Hello fellow worshipers of ME! *is kidding* NO IM NOT! DON'T LIE STAR THINGAHS! *We're not lying.* YES THEY ARE! YOUR JUST LIKE THE CAKE! GAH! *Whacks with newspaper.* NO! THEY'RE ATTACKING!!! *…ONWARD!*

Disclaimer: I own nothing! If I owned the labyrinth I would get lost in it and die. Then Jareth would be sad…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*EFFIN AWESOME LABYRINTH FIC OF DOOM!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 1:

DYING AND HEATERS

I was getting out of the shower when I heard a knock at the door. Cursing, I jumped out and reached for a towel. I ran towards the door and plummeted to my death, hitting my head on the dresser.

"MOTHER-- SON OF A-- PROFANITY PROFANITY PROFANITY!" I Screamed (please don't be mad at me Alita-sama…) "COME IN YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I shouted at the door. Robin trotted in.

"Hey he who angers wall! come in and give me a minute to change!" I said hyperishly, I haven't seen Robin in a long time. it looks like he dyed his hair black. I threw on clothes and ran back out. Robin bowed his head.

"Koneko, I have some bad news…"

"OMFUGJ! did the penguins die!?" I said seriously.

"No, Mel is really sick, she wants me to take you to her, she keeps saying that she doesn't have much time." I stood still. Mel's sick!? she better not die on me, I'll kick her ass!

MARCH OF THE WEIRDO'S TO THE HOSHPITABLE!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I stood beside Mel as her heart monitor beeped faintly. She was sound asleep.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP MEL!" I said shaking her shoulders, her monitor went crazy.

"The HELL!? I'm dying and you shake me to death, what a goodbye!" she said sarcastically.

"Oh my god Mel! we're a team! you can't die!" I said, breaking into tears.

"I'll. be. right. here." she said, pointing to my chest. I giggled.

"Mel, YOU CAN'T DIE! I WONT LET YOU!"

"Who said anything about anyone dying? Mel only has a minor cold." the doctor said, walking in. I glared at Mel.

"YOU GUYS ARE EVIL!" I said, punching both of them, Mel's heart monitor jumped a bit.

"Bitch…" Mel whispered.

"I was gunna have to go to Hades and bring your soul back just so I could kick your ass again. You promise you wont die?"

"I promise." she said, hugging me. "As long as you wont die either." I winked.

"I won't go down without a fight." I said, swinging my fist.

"Deal." she said, pinky-swearing.

"Now lets get out of the spooky hospital!" Robin suggested.

WALKING OH WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Robin nudged me. (We break out in song… if you want to skip it…go ahead!) "You remind me of the babe." Robin said in a deep dark voice.

"What babe?" we said in unison.

"The babe with the power."

"What power?"

"The power of VOODOO."

"Who do?"

"You do."

"Do what?"

"Remind me of the babe." we all posed before going on.

"I saw my bab-ay, cryin' hard as babes could cry. What could I do-o? My bab-ays love had go-one! And left my ba-bay blu-ue! No bod-ay knew. What kinda magic spell to use! Slime or snails! Or pupp-ay dog tails! Thunder or lightnin'--then baby said! Dance magic (we changed it a bit…) PANTS MAGIC PANTS MAGIC PANTS!--" we continued singing, dropping Robin off at his apartment.

(End of song.^_^;)

"I love that song.." I sighed.

"I do too…" she said, opening the door to our house. It wasn't a large house, it was merely…..a house.

"Guess what?" I asked Mel.

"Chicken butt?"

"I wish goblins would come take this heater AWAY!" I did a dramatic pose. We suddenly heard giggles, and in a flash, all the windows opened and the heater was gone.

"Aw man! Why didn't you wish for the toilet scum to go away!? Its freezing in here!" Mel screamed.

"I--I didn't think it would work…"

"SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER! SHUUUUUUNNN!" She screamed, pointing at me.

"At least we get an adventure…." I pointed to the guy that changed from an owl.

" JARETH!" we screamed in unison. (If you haven't caught on by now, they do a lot of screaming…)

"Good evening, loud obnoxious people."

"Wow, you DO have a really British accent!" I pointed out.

"I almost expected him to say 'eventide' instead…" Mel whispered. The king tapped his foot impatiently.

"Er, yeah, can we have our heater back? It's cold."

"No."

"Then can I touch your hair?"

"……fine." He bent down so I could feel his blond fluffy hair.

"OHKJFOEIJ! IT FEELS LIKE PIE!" He looked at me weirdly. "Well it does!" He sighed.

"You have two choices. One, you take a crack at my labyrinth, or two, you take the shiny crystal balls that have your dreams in them."

"YOU WENT IN MY HEAD AND STOLE MY DREAMS!?" Mel gasped, covering her purple hair with frantic hands.

"No--just--PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!"

"Labyrinth!" We chorused. In a flick, we stared at the long stretch of twists and turns.

"You have 13 hours to get your beloved heater back. If you don't finish it in time, you and your heater…..become mine." He said seductively. I shivered, and Mel just stared at him.

"IM FIRIN' MAH LAZAH!" Mel screamed, a burst of blue shooting out of her mouth and hitting the walls of the labyrinth. This made it a big tunnel you just have to walk through to get to the castle. The goblin king sighed.

"I don't know what the HELL your friend just did, but you can't run the labyrinth like this…I guess you have to stay at the castle till this is fixed." He turned his back in aggravation. I high-fived Mel to gain a death glare by Sir-tight-buns. Oh, this was going to be fun.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now that we have the kinks worked OUTTA the freaking stars….YAY! I have been trying to put this together forever! I finally got an idea and finished the first CHAPTAH! I have 5 other stories and only one is complete, so try not to be surprised if I delay updating, but who knows, with enough encouragement anything's possible. HINT HINT!

Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!?)