Er…..yeah, I just got mah interwebz back! YAY MEZ! This CHAPTAH was inspired by a snake falling on me in the dark…however, I didn't freak out. (YOSH!)
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…But I do own a stick!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME POTTER FIC OF DOOM!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter three:
SNAKES!(ON A PLANE!)
I stared at my broomstick, with Mel by my side. Today was our first quidditch match, we were beaters. The gates opened and I took a deep breath, looking to Mel who nodded towards me before taking off.
"MWAHAHAHAHA! I'M DEFYING GRAVITY WITH A STICK!" I screamed as I flew through the air on my broom.
"Hey! Come back here and let me hit you with this undersized bat!" Mel shouted, chasing after a bludger.
"Oh shit!" I screamed, hitting away a bludger and accidentally striking a person on the opposing team. "Uh…yay?"
"I think we might actually beat Harry!"
"I doubt it, he's 'special' ." I said, using air quotations.
"…I'm not special!" Harry shouted, throwing a hissy fit.
"Alright, you're not special. You are painfully normal, having a random nose-lacking man with a snake fetish chasing after you with pointy sticks because he didn't get you when you were a baby normal." Mel stated with a straight face. Harry sputtered, not wanting to admit his 'specialness'. Suddenly, a green glob rushed past us, and the crowd cheered. We turned to see our seeker had grabbed the snitch, and was holding it up proudly.
"SLITHERIN WINS THE GAME!" The announcer shouted.
"Aw dammit, I lost the game…" Mel cursed.
"DAMMIT! I lost the game too!" I screamed, hitting her and running away.
"B-but guys, we just won the game!" The seeker shouted confusedly.
"I WAS A CHRONIC PANTS PISSER WHEN I WAS 9!" I shouted, slapping my hands over my mouth. I KNEW I shouldn't have messed with Snape!
"….Well…Learn something new everyday." Mel smiled mischievously.
"I don't like that look. Seriously, I will kill you with my chainwand if you do anything!"
"You love me too much to kill me!" She accused.
"True." I shrugged, flying off with a watermelon that came from the sky.
WHOA!(I seriously have NO idea what just happened.)
I awoke to an air piercing scream. I bolted from my bed, running towards it. It was a voice I knew very well. I threw open the door in time to see Mel being abducted by a scaly white snake, her sleepy form wrapped in coils of tail, purple hair strewn everywhere and making her stand out against the white.
"MEL!" I shrieked, picking up a lamp and shattering it, grabbing a broken piece painfully in my hand and attacking that fucking bastard. "YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY BEST BUDDY UNLESS SHE GAVE YOU SUPER AIDS!" I started stabbing the crap out of it, then realized that it was a basilisk, and is most likely going to be harder than a ninja to kill(She would know. She's killed a couple). It gave out an agony filled wail, dropping my unconscious friend to the ground. Thank the flying spaghetti monster she didn't look it in the eyes. The basilisk slithered away, retreating from my awesomeness. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY FIGHT SCENES ONLY LAST A PARAGRAPH!" I gave out a victorious laugh, picking Mel up and swinging her over my shoulder.
DAAAAAAAMN! That's a big snake.
"So…You want me to believe you fought off a Giant mutant snake with a lamp?" Dumbledore asked, grabbing his temples.
"Well…It was a basilisk, and it was a broken lamp. But yes." I nodded.
"…Why are we keeping you at our school?"
"Cause our old school cant handle our awesomeness?" I answered, making Dumbledore sigh.
"Dumbledore, sir?" Snape interrupted.
"Yes?"
"Harry Potter is in critical condition after killing a basilisk. We need to set out a rescue team." He said monotonously. I stared smugly at Dumbledore. He looked at me and heaved another sigh.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
IT WAS ASKED FOR AND SO IT WAS GIVEN! Short, sweet, to the point. Like a grenade…or a statue of a pencil made out of cake. Or cake. But the cake is a lie. UNTIL NEXT TIME!
Chaotically yours,
Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!)