my hand to help her up. She looks at it, but instead of taking it she just clambers up next to me.

I sigh but don't let it take away from the fact that she is letting me take her home. Even if it is just down the street and we have to hide it like criminals.

"I'm a freelance writer. I do some pieces for some small magazines and newspapers. I also do some online articles. Things like that." She answers as we continue our journey.

"Anything I could've read?"

"Doubt it." She doesn't elaborate.

I battle to think of what else I can ask her as everything seems like a touchy subject and the last thing I want is to upset her.

Before long, the trees begin to space out and I can see the light filtering in from the outside world.

"And there's my baby." I say as I see my car through the trees .

"Pffft. What is it with men and cars?" She says, her tone is playful.

"What is it with girls and chocolate?"

She giggles. "Good point."

We reach the car and I open the door for her. She looks hesitant but she gets in and takes the blanket from me.

I walk around the car and get in. I take my time as I start the engine, knowing that this is unlikely to happen again.

I pull out and drive slowly toward town.

"You can just drop me here," she says as we get closer to civilization.

"Isn't this still a bit far?"

"No," she says as she bites her lip. "My house is just down this street."

I don't want to stop but I know that if I want to help. If I want her to trust me, I need to let her believe that this isn't a big deal.

"Sure," I say as I pull over.

"She grabs the door handle and turns to me. Her hesitance is obvious.

"Thanks, Edward. I'll... um... I'll see you around."

"Yeah, sure. Anytime." I say as I force a smile.

I watch her as she gets out and walks down the street. Her hair is blowing in the slight wind that has picked up with the weather. It will start to rain soon and I am glad that I didn't have to drop her off during a storm or something.

I continue to watch as she reaches her house. I pull off and drive past, unable to stop myself from getting a last glimpse at her.

She is at the door of a simple, white double storey. There's a tree out front, with a tyre swing and I recognize it as the house where the Chief of Police used to stay when we were kids.

Like an old cartoon, a light bulb goes off inside my head.

Isabella Swan, daughter of Chief Swan, who was killed by some minor league ball player in Seattle a few years back.

I realize then that there is so much more to this situation than I could ever have imagined.

Shit.

A/N: Sheesh... some parts of this were pretty hard to write, as you can imagine.

So now we know a little more about Edward, and he knows a little more about Bella!

As always, please let me know your thoughts :-)