The Joker's Little Girl Part 1 Chapter 5
Harley is now nine months pregnant.
Harley and Ivy bought a crib, baby clothes and everything baby Alison will need.
Sitting at the kitchen table Harley and the Joker discussed what kind of villain Alison will be.
"A very funny, intelligent, and evil one," replied the Joker. Harley nodded in agreement.
The Joker checked his watch. "I have to go on the heist. I'll be back by three."
"Okay puddin'" said Harley as she kissed the Joker.
"If you need anything just call" said the Joker.
"Okay" said Harley.
The Joker was shooting at the police "Is that all you got?" He was leaning over a bank counter bullets flying around him.
A bullet zoomed past the Joker's ear "That's not funny. But this is" he said as he pulled out a bazooka.
Then his cell phone rang "What is it?" screamed the Joker.
"MY WATER BROKE!" screamed Harley.
"What do you mean the Doctors dead?" screamed the Joker.
"There was a shooting and well, he was a mob doctor after all-" explained Bullet, one of the henchmen. He was driving the car as the police followed.
Harley screamed in pain.
"There is no way I'm delivering this baby," said the Joker. "Take her to the hospital. And loose the cops while you're at it."
"Are you sure?" Asked Bullet.
"Yes! Now hurry!" yelled the Joker.
The Hospital
The handsome doctor leaned on the counter trying to look down the nurse's shirt. Startled, the nurse looked up, "Jiminy Christmas, Doctor Smith ya wanna raise your eyes a bit!"
The Doctor laughed and said "y'know sweetie if you knew what's good for you, ya' might want to be a little nicer to me, cause y'know I run this damn hospital!"
"For the hundredth time, I'M MARRIED!" Snapped the nurse.
"Who cares, so AM I!" The Doctor snapped back. "I'm telling you sweet cheeks I control everything in this hospital."
"KABOOOOOOOOOM!"
An explosion ripped open the front doors of the hospital sending debris and staff flying everywhere. Doctor Smith found himself lying in the middle of the nurses' station, looking up trying to see what happened. Suddenly Nurses were screaming and running behind the now standing Doctor Smith.
Standing before the Doctor was the Joker, smoking bazooka in one hand, an insurance card in the other. Looking to the nurses the Joker said in his most polite voice, "Helloooo ladies, my significant other is about to give birth to the most important human being that has ever crossed the threshold of this hospital and I need a Doctor who's up to the challenge, knowing of course failure means a most horrible death. Would you ladies know of such a Doctor who's up to the task?"
Without hesitation every nurse on the floor pointed straight at Doctor Smith and yelled "HIM!"
The Delivery room.
The Doctor now had a bomb strapped to his butt.
Harley was in the delivery bed, feet in stirrups, screaming at the top of her lungs, "GET THIS THING OUT OF ME NOW, SO HELP ME GOD I WILL CHOP YOU UP AND FEED YOU TO ONE OF IVY'S PLANT…THINGS!" Losing focus she sputtered out the last few words of her insult.
"I'm trying, ommigod am I trying!" Cried the Doctor, tears streaming down his face.
The Joker looked calmly at the Doctor and said, "Y'know Doctor, you seem a little stressed, maybe I should see if someone else is available to deliver my child, because you have got to be the biggest wiener I've ever seen!" The nurse standing beside the bed snorted and held back laughter the best she could.
To Harley it seemed like it had been forever since her water broke. The events of the last few hours raced through her mind: Feeling her water break, hanging up the phone after informing the Joker that she was ready to go to the hospital, listening to the screeching breaks as the Jokers getaway van stopped in front of their hideout, and watching her beloved run in the door brandishing a bazooka. It was moments like that when she realized what a special relationship they truly had.
But now she was in the worst pain imaginable and would kill her own mother if it meant getting this thing out of her.
"I SEE A HEAD OH DEAR GOD I SEE A HEAD!" Yelled a deliriously happy Doctor Smith.
"Well it's about time you quack, we haven't got all night, and we're busy people y'know!" Answered the Joker.
"IT'S-IT'S-IT'S-IT'S-IT'S-IT'S A GIRL, A GIRL, AND SHE'S FINE, SEE SHE'S FINE, NOW PLEASE TAKE THIS BOMB OFF MY BUTT!" Yelled out the Doctor.
"Oh me, me, me," replied the Joker, "Always about me, isn't it Doc? Well let me tell you something…" the Joker approached the Doctor menacingly when suddenly there was a yell.
"HEY PUDDIN! LET IT GO! LET HIM FINISH THE GODDAMN DELIVERY! "
Stunned by Harley's sudden outburst the Joker backed away, "Yes Dear," he said sheepishly.
The minutes turned into hours as the Doctor and nurses finished testing Harley and Baby Alison. When everything seemed okay, the Joker quietly interrupted: "Um, Harley, sweetheart, love muffin, it's time to go.
The Doctor was at the window when he said, "Well you're probably not going anywhere with all those cops down there. If you take this bomb off my rear-end I'll tell them you were nice to us and wouldn't hurt anyone."
"I'll take that under advisement, Doc. Now, if everyone's ready let's go!
The Joker and his crew, including Bullett pushing Harley's wheelchair headed for the elevator, when the Doctor yelled from behind, "there's a million cops downstairs, you can't go down there!" "We're not going downstairs you moron. And oh yeah, I forgot to do something…" with that the Joker pulled a small grey box with an oversize red button out of his coat. As the Doctor furiously tried to pull the bomb off his rear, there was a click from the elevator as the doors closed, and the Doctor fell to the floor waiting for death. Nothing, a few seconds passed when finally he heard the most obnoxious fart sound of all time coming from the bomb. As he looked up he saw several nurses and hospital employees laughing at him.
The Roof
When the elevator arrived on the roof the Joker and his group stepped out into the night air. "Where is it? Where's the helicopter? I MEAN COME-ON!" And with that the baby began to cry. And cry. And cry…"Maybe I should just jump." The Joker said. And with that out of the sky flew a bright purple helicopter. It was just a painted Coast Guard rescue helicopter the Joker had stolen, but still, it was purple. After it landed on the roof of the hospital the Joker carefully picked up Harley and handed her to Bullitt, then handed baby Allison to Harley. With one last look around the Joker raised his foot to enter the copter when…"BAM!" The Joker hit the ground hard, and knew what had happened before he even saw him.
"Good evening Joker." Said Batman.
"Well, it wasn't bad until about 5 seconds ago!" the Joker barked.
The Dark Knight looked into the faces in the helicopter. He couldn't remember seeing such a pathetic bunch. His eyes caught Harley's face looking up at him with tears in her eyes and Allison in her arms. He lowered his fists.
"Get up clown." Batman backed away as the Joker scrambled to his feet and into the helicopter. "I wasn't here."
And with that Batman disappeared into the darkness and the helicopter took off into the night.