Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. I asked Stephen Stohn if I could buy it and he had Bruce the Moose throw me in jail for a week. That's why I took so long to update.

Sorry it's so short. I'm not lazy, but I just didn't want to continue writing because I felt like it would be too much.

The aftermath of a battle is almost as bad as the war itself. Nothing around me seems real- the clutter of students walking, the sound of their chattering voices, posters hanging upon the walls. It all feels like I'm watching the world through a glass window and pressing my hand up against it, staring at the motions of the universe and wishing I could do the same.

Heading home isn't an option at the moment. Entering that house, allowing the dense, vicious air to sweep around me, would send my mind into a new state of insanity. So when school lets out and piles of people crush through the doors, I walk with no destination. Brain off, legs on, and doing so feels like water trickling down your throat after a long work out.

It's cold, but the sun is shining down and the iciness doesn't seem so harsh. I walk along the sidewalk, past couples holding hands, past little girls twirling around and laughing, past everything. The grass is moist and sparkling from the cold air. The trees have no leaves.

For a moment I think back to that day, yesterday, and standing on that roof. The ground looking up at me, the sky smiling down at me, life circling around my body and putting all it's joys in my hands and taking all the worries out of them.

Going back to that place seems so tempting. But by doing so I would just remind myself of what's waiting for me at home. Not to mention that the truth may be that it wasn't the place at all that filled me with such…bliss, but who I was there with.

But that doesn't matter anymore. I hate him. He's horrible, and careless, and hurtful, and a backstabber, and a tease, and an idiot.

"Clare- wait up!" Within a few seconds Alli is trailing along beside me, dropping into my step. I don't look at her; just stare at the long sidewalk ahead and wonder how much of it is left until it finally ends.

"I need your advice."

There's no voice in my throat. I can't speak, nor do I think I want to. My voice will be wavering and along the lines of breakage, clearing up the fog that hid my fear from everyone else.

Alli sighs, "It's about my parents," she says, and the fact shoots me off guard. "I really like Drew and all, but you know my parents can be about guys."

I do. Alli, being a Muslim, is not supposed to date, especially guys that do not share her religion. A planned marriage was prowling in her future, and any relationship she may contain now, no matter how special and spectacular it may be, does not have much of a purpose. I always felt bad for Alli, having her future laid down in front of her like that, a gymnastic mat she's supposed to do a flip on that she knows she can't land. It wasn't fair. She can have any guy in the world, with her great looks and sparkling personality, and the one thing holding her back just happens to be the one thing strong enough to not let go.

I still can't speak, so instead I just nod my head and wait for her to fill out the response to whatever I was supposed to say.

"But I don't want to lie to them anymore, you know? I mean," she kicks a pebble on the ground, watching it land softly on the damp grass, "They're my family. And yeah, okay, they're totally and utterly insane, but I love them and I'm stuck with them. I lied about Johnny, and about the pictures, and this," she motions to her low-cut shirt and knee high boots, "I'm just so tired of lying. I don't want to do it anymore."

Silence. She's waiting for an answer, advice, sympathy. I can't give her anything.

The sidewalk begins growing more and more deserted throughout our silence, and by now I can already count the amount people I see with one hand. Cars roll passed us with rumbling engines, shaking up the steady whoosh of wind.

Alli stops suddenly, and I stop too, not even bothering to pull the hair out of my mouth. Her face is so serious, so intense, and I realize just how desperate she is for help. This isn't just boy trouble, or stupid high school drama, but something real. It's family. The people she loves. The people who love her back. And even though they're crazy, like she said, all they want is for her to be safe and go through life without any wounds.

I'm not the person to come to for advice about this.

"Clare," she whispers. The pleading in her voice breaks my heart, but the lump in my throat is condensing and just sucking in oxygen takes up all my energy.

"Please, please help me."

I can't. I just want to say that. Two words, two syllables. It's so easy.

I try saying it, but I fail. Nothing comes out of my mouth. Not a gasp, or a sigh, or even a breath. Just emptiness.

Alli touches my shoulder and takes a step closer to me. "What's wrong?"

Nothing.

"Clare," she's speaking more urgently now. Her problem is being blown away by the wind and mine is taking its place. "What is it?"

I take a shaky step away from her and almost fall back onto the concrete.

"Clare."

I grasp all of my courage and allow the words to slip from my mouth.

"I just don't feel good."

"Oh," I can tell she wasn't expecting something so simple to be the reason behind my freak out.

Even though it's not.

"Well, do you want to go to The Dot real quick?"

I nod my head. Going there meant not going home.

Alli smiles, "Good," she says, throwing an arm around my shoulder and steering us in the opposite direction. "A chocolate meltdown can heal any sickness."

I can't help but lean into her as we near the local town. It feels nice not having to hold myself up for once, even if the relief only lasts a few minutes.

The Dot is always crowded after school. Kids from Degrassi line up at the counter and lounge at the tables, throwing French fries at each other and sipping milkshakes obnoxiously. Alli walks through all of them as if they're not even there and makes her way to the counter.

"Hey," the kid behind her says, annoyed, "You can't just cut in front of us like that."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Alli mocks a look of guilt and places her hand dramatically on her heart, "We're you ordering?"

"Well, yeah."

She tilts her head as though she's contemplating something extremely difficult. "Then why weren't you telling this lovely young man who works her what you wanted?"

The kid looks taken back by her sassy attitude and his voice falters. "I-I was thinking about what I wanted."

"Last time I checked," Alli leans in close to him, "That wasn't ordering."

She turns back around as though it never happened and politely speaks to the shocked servant behind the counter.

"Wow," a voice says from behind me, "I finally get why he likes her so much."

Adam is standing along with the crowd, looking impressed by Alli's attitude.

I chuckle. The lump in my throat is finally beginning to dissolve away and speaking doesn't feel so hard anymore. "Alli doesn't like people standing in her way."

"Literally."

I smile at him, really smile. He returns it and for a moment we just stand there, smiling at each other and passing secret notes through our heads. He is thanking me once again and I'm telling him it's no problem.

"Can I ask you something?" He finally says, motioning over towards an empty table by the window. I quickly glance back over at Alli, who is currently in an ongoing conversation with a girl I don't know. Looking at her one more time, I follow Adam and sit down across from him.

"Yeah?"

He looks down at the floor, then back at me, then at the floor, then me. "Do you know what's going on with Eli? I tried to talk to him before and it's like he shut me out completely."

My last encounter with Eli replays in my head at a raging speed. My cold, sharp words string together to form a long line of blurred misery, his eyes, empty and sad, piercing through me and threatening tears to escape.

"No. I don't."

Lying is not a job anymore. It's simple and natural, my second-nature. The words fall out effortlessly and there's not a second thought about it running through my mind.

A look of sadness flashes across Adam's face, and it ghosts the one Eli had when I asked him where he found the rooftop.

"Oh," he runs a shaky hand through his hair and stands up, "Well, thanks anyway. I'll see you around."

"Adam wait-" But by the time the words are barely out of my mouth, Adam is already out the door and striding across the street.

Alli returns and places our cakes on the table. My hunger has diminished, and the only thing I'm capable of thinking about is that look sewed onto Adam's face. He was thinking of Eli, definitely, and if that caused him to be so pained, imagining what Eli must have been like sends a bullet through my stomach.

"Oh my God!" Alli coos, smudges of chocolate fudge on her teeth. "This is so good! You have to try some."

I look down at the cake. Chocolate is spilling out the sides and vanilla cream is pressed into the middle. My favorite desert; rich and delicious, yet sophisticated, everything I could ever want in a pastry.

I gently push it away and shake my head.

Alli puts down her fork, "Why not? Come on, Clare. It must be kind of tempting." She grabs a forkful and waves it jokingly in front of my face, "Come on!" She giggles, "Eat the cake! Eat it."

I aggressively take the fork from her and slam it down on the plate. "No, okay?" My voice is harsh.

The second the words came out of my mouth, Alli quickly looks down at her lap like a child being scolded by her mother. "I'm sorry," she mumbles, glancing back up at me, "I was just trying to make you feel better."

"No, no, I'm sorry. It's just I'm having a bad day."

"That's just the thing!" The mood between us changes in an instant. Once tender now notorious. "It's always a bad day with you, Clare," she wipes her eye with her sleeve even though she's not close to crying, "There is always, always something bothering you. I don't mind that, though. I get it, okay? Life sucks sometimes. No, no, what I do mind is the fact that you don't tell me what it is."

I slam my eyes shut and start counting. The numbers are woven into each other and I can't tell if that's a four or a nine.

"And it's so frustrating!" She continues on. I can't block her out, no matter how hard I try, "To know that the girl who is supposed to be my best friend is just hiding eighty percent of her life like that."

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it like, Clare? Huh? Tell me, 'cause honestly I'm sick and tired of trying." She shuffles through her purse until she finds enough money to pay for our deserts.

There's nothing I can say to her. This isn't the kind of thing you can just you're your way through. A lie resembles a laser light, thin but pointed. What Alli is saying is like a flashlight glooming over a wall from a far away distance.

So I just stay quiet and watch my best friend fall through the slits between my fingers.

Alli bites her lip, shaking her head as though she's fighting back tears. "So that's it, huh? You still can't trust me."

No answer.

"Whatever," Standing up and throwing her bulky purse over her shoulder, Alli turns around to give me one last look of closure, "Have it your way."

She walks out the door, following Adam, following Eli. A chain of people who just couldn't take me anymore snap the thin string of hope they had left.

The last thing I notice before blinding myself in daydreams is that Alli never even got to finish her favorite desert.

I sit at the table by the window for two hours, planning the futures of all of the people that pass by. And for each character I make sure that they have at least one person who will never leave them. Bill, an overweight balled man whose wife left him for her colleague, has a beagle named Josie who sleeps at the foot of Bill's bed every night, no matter how bad Bill may smell.

Felicia, a pregnant teenager whose parents kicked her out after hearing about the baby has a supportive boyfriend who rubs her sore back whenever she asks him to.

Annie, a cute young girl wearing a pink floral dress with white stockings may twirl around the street and put herself in foul danger of being hit by a car, but at least she always has her daddy to pull her out of the way.

And Clare, the shy, blended in the background girl who doesn't speak much has an abusive father whose intentions are unknown, but at least she has…

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I could write a whole novel based on my life with only one word. The word nothing sums up my everything, and although that's really sad at least I don't have to worry about losing something.

A waiter comes up to me and says, in an annoyed voice that's not well hidden, "Miss, I'm sorry but you can't just sit here. There are other people who would like a seat."

It's Tad. The waiter from my very first "date" with Eli. I wonder if he remembers me, or if I just slipped away from his memory without the boy in black by my side.

I get up without saying a word and sit in a bench outside the café. People pass by and never acknowledge my presence. Cars and trucks drive through the streets, beeping their obnoxious horns at each other, silencing the peacefulness everyone hopes for.

It's almost five o'clock. With each passing second the churnings in my stomach cultivate again, expanding and expanding until I think I just might burst.

I can't think straight. I can't think at all.

I'm scared.

I'll admit it. I'll scream it a thousand times. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

Too bad no one's listening.

Like? Don't like? My regular excuse, MAJOR writer's block. School is so stressful, and my mind is just all fogged up with all the work I know I have to do/finish. Sorry if it sucks, I tried my best.

Might be a while before I update again.

I'm going to Yemen. Whoever understands this joke is my soul sibling =)